Inbox Full of Crazy (5 page)

Who knew this was a thing? Well, these fourteen guys, and no doubt
plenty of others.
I'm a little amazed how many of these are obviously
cut and paste jobs. Some poor guys who are absolutely desperate to knock someone
up without taking any responsibility for his kid obviously spends their nights
cutting and pasting the same message to every single new woman who joins the
site. Otherwise, they wouldn't have to ask about things like age, race, or
marital status. You'll find at least one of these guys on every site in every
city.
I've received messages from old men who thought they
deserved a girl their granddaughter's age, fundamentalist Christians who want
to know if I swallow, and men who were sure my tits were so nice because I was
nursing, so would I mind letting them drink from the tap? None of them weird me
out as much as these guys. There's something super creepy about not only
wanting anonymous sex, but also insisting the woman should be honored to raise
your kid with no help from you. It makes me wonder if these are potbellied guys
who carry chloroform in their fanny packs just in case they spy the right woman
innocently buying a latte across the street.
Look, if you really want to pass on your genes
without taking any responsibility for your offspring, make a donation to a
sperm bank. There are so many levels of creepy entitlement here. Hey, I'm a
white guy, so I have a right to fuck you, knock you up, and never talk to you
again. Because I'm white! (Amazingly, Black, Asian, and Hispanic guys never
send me these messages. Go figure.) If you're not in the market for a deadbeat
dad, a lot of these walking bundles of entitlement are willing to compromise
and merely fuck you without condoms or STI testing, so long as you don't tell
them you're on any birth control. It ruins their rush.

~*~

Are you a single woman that wants to have a baby? Are you the independent type
that doesn't need a man in her life?
Maybe you are a little older and the biological clock
is ticking, but there is no husband in sight?
Are you a married woman that can't seem to get
pregnant because of your husband's low sperm count, and artificial insemination
is not in the budget or doesn't sound appealing?
Maybe you have a boy friend and he won't commit to
marriage, but you know that he will be a great father once prospect of
fatherhood is staring him in the face?
Whatever your motivation to have a baby, I can help.
Whether you want just one child, or eventually want more, I am can help you
fulfill that dream of being a mother. I am healthy, educated, intelligent, and
potent. My potency was confirmed when I helped a woman have a little baby boy
last year. She is thrilled.

~*~

Please be real, as I am. No fakes, no BS. Please respond with a brief
description of yourself and your exact situation, and know your cycle as I
would like to do this in August or September. Put "I am ready" in the
subject line, so I know that you are not spam. I am ready to make you pregnant
as soon as you ovulate.

~*~

I can pumped your mouth, ass, and pussy full of sperm. You would get pregnant.
LOL.

~*~

I wanna b there for my girl since the moment she tells me she's pregnant and
from then on and hopefully she'll go easy on me anyway I can just keep on going
like the energizeer bunny, but I think I'll stop now so I can have something to
talk about if you and I ever meet u so don't be shy and drop me a line sexy bye
muawh muawh!!! Ps send some real pics n no lame girls advertazing some sex
sites cuz they have pics there keep it real or don't bother.

~*~

I'm a young white male in decent shape. I'm not a creeper or trashy for that
matter. STD Free Drug Free NSA. I'm looking for anything from a one night stand
to a friends with benefits scenario with a pregnant woman. I find pregnant
women gorgeous. I can host if planned. If you need I can make you pregnant and
will be a FWB through your entire pregnancy.

~*~

PLEASE CONTACT ME . I AM MWM/55/5 CUT.WOULD LOVE TO SATISFY YOU DRINK YOUR
MILK/TASTE YOUR JUICES CAN KNOCK U U

~*~

39 mwm looking to milk your breasts. When my wife was pregnant I loved sucking
and playing with her milk filled breasts and would like to experience it again.
Please be real and I am not looking to have sex just breast play. Please reply
with "milk" in the subject line so I know you are not a bot.

