Inbox Full of Crazy (3 page)

Not
all Nigerian scammers want to anonymously milk you of your life savings. Some
of them want to do it up close and in person.
Listen, ladies. I have a secret. If you're really looking for your own How
Stella Got Her Groove Back situation, there are men 10-20 years your junior
without an ounce of fat on their bodies who are looking to get married right
now. You can take your pick.
Okay, sure, they're only in it for a Green Card and will almost certainly rob
you blind once you get them into the US and provide them with the sweet, sexy
documentation they crave, but hey, for a short time you'll have your own exotic
younger man desperate to please. It worked for Stella. Wait, it turned out the
man she married was actually gay and tried to steal her entire life's savings.
Well if you're a risk taker, have your own income, and can hear your ovaries
sighing in resignation as they crank out your last fertile eggs, I assure you
there are men willing to marry you this coming Tuesday.
You don't mind if his sister comes to visit? Her English is a little rusty, so
don't be upset when she confuses the words for sister and wife, then cries as
she shows you her baby. And it's totally okay if his mother lives with you,
right? She'll be a built in babysitter. Honest, darling. As a married couple,
you should also share your social security number, bank account number, and all
computer passwords. It says so in the Bible.
Interestingly, these guys are almost the exact opposite of the Bot Baiters.
They really want to tell you appealing things about themselves so you'll reply.
Being the open minded scammers they are, they're eager to let you know they
couldn't care less about your age, weight, or the fact that you're actually a
talking cabbage given a hellish quazi-life by the Illuminati so long as you
have an American birth certificate and are legally single.

~*~

when a read your post a was like she is the one I have been longing for.. its
really grab my attention
I am an african male wit brown eye and kinda
skinny. I live by myself, have two jobs and my own car. I am a smoke,drug,drink
and disease free. I want to go back to school and get my atleast master oneday.
I love playing soccer,music,running, comedy and kids.
I have been in many relation and countless dates,
but it seems that there is no chemistry between me and the women a part wit,
cus some of them get no plan for the future, some lazy and others get some
attitude which is not cool.
I really respect and care for women as much as I
can, I am looking for someone whom I can be with and maybe something more in
the future.
So if you interested in knowing more about me you
can contact me

~*~

Thank GOD she is the one I have been longing for!. I am an african male. I
respect, care n love women as much as I can. my age is kinda young that a know
but am really mature in mind and know want it meant when people said they
serious. I plan to live happily in the future and really want to be well
educated. I am looking 4 someone of your kind, I not here for buddy calling but
instead a longterm, serious relation that can possiblly end up in getting
marry. age, race or colour is not important . I cannt tell all want I want to
say in this message but if you feel like you looking for the same thing you
just hit me at my phone. there I wil tell you more about me and were you can
see my pics...

~*~

hey a jas go tro ya blog n was like woow.. she is da angel I have been longing
for. Am a african male, somke, drink n drug free. Am a man who know wat women
waqnts n ready to give it when dem ask for it. A really care for women n put
love n respect before anything, a support women to da best I can... but a need
a long term relation, serious n marry to U if possible. Age is jus a number so
jus act like a mature person dats all a need. hit me anytyme

~*~

I want to get married ASAP!!!!
hi my name is John i would to get married with a nice
funny hard working girl i prefer ONLY WHITE OR LATINA thank you....i like to
travel to different cities in the US :) i have a nice and stable job in the
bank as a financial analyst . im independent , i live alone in an apartment in
queens if u are interested email me :) hope see you soon..

~*~

I'm a good guy.I'm looking for a honest good woman for a serious
relationship.!very marriage minded loyal and funt ! ! !

~*~

I am cute Russian guy here for graduate degree
I have no accent but I speak the language fluently!
I work very hard!
I want to spend time with a cute girl instead of hard
work all the time!
I like girls. All girls. I will meet you all. If you
want to know why Russian girls all sing songs about Vladimir Putin I can teach
you everything sexy about Russian guys.
I am specially seeking a girl for marriage and
family.
If you think are interested in meeting me... let me
know! I am worth it!

Gentlemen, I know reaching out to a woman is tough, but your first
impression really is important. She doesn't know anything about you. This is
your chance to shine.
Be clever. Be witty. Be bold. Whatever you do, don't
be pathetic. Describing yourself as unworthy is only effective on BDSM boards.
Everywhere else, play up your strengths. Give someone a positive reason to want
to date you instead of hoping you can guilt them into a miserable evening. You
might be pleasantly impressed by the difference.
Think about it. Would you really want to date a woman
who you guilted into coffee?
These guys didn't get a date. Heck, they didn't even
get a reply. They just made me sad. Live and learn, gentlemen. Don't be That
Guy.

