Heart of Tantric Sex (16 page)

The woman should remain still and receptive, focusing on her breasts and relaxing her vagina, holding the awareness deep inside where the penis is making contact. It will feel ecstatic, a heightened sensitivity, sometimes almost overwhelming, as a completely different sexual experience arises. At the outset the man may feel a shooting, buzzing, or electrical energy in his penis or through his body and he must stay here and now with this intense feeling of pleasure. It is a tremendous thrill, and the woman will also feel corresponding sensations, sometimes like relaxed waves of orgasm. Or the whole area begins to glow golden, steadily increasing in intensity, spreading throughout the body. As you make love, keep exploring new positions which deepen penetration. To enhance this exchange, imagine your organs to be generators of love energy.

It may happen that after a time of this ecstatic exchange, the penis unexpectedly begins to withdraw and the man will begin to lose his erection. This can be very alarming, but it is a process of nature, action, and rest. Once the penis has transformed some energies it naturally subsides into a relaxed state. If a couple can continue to keep their consciousness in the penis and vagina as this happens, and remain still rather than move or lose interest, the penis will usually rise up again into the depths of the vagina.

Healing sexual pain and memories

At first, it is possible that this deliberate contact through the sustained deep penetration may feel sharp or painful in some places, and a woman might have the impulse to move away. It can also feel a bit numb or distant, even deadened. It is good to understand that the pain or numbness is usually reflecting some sort of tension or cellular memory held in the tissue. Some women have felt a pain reflecting to the anus or the lower back, down the legs and to areas where there may already be other physical troubles. The amount of pain, tension, and emotion present in a woman's vagina is directly related to her personal sexual history. Whatever degree of pain or abuse we may have suffered, we all have our individual sexual past and its agonies sitting directly over our feminine pole. These pains and memories are often unconscious, and we are rarely aware of them. But when we slow down and bring consciousness to healing the genitals, old emotional pains buried in the past may surface. The first sign of pain or discomfort is not to be avoided. Pain is an invitation, an indication of tension; pain indicates that healing touch is needed. It is important that the woman does not allow her man to push strongly into this pain. We are definitely not interested in adding pain to pain; so let him in only as deeply as feels comfortable to you. Communicate to him what is happening to you. Rather than pushing him out, ask him to move back a little, even a hair's breadth can be enough. Breathe, be interested, relax and allow the penis to transform the pain.

Often the pain will turn to intense pleasure or tears. This is a release of buried emotional tension, which has created hardness, and lack of vaginal receptivity. The tears, the pain, coughing, and any laughter that may arise seemingly out of the blue are all signs that the vagina is softening and relaxing. If you are lucky enough to experience this kind of release, you will notice an immediate (and I mean immediate) change in the sensitivity of your vagina. Suddenly your perception is heightened as the joy and vitality of life spreads into the area. The man too, will feel a profound expansion, an intensification of pleasure and greater sensitivity in his penis.

In the same way, a man can also experience a spontaneous release of emotions, feel shooting pains, burning sensations, grateful tears of relief, and with it an immediate strengthening of his authentic male energy. Where pain persists after the lovemaking it can signify an unexpressed emotional component, so a man is encouraged to allow himself to express his hidden feelings. Using sound to express the pain, finding a sound that vibrates from within the pain itself, and anything that flows from that expression, is one way to release these tensions.

With this dissolving of tensions through the sustained conscious presence of the penis in the vagina, a healing process is set in motion. The penis heals and transforms the vagina, and in so doing, the penis itself is healed and transformed. It arises as a consequence of its transforming power, and an innate circle is completed, penis and vagina are healed through each other; natural balance is restored to man and woman. For such reasons, Tantra is described as a process of great purification. We release the past by purifying ourselves of its tensions, which restrict the sexual energy and its glorious expansion. As the genitals become more pure, simple, and innocent, they are able to generate sexual energy and this transforms the act. It becomes quiet, still, and serene. As the innate magnetic intelligence is returned to the sexual organs, it becomes a moving spiritual force, a joyful inspiration. At last we are able to touch and be touched by the other.

 I 
N TANTRIC SEX, position itself is not important; who is in the position is what matters. Therefore there are no specially prescribed positions for Tantra because it is the people who make the positions. The idea is that you make the position work. If you are present, breathing, and relaxed, almost any position will be the right one for you, but you must be fully within yourself to create a new sexual reality. This is the sexual present of Tantra, the awareness of life within the body.

Genital communion

The most significant thing about any position is that it should enhance genital communion, adding depth and contact between the penis and vagina. And it should be comfortable. Otherwise when there is strain in the body the awareness becomes distracted. The position you choose should enhance the sensitivity and the experience—which may be a tingling or streaming or a feeling of electrical exchange or whatever else is present. With our new understanding of the penis and vagina as complementary poles, two parts of one unit, we can now transform our general thinking about positions and movement in sex. It is highly advantageous if they fit snugly into each other, so as to increase the energetic potential. It is wonderful too, when a woman spreads her labia open after (or before) penetration as this makes the contact more sensual. Penetrate as deeply as you can and at the same time let it be a "porous" contact, remembering that pushing unduly hard against the vaginal walls will negate this magnetic sensitivity. In Tantra, whichever position you are in, the idea is to allow the bodies to remain together or move as a single unit, keeping the penis and vagina as an unmoving focal point. When we keep this in mind, the bodies themselves find creative positions around the genital connection.

The thrusting pelvic movements in regular sex are generally done in opposition to each other; you pull away from and then push towards each other at the same time. Backwards and forwards you move, forcing the penis in and out of the vagina without any time for real correspondence between them. But in Tantra, when you move as a unit, the penis does not leave the vagina. It stays all the way within the depths of the vagina, and the bodies rotate and move around this primary connection
(see
fig. 11), each position contributing to the sexual exchange. The thrill of these rotating shifts in position easily replaces the pattern of thrusting and friction-like movements in sex. Men will also find some succulent movement is possible within the vagina without actually moving out or creating any friction, and this is delightful. As a man grows in sensitivity and stillness, his penis will begin to direct him in how to make love, letting him know when to shift position or move, and when to be probing or still. This authority and trust given by the man to his penis changes the lovemaking into a divine experience.

Experimenting with rotating positions, keeping your awareness

Since sexual energy is a dynamic living force, not at all static, it will keep on changing and moving. Therefore you must be alert, shifting and changing the bodies according to what is happening between the genitals. Rotate around the genital connection, and you will find that an interesting sequence of rotating positions is possible if you start, for instance, in the scissors position described for soft penetration.

Without being too inventive, any number of positions can easily be found. In fact with every centimeter you move, your bodies configure into a new position. Take time to experiment with it and see how easily the bodies can roll around together! To begin with, you can explore possibilities
without
penetration. Lie on a carpeted floor together in any position and imagine the genitals are joined. Then, keeping the pelvises glued together, (so the penis does not leave the vagina), start to change position by moving the bodies in unison, and you will find a sequence of positions emerging. Hold each position for a few minutes and then shift again. With this flexibility and choice the body can find the right position for the moment, whether the moment is a second or an hour. When you keep the attention on this connection between poles and the energy exchange, you can support it with the bodies. When the two bodies are well proportioned, they can become one fluid ball of energy rolling around with its own momentum.