In Too Deep (29 page)

“I need a shower. You starving or can we clean up a little first?” He took my hand in his and we started walking.

“Good idea. I’d like a shower before we head out.”

We slowly walked hand in hand back to the apartment and Jake jumped in the shower. I headed in as soon as he left the bathroom. Seeing him in a towel gave me instant butterflies. He took care of his body and it showed. That light trail of hair that led from his belly button down behind the towel held my attention a little longer than it should have.

“Like what you see, do you?”

“Jake! Really?” I smacked him in the belly and hustled into the bathroom.

It wasn’t until I had finished and opened the curtain that I realized in my ADD over his happy trail, I totally forgot to bring any clothes into the bathroom with me.
Dammit.
All I had was a towel. He’d seen me naked, but I didn’t think we were at the point yet where walking around naked in front of each other was completely comfortable.

I peeked out the door and heard him clanging around in the kitchen, so I wrapped the towel around me and quickly shot to the bedroom. I was bending over my bag searching for my other bra when I heard a noise behind me.
Shit.
I slowly stood and turned around and there he was in all his shirtless glory, leaning against the door jamb, seemingly enjoying the voyeur position he had.

I tightened the towel, obviously flustered when he was suddenly right in front of me. He reached out and put his hands on my hips. Everything in my body clenched. We were both almost naked and he was touching me. It was a feeling that threw my mind right back to the morning we made love in that very room. On that very bed.

Without a second thought, I reached out for his chest with both hands. His skin was still warm from his shower, but he shivered a little when my fingers grazed the light smattering of hair on his chest that still held a few water droplets. I looked up at him just as he was leaning in. He took me by surprise when our lips met and he kissed me so gently, my body quaked with shivers. He pulled my hips forward and wrapped his arms around me as our kiss became deeper and more passionate. Our lips devoured each other, and the room spun. Images of us writhing naked in the bed right behind me flashed through my mind. But I wasn’t sure that was where this was going. I didn’t want him to know that a part of me was hoping he would lay me down and kiss me all over. I wanted him to show me what
he
wanted not what he thought
I
wanted.

We pulled back from the heated kiss like it was a perfectly choreographed dance and we both knew each and every step. When our bodies parted a bit so we could focus on each other’s faces, my towel fell to the floor. Instinctively I panicked and tried to catch it in my hands as it slid down my body, but I wasn’t quick enough.

“Let it go. I want to look at you.” Jake took my upper arms in his strong hands and moved me further away from him. For a couple of seconds, he drank in every inch of my body. Earlier I assumed I would have been crawling out of my skin in that situation, but I wasn’t. I had never felt so comfortable naked in front of Noah, and we had been sleeping together for a year and a half. I watched Jake’s eyes take in every nuance of my body, the small mole right next to my belly button, the faded pale triangles of last year’s bikini over my now swollen breasts, the few freckles on my sun-kissed chest. He ended his tour of my body by gazing into my eyes and lightly gripping my chin with his thumb and forefinger. He lifted my face and smiled.

“God, you’re beautiful.”

I could see from the bump under his towel that his mind was headed the same place mine had been for the last five minutes. We wanted each other so badly.

Without another word, he bent down and grabbed me by the back of my thighs and lifted me off the ground. As he did, his towel fell and joined mine on the floor. I gasped a bit when he started to walk while holding tight to my legs. I wrapped my whole self around him. He gently pressed me against the bedroom wall and the chill made my back arch, which pushed everything below my waist into his lower stomach. We were both panting. Our kisses were sloppy and his unshaven face scratched across the skin of my neck and chest as he tasted every inch of me he could reach.

Breathy words left my lips, but I wasn’t even cognizant of what I said as he worshipped my body. He made a quick move and pressed me harder against the wall and slowly loosened his grip on my thighs. My heated body slowly slid down his. My hands were in his hair as my sighs and light moans told him not to stop.

He pressed against the opening between my legs. He shuddered and moaned when he felt how wet I was. In one firm but gentle thrust, he was inside me and moving his hips in a way that hit all the right spots. Not having to worry about roommates or interruptions made this moment even hotter. I let go with a loud groan and clenched my hands around the chocolate curls at the back of his head.

His hips worked magic. He was slow but intent on pleasing me, and boy, was he pleasing me. I couldn’t hold it any longer. The first wave of orgasm made my toes curl and my legs tighten around his hips. I felt him swell as he rocked into me. The intensity built until neither of us could hold it anymore, and we simultaneously erupted in waves of beautiful ecstasy. The sweat beaded between us and I could feel his heartbeat reaching out through his chest to find mine. We collapsed to the floor in a tangle.

He brushed the hair off my sweaty forehead and away from my eyes. He reached for my chin and delivered numerous precious kisses to my gaping mouth as I tried to catch my breath.

“And here I thought, when you said you were starving, you were talking about food.” I giggled.