~*~

Lol your funny…..So, how you doing Ms Lady? Reading what you wrote makes me
feel like I’m just setting myself up for failure if that the kind of responses
you’re accustomed too. I work as an accountant and my nights are either filled
watching sports or tired from working all day doing taxes. But yea some night I
get bad intentions, guess that’s life. Well, hit me back if I didn’t scare you
away with all my sexy talk lol period(.)

~*~

There is probably no way ever that i would be worthy of a woman such as you but
if there is a way i could get to know you it would be a great honor for me to
know someone as cool as you. I am not bad but I'll leave it up to you... Write
me please if you could

~*~

I have'nt been to school in a long time . It is really hard for me to start a
conversation. I have pics on Yahoo at [id removed.]

~*~

Hello there. I have recently turned 41. I am a white male that has not
accomplished anything in life and would like to have someone in my life to
guide me through the journey.

~*~

Good morning
! I hope you are well this morning. I
saw your profile, and I was wondering if you might be interested in getting to
know me. My name is John. I ask that you take some time out of your day and
check my profile then let me know what you think. I am a better man than I
look.
Thank you for your Time.

~*~

This is the message you shouldn't filter out!
Because we are obviously kindred souls on at least some level, and you need to
learn more about me before discounting me altogether. Besides, I need more time
to distinguish between a plan for world domination and a list of things I'd do
if I ruled the world.
Seriously, though, I have just read through your
profile and journal articles and photos and questions and more, and I'm still
not afraid to write you though you may not find me worthy. I can name a number
of local restaurants worth visiting, and a first date at any of them sounds
like a good start to a great adventure starring each of us!
So please, spend some time with my profile and think
of questions you'd like to ask me. What would you like to know first? I hope
you will find me worthy.

~*~

I'm not bad looking I'm not amazing looking either, average is a good word,
while at the same time I don't really care to waste time with going to the bar
or playing games with co-workers and friends. I just want to meet someone here
on the same intellectual level with this particular ordeal. As for me I don't
crave much except for the warmth and fun with a member of the opposite sex. As
for me, I'm stalky/muscular with short hair and a beard. I wouldn't mind
trading pictures as long as you send me more to prove you're real (can never be
too sure). Well if this is something you're interested in I encourage you to
reply and find me worthwhile.

~*~

Hello,
first allow me to tell you how i spent the 15th. Working. Working was the only
way to get my mind off of being alone. Of course there in lies the problem. I
hate being alone, but i can't stand the dating sceen either. I have been with 3
women women in my life and in my eyes thats two to many. I have not been seeing
anyone in over 2 years and from what I see in the world am not excited to look.
I am an old fashioned man who adores history,
At one time I wanted to be a history teacher, but found I was better at
business. I am a consultant currently under contract. I stay busy. I am a
hopeless romantic, as in IT IS HOPELESS!, or atleast I am begining to think so.
I was in the military as a soldier, and i am niether proud of my time served
nor am I ashamed. I have been a brother to those in need, a friend to
unfriendly people. a coach to those who needed guidience, and Man to the women
I have loved. My grandma calls me sugar, so I guess that makes me sweet, and my
parents call me son, so in my eyes that means I am bright enough. even though i
still have a thrist for knowlege.
I would love to talk with you. Thanks for your time

~*~

Whats up =) My name is John and I was reading you're profile and just wanted to
say hello. So yes its me Dr. Kinky, I know you dont know me, but if nothing
else I can be a good friend. Honestly, I dont have any problems finding
women...its just finding the "right" one that is the problem. I'm not
a pimp or player LOL! I dont have it in me I promise you that. Really, I'm
looking for friendship and hopefully later down the road it turns into
something. There is so much to me..and I'm somewhat deep, but I know I'm a
catch. I'm good looking, athletic, smart, funny, but I'm not cocky. I'm
confident but I'm not a prick. Also, I'm real... Anyways, I hope to talk to you
soon.

~*~

Hello. I saw your profile and wanted to say that.
Obviously, you say. 10 points to you. (I almost
misspelled that as "pints", which depending on your view may be just
as good or better.)
Trite as it may sound, you blow me away with what you
have to say. You sound like a really cool, fun person to know. I may not be
worthy
Not to engage in horn-tooting, but I can hold my own
in trivia. Not sports trivia, but history, music, technology bits and pieces...
Personally, I find your plans intriguing. I also
confess to a weakness for a woman in boots...
Thank you for reading this message to the end and I
hope I passed the audition.

