I Don't Want to Lose You (33 page)

             
“This is just for support since I'm so tired.  I'm fine.”

             
“Then why were you throwing up?”

             
“I didn't get a chance to eat after taking one of the pills and that made my stomach upset.”

             
“Okay,” I said slowly trying to take it all in and slow my heart rate down.  “Why are you and your mother at it now?”

             
“Because she knows.”

             
A confused look crossed my face.  “She knows what?”

             
“About that,” he said pointing to the baby.

             
Uh oh.

             
My eyes widened.  “How the heck did that happen?” I asked so loudly that I’m sure the people driving by could hear me.

             
“I wasn't in my room when it was time to take my medicine and so she went into my drawer and got it for me.  I forgot that the ultrasound pictures were in there and she found them.”

             
“Oh no. That was not how I wanted her to find out,” I said.

             
“She said-” he started.

             
I interrupted, “I don't want to know what she said, but whatever it was, I am sure she was right.”

             
“How can you say that?” He looked disappointed.

             
“Look at our situation, Theo.  It's not exactly the typical one you would bring a child into.  Our parents are going to have every right to be upset with us and question our level of intelligence in handling things.  While we might be okay with it, we have to figure out how to make them not only accept it, but also be happy about it.”

             
He marinated on what I said.  “You're absolutely right.  So now what?”

             
“So now we have to have a strategy meeting to figure out how we're going to do this and tame this fire that has already been started.”

             
He smiled.  “Damage control.  You're such a politician's wife.  I'm so proud.”

             
I crinkled my nose.  “I guess so, huh?  Let me go to my parents' house and change into something more comfortable that can hopefully fit and then we can get something to eat.”

             
I fixed him a sandwich to eat while I changed my clothes, which took some time since I had to find something. We then headed to Redondo Beach.  I found a parking spot facing the ocean on a residential street.  We sat there in the car and talked about the different reactions we could possibly get and how we would handle them.  We discussed if there was any way to calm his mother down.  After a couple of hours, we felt ready for battle.

             
We went to my parents' house first and found everyone in the family room watching television while eating dinner.  My mother insisted that we eat since she didn’t want to have the food for leftovers a third day in a row.  We ate at the kitchen table, nervous about the reaction that we were going to get.  Then we headed into the family room and sat next to each other on the sofa with him holding my hand.  I saw that my father had the remote control and, when a commercial came on, I asked him to put it on mute.

             
“We have something that we need to talk to you about,” I started.

             
My mom interrupted, “You're pregnant.”

             
I stopped and looked at her in amazement.  “How did you know?”

             
“I have been having my hunches since you haven't been feeling well and you look as though you had put on a little weight,” she answered.

             
Phaedra asked, “So how far along are you?”
              “Close to four months,” I answered.

             
We all sat there in silence, once in a while looking at the television trying to follow along with the show that we were watching but was now on mute.  After a couple of minutes I had to stop it since the silence was deafening.

             
“So does anyone have anything to say?  Any questions?” I asked.

             
No one said anything. Theo squeezed my hand.

             
I sighed and started the spiel that we had discussed earlier.  “We're aware that this isn't necessarily the best time to be in this situation because of what is going on with Theo, not to mention the financial aspect of it.  The baby exists and we're going to do our best to take care of it and raise it.”

             
“Raise it where?” my mother asked.

             
“We still have to figure that out along with other kinks that need to be acknowledged and addressed.”  I took a hard swallow.  “We would like for everyone to be happy about it despite the negative surrounding the situation. While we're not naive to the fact that it's going to be difficult and that it's going to take more than love from us to make it work, we're hoping we'll be able to have your support.”

             
“Our support how?  Financially?” my mother asked.

             
“That would be completely up to you as the grandparents.  Right now, though, we're just looking for support to not make this more stressful on us than need be and give guidance and suggestions when asked,” I answered.

             
My dad nodded his head, smiled and winked his eye while my mother continued to look at us as though we were irresponsible idiots who were about to multiply and had pity on society.

             
“Let me be clear.  This was not planned or even desired at this time.”  My mother was about to interrupt but I continued to speak, knowing what she was going to ask.  “I was on the pill and I tried my best to keep up with it, but it became a little hard for me to remember to take it like I should have.  By the time that I was able to get to the doctor to change my birth control it was already too late.  Don't think we weren't trying to handle our business.  It was me that messed up.”             

