Hard To Love (18 page)

It was five minutes to midnight by the time we got back in the
great room. The crowd had all gathered in front of the flat screen
for the countdown. Mason grabbed us a drink. Then we joined the
crowd. The countdown began and the crowd roared. I could feel
Mason’s hand squeeze mine as the seconds passed. Through the
crowd I saw Nick watching us, his fiancée oblivious to his feelings
for me.

“Five . . . four . . .” Mason turned to face
me. As the countdown
ended, he leaned in and kissed me.
“Happy new year,” he said through our lips.
“Happy new year,” I replied, wrapping my arms around him.
Then the crowd dispersed.
Mason held my hand as we walked out of the ballroom. As I
turned, I caught Nick’s stare. My hand slipped from Mason’s and I
slowly walked towards Nick.
“Lauren?” I heard Mason call out as I walked away.
Nick put his glass down and walked towards me. His lips
parted slightly, unsure of my intentions. I glanced at his fiancée,
Stacey, who then turned just as we met up in the center of the
room. Then it felt as though everyone’s eyes were on us. I grabbed
Nick’s hand in one hand, wrapping my arm around his neck with
the other.
“Happy new year,” I whispered in his ear, giving him a peck on
his cheek. His arms came around me, and I felt the love in his
embrace, envelop me. I held back the tears as best I could.
“Happy new year,” he choked. He didn’t want to let me go. I
broke free, my hand finding his and giving it a squeeze before
walking away. His cheek lingered next to mind his lips close to
my ears but he stepped back smiled and nodded before turning and
walking back to where he was standing.
“What was that about?” Mason asked a hint of anger in his
tone.
“I wished him a happy new year, Mason. Relax.” I sighed. “Is
this how it is going to be between the two of you from now on?”
“What are you talking about?” he replied.
“Every time we are in the same room with Nick, is this how it’s
going to be, uncomfortable and angry stares?”
“No,” he scoffed.
“Good.”
“Are you still in love with him?” he asked.
“Mason—”
He interjected, his eyes darting in Nick’s direction, “Do you
still love him? It’s a simple question, Lauren.”
I saw that Nick was watching us. I inhaled deeply, looked him
in the eyes and replied, “Yes.” The pain on his face that followed
was hard to bear, but it was better to be honest with him than to lie.
“It’s only been a short while, Mason. I can’t just shut it off.”
“Do you love me?” he asked.
“I care about you. I told you that,” I replied.
“Yeah—but is that enough?” He sighed.
“I don’t know Mason, is it?” My head tilted. “I forgave you for
everything you did, giving you a second chance not Nick. I told
you that it would be hard for me to trust you, but I was willing to
try. If you aren’t willing—”
“You’re right,” he replied, then pulled me in for a hug. “I’m
sorry for acting like a jerk.” I held him but my eyes were on Nick.
He watched us in our embrace, his eyes sad his lips frowning. It
was time for my night to come to an end.

Two months had passed since the New Year’s party at the
Fosters’ mansion. My mother had taken up dating again, and
Robert was the man of choice. At first I thought it would be a little
weird dating Mason and my mother seeing his father, but that
changed. It wasn’t as though we were all spending time together.
Eventually, it wasn’t a thought in my mind.

Mrs. Peterson promoted me to service manager at the restaurant,
and Mason took a job with his dad. He worked during the week
and came home on the weekends when he could. I didn’t protest
against him being away since his relationship with Robert was at
its best since he had been a kid. We used Skype during the week
on my nights off and spoke on the phone whenever we got the
chance. Things appeared more perfect than they were. I still hadn’t
said “I love you” to him yet, and I wasn’t sure I could. I was too
afraid to allow myself to become that vulnerable again. For a
while, it seemed Mason was fine with the fact that I had not told
him that I loved him. Actually, I think I convinced myself that he
was fine with it. Our weekends together became few and far
between visits, and it was then I began to worry our relationship
was on the outs.

When my birthday came,
Mason invited me to his mother’s
house for a celebration. I usually don’t make a big deal about my
birthday, but Mason insisted on throwing a big party. He wanted it
to be epic, one that I would never forget. He had been trying so
hard since we got together that I couldn’t disappoint him. It
couldn’t be any worse than previous parties at his house.

