Heart of Tantric Sex

Copyright © 2003 O Books

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Originally published in the United States under the title
The Love Keys: The Art of Ecstatic Sex

This reissue printed in 2003

4th Reprint 2008

Text: © Diana Richardson 1999

Design: Nautilus Design, Basingstoke, UK

ISBN 1 903816 37 8

All rights reserved. Except for brief quotations in critical articles or reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publishers.

The rights of Diana Richardson as author of this work have been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

Printed by Maple-Vail Book Manufacturing Group, U.S.A.

Diana Richardson's two website addresses are [email protected] and
www.love4couples.com

INTRODUCTION

 T 
HE FIRST TIME I MADE LOVE, I recall being overwhelmed with disappointment, especially since I had waited for love and made it a special occasion. I asked myself, "Is this what all the fuss was about? Surely there must be more to it?"

Ever since that first sexual experience, even though I managed to develop what others might call a healthy sex life, I always had an underlying sense that there must be more to sex—especially since there was such a taboo around it, so many rules and regulations concerning sexual behavior. I always found sex to be enjoyable, but somehow I was never deeply touched. Neither was I as absorbed or as involved as I had imagined I would be.

When I realized that I had made love repeatedly, but still had no real understanding of how sexual energy functioned, I decided to begin a sincere exploration into the mysterious matter of sex. What motivated me in my exploration, and kept me going when I felt discouraged, was that here and there in my life were scattered moments of love that were glaringly different from the rest. When they occurred, time seemed to stop, become elastic, and the air, the space around me opened up to reveal a new dimension of sensual perception. It was as if I was suddenly truly alive and an inner body intelligence took over. I hadn't a clue how and why this happened but it gave me hope that there was something fundamental about sex that I had still to discover.

Today, I know I am not alone. In my extensive work with couples over the years, I have encountered many people facing the same disappointments and asking themselves the same questions. Just like I was, they feel trapped in a cycle which is repeated every time they make love, and rarely involves anything creative or new. Disinterest and boredom eventually creep in. Some will try sexy clothes and videos while many others change partners often to keep sex interesting and exciting. Even so, this seldom satisfies in the long term. While a couple may continue to love each other, the sexual attraction often dies and they stop expressing their love for each other in a physical way. Sooner or later they might even find themselves deciding to separate. And yet for us all the search for this expression of love goes on, generated by a deep longing that seldom goes away.

After researching intensively for many years I discovered that it was the experience of Tantra, that of
relaxing
into the sex energy rather than putting pressure on it, which gave me what I had longed for intuitively throughout my life. It was like finding a series of keys, which opened door upon door. It was a process of uncovering age-old secrets about sexual energy that touched my spirit, bringing me to an unexpected inner peace.

There was a completely new language to learn which slowly became essential to an uplifting experience of sex and love. This language introduced me to a new and different world where the sexual rut disappeared and creativity flourished. I found that many of my ideas about sex were hindering my journey and that to acquire this new language I first had to unlearn the old one. It took me many months to wade through the misunderstandings society had given me, to finally find a relaxed place away from the pressure of orgasm, which I had believed was what sex was all about.

How to keep love fresh and new is the real challenge for lovers today. Indeed, how can we increase this love and make it grow? In its unique and intelligent approach to sex, Tantra offers answers that have the effect of enhancing intimacy and deepening love. Tantra, which removes many tensions from sex by suggesting we relax, surprisingly offers us increased joy and fulfillment. This is what so many of us long for in the deepest parts of ourselves, but we simply don't know how to create it in reality.

I have a friend who was in a dilemma. In love with two women, he was utterly confused, in distress and agony over which one to choose. He went to a therapist, who asked him, "Who do you enjoy making love with more?"

"Cathy," he said.

"Then go with Cathy," was her advice.

When my friend first told me this story, I was in the doldrums of a long relationship where sex had lost its joy and spark, and I didn't understand his therapist's answer. Now I do. I have learned that whenever sex is fulfilling, the chances of love and a joyful life together are greater. Sexual rapport creates possibilities for intimacy and honesty, and a bonding, loving union. Conversely, where there is dissatisfaction in sex, the seeds of discontent are sown, resentments, frustrations, and fears easily arise, and slowly the love and rapport between partners can break down, ultimately leading to separation.

Our collective lack of knowledge is so acute that it seems like a normal state of affairs for young people to be struggling in ignorance, trying to harness sexual energy, the natural force of life. We pay so dearly for unfortunate sexual experiences or uneducated guesses early on in life, carrying them as swirling, dim, unresolved memories that affect us day by day. Sex, love, and intimacy can become a nightmare ruled by insecurity and lack of trust. Tantra is an ancient art and an antidote, a reeducation in sex, and an education that our parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents never had.

