Hard To Love (20 page)

The next few weeks I spent with Cassie going to parties, taking
photos and developing them. Within no time Mason and Nick were
far from my mind. Mrs. Peterson allowed me to take time off
work to concentrate on my passion. I needed this and I needed it
now while I was still living with my mother. I started sketching
again, which I had not done since high school. A few days a week,
I took a stroll down the pier at the beach, watching the water crash
against the shore and letting the creativity bug flow through.

Then, one weekend, about two months before Cassie was to
leave for University, her mother threw a soiree/going away party. I
wasn’t even thinking that I might run into Nick and Mason
considering it was their cousin’s party but it was also a five hour
drive. Robert wasn’t going to make it because of work and I
assumed the same for the guys. I had made my way through the
crowd twice before I spotted them.

Nick was standing in the middle of the room, wearing black
pants and a black jacket over a crisp white collared shirt, his collar
and sleeves unbuttoned. My heart lurched in my throat just at the
sight of him. He was busy talking to a group of people and I was
able to slip by him without being noticed. Mason was at the bar, as
per usual, with some girl on his arm. He looked bored. That was
when I decided it was time for me to leave, before either of them
noticed I was there. It was presumptuous of me to think that I was
still a thought in their mind after all this time but I couldn’t chance
knowing either way. I found my mother and gave her a big hug and
told her to enjoy the rest of her night.

“Are you leaving?” She asked surprised.
“Yes.” I said trying to smile.
“Why?” She stepped away from the woman she was talking to.
“Yes, before either of them see me. I don’t want to talk to them

“
It would be better to show them how you have moved on,” she
said grimacing.
“Maybe,” I said my voice quiet. “Night mom.”

I stopped going to the country club with Cassie and any events
that she invited me to. I was staying away from her family as much
as possible. I knew I couldn’t avoid the brothers forever, not as
long as I lived here in Portland. If she wanted to see me she had to
come to my place or we went somewhere out of town to party.
Then she left for university.

Then it hit me.
I would need to move somewhere where I wouldn’t see them.
Where there was no excuse to make up, or party to leave just to
avoid them. This wasn’t the life I wanted to live. So I gently broke
the news to my mother. I hated the thought of leaving her again,
but it had been two months since I started pitching my work, and
no matter what I did, no one was biting.
“I’m sorry, mom, but Portland just isn’t working for me.
Maybe my work would get notice elsewhere like in New York or
even back in LA.” I said with a shrug.
“I have someone in mind,” she said, walking away.
“Mom, it’s okay. I want to see New York anyway.” I added.
“That is so far away sweetie,” she said. I had to look away from
the hurt in her eyes. It was far, it was across the country. “Just give
me a day,” she said, then disappeared.

Summer was over, and the portfolio I set up had shots from
every season. It consisted of photographs with friends and family;
the others were just scenery. The sketches were of a more personal
nature and most of them done by memory. My mother had not
succeeded in making me stay. Whomever she was to contact I
guess didn’t pan out.

Then two days before I was to leave, she got a call from
someone and convinced me to go to Seattle and check it out.
“After this if it doesn’t work, I’m leaving,” I said, hugging her.
“Okay, I’m fine with that,” she said, kissing me on the cheek. “I
love you, Lauren.”
“Love you too, Mom.” I grabbed the box holding everything I
needed to put on display.
I filled my gas tank before heading to Seattle. That way I didn’t
have to stop the whole way there, only filling up if I had to on the
drive home. I looked at my watch. It was 10:00 a.m. I was meeting
the dealer by two. It was more than enough time to get there and
set up. Not only did I have to sell my work, but I also had to sell
myself. I had to prove to them that taking a chance on me would be
worth their while.
It was the first time I had been alone in months. My mind
started wandering about things I had not thought in a long while.
Seattle was not that far from where Nick and Mason lived.
Dredging up memories I had pushed to the back of my mind
months ago, I couldn’t help but think of them and wonder how
they were doing. Then before I knew it, I was in Seattle.
I pulled up to the building where the meeting was to take place
and knocked on the glass door. A tall, slender, older blonde woman
came walking up to let me in.
“Hey there, you must be Lauren,” she said with a French accent.
“Yes.”
“I’m Isobel,” she said, offering her hand. “You’re a little early,
but I presume you want to set up?”
“Yes.”
“No problem.” She said gesturing for me to follow. “I’ll show
you where you can set up, and then I’ll leave you to it. The dealer
and client will be by shortly.” She added.
“Client?” I asked, surprised.
“Oh yes.” She said with a nod. “Sometimes we have clients who
prefer to purchase art before anyone else sees it. But don’t get your
hopes up. Sometimes they don’t buy anything.” She said with a
pleasant smile. We walked down the hall and around a corner.
“You can set up in here. I’ll let you know when they have arrived.”
“Thank you so much,” I replied nervously.
“Again it is not a problem at all.” She said then walked away.

It was getting close to the time that I was to meet the dealer and
the client. I paced the corner of the gallery in anticipation. I saw
Isobel first when she came around the corner followed by an older
gentleman and a young woman.