I had not
expected anything major so I didn’t dress for the
occasion either; a pair of black slacks, black flats, and a burgundy
off the shoulder cashmere shirt. Upon entering the Fosters’ home,
I was greeted not only by Mason’s mother and stepfather; but
Robert and my mother were there too. Abigail then led me to the
parlour where everyone was sitting around talking. I was also very
surprised, yet thrilled, to see Mike, Sam, Kelly and Jennifer there
as well.

“What is going on?” I mumbled to my mother
, who shrugged.
My eyes widened in surprise, once again, when I saw Nick.
Mason noticed me and immediately came walking over, hugging
me, then hugged my mother. I was relieved and wanted an
explanation for the guest list.

“Will you excuse us a moment?” I asked
, grabbing Mason’s
hand and dragging him out of the room and to the courtyard. When
we were alone, I asked, “What is going on?”

“What do you mean?”
he asked, trying so hard not to smile.
“You’re up to something. What is it?” I asked.
“Nothing. It’s your birthday, and I wanted you to have a good

time.” He pulled me by
the waist towards him.
“This was unnecessary, Mason.” I smiled, stretching up to kiss
him.
“I thought it would be a memorable day having everyone you
care about in the same room together,” he said.
“I appreciate the sentiment, but why would you invite Nick,
then? You know how hard it was for him and me,” I replied.
“It’s been two months, Lauren. He was fine with it, and I
thought you would be too.” His eyes narrowed.
“I am. It’s fine,” I stammered. I wrapped my arms around his
neck and lingered in his arms just a little bit longer before we had
to go back inside.

Dinner was a long and uncomfortable two hours. I sat next to
Mason, quietly listening to the conversations going on around me.
However, Mason was right. It was going to be a memorable day.
My mother was happy with the man of her dreams. I think my
father would have been happy for her as well. Plus I was with my
closest friends and family. Only, Nick had barely eaten or spoken
two words the entire time, and I wondered where his fiancée was.

When the cake was brought out, my face turned a few shades of
red as they all began to sing “Happy Birthday.”
“Thank you all for being here today. It means the world to me
having everyone I love and care about in the same room.” I got
teary eyed. I cut the first piece of cake and handed it out. As
everyone ate their cake, Mason announced, “presents,” and then
wheeled in the trolley carrying a dozen presents. Once again my
cheeks flushed. “Oh, you guys, you didn’t have to do this.” My
eyes welled. “It was enough just spending the day with all of you.”
“Happy birthday, baby.” Mason winked, then handed my first
present over. It was from someone whose name I didn’t recognize.
I read the card out loud and thanked them. I continued to do this
for the rest of the gifts. When I got to the last present that Mason
handed me, I opened the card to see that it was from Nick. I looked
up at him with a smile and read the card without reading his note. I
tore the wrapping paper off, and when I saw what was inside, I felt
my heart lurch into my throat.
I stared at the rare hardcover firstedition copy of Shakespeare’s
tragic love story
Romeo and Juliet
and bit down on the insides of
my lips. This could not have been easy to come by, and it certainly
wasn’t cheap. It was not easy hiding my emotional state. My mind
raced. Out of everything that I could have ever received as a gift,
this book was by far the best. I traced my fingers along the
engraved gold accents along the edge of the leather-bound book,
fighting the tears. I attempted twice to look up and thank him but
couldn’t. My emotions were running wild, and I was terrified to
speak for fear of crying. Whispering began through the room as the
guests sat there, waiting. It was only seconds that I sat there,
staring at this beautiful, well-taken-care-of classic play, but to
everyone else I had taken far too long. When I opened the book, I
found that Nick had inscribed it with a message.

I saw this and couldn’t pass up a moment to see your beautiful smile. I
know it is something you will appreciate. I wish you all the best.
And I want you to know that I am a better man for having loved you.

I looked up a
s I closed the book. “Thank you—Nick, it is
incredible,” I said, fighting the tremble in my lip. “It was very
thoughtful.” He smiled and gave me a nod. Cassie glanced over at
Nick, then at me. My mother looked worried. Nobody understood
the reason behind the sentiment, but I did. Then as I was about to
excuse myself, Mason pried the book from my hands and placed it
on the trolley.

