Finding an Angel (4 page)

“I think you’ve made your point son…” My dad tries again to get me to stop talking, but I can’t. Not when the last image in my head is of her falling to the ground and being so limp in my arms as I carry her over to her father.

“No, no I haven’t. Jessa says there are bad people everywhere and I keep telling her that she is wrong. Maybe she isn’t. This town seems to be quick to judge her based on what they think instead of what they know. Yeah, she has medical problems, but she fights them and still finds a reason to smile every day. Even when people like you rip her down and take away more of her with your nasty words. One day, one day, she’s going to do something incredible and you all will wish you had taken a moment to look past the shell and see the pearl inside. If your son comes near her again, I
will
beat the crap out of him again. I don’t even want him near her to apologize, not that you’ll make him because you condone his behavior. No one will hurt my Jessa as long as I can help it.”

My father places his hand on my arm and I look up at my parents. Mom has tears in her eyes and Dad tries to hide a smirk on his face. “Are you done now son?”

“Yes, I don’t want to see them anymore. Oh wait one more thing. Lyle you can go back and tell the guys whatever you want about me. Jessa is a
real
friend and I’m beginning to realize just how important she is to me. If you all want to give me hell because I care about her, go for it. I don’t care.” Looking at my parents, “Now I’m done. I’ll go to my room because I’m sure I’m in trouble for
my
behavior no matter if it was for a good reason. Mr. Rawlins said he’d call and let me know when Jessa wakes. Please allow me to see her.”

I stand from the table and head up to my room.

Thirteen years old…

Standing outside on the edge of our driveway, I watch as Drew brings a friend home from school. He’s never done that before. Hugging Lily tighter, I hear them. They’re coming for me.

“What do you think they’re talking about Miss Lily?” I ask her as I watch them looking in this direction.

That kid is probably telling him to stay away from us. That we’re crazy.

“Hunter would never listen. He’s my best friend,” my voice small as I watch them continue to talk.

You didn’t think that about the kids at school, or the people that are chasing us now. Did you?

Quickly, I look around to see if we are still safe. Daddy’s not home yet. And Hunter is busy, I guess. That’s when I saw him wave his hand in my direction. It wasn’t a wave hello. No, I know that wave.

“You can’t be right, Miss Lily. He wouldn’t turn his back on us now,” I say as fear lances through me and I watch him and the boy go inside his house. “Would he?”

Jessa tell me who’s stuck around other than our parents?

Miss Lily’s question was fair. Who has stuck around? Hunter has. He’s been here since we were seven. We’re thirteen now. He’s stuck around the longest. I feel safe with him. Like I feel when Daddy’s home.

“There’s no way he’ll hurt us, Miss Lily. I just know it.”

“Jessa?”

Turning, I see my mom standing on the porch. Walking over, I try to pretend my heart didn’t hurt that he didn’t come and see me like he always does. Walking up on the porch, I sat at the outside table.

“Yes, Mama?”

“What’s wrong, first?”

“I miss Hunter,” I say quietly afraid the bad people might hear. They might hurt him.

“Well, he should be home from school soon,” Mom smiles.

“He is. He has a friend over and went into his house instead of coming over here like he always does. I waited like I always do,” I frown.

Mom squats down in front of me and takes my hand, making me let go of Miss Lily a little. She looks in my eyes and I can’t stop it, a tear falls.

“You really care about him, don’t you sweetie?”

“He’s the only person that has seen
me
and not ran the other way. But it’s more than that Mama. Hunter is my best friend. He protects me from everything and makes me laugh.”

She sighs and kisses my hands. “I know that routines are important to you honey. I know you depend on them and feel off when something throws it off. But sweetie, he’s going to have other friends than you. And he needs to. He’s a growing boy and boys need boys for friends too. I’m sorry that you don’t have any other friends. I wish I could change that for you, but baby, don’t get upset with him because he has other friends.”

“It makes me feel… I feel…”

This is one of the things that we’ve been working on. Me trying to figure out how I feel. I don’t understand them. They don’t make sense to me. Sometimes I wonder if they ever will. But right now, right now I do know what I feel, or at least I think I do.

“What do you feel baby?” My mom’s voice tells me she’s hoping I know.

“Lonely. Left behind. Like trash. Unwanted. Uncared about. Unloved,” I scream as the tears fall down my cheeks.

“Oh, honey,” Mom says with tears in her eyes.

Standing up, I move away from her. “Why do I have to be this way? Why can’t I be like them,” I point to Hunter’s house. “What did I do to have to live like this?”

“Honey, you have so much more going for you other than your illnesses.”

Turning to her, I glare. “Tell me what I do because all I see is pain. Is rejection. Is hatred. Guilt. Sadness. Please tell me what there is good and I’ll do my best to focus on that,” I scream again.

As I scream, I see one. He’s near the garage. My whole body starts trembling. They’re going to win. And I’m finding it harder and harder to not let them.