~*~

I want you to have my baby. Plain and simple. I want a baby and I'm lookin for
a lady friend that wants the same. We can do it on a regular basis till you get
pregnant. Looking to start tonight.

~*~

I am looking for a woman who loves the feeling of a hard bare cock inside her
and getting pumped full of hot cum. Love the feeling and thrill of cumming
inside a bare unprotected pussy, especially if there is a risk that you may get
preg. Would love to find a women who wants to get pregnant as well.

~*~

I am 32yrs broad shoulder athletic build. Thick 7.5" shaved/trimmed cock.
Intelligent, professional very clean swm, nonsmoker, drug/disease free and
hiv-. Prefer women who are shaved or trimmed close. Age/body type not a big
issue, as I am also attracted to mature and curvier women as well. Love making
sure you are totally satisfied. Looking to give u a baby maybe FWB until you
show.

~*~

I guess this qualifies as the ultimate casual encounter....but if you are need
of some extra sperm, I might be willing to comply. Let me know your situation
and we can go from there. I'm 6ft swm, smart, attractive....alternatively, if
you simply love the feeling of warm cum, I'd be able to assist there too.

~*~

Are there any ladies, or couples, are having trouble getting pregnant? Do you
want a white, tall child with blonde hair and fair eyes? How about intelligence
and some athleticism(though no professional here)? If so, then look no further,
for I am good looking, 6', blonde hair, green eyes, and willing to donate my
sperm to any ladies interested. It has always been a fantasy of mine to know
that there are (or may be) children of mine running about it the world, I guess
you could call it a genetic fetish, lol. Anyways, if this is what you guys need
or are looking for, I would be honored to help you in your desire. I do not
want any involvement after the deed is done, I just want to do the
impregnation, and never look back to it, so I would prefer strong, independant
women or a couple who is having trouble. I will give you my pic once you
confirm you are real and serious, hope you hear from you soon.

~*~

Are you an attractive, petite woman under 30 who would like to become pregnant
with the understanding of NSA? Or are you such a young woman who just
occasionally have an itch you want to scratch with the complexities of a
relationship and prefer an older male who doesn't have the immaturity of
younger men? Perhaps I can help. Respond with accurate photo(s) and let's see
what works out. Must be drug and disease free. No heavy drinkers.

~*~

I may be willing to provide you some baby batter if the situation makes sense.
Let me know your story and we can go from there. Alternatively, if you simply
love the feeling of warm cum squirting inside you, that can also work. SWM here
who only desires white females for this encounter. Smart, attractive,
successful...your baby will be too!

~*~

Are you looking for a d/d free(tested), experienced, discreet male to give you
pleasure & get you preg-NSA. 42,cleancut, rugged. Take charge, no nonsense
Alpha Male. Age, race not important BUT being d/d free & mature,
responsible in your behavior and outlook is important. Can chat via yahoo/msn
to establish comfort/trust/rapport before meeting. SERIOUS REPLIES ONLY. 100%
real and serious here

Y'know, there's a certain honesty to the "sup u? wanna hit
this?" messages. They know what they want, they don't waste my time, and
they don't pretend to be something they're not.
The fake innuendo guys, on the other hand, get on my nerves. You can tell they
think they're being super clever by oh so subtly suggesting maybe I'm the kind
of girl who at least gives handies on the first date, but they won't come out
and say that. Oh, no. Instead, they resort to what they think is innuendo.
Guys, seriously, telling her you're good with your hands isn't innuendo. If
you've already offered to send a photo of your cock, backing off and suggesting
Pinball as a date is just weird. And guys, I promise, your rhymes aren't half
as clever as you think they are.
I appreciate some good flirting. Sadly, you won't find any here. I'm not sure
which is worse - their crimes against the English language or the fact that
they all seem so smarmily proud of themselves. These are the kind of guys who
brag about their prowess with their fleshlights.