I get a lot of messages from poly men. Some of them are open, some
of them are “discrete,” some of them want to lecture me at great length. All of
them ignore the fact that I explicitly state in my dating profiles that I am
NOT interested in a poly relationship.
This kind of onslaught is exactly the kind of thing that gives poly
relationships a bad reputation. Well, that and the fact that of the countless
poly units I’ve seen over the years I can only think of two which were happy
and successful for more than three years. While I do know (exactly two) long
term successful poly units, I've met countless unhappy couples who thought a
third person would miraculously fix the problems in their relationship. These
situations inevitably end badly for everyone. I'm not interested.
If a woman says the fact that you’re dating or married to someone else is a
deal breaker, respect it and leave her alone. You won't change her mind by
harassing her. Seriously. Cut it out. You may think you're proselytizing, but
if she's already said she's not interested in that kind of relationship,
persisting in trying to convince her of the moral superiority of your lifestyle
makes you a scary creep.
Even if I was interested in the poly lifestyle, I'm deeply repelled by
assumptions poly guys make about me. They don't see any need to seduce me. See,
the kind of woman they're attracted to is too old, too fat, and too insecure to
find a man of her own, and they're not afraid to tell her so up front. Every
time I get an unwanted message from a poly guy I reevaluate my photos,
wondering what about them screams, "victim." These guys also assume
that, since you're too old, fat, and ugly to find a husband, you have no problem
hooking up with a guy 20-30 years your senior just for the sake of the
attention. Seriously, guys, I have a vibrator, friends, and an open offer for
adult funtimes from two exes. I don't need you.
If
you're not familiar with the concept, polyamory is a pretty nice theory that,
in my personal experience, very rarely works in practice. People think
polyamory (literally loving more than one person at once) means a sextastic
free for all. Since polyamory done right is all about being open and honest with
your assorted partners instead of sneaking around behind anyone's back, the
reality is less sex than you'd think and a whole lot of math. If you carry
three day planners and obsess over how to categorize every fifteen minute block
of your time, polyamory is a great lifestyle choice. If you just want someone
to curl up on the couch with while watching Doctor Who, poly is all about
negotiating who gets to sit where on the couch, what show you're going to
watch, and whose turn it is to curl up in who's lap. By the time you're done
with the charts the episode is over.
Nearly all poly couples are looking for the Great Bisexual Unicorn.
Surely, somewhere out there, is a dream woman who has her own healthy circle of
friends, her own income, and her own home. She doesn't need to be the center of
attention, is totally supportive of both of you without having any emotional
needs of her own, will cheerfully fuck both of you individually or at the same
time on the schedule of your choosing, doesn't mind always playing second
fiddle to both members of the couple, isn't interested in kids or ever enjoying
the sort of lifetime commitment you share with one another, loves all the
things both of you enjoy, and for some reason is not only single but totally
attracted to the two of you. Oh, also height/weight proportionate, big tits,
under 30, and owns her own lingerie and sex toys.
Take a hard look at your dating profiles. If my description of the Great
Bisexual Unicorn sounded painfully familiar, you need to face facts. You're not
looking for a partner. You're looking for a prostitute. Go hire one. She'll
dress how you want, come over on your schedule, leave when you're done with
her, and always have a perfect disposition. If you're willing to pay extra
she'll even watch movies and play videogames with the two of you. Anything else
is a totally unrealistic set of expectations. After all, go look at yourselves
in the mirror. Kick all the crap off the floor first so you can get a good head
to toe view. If you were the Great Bisexual Unicorn, would you date the two of
you?

~*~

I know you said no poly people but you haven’t met me and my wife. We love your
profile! You are smart, funny, witty, geeky,and love to cook! You really are
the girlfriend of our dreams. Please make an exception for us. Let us take you
to dinner and get to know you. You won’t regret it!

~*~

I love my wife I love my children. We don’t have sex anymore so I date. I will
not leave them for anyone. You are a pretty girl who looks like lots of fun. We
can have fun together. I am ok with calling you my girlfriend in public and at
your work. It is called poly and it is better than cheating.

~*~

This prolly won’t get thru to you because of your message filter, but you
should read it. You’re a beautiful woman who is cutting herself off from
beautiful relationships by saying no to the polyamorous lifestyle. Read
Sex
at Dawn
. Monogamy isn’t natural and it can’t make you happy. Your profile
looks like the kind of woman who loves adventure. A woman like you can’t be
tied down to one man. You need many lovers to keep you happy. One man can not
keep up with a woman your age sexually. Men are sexually attracted to younger
women. You can not compete with a fertile 25 year old. You see how this equals
unhappiness? Do not doom yourself to be alone forever when polyamory is how to
find the love you need.

~*~

So I've been debating on a big trip and trying to decide on a direction. I
didn't read a single thing on your profile that wasn't intriguing. So say I
wind up out that way, how interested would you be in helping me find something
to get into? My wife is online at [name redacted]. She thinks you’d be a great
story for me to tell back home and a great time while I’m on the road.

