Heart of Tantric Sex (15 page)

You
absolutely must
keep your vagina relaxed during the soft penetration, or it will be like trying to force your lover through a closed door. It simply won't work. As you insert the penis, it is most likely that you will want to look between your legs at what you are doing, especially at first. You will do this by lifting your upper body through contracting the belly musculature. When the belly contracts, so does the vagina and to avoid this tightening, send your awareness consciously downward into the vagina in order to keep it relaxed and open. I have found that lying back for a moment, and consciously relaxing my vagina once I have a hold of the penis and before insertion, helps me to widen and relax the vaginal muscles. Once you have done this, slip the soft penis in. As the penis and vagina relax, the easier soft penetration becomes. You can use soft penetration as a way of approaching lovemaking every time if you wish, or use it when you need it. But never forget it.

A new sexual language

As you begin this new experience, it is important to remember to communicate what you are feeling. For instance, when a man hears from his partner that she can feel energy radiating from his soft, yet unerect penis, that is a great relief. Discovering that he is alive when soft is extremely reassuring. He can stop worrying about erection and focus his attention on the direct experience of the penis within the vagina. This is a far more subtle level of perception and requires a quietness of mind and an absence of anxious thoughts.

Bringing the bodies together in this way is limited in excitement and opens up all kinds of other possibilities for sexual exchange. Just leave it up to the genitals supported by your consciousness, and they will do whatever feels right to them. It is a completely new sexual language. The penis may lie in the vagina, humming quietly and contentedly, or after a while it may start vibrating strongly. It may become slowly and steadily erect, pushing high up into the vagina, dancing and jerking upward, or relax down again, snaking all the way out, only to rise back up again in thrilling penetration. Through this meeting of opposites all kinds of miracles happen.

 G 
ENERATIONS OF WOMEN have failed to experience their divine orgasmic potential, the female delight of sensuality and love through sex. The Garden of Love, the secret gateway to sexual ecstasy for women and men, lies abandoned, untouched, and overgrown with straying weeds. All the emotional memories of a woman's painful sexual experiences such as rape, abortion, aggression, and abuse leave their psychological imprint in this deepest part of the vagina. This causes constriction in the vaginal tissues, making the walls tough and unyielding. In this way, there is an ongoing protective defense set up in the tissues, and the vagina contracts instinctively during intercourse, inhibiting deeper penetration. This means that the powerful positive penis head is unable to correspond smoothly and directly with its negative counterpart in the very depths of the vagina, thus affecting the energy flow.

Women's sexual ecstasy

For a woman to experience these ecstatic energies in the depths of her vagina, the tensions and disturbance created by past events must slowly be released so that the woman's negative pole becomes simple and innocent with a welcoming receptivity. She is then able to fully receive and utilize the positive male energy to circulate within her. The more sensitized the penis and vagina are to each other, and the longer a couple make love in this trusting way, the more it leads to an ecstatic experience of lovemaking. The energy exchange between the sexual organs is thrilling enough to root you firmly in the here and now, creating the dimension of Tantra very naturally.

Penetrate the depths and stay still

To strengthen the original nature of this polarity effect in our organs of love, they need to be consciously healed and purified of toxic tensions. This is done through deep, sustained penetration. For the woman, the focal area for healing is located deep at the top of the vagina. It includes the sides of the upper vaginal canal and up and around the cervix, which protrudes into this part of the vagina. This is her Garden of Love, the place where she will first know true ecstasy in sex. When a woman is touched this deeply and consciously by the penis, she may experience real love in her body through sex for the first time. A friend experienced it as a pearl rolling all the way up from the penis into her heart. Here where she is pure woman, her heart opens beautifully and naturally, but it so rarely happens. Instead, penetration is limited to short thrusts focused on the first few centimeters of the vagina where several strong rings of muscle are found encircling the entrance. Friction-like rapid movements back and forth at the entrance have the effect of creating intense pleasure, which leads to excitement and thereby an interest in orgasm. Through this, women's interest has been drawn away from the awareness of this jewel in her upper vagina. Seldom has she had the opportunity to feel it with true tenderness, and thus the source of her true femininity lies untapped.

Women (and men's) dependence on the clitoris for female orgasm has not helped matters as far as vaginal consciousness is concerned. Countless women do not know the satisfaction of a full vaginal orgasm, and so for many of us the clitoris becomes the prime focus while making love. By making aggressive thrusting pelvic movements aimed at stimulating the clitoris, she is able to create the necessary excitement for orgasm. Men too have become accustomed to giving women sexual satisfaction through the clitoris. The outcome of a lot of sexual excitement has been a relative desensitizing of the vagina. In the upper part she is protective, and in the lower part she is tense, tough, and expectant.