He laughed out loud and hugged me like he never wanted to let go. I melted into him.

“I love you, Gracie Jordan.”

Fifty-Two

“
She
would be someone I would pick for you.” I pointed my chin in the direction of a thin brunette that had just walked into Café Best.

“Her? Really? I think she’s a little too high maintenance for me. See her shoes? Those are richy-bitchy shoes.” He winked and took another bite of his club sandwich.

“Richy…bitchy? Are you kidding me? Who are you and where is my rough and tumble Jake?”

“Sorry,” he said through a mouthful, “that’s what Jessica calls them.” He licked his thumb and then dug into his fries. Which was good because I was trying desperately to wipe the jealous grimace off my face with my napkin. What the hell was going on? As soon as the first syllable of her name came out of his mouth, a jolt of I don’t know what hit my chest. That had never happened before. I was stunned.

“He’s your dream date.” I looked up and Jake nodded his head in the direction of the middle-aged guy fumbling through the coffee stirrers and strangely measuring each one against the other. He was dressed in a long trench coat and his greasy hair was stuffed under a Rasta-colored beanie. When he turned around, his unkempt beard sprayed out in all directions and he had an eye patch, not a real one, one of those kid birthday party ones with the cartoon skull and cross bones on it. He grunted and mumbled all the way to an available seat on the other side of the room.

“Oh, no, no, no. Captain Jack is a little out of my league. Look at the duct tape on his shoes. He’s a little too high maintenance…you know, having to add bling to his kicks and all.”

Jake laughed so loud “Captain Jack” looked over and rolled his eyes, but then continued with his stirrer measuring at his table.

“Do you really think there is one special person out there for everyone, Jake?”

“Yeah, I do, Gracie. I think the whole soul mate thing is real.”

“Really?” I looked down and picked up the couple chips that had fallen off my plate onto the dirty table, making a small pile of them on a napkin by the edge of the table so I didn’t accidentally eat them.

“You reorganizing your side of chips, Captain Gracie?” He motioned with his finger between the pirate and my little pile of discarded chips.

“Shut up, dork!” I giggled as he smiled, took a sip of iced tea through his straw, and reached for my hand across the table.

“You deserve so much more than what Noah is capable of giving. He’s not your soul mate, Gracie.” He squeezed my hand.

“Jake, I know he’s not. I need to end it, but I am scared to death to be alone.”

“Baby girl, I’m not going anywhere.”

I looked into those picture perfect blue eyes against his sun-kissed face and my eyes started to burn with unshed tears.

“Have you talked to Jessica since she left?” I needed to change the subject, I was so sick of crying.

“Actually, yeah, we’re on really good terms, just friends.”

I had heard that before. Just friends. Jake and I claimed that title for quite some time. It was funny to look back at your life and wish you could have skipped the bad parts and just lived through the good ones. I can see it now, there I am holding a pizza in Murphy’s when Noah walks in,
Hey, I’m a real dickhead so you will want to stay far away from me. But my roommate, Jake, you two would make the perfect couple. Ya know, like that sappy soul mate kind of thing.

“I suppose it’s healthy to stay on good terms with an ex. I never have.” I giggled nervously and wondered what that said about me.

“Jessica just calls to run stuff by me. You know, get my opinion.”

“Hmm, I know another girl who did that, and she ended up in your bed…and against your wall.” I blushed.

An irresistible grin spread across Jake’s face, and we held each other’s gaze for longer than we usually do…at least in public. There was no doubt in my mind we were both replaying the scene we created in his bedroom. I blushed again and he smiled.

“So, just friends. You gonna take naps with her?”

“No. I only nap with the best. I’m not a nap slut.” He rolled his eyes in jest as if he were offended that I would insinuate he was “easy.”

He was so damn adorable.

“Back to the soul mate thing. What do you think that really means? How do you know someone is your soul mate and not just someone you can tolerate for a whole bunch of years?”

“Let’s play Buckshot, but I’m changing it up a little. I will give you a word and you describe that word.”

“Okay…” I hesitated because I wasn’t sure if he was changing the subject or if this had something to do with my question.

“Boyfriend.”

“I think of smiles, holding hands, sunshine…”

“Okay, good. Now your word is relationship.”

“Two hearts intertwined.”

“Hmm, we’re getting somewhere. Love.”

At first, I had no words and all I could picture was us—Jake and I—but then it hit me both literally and figuratively. “Two people walking in the same direction.”

“There you go.” He smiled a smile that took my breath away. “Smiles, holding hands, sunshine, two hearts intertwined, two people walking in the same direction…what’s the word for that description, Gracie?”

“Soul mates.”

There was a silent moment between us that was so loud I winced. I was falling. I was falling fast.

“It’s clear to me that under no circumstances was Noah ever my soul mate. But how do I tell him it’s really over? Oh God, Jake.”