Over time, experimenting with Tantra has shown me a new style of lovemaking that has made not only my sex life far more fulfilling, but also my experience of love, and thus life itself has become more significant. Before, I felt I was swimming in shallow waters, unsure of my role in this life, of what to do and how to be. Together with my lover, as we embraced the Tantric teachings, penetrating the deeper waters of sex and the heightened love that arose through it, my life took on a new vision, and I felt as if I was arriving home. Today I can see that the roots of true contentment lie not on the outside of me, but rather
within
me, and sex has become a vehicle for me to contact my core, my inner world, my silent self. It has given me much more depth and substance than my ambitions and achievements ever could.

Tantra reminds us that true relaxation starts with sex. Unfortunately, in our society we have forgotten the art of relaxation in most areas of life. And sex in particular has become a source of anxiety and stress for many of us. We are conditioned with countless fears and tensions around sex, but once we begin to relax
during
the sexual act, we will find that many of our anxieties and unhappinesses naturally subside. If we can relax
into
the sex energy, the inner comfort that it produces will radiate out giving the rest of life that same quality of relaxation and loving ease. In exploring sex we become more intimate with our own body and sexuality and that of our partner, too. With this comes an acceptance of the simple truth, with nothing hidden, that naked is sacred. And out of this arises a confidence based on self-understanding. Through the experience of Tantra, we find that what we have always hoped is true: love and joy can be a tangible reality for each of us, not an impossible dream.

Two primary sources made this dream possible for me. My years of experience and inspiration are based on two audio-tapes entitled "Making Love" produced by Barry Long. In these discourses he offers revolutionary insight into men and women, and a completely different perspective on love and lovemaking. At first, in my ignorance, I was too proud to admit that I did not know, in truth, how to make love. I returned to these teachings some five years later, during which time I felt I had exhausted the routine of sex. But now my attitude had changed. I listened to the tapes in gratitude, knowing there was definitely something I did not yet know about love and sex. The depth and detail of information given by Barry Long changed the course of my life. Through ongoing experimentation within the specific guidelines, I was able to face and challenge my sexual conditioning. This essential groundwork gave me the experience of discovering a new "genital connection." Furthermore, it enabled me to understand and absorb, in a bodily way, the words of my spiritual master, Osho. He includes a vision of spirituality through sex, woven together with interpretations of the ancient Tantric scriptures which were born in India thousands of years ago. These words remain a treasure to humanity today. Both these sources represent Tantric teaching at its highest level.

This book is an attempt to share practical information about sex that created a subtle and significant revolution in my life. It is by no means intended to be a comprehensive presentation of the origins or intricate esoteric aspects of Tantra—it is simply a personal experience. The material appears in three sections: "The Roots" looks at the divine potential of sex and love; "The Love Keys" offers practical body-oriented suggestions; and "The Journey" delves into crucial aspects of sex and sexuality. Sex is a vast subject, and even while attempting to streamline the information, the different themes naturally link and interweave. Reading "The Love Keys" again and again, in conjunction with your own experiences while using them, will bring you deeper insights into sex, support your exploration, and strengthen your perception.

I
NSPIRATION

THE MALE BODY AND THE FEMALE BODY ARE SIMILAR,
but still, different in many, many ways. And the difference is always complementary. Whatsoever is positive in the male body will be negative in the female body; and whatsoever is positive in the female body will be negative in the male body. That is why when they meet in deep orgasm, they become one organism. The positive meets the negative, the negative meets the positive, and both become one
—
one circle of electricity. Hence so much attraction for sex, so much appeal. This appeal is not because man is a sinner or immoral, it is not because the modern world has become too licentious; it is not because of obscene films and literature
—
it is very deep rooted, very cosmic. The attraction is because both male and female are half circuits, and there is an inherent tendency in existence to transcend whatsoever is incomplete and to become complete. This is one of the ultimate laws
—
the tendency towards completion. Nature abhors incompleteness, any type of incompleteness. The male is incomplete, the female is incomplete, and they can have only one moment of completion
—
when their electrical circuits become one, when the two are dissolved. That is why the two most important words in all languages are love and prayer. In love you become one with a single individual; in prayer you become one with the whole cosmos. And love and prayer are similar as far as their inner workings are concerned.

Osho, Vigyan Bhairav Tantra, Vol. 2, Chapter 27