Incredible Sex (52 Brilliant Little Ideas) (2 page)
Read Incredible Sex (52 Brilliant Little Ideas) Online
Authors: Marcelle Perks,Elisabeth Wilson
Don’t feel that you have to try out all the suggestions. Our best advice is to focus on changing your attitudes towards sex. Good sex is not the exclusive plaything of supermodels and Oscar-winning actresses. At the very least, these ideas can give you a great laugh when they go wrong and can blow your socks off when they go right.
We hope this book helps you to discover the sizzling side to your sexuality and that the neighbours soon start complaining about your blissful screams!
Sexual fantasy – a short cut to great sex.
Somebody once said that sexual fantasy was the ‘thinking man’s television’, and they weren’t kidding. Hours of entertainment and you don’t even have to leave your sofa to enjoy it. If you get up off your butt and take your fantasies into the bedroom, they’ll give you explosive orgasms, too. What goes on in your mind is as important as what’s going on around your genitals. However, just like talking dirty, it has to be your own ‘script’. Even if sexual fantasy isn’t a big bit of your life right now, it’s a habit well worth getting into.
Why?
Sexual fantasy increases your libido. The more you think about sex, the more you want it. Plus, just a glimmer of the thought of your fantasy during sex will increase your pleasure a hundred-fold and if you’re a woman it’ll make orgasm faster (if you’re a bloke, more enjoyable).
What?
Many women fantasise about having two men at one time or having sex with someone else while their boyfriend watches. Some women fantasise about getting oral sex from under the table at a restaurant or about being screwed during a gynaecological exam. Your fantasy might be something that you won’t find on a list of ‘top fantasies’. This could be one reason why women don’t fantasise as much as men – their fantasies don’t appear on any of those lists so they think they’re weird and give up on them. If none of the traditional female fantasies ring your bell, then read
My Secret Garden, Women on Top
or
Men in Love
by Nancy Friday – an absolute eye-opener (and a turn-on) for both sexes.
Here’s an idea for you…
Once you’ve discovered fantasyland, up the dirtiness quotient. The true power of fantasy lies in forbidden thoughts, so try thinking of some real extremes. Remember, this has nothing to do with who you are in real life.
How?
You can either be in the fantasy, or observe your fantasy as you would a film. Start telling yourself a story. A story where you’re the hero/heroine – as gorgeous as you like. An American comic had a great gag, ‘When I fantasise,
I’m
someone else.’ And although it’s meant to be funny, he’s got it in one: you can be the person you’d like to be.
Your fantasy can be filled with people you know really well or people you glimpsed on a bus twenty years ago, and again they can be idealised versions – more exciting, demanding, inventive. Think in detail. Tell yourself these stories while masturbating. Imagine hands grasping, tongues licking, words being whispered. (You don’t need the whole story when you’re making love, just a flash of detailed scene.) It takes practice.
There is nothing,
nothing
, quite as sexy as someone who knows how to flirt properly. They can make your toes tingle and your legs turn to jelly.
Amazingly when you first meet someone, the initial impression you make on them will depend 55% on your appearance and body language, 38% on your style of speaking and only 7% on what you actually say.
OK, this one might not be about sex but it’s about the best route to it. The most important flirt factor is the eyes. Usually we limit eye contact to brief glances. This is because actually looking someone in the eye for any length of time is an indicator of intense emotion, usually love, lust or hate. Use this reluctance to maintain eye contact to your own advantage. You can show your interest in someone simply by making eye contact across the room and holding their gaze for a split-second more than you normally would. (Don’t do much more or you might end up looking like a lunatic.) If your ‘victim’ maintains eye contact then chances are he or she feels the same way and your paths will meet in the not so distant future. Initial eye contact combined with an eyebrow flash (raising the eyebrow very briefly) can be deadly. Obviously, if you’ve had botox during the past month this won’t be an option (don’t risk it, your eyebrow might get stuck up there).
Here’s an idea for you
When you smile try to project the feeling of ‘I’m so happy to be here talking to you’ in a totally natural way, of course. Someone who seems to take genuine delight in your presence is almost impossible to resist.
Now think about the distance you put between you. Any closer than two small steps away and you’re in the flirt zone. If you are not sure you’re wanted, try moving a little closer and watching the reaction. If she reels back and crosses her arms in front of her then you can assume she’s either chronically shy or not interested. Crossed legs are another sign that you’re not on to a winner, as is rubbing the back of the neck. If the object of your desires leans towards you or starts echoing your posture (i.e. copying what you do) then things are looking good.
Obviously all these signs you are looking out for are also things you can be doing yourself to signal your own interest. Act animated. Use gestures, be lively and interested in what they have to say. Men love nothing more than a girl hanging on their every word. Girls should be careful not to let the initial interest shown by a man encourage them to relate their life story. He may act like it’s the most riveting thing since the Cup Final, but trust me, it’s not.
When things start to hot up you can try a little touch. But be careful. A touch too soon can have your intended one running for cover. Finally think about the tone of your voice. The simple and short phrase ‘hello’ can have different connotations depending on how it is pronounced. It can convey that you are bored or that you are delighted. Remember that when it comes to first impressions your style of speaking has far greater influence on people’s reactions than what you say.
Practical exercises to keep you both buzzing.
A good way to initiate vibrator use is by using it as a simple massager first.
It’s nice to smooth lubricant or ‘love oil’ all over each other for more sensation and to experiment with a throbbing vibrator in unusual places like the backs of your knees. It’s important that you both try out the vibe effects. Sex educator Cory Silverberg says, ‘If you’ve only ever used a vibrator on someone else, you’ve really only had half the experience – you lack a lot of important information. If a woman comes in and wants a vibrator to use with her partner, I tell them to use it on him first. Most men do like it once they feel it.’