             
“Wait,” Theo stopped me.  I thought it was because I deviated from the script.  “You didn't mess up and I don't want you to view this child as a consequence of a mistake that you made.  You've been so busy concentrating on me that it's not hard for me to see how it could happen.  While it's unexpected, it's not a mistake.”  He raised the hand that he was holding and kissed it.

             
I smiled at him and nodded then turned my attention to my family.

My mother's face had softened before she spoke.  “Dad, do you have anything you want to ask or anything you want to say?” she asked my father.

              He cleared his throat and put a stern look on his face that quickly changed to happiness.  “I'm going to be a granddad.”  He started to dance in his chair.

             
Phaedra leeringly said, “I guess congratulations are in order.”

             
My mother sighed.  “Congratulations.  I hope you two know what you're doing.”  She got up. “I have to check on my chicken lasagna.  Are you staying for dinner?”

             
We stayed for dinner and a game of Scrabble.  The only one who occasionally mentioned the baby for the rest of our visit was my father to do his “I'm going to be a granddad” song and dance in his chair.             

             
When we got in the car, I asked him, “So how do you think that went?”

             
“I couldn't have asked for it to go any better,” he answered me. I liked how you spoke in there.”
              “I’d better be good if I'm going to keep being a politician's wife.”

             
He gave a grin that quickly faded.  “Now we have to deal with her.  And my dad.”  He gave a deep sigh as his head fell.

             
“Do you think there's a way we can avoid having the talk tonight?  I'm tired.”

             
He stared off into the night.  “I don't know, babe.  I'm sure my father already knows so I won't have to break any news to him, but-”

             
I parked the car in front of the house where his father was sitting in one of the two chairs on the front porch drinking a beer.  “I don't think he's there waiting for me,” I said.

             
“He's not.”

             
“I'm scared to know what's waiting for me behind the door,” I stated with thoughts of his mother holding a wrought iron skillet or a bat just waiting for my arrival.

             
We got out of the car and walked up to the house.

             
“You finally made it home,” said Mr. Cabrera.  “I thought you two might have run off to do something else, but what else is there for you to do now?”  He took a swig of his beer.  “Monica, do you mind if I have a talk with your husband?”

             
“No, not at all,” I answered, appreciative that he didn't want to speak to us both.

             
“Dad, she's not feeling so well right now.  I'm going to get her settled and I'll be right back,” said Theo.

             
He held my hand and walked me to the bedroom to make sure I got there safely and without incident from his mother.  This was the first time that day that I was grateful that he had his cane in case I needed to snatch it from him for protection.  When we got into the room he closed the door and gave me a long kiss while holding my face in his hands.

             
“I love you,” he said.  “If this is the last time you see me, this is how I want you to remember our last moment together.”

             
My eyes widened.  “Should I be worried?  Does your dad have a gun?”  Forget his dad.  I wondered if his mother had one.

             
“I love you and remember that,” he said before giving me a peck on the lips.  “It's time for this politician to debate his opponent.  Pray for me.”  He turned and walked out to face the music.

I got my things together to take a quick shower.  I had never been in and out of the bathroom so fast. I turned on the night light and kept the television on mute so as to not bring attention to myself because I really was tired and didn't have the energy to calm his mother down. I was propped up on the bed watching Three's Company and reading the closed captioning when there was a knock on the door.

              My heart raced as I wondered if I should pretend to be asleep and didn't hear the knock or if I should do what I did, which was saying, “Come in.”

             
The door opened and relief swept over me as Manny entered.  He closed the door behind him and climbed onto the bed next to me. 

             
“What's wrong with the TV?” he asked.

             
“Nothing.  I'm just trying to be quiet and I turned the volume off.”

             
“Oh.  I heard that you have a baby in there.”  He pointed to my stomach.

             
“Yes, I do.  That means you're going to be an uncle.”

             
“Is it a boy or a girl?”

             
“We don't know yet.  Would you like to see a picture of it?”

             
He nodded and I got up to get them out of Theo's nightstand.  I sat back down next to him.  He frowned.  “That doesn't look like a baby.”