“Last one
,” Mason said as he wheeled the trolley away. I
watched him search for the gift and look around as though he had
lost it. “I must have misplaced it.” He patted his pockets again. I
smiled and rolled my eyes at him. “Oh, here it is.” He knelt in front
of me, reaching under the chair that I was sitting in. He brought up
a small red velvet box, and I felt my cheeks burn. The breath in my
lungs had escaped in a single gasp. “I know we’ve had some crazy
moments since the moment we met, and I don’t mean just when we
met in the forest seven months ago but when I first laid eyes on
you fourteen years ago.” He opened the box and I froze. “I love
you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you do
me the honour of being my wife?” My eyes fluttered, and at first,
all I did was stare at this huge diamond. I couldn’t speak. All I
could do was tell myself to breathe: take a breath before you pass
out in front of everyone.

I wasn’t ready to marry him—
or anyone, for that matter. We’d
only been dating for five months.
Panic-stricken, I started to trace back to all the times I had never
returned his affection. Whenever he said “I love you,” I said
nothing in return.
Why did he want to marry me?
Everyone sat waiting in anticipation for my answer; it was
nerve-racking. Mason and I had never discussed getting married.
He had never even mentioned anything about getting engaged. I
glanced up and saw in the mirror on the wall the happy look on my
mother’s face, and closed my eyes, letting the tears pour from my
eyes. The pressure of everyone’s stare became overwhelming, and
I didn’t want to embarrass him in front of his family and friends.
“Yes,” I replied. I heard Mason sigh. Then his hands cupped my
face. His lips pressed against mine and his body shook—or was
that mine? Then he slipped the ring on my finger kissing me.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried. When he finally
stood, he pulled me up with him and everyone started snapping
pictures. My mother ran over and hugged me.
“Congratulations, baby,” she said.
“Thanks,” I said, breathless.
“It was hard to keep it a secret.” She giggled as she let me go.
“You knew?” I gasped. This was too much. Why would she
keep this from me? I thought she knew me better than that.
“Well, yes, of course. He came to see me, and since your father
isn’t here, he asked for my blessing,” she replied.
“Oh.” I replied, looking at my hand.
“Are you not happy about his proposal?” she whispered. I
shrugged, holding back the tears. She took my hands in hers and
pulled me close. “It’s okay, sweetheart. You have time.”
“Do I?” I replied. “He sprung this on me. I had no idea this was
something he wanted. I feel like I don’t know him,” I cried in her
ear.
“Hush, dear. We’ll talk about it later.” She kissed my cheek,
and wiped my tears. Then everyone lined up to congratulate us. I
put on my best smile and hugged accordingly. I looked around the
room as the last couple that hugged me walked up to Mason, and
then I saw Nick. His expression showed just as much shock as
mine. Cassie’s voice broke me out of my stare.
“Who would have thought that Mason would be the one to
settle you down?” Cassie joked. “I’m so happy for you, the both of
you. Mason deserves someone who will love him unconditionally
despite his flaws.” She nudged Mason.
“Thanks.” He nudged her back. Nick was gone when I looked
up again. He had been the only one to not congratulate us.

When everyone retired to the lounge for coffee and tea, I went
looking for Nick. I found him outside on the back patio. He was
leaning over the iron railing.

“I really appreciate the book
,” I said, slowly walking towards
him. “I never expected anything, let alone that.” My hand
delicately slid up his back to his shoulder.

“I knew you would
,” he croaked. The strain in his voice was all
too familiar. I inhaled deeply, and then slowly let out my breath as
I moved closer.

“I also noticed that
out of everyone, you never congratulated
us.” My smile thinned. “I would have thought that by now we
would have gotten past the awkwardness.”

