How to Rise Above Abuse (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (66 page)

Similarly, when we uplift one another by encouraging and praying for
one another—by caring and sharing in true heart-to-heart friendships—all of us in the “flock of God” can go further in our journey than we ever could by trying to find endurance on our own. By
uplifting
one another, we are helping one another.

Our God is a God who cares. Psalm 145:14 says, “The L
ORD
upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.” Your uplifting words can be used by God to give help to the helpless, to heal the brokenhearted, to give hope to the hurting.

Knowing how lost you once were, you can enjoy how free you are now! And realize that if we all
uplift one another
, we will all
rise above abuse
…and soar farther together than we ever could have gone on our own.

APPENDIX

G
od’s heart is grieved when any one of His precious creations is abused. He loves you and knows how to set you free—physically, mentally, emotionally, and yes, even spiritually.

There are four spiritual truths you need to know.

1. God’s Purpose for You Is
Salvation

What was God’s motive in sending Christ to earth?
To express His love for you by saving you! The Bible says, “God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him” (John 3:16-17)

What was Jesus’ purpose in coming to earth?
To forgive your sins, empower you to have victory over sin, and enable you to live a fulfilled life. Jesus said, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10).

2. Your Problem Is
Sin

What exactly is sin?
Sin is living independently of God’s standard—knowing what is right, but choosing what is wrong. The Bible says, “Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins” (James 4:17).

What is the major consequence of sin?
Spiritual death, or eternal separation from God. Scripture states, “Your iniquities [sins] have separated you from your God…For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Isaiah 59:2; Romans 6:23).

3. God’s Provision for You Is the
Savior

Can anything remove the penalty for sin?
Yes! Jesus died on the cross to
personally pay the penalty for your sins. “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).

What can keep you from being separated from God?
Belief in (entrusting your life to) Jesus Christ as the only way to God the Father. Jesus says, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6).

4. Your Part Is
Surrender

Give Christ control of your life and entrust yourself to Him. “Jesus said to his disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross [die to his own self-rule] and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?’ ” (Matthew 16:24-26).

Place your faith in (rely on) Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior and reject your good works as a means of earning God’s approval. “It is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9).

The moment you choose to receive Jesus as your Savior and Lord and entrust your life to Him, He comes to live inside you. Then He gives you His power to live the fulfilled life God has planned for you, and He gives you His peace and brings healing from your hurts and trials. If you want to be fully forgiven by God and become the person God created you to be, you can tell Him in a simple, heartfelt prayer like this:

God, I want a real relationship with You.
I admit that many times I’ve chosen to go my own way instead of Your way.
Please forgive me for my sins.
Jesus, thank You for dying on the cross to pay the penalty for my sins.
Come into my life to be my Savior and my Lord.
Change me from the inside out and make me the person
You created me to be.
Heal the deep wounds I suffered as a result of being abused,
and cleanse me from all the unrighteous acts done to me.
In Your holy name I pray. Amen.

If you sincerely prayed that prayer, you can embrace these words from the Bible!

“The L
ORD
is close to the brokenhearted and
saves those who are crushed in spirit”

(P
SALM
34:18).

NOTES

1
. John 14:27.

2
. Matthew 5:9.

3
. Romans 12:18.

4
. Matthew 10:34.

5
. John 8:32.

6
. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.

7
. 1 Samuel 16:7.

1
.
Miss America
, lyrics and music by Wayne, Bernie, Command Music Co., Inc., 1955.

2
. David Holthouse, “Crowning Achievement,”
Denver Westword
(June 24, 2004).

3
. Marilyn Van Derbur Atler, “The Darkest Secret,”
People
(June 10, 1991).

4
. Marilyn Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day: Lessons Learned from Ultimate Betrayals and Unconditional Love
(Denver, CO: Oak Hill Press, 2004), 57.

5
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 12.

6
. Lenore Terr,
Unchained Memories: True Stories of Traumatic Memories, Lost and Found
(New York: BasicBooks, 1994), 121.

7
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 21.

8
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 21.

9
. See
Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary
, electronic ed. (New York: Merriam-Webster, 2001), s.v. “Abuse.”

10
. James Strong,
The Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible
, electronic ed. (Ontario: Woodside Bible Fellowship, 1996), #H5953.

11
. Maxine Hancock and Karen Burton Mains,
Child Sexual Abuse: Hope for Healing
, rev. ed. (Wheaton, IL: Harold Shaw, 1997), 22.

12
. See Hancock and Mains,
Child Sexual Abuse
, 16-17.

13
. Hancock and Mains,
Child Sexual Abuse
, 19.

14
. Hancock and Mains,
Child Sexual Abuse
, 19.

15
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 23.

16
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 23.

17
. See Grant L. Martin,
Counseling for Family Violence and Abuse
, ed. Gary R. Collins, vol. 6 (Dallas: Word, 1987), 151.

18
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 23.

19
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 25.

20
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 24.

21
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 22.

22
. See
The Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act
as amended by
The Keeping Children and Families Safe Act of 2003
(Washington, D.C.: United States Department of Health and Human Services, June 25, 2003), sec. 111 42 US.C. 5106g,
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/laws_policies/cblaws/capta03/capta_manual.pdf
.

23
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 9.

24
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 9-10.

25
. Hancock and Mains,
Child Sexual Abuse
, 122-24.

26
. David Holthouse, “Crowning Achievement.”

27
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 13.

28
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 18.

29
. Van Derbur Atler, “The Darkest Secret.”

30
. For the sequence of events in abusive relationships see Martin,
Counseling for Family Violence and Abuse
, 165-71.

31
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 27.

32
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 27.

33
. Van Derbur Atler, “The Darkest Secret.”

34
. Van Derbur Atler, “The Darkest Secret.”

35
. For further signs see Alice Huskey,
Stolen Childhood: What You Need to Know About Sexual Abuse
(Downer’s Grove, IL: InterVarsity, 1990), 76-81.

36
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 30.

37
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 34-35.

38
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 66-67.

39
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 173, 185-87.

40
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 26.

41
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 26.

42
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 173.

43
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 106.

44
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 12.

45
. See Hancock and Mains,
Child Sexual Abuse
, 96-99.

46
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 192.

47
. Van Derbur Atler, “The Darkest Secret.”

48
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 12-13.

49
. See also Hancock and Mains,
Child Sexual Abuse
, 122-26.

50
. See also Hancock and Mains,
Child Sexual Abuse
, 120-21.

51
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 387.

52
. For characteristics of perpetrators see Hancock and Mains,
Child Sexual Abuse
, 122-27.

53
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 387.

54
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 387.

55
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 103.

56
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 103.

57
. For reasons victims remain silent see Kay Marshall Strom,
Helping Women in Crisis: A Handbook for People Helpers
(Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1986), 43.

58
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 528.

59
. Van Derbur,
Miss America by Day
, 527.

60
. On the three God-given inner needs, see Lawrence J. Crabb, Jr.,
Understanding People: Deep Longings for Relationship
(Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1987), 15-16; Robert S. McGee,
The Search for Significance
, 2nd ed. (Houston, TX: Rapha, 1990), 27-30.