“Lauren
, I would like you to meet Mr. Worthington. He is one
of our biggest nautical clients. When he had heard your photos
were mostly of his favourite theme, he was very interested in
joining us today,” she introduced. Mr. Worthington held out his
hand. I accepted it with a nod.

“This is the gallery’s
main dealer, Claudia Porter.” The pretty
brunette stepped forward, shaking my hand.
“I’ll be in the front if you need me,” Isobel replied, then made
her exit.
“Lauren, why don’t you talk us through what you have here?”
Claudia asked.
“Absolutely,” I said nervously. I stood in front of the first
photograph on the left side of the wall.
I had a tendency to drown my pain in my art and the first one I
put on display was one that I had done a few months ago, after
things ended with Mason and me. I had been walking along the
beach where he had taken me and just started taking picture until
my car was full. The best one was of the lighthouse on the pier.
Mr. Worthington took a liking to it as well, I could tell. I left out
the real reason behind the beach photos. It was more of a healing
moment than anything else. Once we were done with the photos,
we looked at the sketches that I had placed on the table. There
were four of them. All of them were from the time I spent with
Nick while he volunteered. Claudia took a special interest in them
also.
“Where was this?” she asked looking up at me.
“Portland,” I replied.
“These are very intimate pieces. Did you know these people?”
she asked.
My cheeks flushed, and I tried to keep my voice even as I
spoke. “Yes. He was—someone very special to me.” The tears
hovered on my lashes.
“Was?” Her eyes squinted. “Well, they are beautiful,” she
replied. Her head tilted slightly to the left. “I need to make a quick
call. I’ll be right back.”
“You have a keen eye, Miss Miller,” Mr. Worthington stated.
“Thank you, sir,” I said, disguising my excitement.
“Your attention to detail is impeccable. I mean, this painting
here feels so real, as if I am there in that storm,” he said, pointing
to the oil painting I had done after I caught Mason cheating. “Do
you like to sail?” he asked, turning to look at me.
“I do,” I answered, even though I had not been on a boat since
my father died.
“It shows.” He smiled.
Claudia came walking back towards us, and Mr. Worthington
gave her a nod. “I have another client coming by. You don’t mind
waiting, do you, Lauren?”
“No, not at all,” I said, feeling my heart race a little.
“It was a pleasure meeting you, Lauren and I am looking
forward to hanging your work on display in my home and my
office.” He stated.
“Thank you,” I said, breathy and the grin on my face widening.
He shook my hand, and then left with Claudia. I clenched at my
chest excitedly. When Claudia returned, she was smiling and
placed a “Sold” signs over three pieces of my work.
“Wow! I’m so thrilled he liked my work,” I gasped.
“I like it as well. There is something about those sketches that
really hits home for me.” She smirked. I looked at the sketches of
Nick, then back at her. I eyed her a moment, her smile widening as
she watched me figure it out.
“Did you say—your last name is Porter?” I asked, holding my
breath. Her smile stretched, showing off her pearly whites.
“I did.” She nodded. “When I got the call to meet with you, I
never took into account that you could be the infamous, Lauren.”
She stepped closer.
“Who are you?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.
“I’m Robert Porter’s daughter,” she replied.
My eyes widened and the breath escaped my lungs. “Oh my
god,” I gasped. That’s who my mother had called to help give me
a chance. “Is Robert coming here?”
She shook her head. “No, but I do have a client coming. I
believe he will be very interested in some of these pieces as well,”
she said.
“I didn’t realize Robert had a daughter.” I said.
“I’m his stepdaughter,” she replied. “But I like to think of him
as my real father since the real one was never in the picture.” She
rolled her eyes. Claudia was a very beautiful girl with long brown
curly hair and deep amber eyes. Her phone vibrated and she
glanced down at it. “I’ll be right back.” She smiled then
disappeared around the corner. I walked over to the sketches that I
had drawn of Nick and stared at them. I missed him desperately,
now that I thought about it. My eyes stung as the tears welled. My
head snapped up as I heard Claudia’s shoes clacking on the
hardwood floor. I spun around to greet them, and my heart stopped
when Nick came around the corner. When he looked from her to
me, I swear his did the same. Her smile stretched from ear to ear.
“I’ll give you a moment.” She rubbed her hand across his back,
then turned and left. Nick stood there a moment staring, his eyes
focused on me.
“Hey,” he whispered, slowly walking closer. He looked great in
his two-piece navy suit and bright-white collared shirt.
“Hi.” I smiled. Inside I thought I was going to die.
“My sister called me down here. She said there were some
sketches I needed to see.” He had his arms crossed, his chin resting
on his knuckles, and his thumb brushing across his bottom lip. I
nodded and walked over to the table. He stood next to me but a
good space between us. I watched from my peripheral vision his
reaction. He rubbed his chin with his hand. “Is that—is that me?”
he choked.
“Yes.” I turned to face him.
“They are—really good.” He nodded. I sensed that he was
uncomfortable, so I stepped back. “When did you do these? I don’t
ever remember seeing you sketch them when we were together,”
he said, his voice breaking.