Men will be receptive to the vibrator sensation on the shaft of their penis, nipples and around the anus to stimulate their prostate and testicles. If the vibes make him feel really good, there are also special vibrators for men that are worn around the testicles or base of the penis. If you both feel good and relaxed about vibe play in general, you’re more likely to open up and experiment sexually with it together. A good teasing activity is to rub a throbbing Rabbit vibrator on each other’s buttocks and tummies before you go on to tickle any sexual parts. Get him to watch you using the bunny ears on yourself so that he can see how you like your clit action and then get him to try it on you. Experiment and, above all, play!
Vibrators can be stimulating for men – especially if they’re having problems getting an erection. If it’s taking him too long for comfort to get aroused, you can use a vibrator in conjunction with oral sex to whip him into action. He’ll probably feel more sensation on his testicles and at the head of the penis, and using a buzzing vibe on his perineum whilst you’re giving him oral sex can also work wonders. Sexpert Emily Dubberley has a special tip for those men who are nervous about vibe play on themselves: ‘When you’re doing a blow job, use a vibrator on the outside of your cheek whilst you’re doing it because it will make it more intense for the guy. Also holding a standard straight vibrator against the length of the shaft of the penis works well too. That’s a good way of stopping a bloke from thinking that sex toys are just for you.’
It might be that a small vibe like the Bunny will work better for partner play than your average Rabbit. Medical intern Will McFee explains, ‘If you’re having sex with a girl doggy style you can use the vibe on your testicles while you’re doing it.’ If you encourage your partner to experiment sexually with a vibe, it’s much more likely that he’ll be enthusiastic about using it on you!
Once you’ve got there, perhaps you won’t want to come back down. For multiple orgasms or extra stimulation, lend yourself a hand.
There are two types of multiple orgasms. Sequential multiples come close together (two to ten minutes apart); the classic way is for a woman to come through oral sex and then to follow this with another during penetrative sex. A wilder ride is serial multiple orgasms which come right after each other like a roller-coaster ride. This occurs when all the hot spots are being stimulated (preferably more than two at once) and the best position is woman on top because you have more control. Of course, you should also be prepared to lend yourself a hand and to stimulate your clitoris/anus or alternative erogenous zone with your hand or vibrator.
Here’s an idea for you…
If you are fluid bonded, give your man three to four minutes to cool down after you’ve had sex, then roll on top of him and manipulate yourself on his softened penis. If it’s floppy, you’ll be able to roll around on it, stimulating your clitoris better. You’ll be surprised at how good it feels – and he might want to come again too!
Allowing yourself time is crucial. Dr David Delvin and Christine Webber in
The Big O
say: ‘One of the curses of modern life is that women do not allow themselves enough time for sex – and for orgasms.’ They suggest allowing at least two hours for an extra-hot session.
You could start by practising first with masturbation. If you feel too sensitive immediately after orgasm, wait for a minute and resume the action. If necessary, start to work on another area: clitoris, G-spot, breasts, the outer vaginal lips or anus – you’re trying to get the sensations to overlap with each other to mount up again. Once you’ve perfected this, play with your partner. Most men are motivated to please their women as many times as possible!
Another technique, ‘peaking’, plays with your arousal level. This is something men have more experience of (if you’re using a condom maybe he waits for you to come first before succumbing to temptation). Barbara Keesling suggests that you ‘note your arousal levels on a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 being orgasm. As you reach each level, briefly stop and allow your arousal to subside so that, rather than shooting for the moon, your arousal rides in a wave-like pattern’. You can also fool your body into coming with another technique – ‘plateauing’ – where you mimic some of the physical aspects of orgasm by squeezing your PC muscles, speeding up your breathing and tensing your arm or leg muscles. You can train your body into responding to climax effortlessly at will. It’s really a question of keeping going, experimenting and devoting far more time to enjoying all of your pleasure zones!
Enjoy the journey and she’ll be ecstatic.
Cunnilingus is tops. It guarantees an orgasm for more women, more of the time. Women who find it difficult to come find it easy this way.
Three things are essential:
1. The woman should be able to relax and not worry about supporting herself, such as lying back on the bed or sitting on the edge of a table.
Here’s an idea for you…
This one comes from Violet Blue’s
Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus
. Make a diamond with your hands and lay this over the labia to hold the ‘lips’ apart to give you full access. Leaning against the bridge made by your fingers also gives you support when you need it.
2. The man should be comfortable – he might be there for a while. If you’re on a bed, then support her bum on a couple of pillows. Or she could lie with her legs over the edge of the bed and he can kneel on the floor. Or do a variation of this on any table, chair, worktop, etc.
3. Some couples enjoy the classic subservient oral sex pose. Men, you’re the subservient one – on your knees while she stands in front of you. But this can make access difficult for you, and orgasm difficult for her. It’s a bit easier if she supports one leg on a chair or low table, but the biggest thrill from this one tends to be the dominatrix element not the position.
NB Men: 69s are fun and so is the traditional ‘sitting on the face’ position. These look great visually – which is why they’re so popular in porn films – as well as being exciting and/or relaxing for you. But just so you know, although women can get deeply excited during these positions, few women will go over the edge and come. That’s because women tend to have to be able to relax and concentrate in the build up to their orgasm. Muck about with different positions as much as you like as part of ‘foreplay’ – she’ll enjoy it – but when you’re serious about giving your woman an orgasm, don’t expect any more of her than lying back and luxuriating in what you’re doing to her.