Restoring masculine and feminine polarities

In its unequaled wisdom, nature gives us the perfect instrument to rectify the situation. This power is found in the potency of the penis. Deep, sustained penetration by the penis, in fact, is the best way to restore both the masculine and feminine polarities. Incredibly, the head of the penis acts like a highly sensitive magnet entering the energy field of the feminine pole. This has a dramatic effect on the accumulated vaginal tensions, precipitating a discharge or dispersal experienced in a number of ways, and in time the area is gradually transformed so as to generate exquisite feminine energies. Through this both poles are strengthened. As an integral part of this healing process in the vagina, the sensitivity and flexibility and consciousness will also be returned to the penis itself. Men too, have accumulated tensions and pains through misunderstanding, misuse, and abuse of their wonderful male antennae. This disturbance has led to two predominant male extremes, one where there is too much tension in sex leading to premature ejaculation, and the other is impotence, a lack of response or sensitivity in the penis due to sexual atrophy. Both these imbalances can be restored by removing the tensions accumulated in the male genitals.

Deep penetration is the way to contact the divine energies of woman and for man to experience his true sexual potency. When a woman's body is lovingly prepared, her heart incorporated, she becomes utterly sensual, and will respond spontaneously to love, which is deeply satisfying to a man. Here lies his true male authority, to be selfless enough to fully love a woman and give to her. The woman feels that her life has been enriched energetically by being able to receive active energy, and the man becomes receptive by being able to give, creating a circle in this exchange that fills us with the radiance of love.

Deep
sustained
penetration should be approached as a
style
of lovemaking, rather than something you do occasionally. Do so whenever it is possible. A full erection is required and if the man finds that he is not fully erect, he can use a little movement but he must avoid too much excitement. There should be just enough movement or arousal for a soft, supple erection, not more. If the state of erection arises from soft penetration, then slowly move into the depths of the vagina. To do this you can artfully change position by shifting limbs around, if possible without the penis losing contact with the vagina, so that the man is then kneeling between the woman's legs. She pulls her legs up to her chest, and curls the pelvis upward to deepen or change the angle of the penetration. Use some of the other Love Keys at the same time too, such as eyes meeting, breathing deeply and slowly, communication, and awareness in the genitals
(see
fig. 10).

Slow and porous approach

Any heavy thrust or insensitive approach will cause the woman to tighten her vagina in automatic defense, so penetrate consciously as slowly as possible, millimeter by millimeter. Go in as far as you can or until you feel some resistance against the head of your penis. You may be touching the cervix, the opening to the uterus, or the sides and upper boundaries of the vaginal canal. Once you have arrived there, keep the penis still. Don't move. Hold your awareness and attention in the head of the penis, feeling from the root upward. Do not push up hard against the vaginal tissues; this is important. Once you feel you have gone as deep as possible into the vagina, simply pull back a hair's breadth. Really as little as that! It makes all the difference, and will not affect your pleasure in any way. Surprisingly, you are likely to feel more and not less. Allow the contact between the penis and vagina to be "porous", light and airy. If you push up hard you will compact the cells of the vagina, which will defend against your intrusion, pushing you away rather than receiving you. A tiny bit of porous space enables the male and female energy to mingle, allowing the dispersing effect to take place. When this fraction of space is not given, the feeling is one of being flattened up against a wall.

After a time of continued contact a pulsation or throbbing may begin in the head of the penis at the point where it is touching the vaginal walls. When you feel this, remain still and present for as long as you can, relaxing into the changing sensations. Be with whatever is. It is good, over time, to open the vagina up from all angles; there is more space up and around the cervix than we appreciate. To encourage exploration of the untouched upper aspects of the vagina, the man should move his pelvis (and thus the penis)
slowly
to the side, to the right or to the left, and then hold still. This is not to be mistaken for a back and forth movement, rather it is a shift to the side whereby the man is changing the angle of his pelvis, which then enables the penis to reach more remote areas. Then wait, allowing the intelligence of the penis to guide you. It may begin to move of its own accord, seeking out areas of hidden tensions, or be delightfully sucked upward by the vagina. This magnetic intelligence is profoundly touching, a union of man and woman, body and heart.