~*~

I'm not sure what to say other than I liked your profile and the way you
express yourself ! If I'm not to old or to married lets talk!

~*~

I have a beard and chest hair and a wife. 2 of 3 is good. I have a love for
life and a love for woman. I wnat to share them with you. Your pic is very sexy.
You said no married men. I’m poly. My wife knows. She read your profile. She
says you look like a nice girl.

~*~

I'm intrigued by ur written word and the manner in which u present it to the
world...tall, bearded, turned on by ur thoughts n ur mind. Discrete poly...but
my wife knows I date...ur someone special 2 me

~*~

hallo Let me tell you somethings very important i see picture is very nice and
attractive me so mush and let me write to you even lot of different but the
true .True Happiness is something we all desire , we all want to experience and
enjoy True Happiness is no one man one woman forever but much love for all i
see you and know you want my love

~*~

Sure you won’t talk? Hey! I know I've messaged you a couple of times.. thought
I would try yet again because every time I read your profile I find something
else I'm pretty sure we have in common. My wife says I’m a great catch.

~*~

Don't do this to yourself, girl. You say you'll date men 10 years younger or 10
years older but truth is after 30 no yoiunger man wants you and no man your age
wants you. Face facts and look at men 50++. I'm married, poly, clean, discrete,
can show you the love you won't find wasting your time on younger men.

~*~

I am clean and sober,searching for someone who is the same,enjoy fine food,
theater,ballet,concerts,horseback riding on the beach and tropical climates.I
yearn for intellectual stimulation while at the same time I am passionate,loyal
and nuturing. I am in an open relationship with a beautiful,goddess,kind,warm,loving
woman who wants more joy in both our lives.

~*~

Hey sexy rock star!!! Why u don’t write me back? Im who your looking
for......tall......beard......chest hair.........ded sexxxy! I like 2 read and
talk and rock your night. im here and waiting!!! Why no love? Is it bcause my
job...... dno’t judge or u will be judged. Is it i’m married? she has
boyfriends. is it my food bcause i cant eat spicy or it comes right back out ha
ha no fun!!! Stop looking cause im here 4u.

~*~

Your profile is full of win! Geekiness is so sexy. I guess it's because it goes
with smart. You'll have to let me know when that zombie crawl comes around. We supposedly
have one where I live, but I never get notified about it. Speaking of which, if
you're ever going to pass through my area, let me know. I'll tell you all the
good local joints I know. My wife thinks we’d have a great time. If you lived
in town she says you two would be best friends.

~*~

OK......How about this: I'm married, but I need a good woman and my wife says I
need a vacation. I'll send you a paid for, round trip airline ticket to Cancun.
You fly from Louisville and I'll fly from Nashville and we'll meet at the bar
at the Cancun airport. If we can't stand each other, we stay there and drink
until we can get you on the next flight home. If it looks like we could stand
to be with each other for a week.....we rent a car and drive South.....down the
coast and hit all the small, seaside towns, villages and beaches.....stopping
where ever we see something cool or interesting.......hitting all the beach
bars and getting a good sun burn along the way......
I don't know about you....but I'm ready for some
fucking sun, warm caribbean waters and some sand between my toes.........sounds
like a great first date to me......you can tell your kids about it
someday...although they probably won't believe you......

~*~

I’m Good for you!
Awesome profile and have
some fun!!!! Relationships screw everything up lol Always be yourself!! Find a
good guy friend. Find five! Scorpio huh? Very sexy lol u can’t be contained.
How many boyfriends you have girl? You need one more!!!!! Lets Have Fun!!!!!!

~*~

HIYA!
You are absolutely GORGEOUS!
Friend me on FB. I wanna see more pics! My wife says
you’re my dream girlfriend. I think she’s right. You’ll get along great.
I’m open, poly, and honest. I always pick girlfriends
who end up better friends with my wife than with me. We’re a power couple
package. You say you don’t want to date poly, but dating me is like dating a
single male who happens to come with a best friend with benefits. It’s worth
it. The wife and I can explain more about how poly works. You’ve probably met
some poly assholes who gave the lifestyle a bad impression. It’s not like that.

~*~

hi, loved your ad.
just curious if you've ever thought about meeting a
couple

~*~

Stop rejecting polyamory! It is the only way a woman like you can be happy! I
read your profile and I can tell you are full of yourself and full of life and
full of too much for one man to handle. You made mistakes!!. You didn't marry
when you were young and fertile because you wanted to see the world. I
understand. Now you are old and lonely and want a family. You will not have one
at your age! You do not have to die alone. Polyamory is the answer. You can
have many healthy relationships with many men. I want to be the first. I can
introduce you to how polyamory works and introduce you to many other
polyamorous people. Stop denying yourself what you deserve!!! It is all you
have left!!!!!