Heart of Tantric Sex (17 page)

Changing position creates presence

When you focus on awareness and presence, the position of the mind is more important than that of the body. If you change your mind you may then want to change your positions. So with this new understanding, begin to trust and appreciate the wisdom of your body and give way to it. When the body has a spontaneous impulse, allow it rather than listen to the mind. If you suddenly have the urge to turn over and make love on top, but an inner voice reminds you of times when you did that and he lost his erection, try it anyway. Drop the voices of the past and yield to the present. Be as alive to yourself as you can. When the body chooses a position that makes you feel vulnerable and exposed, it means you are "here," it is something new, unknown. Stay in this position for some time. Don't move out of it to release your discomfort, but remember instead that this is the intensity of the present moment. In the same way, if you find yourself drifting away into thought, or you feel sleepy and absent, change your position. This immediately brings a change in the genital connection and helps you to regain presence.

Once you begin to understand how sexual energy best responds, you will find that at least initially, old favored positions no longer support you in your new orientation. For example, when the man is on top he will most likely feel an incredible pressure to do something, because in the past he has always thrust his pelvis from this position. At first it can be difficult to "be" in a position, while your body and mind are longing to "do" something. To enable the man to relax more easily, the woman can assume the superior position. When I first tried this, as soon as I was on top I felt as if I had to do something too, I could easily feel awkward and unnatural, or pressured, and it took some time to relax into "being." But I have also learned that when I am in a true sexual flow, my body and that of my lover will simply take the position that is needed.

With this in mind, there are a variety of positions that two bodies can create, so be imaginative and keep changing
(see
fig. 12). You don't have to disconnect to do so, but remember to
rotate
around the genitals, and if the penis slips out of the vagina, simply re-insert it and find a suitable position. Couples sometimes say to me, "This position works for me but not for him, so we are having problems." I remind them that they are a unit, that the penis and vagina make love together. So if a position does not work for one partner, it does not work for the other either. It's better to abandon that position and explore new ones. I also point out that the more often couples make love in relaxation, the softer, more supple, and less fearful the bodies become. Often they find that positions that were once difficult are suddenly easy.

Staying conscious in exploration

It is important to know that there are some positions that are simply "dangerous!" It is likely that you drop into them because of the familiarity of falling back into old excitement patterns, but they will be less than satisfying. I found when I was beginning with Tantra that whenever I was penetrated from behind, doggie style, it was so exciting I would lose my awareness. I soon realized it was happening more in my mind than in my body. Now that my presence and sexual awareness are so much stronger, I am able to enjoy that position again without getting lost in excitement or fantasy. Even so, it takes constant alertness to stay in the mysterious here and now, receiving and absorbing the flowing male energy. Many a time I chose to abandon my awareness, and roll happily and blindly down the roller coaster of excitement, having a wonderful time! But gradually I found that being present and in genital communion while in that particular position, with that particular angle of penetration, turned out to be much more ecstatic than the excitement from before.

This is perhaps the most compelling aspect of exploring sex. It is really fun to be making love all the time, slowly coming to understand what is happening, putting together a new picture. Intensity increases as different emotions start to clear out of the body, you feel more available and sensitive and because the emotions arise in the face of love, deep healing is possible. Love washes away the pains of the past, at times with tears, at times with laughter, and at times with silence.

There are certain positions that are simply comfortable, thereby encouraging long periods of lovemaking. Sometimes, it is wonderful to just plug in, close your eyes, relax back, and rest in consciousness for an hour or two
(see
fig. 13).

The scissors position earlier suggested for soft penetration (with the man lying on his side, the woman on her back, opening her legs and bringing her pelvis to his) is especially good because it
is
relatively neutral. Nobody is on top and nobody underneath; it is nicely balanced, and more important, comfortable for both. Also, most people can find it with ease, so it can be a relaxing position to start making love.

The man on the top, the classic "doing" or missionary position
(see
fig. 14), can also be used successfully for "non-doing" and deep penetration. The man simply lies forward or kneels over the woman without thrusting, keeping the penetration deep and still. The woman can raise her legs, curling her pelvis upward to facilitate the penetration. From here it is easy to roll to one side or the other as a unit, maintaining deep vaginal contact. Using pillows to make the position comfortable, the man lies between the woman's legs and the couple face each other on their sides. These positions are also good for cleansing and healing of the genitals, where deep penetration is needed.

The Yab Yum position—an ecstatic circle of energy

The sitting position, called the Yab Yum position
(see
fig. 15), is wonderful because the spine and body energy are vertical, aligned with heaven and earth, with gravitation and levitation. The chest and breasts meet easily here, as do eyes and lips and an ecstatic fulfilling circle of energy is experienced between the bodies. When you try this one out you may need a pillow under the woman's buttocks to support her pelvis, making it easier for you both to maintain this position comfortably. Do it only if it feels right. When the sexual channels are open, the sexual energy will automatically place the body in certain positions as a function of the energetic force between the bodies and not from any conscious decision.

There are books on sex which describe special positions said to have a magical effect, but these originated from the intelligence of two conscious bodies, and not from the mind. When these positions are turned into techniques unsupported by the awareness and sexual energy, they become empty shells of no intrinsic value. So don't worry about special positions. Instead, Yab Yum position put your focus into the genitals while you make love, and if you feel sleepy or insensitive, change position and you will find suddenly you are more present and aware of the sexual energy. When you allow the bodies to respond to each other and dance together, the positions will take care of themselves.