“You know what you need to do. You need to come up with a hobby. Something to do while Hunter plays with his friends so you don’t feel all those things. Think about it. Think about something that you’d find comfort in we’ll get everything for you to do that.”

“A hobby,” I ask, skeptically.

“Yes, honey, it can be anything you like doing. But it can’t involve Hunter. It’s what you can do without him so you don’t miss him so much. You think about it and I’ll go check on supper. Daddy can pick up any supplies you need. You just have to tell us what you want.”

Nodding my head, my mom goes inside. Staring at the closed door for a moment, I think about what Mom has just said. How was a hobby supposed to make me not miss Hunter when he wasn’t around? He’s my best friend. My only friend. How would any stupid hobby replace a person?

Hunter won’t be around forever. He’ll grow tired of your ugliness, your stupidity, your freakish ways. Soon, he’ll stop coming around all together. Retards aren’t meant to enjoy life. All they do is suck it from others,
one of the bad people hisses from by the garage.

“He will not,” I say staring at his house, but not feeling the convictions in my own words.

No one stays around you. When will you see that no one ever will,
the bad voice snarls at me.

Tears well in my eyes. What if the bad voice is right? What if Hunter leaves me like everyone else? Worse yet, what if he sees me how everyone else does?

Standing, I walk off the porch holding Miss Lily extra close with the bad voice so close. He was really rather ugly. Sometimes I wonder if that’s because of the ugly words he says all the time.

Walking to the edge of the driveway, I stare at their house. “He should run from me,” I kiss Miss Lily on the top of her head.

The day Hunter gave this to me, I was in tears. Miss Molly was falling apart and we couldn’t fix her anymore. Old age caught up to her. She promised me there’d be someone new to protect me and to just be patient before she died. Hunter came over the next day and gave me Miss Lily. He sprayed it with his cologne and kissed the top of her head before handing her to me.

Taking a deep breath, I still smelled the faint scent of his cologne. Smiling softly, I remember his softly spoken words when we buried Miss Molly. He promised he’d protect me from now on. So when he handed me Miss Lily, he said that she’d always smell like he was with me and hopefully offer me comfort. She has.

“Miss Lily, we won’t lose him right?”

I think he will be with us for a very long time.

“Why do you think that?” I ask her never taking my eyes off his house.

Because I think he feels the same way you do about him.

I gasp and look down at her. She just smiles at me. Could he really feel the same about me? Honestly, I wasn’t sure what I feel for him exactly, but it was more than just friendship, I think. I’m afraid to talk to Mom and Dad about it in fear they’d keep him away from me. I don’t want to lose him. Actually, I’m not sure I could handle losing him.

Just then I saw him and another kid walking toward my direction. The biggest smile spreads across my face and the bad voice shuts up and disappears from sight. Running toward him, I scream in excitement. I stop short when I realize there wasn’t a kind face on the boy he was with. He was bad.

Yes, Jessa, he’s a bad one. Don’t worry. Hunter is right here.

Stepping back quickly when he reached his hand out toward me and got closer, I hug Miss Lily tighter. The guy starts telling me the same thing every other person that I’ve ever met has said to me. Hunter stands in front of him, his fists clenched at his sides urging me to go home.

Run! Run, Jessa while Hunter has the bad person away from you.

But what if Hunter was hurt protecting me? The thought scares me to my core and as I watch him punching and hitting and elbowing the other guy, fear breaks through me like never before.

“He’s going to get hurt Miss Lily,” I whisper panicked and frozen in spot.

He won’t. Just run.

My whole body begins to shake and before I know what’s happening I’m screaming and then waking up in my room with my dad running a cool rag over my head. When I open my eyes he smiles.

“Hey Sweetpea. How are you feeling?”

“I hurt,” I answer honestly. “What happened?”

Daddy explains patiently what Hunter had told him and I started crying. “Was he hurt?”

My dad smiles. “No, but he’s very worried about you. You like him, don’t you?”

Blushing, I cradle Miss Lily closer to me, unable to meet my father’s eyes. “Are you going to make me stop seeing him?”

He snorts. “Why would you think that?”

“Because…” but I can’t finish my sentence.

“Baby, you both are growing up. We knew there was a chance… You are smarter than most kids your age. Your mother and I often forget that sometimes when talking to you that you’re thirteen. We’d never take away your happiness. Just don’t take away our trust okay?”

Nodding my head, I give him a sad smile. “It doesn’t matter how I feel… and I’m not even sure what that is… because there’s no way he’s going to feel that way about me.”

“Well, I happen to think he does,” he pats my hand as he stands. “He asked us to let him know when you were awake, so that he can come and see you. Do you want me to call him and let him know he can come over?”

Nodding my head, I smile widely. “Yes, please.”

“Hey,” he says softly.

Opening my eyes, I smile sleepily at him. “Dad said you wanted to come over when I woke up?”

He looks down at his hands. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m a little sore, but I’ll be good as new in no time.”