Nick stood upright, slowly turning to face me.
“I know . . . I’m
sorry—I never meant to—”
“It’s fine. I just don’t want it to always be awkward,” I replied.
“It’s good.” He forced a smile.
“I really hope so because if we’re going to be family—”
“I promise, Lauren. It is fine.” He smiled. He moved in to hug
me. But it wasn’t his usual squeeze, like he-never-wanted-to-let-go
sort of hug. It was aloof and cold. “I’m happy for you.” He forced
another smile, and then backed away.
“Where’s Stacey?” I asked, looking back through the glass patio
door.
“We—uh, broke up,” he said, scratching the side of his head.
“What?” I gasped. “When?”
“About a month ago,” he replied, shrugging.
“Why?” I touched his arm affectionately.
He looked down at my hand on his arm. “I told her about you
and that my feelings hadn’t changed. It was sort of mutual. She had
been seeing someone while I was here, in Portland,” he scoffed.
I rubbed his arm tenderly. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. I’m fine.” He brushed it off, shrugging my hand off.
“No, you’re not,” I sighed, then hugged my arms.
“Did you—uh—know Mason was going to ask you to marry
him? Have you been talking about marriage?” he asked.
“No!” I blurted. “He surprised me with this.” I looked down at
my hand, the diamond catching the light.
“You looked surprised.” He laughed stretching out holding the
iron veranda railing.
“How is it you know me so well?” I asked, tilting my head
slightly.
“I guess I pay attention.” He smiled.
“Yeah . . . you do,” I muttered. I let out a sigh and turned away
from his stare. “I should get back—before he notices I’m gone.”
“He doesn’t know you are out here with me?” He frowned.
“I slipped out as everyone went to the den,” I replied.
He nodded, looking back at the door. “Take care of yourself,
Lauren,” he said, taking my hand, and pulling me in for a hug.
“Are you not coming in?”
“Nah,” he said, clearing his throat. “I need to head home.” He
turned away from me.
“Nick—”
He turned suddenly agitated. “I’m sorry, Lauren. I just can’t sit
back and watch you be with him,” he said, running his fingers
through his hair. “My heart just can’t take it.”
I bit my bottom lip. “Nick—” I gasped, my heart skipping.
He backed away slowly, gave me a wave, and then walked
down the stairs to the yard. I wanted to stop him from leaving. I
wanted to hold him and tell him that everything was going to be
okay. The patio door opened a few moments later, and I heard
Mason’s voice.
“There you are,” he said, walking towards me, wrapping his
arms around my waist. “What are you doing out here by
yourself?”
“I wasn’t by myself. Nick just left,” I replied.
Mason looked around, and asked, “Where did he go?”
“He said he was heading home,” I replied.
“Already?” he replied, surprised.
“Yeah.”
“Oh, well, come inside. Everyone is wondering where you are,”
Mason said, holding out his arm. I linked my arm with his and we
walked back inside. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop
thinking about Nick. I hated that he left because he couldn’t deal
with being around Mason and me. Mason had started to notice my
distraction. So did everyone else.
“What’s bothering you?” Cassie asked.
“Huh? Nothing. I’m just tired,” I replied. Cassie eyed me.
“We can head to bed if you want,” Mason suggested.
“Could you take me home?” I asked. Everyone looked at me
funny.
“I had the guest house set up for us,” he stuttered.
“Oh, okay, that’s fine.” I put on a smile.
“I’ll see everyone out,” Cassie said, being the first to stand.
I followed Mason out the patio door to the backyard. The guest
house was far in the back, a good distance from the main house.
As I entered bedroom, the smell of freshly cut flowers filled the
room, to set the mood. Mason wrapped his arms around my waist.
I felt his lips connect with the skin on the back of my neck.
Without breaking the embrace, I turned to face him. He kissed me.
His tongue plunged between my lips, but it no longer felt right.
The way my body used to melt into his had changed. His hands
slid up my neck, pulling the clip holding my dark-brown hair out,
and grabbed handfuls of it. His lips crushed hard against mine. I
gripped his hair in my hands, playfully pulling. Blindly Mason
turned, pushing me up against the wall. The need to feel him, touch
him and be touched by him nearly overwhelmed me. Then
thoughts of Nick started to creep in, and I pulled away, gasping.
“You okay?” he breathed.
“Yeah,” I exhaled, shaking it off. Slowly he started to lift my
shirt; his fingers gently tickled the skin on my neck. His hands
were quick to pull the shirt up over my head. Then his lips
caressed my bare skin. His touch was warm, sending a burst of
heat through me and a moan escaped through my lips. He tightened
his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. My mouth moved
beneath his, nibbling and sucking. He groaned as began to I
unbutton his shirt and stroked my hands across his chest muscles.
His shirt fell to the floor next to my shirt. Mason took my hands,
laced his fingers with mine, pinning them against the wall behind
me, as he crushed his mouth against mine. Then Nick’s face
popped in my head again, and I pushed Mason away.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, breathless.
“I can’t.” I said, rubbing my forehead. “I’m sorry,” I said,
grabbing my shirt and putting it back on.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m sorry, Mason. I know you planned this night and it has
been a beautiful day, but I need to go home. I told my mom I
would be there—”
“Say no more.” He raised his hand to stop me. I wrapped my
arms around his neck and held him tight. I knew that if I was
planning on marrying him, I should be telling him that I loved him
by now. But I couldn’t say it and we really needed to talk about
that.