~*~

You asked for it!
Ok, I can't see your photos because I'm as blind as a proverbial bat, and
fondling the screen just isn't getting it done. Oh, I do hope that I make a few
typos in this message to evoke at least one maniacal laugh in hopes of
terrifying your neighbors. I got several good belly laughs out of your profile.
You certainly sound like a handful or five, and would more than likely induce a
guy to wish he had been born to this life as a Human-Octopus hybrid. Actually,
that could have multiple benefits... Being able to make an effort at handling
you, and having little or no difficulty getting hired for parts in horror
movies. Hmm, Octo Sapiens; The man who truly is all hands. Can you just imagine
the potential birth defects? One bad gene in his jeans and he could make a
fortune in the porn industry. Now introducing... Herbie Extendo. Hey, it's nice
to meet you textually. Want to find out what a blind man can do with his hands?

~*~

Good Evening Miss,
How are you?
Please forgive me if this is not your scene at all, but do you enjoy playing
with unusual and exotic yet deliciously tactile items?
I have a suggestion you might find arousing...would you like to hear? Even if
its only to laugh at it?
Ps. you have a wonderful womanly effulgence about you... :)

~*~

Uh, it appears we match very high on sex questions..... which means you are a
freak!.. LOL That's what I have been told, so..... lets hit it! Coffee?

~*~

Hey there...What are you up to this evening? Show me your tits and I’ll show
you my dick. You’ve never seen one like it. Trust me. I really liked your
profile. You look hot and fun. Pinball sounds like a fun first date!

~*~

I just wanted to say; I like your profile. Especially the photos (how did you
get the Trill markings? If you did it by hand must have been time consuming.)
Do they go all the way down? I’ve always wondered if trill marks go on the
inside or the outside of the thighs. If you’re shaved do the marks go around
the outside or do they create a landing strip to lead me inside?

~*~

Hola
! Hi, just wanted to see if you wanted to talk. :-) 3 random facts
about yourself? Cup size? Last song you heard? Thong size? Last thing that made
you smile? Favorite position?

~*~

You seem very confident and are verrry sexy. Tell me how you like it. I can do
it one better.

~*~

My face is clean shaven. However, I have a very hairy chest. And a certain
affinity for bigger gals that tend to wear dresses. Any underwear under there?

~*~

You should be an English teacher. I would have paid more attention in English
class, If I would have known that my grasp of the English language, or lack
thereof, would get me laid, or not. I wonder what Darwin would say about this
will affect the future of human evolution.

~*~

Hi
Match keeps bouncing my picture because it’s too big. My cock can’t fit in
something so small. You won’t beleive it in person.

~*~

Ok let me start by saying you put together a very good add that clearly states
what you want and expect..... Next let me say that by the way you put words
together Im already attracted to you.....A little about me Im 35 white and i'm
in the marine corps and funny very respectful and my initial attraction starts
like you with what a person has between those as of late seldomly using
auditory listening devices called eye glass holder uppers! I listen I don't
prejudge I like things that taste good I try to please a girl way way before I
want to be pleased and lastly my thumb cramps up from typing this on my I phone
and I hate run on sentences which is what this is.....in case you didn't
know.....Xoxo

~*~

26 year old single virgin. I'm not telling you that to turn you on. Quite the
contrary actually. I'm not wierd, I'm told I'm quite charming actually. I
wouldn't even say I'm all that shy really the opportunity really has just not
presented itself. So now I'm having to resort to just being very blunt and this
just seemed like a good place to start. I'm not looking for a searious
relationship, just someone who is willing to keep things simple and meet
casually and discreetly to teach me how to really please a woman. I'm turned on
by teacher types too. Hit me up if you want to here more. I'm open to
suggestions. Hope to hear from you soon

~*~

If you like meat I guess you can call me the deli hope you don’t like your
sandwich plain though. I can take a block of meat and shred it into soft smooth
tasteful delight that will make you want to eat more!!!! If interested please
reply!!!

~*~

Sounds 2 me like ur sexy little organ between ur ears is smarter then most 2
peoples combined. What's ur story, morning glory? Do u spread like a lilly or
keep ur rosebud tite?