Jake peeked around to see my face. When he saw my tears, his face quickly sobered. “You’ve ended it with him before, Gracie. You’ve got tons of practice.”

“Yeah, but those were heat of the moment break ups…anything is easy to say when you are ready to throw someone in front of a bus. This is going to have to be an actual conversation about it really being over. That scares the shit out of me.”

“Are you afraid he will physically hurt you?”

I held  my breath. I didn’t know the answer to that question. Was I? Noah had been the dictionary photo for “seething” many times, but hit me? My mind raced back to the fear I felt when Noah swerved to pull the car over on our way to the jazz festival. I remember holding my breath and closing my eyes worried there was a strong hand coming my way.

“Gracie, the fact that you even have to think about it, tells me I need to be there. If he
ever
laid a hand on you…” Jake’s fists clenched on top of the table and a look crossed his face that was so serious it made me sit up and lean back a little in my chair.

“Jake, you can’t be there.”

“The hell I can’t!” Now, he was loud. And if I wasn’t mistaken, tears were welling up in his eyes, but I had moved far enough away that I couldn’t really tell.

“I would be so afraid he would take his anger out on you. And none of this is your fault! I would feel terrible if something happened to you. I would never forgive myself.”

He leaned in and his face softened. A single tear rolled down his cheek and he whispered, “So, you understand why I can’t let you do this alone.”

I thought back to the four sentences I had just spoken.

Be still my heart.

“Thank you, Jake.”

“Besides, I can’t wait to see you flex the muscles you didn’t even know you had.”

“Huh?”

“The ones you’ve been hiding in here.” He gently poked me in the chest.

“In my boobs?”

“No, Gracie.” He rolled his eyes and giggled. “The ones in your heart. The ones that are strong enough to help you stand on your own two feet.”

I smiled and he smiled back as we left
Mitchell’s
. The sun beat down on us as though it was blessing our progress on the subject of Noah. Jake giggled and shook his head, “In your boobs?”

I let out a huge laugh and he grabbed my hand and squeezed. There wasn’t a time since we met that this man couldn’t make me smile. I squeezed back thanking him again silently.

Smiles, holding hands, sunshine

Fifty-Three

The next day was a blur of love making, laughing, and napping. We didn’t leave the apartment all day and only left the bed to shower a couple times. We didn’t get dressed until the sun was going down and our stomachs were growling. My heart had never felt so full. The feelings I was allowing into my soul were a new level of intensity. As much as I thought I loved Noah throughout our relationship, I didn’t know love could feel like this. Nothing about what I was feeling for Jake scared me or made me feel weak. It was as if over the last six months, our souls had combined and built a safe place for my heart. I didn’t ever want to let go of that feeling.

“Let’s get out of here and feed your growling belly.” I couldn’t believe that Jake, who ate like he had a tapeworm, had gone until dark without food, especially after exerting himself as many times as he had. I lost count after six. I got goose bumps each time I thought about all the ways he loved me that day.

We sat out on the deck at
Mitchell’s
in the warm night’s breeze and had a couple beers before our giant plate of chili cheese fries was delivered to our table. There were so many awesome places to eat in Knoxville, but we rarely craved anything but the laid-back atmosphere of
Mitchell’s
.

“I’m so excited we’ll be here tomorrow night hangin’ with Alternate Tragedy!” I could barely contain my excitement. A squeal slipped passed my lips when I thought of lead singer, Calon, singing “Porch” to a bar filled with Pearl Jam fans. Calon was beautiful and his voice was unbelievable. He could sing his grocery list and have panties dropping all around town.

“Easy there, tiger, I know what you’re thinking.”

“You do not.” Who was I kidding, he knew I had a thing for lead singers.

“Ohhhh, Calon, sing to me my rock star God…” Seeing Jake exaggerate that comment and act like a star-gazing girl made me laugh uncontrollably. My eyes teared up but this time from sheer hysterics.

“I love when you laugh. Do you realize how long you went without that beautiful curve on your face?”

“No, I guess it’s all a blur. I’d just like to forget it all and move on.” I drank the last swig of beer from my bottle and added it to the half dozen empties in the middle of the table.

“Well, I am beyond thrilled to see your face happy.” He grabbed my hands across the table. “My heart is happy when I’m with you, Jake.”

“Ditto.”

We drank and talked for another hour or so before we headed back to the apartment. We were giddy and a little tipsy as we walked and swayed the whole way home.

We brushed our teeth, dropped our clothes at the edge of the bed, and climbed under the covers. The bed felt more comfortable than it ever had before. I lay in Jake’s arms as he stroked my hair with one hand and lightly tickled my back with the other.

“Did Noah ever hurt you, physically?” His question left his lips before I had time to prepare myself for the slap it made when it hit my heart.

“No, Jake.”

“I’ve seen him angry before, I know the damage he can do.”