“I started the first one about a month ago,” I replied. His head
shot up and he stared at me, wide-eyed and mouth ajar.
“The detail is amazing, Lauren,” he said. “You were able to
sketch that from memory?” I nodded. Then he looked over my
shoulder, and I knew he had seen the painting. What I had not
expected was the pained look on his face. “Lauren—” He gasped
and walked past me and stood in front of it. “Is that us?” his voice
croaked. I painted the night at his mother’s house, on New Year’s
Eve, when he had taken me to the garden and poured his heart out.
His head slowly turned to face me.
“Yes,” I replied unable to look at him. He turned back to the
painting and just stood there, silently staring.
When Claudia came back, he looked over at her, and then
walked out. She frowned as she tried to stop him from leaving.
“Nick—” then looked over at me.
“I think—it was too much,” I said with a shrug, fighting the
urge to burst into tears.
“I’ll be right back.” She shook her head and walked out. I wiped
the tears from my eyes, and hugged my arms tight around myself.
I didn’t blame Nick for being upset because for me, just seeing him
overwhelmed me. Nick and Claudia had been taking a long time,
so I decided to go and find them. They were outside. As I
approached the door, Nick’s eyes fluttered and he looked away. I
could see his shoulders rising and falling rapidly as he stood there
avoiding my stare. My heart raced as I opened the door stepping
out.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
“Yes.” Claudia forced a smile, looking over at me. “I have some
good news for you.” She said walking towards me. My eyes were
on Nick. I waited for him to look at me again but he never did.
“What’s your news?” I asked.
“I’m having an opening tomorrow night, and I would like to
display your work. Would you be able to stay . . . here in Seattle
for a few nights?” she asked.
“Oh—” I gasped, surprised. “I—I never planned for that.” I
blushed. “I can be back tomorrow afternoon, if that’s fine?”
“Is there something you need in order to stay?” she asked.
“Clothes and shower supplies.” I chuckled. “I don’t even know
where there’s a hotel in this town,” I added.
“You could stay with me,” Claudia suggested. “You’re a bit
more slender than I am but I’m sure we can find you something to
wear.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to impose.” I replied.
“Nonsense. Your work is brilliant, and I think we can get some
potential sales here,” she said.
“Okay then.” I nodded. I looked at her, then at Nick, who was
staring out at the street. “Do I stay here with you or—”
“I’ll give you the key to my place. Nick can show you where I
live.” She said turning to face him.
“Oh, I don’t feel comfortable with that,” I declined.
“It’s fine—”
I interjected, “I wanted to check out the city a bit, take some
photos.” It was odd that she trusted me enough to stay in her
apartment alone.
“Well, then, I should be done with work around seven. If you
want to meet me here around that time, we can go to my place
together,” she suggested. I nodded, and then shook her hand,
thanking her again.
“Any suggestions on what I should see here?” I asked.
“If you want to take some fantastic photographs, I would go to
the reserve,” she said. “It’s about an hour northwest of here.”
“Okay.” I nodded.
“I’ll draw you up a map. You’ll take the ferry, and then drive
the rest of the way.” Claudia turned to go inside, when Nick
stopped her.
“I’ll take her,” he replied. I turned in surprise. “We’ll drop her
car off at your place then—then I’ll take to the reserve.” He
wouldn’t look at me as he agreed to do it.
“You don’t have to do that.” I said, trying to look him in the
eye. “I don’t want to waste your time.”
“You’re not wasting my time,” he scoffed. I scanned his face,
trying to figure out what he was feeling. A minute ago he had
seemed unhappy to see me; now he wanted to spend the day with
me.
“Are you sure?” I asked. “Because you seem—annoyed with
my presence.” His eyes narrowed as he finally turned to look at
me.
“I’m.not.annoyed,” he said, clearing his throat.
“If you say so,” I sighed, remembering how stubborn he was.
“I’ll see you at your place later.”
“Around seven.” She said with a nod. Then I waved at Claudia
as she went back in the gallery.

I followed Nic
k to Claudia’s apartment and parked in the back.
He parked in front of me and waited. I got in his new car, which
was a black Aston Martin. He looked so uncomfortable. I really
didn’t understand why he offered to do this.

“Don’t you work today?” I asked.
He just shook his head. I
rolled my eyes and folded my hands in my lap. “Well, thanks for
doing this.” Again he just nodded.

Claudia was right about the reserve; it was incredible. I just
wished Nick would lighten up a little. The silent car ride was
torture enough. I didn’t need him as a bodyguard, trailing behind
me or walking far away from me. But it did help with my
inspiration because when Nick wasn’t paying attention, I snapped a
few pictures of him. He had been a big part of my work lately, so I
figured I’d keep him as my inspiration.

“Are you planning on talking at all today?” I asked. Nick just
continued to walk ahead of me. Then my phone buzzed. Claudia
was texting me.

I had stopped walking to text her back. When I looked up again
Nick was standing on a bridge by the pond, another perfect shot.
As I waited for her to text me back, I snapped a few more pictures
of him. I hated the sad expression he had on his face. When he
turned, he caught me taking pictures of him. I tried to hide my grin.