Finding an Angel (7 page)

Just like that, the dam breaks and my tears fall. She was hurt. I didn’t save her and I promised to always save her. Anger surges through me and I shove out of my father’s hold. Anger at myself, at my parents, at my brother for dying on me when I need him the most. Hell, I am even angry at Mr. and Mrs. Rawlins and even Jessa herself. How could she think this was the answer? How could she possibly think that
this
– losing her – would possibly make me happy?

Pacing the floor as I try to rein in my anger, I pull at my hair that now – I’m sure – stands on end. All I want is to hold Jessa and tell her everything that has been left unsaid more on my part than her. I need Jessa.
God, I need her. Please give her back to me.

The doors open and Mr. Rawlins walks through it. Tears fall down his face as he looks at me.

“You saved her. You saved our little girl. There’s nothing we can ever say or do to thank you for that. Would you like to come see her?”

Tears fell down my cheeks and I nod my head mutely.

Present day…

Shuddering as the memories of that day come back to fill me. The scariest moment in the world is losing the one you love before they know how much you love them. The memories of sitting in the hospital waiting for her to wake up, waiting for her to open her incredible eyes, it all fills me as if it just happened yesterday and not twelve years ago.

She was in the hospital for a couple months before she finally got to come home. Then her parents didn’t let her out of their sight for a couple more months after that. My parents decided it was best for me to get away from it all and go on vacation, even though I didn’t want to budge in case Jessa needed me. It was one of the longest months of my life to date I think.

When I got home though, I didn’t even help my parents unload the car or anything. I jumped out and ran right over to where my heart had sat for the beginning of summer.

Fifteen years old…

“Hunter Andre…” My mom starts to yell, but is cut short by my father.

“Let him go dear. He needs her. Our boy is in love.”

Smiling inwardly, my dad was right. I am in love. And I’m in love with the most incredible woman that God ever put on this Earth and I pray she still feels the same way.

“Excuse me, but is Jessa around,” I ask a little breathless from my sprint over here.

“She’s in her flower patch. They’ve adjusted some of her meds, but we’ve been keeping a close eye on her. At least now that you’re here we know she’ll be just fine. Just let us know when you leave okay?”

Nodding my head, I run back to the flower patch where I catch my first glimpse of Jessa in over five months. While she was healing, her parents thought it was best that I not see her. At least until they got here medications to the correct levels. They said that I make her happy when I’m around, that she’s different. So, I wasn’t allowed to see her until they were sure her meds were right.

Standing there frozen in my spot, I look my fill. Her hair is long, wavy and hangs down to the middle of her back. Her back is to me, but I know her eyes are glowing brightly at the sight of her flowers and a small smile plays on her full kissable lips. As I step closer, I hear her singing the song I told her to listen to. Swallowing my nerves, I open my mouth to say something and suddenly words leave me.

“Jessa,” I finally say after a few more moments of gawking at her.

She spins around and stares at me. “H-hunter, I…” she licks her lips nervously.

Eating the remaining distance between us with four long strides, I grab her hand and pull her up to stand and pull her into my arms where she belongs. Her scent overtakes me and I’m suddenly lost in the woman against me. My body is fully aware of her full breasts pressing into my chest and her long, dainty arms wrapped around my neck and the feel of her back under my hands.

“I thought you hated me,” she whispers against my chest.

Tightening my hold on her, I lift my head heavenward. “I’d never hate you, Jessa. Your parents didn’t want me to come around for a while until they got your medication straight and then my parents decided I needed to get a break from trying to constantly catch a glimpse of you and made me go on vacation. We just got back and I rushed right over.”

Pulling back, she looks up at me with tears in her eyes. “You don’t hate me? For what I almost did?”

“I’d never hate you for that, Angel. You’ve been treated poorly and blame yourself for everything bad even when it has nothing to do with you or even in your control. I was hurt, sad, scared, but hate never even flickered on the radar.”

“Why were you all those things?”

“Well,” I say as I run my hands up and down her back unable to help myself. “I was hurt because you didn’t come to me and I’m supposed to be your best friend. Sad because you were so sad that you thought that was the answer. And I was scared because I thought I lost you before I told you all the things I’ve left unsaid.”

“I didn’t mean to do all that to you. All I knew is that my parents have suffered for so many years for having me as a daughter. Then you guys…”

Putting my finger over her lips, I had to cut her off. She wasn’t going to blame any of that on herself.

“My brother’s death was not in any way your fault Angel. He was fighting overseas. We didn’t go into it blind and neither did he. That chance was always lurking in the corners with every time he was deployed. Did it make the pain any less knowing that when we lost him? No it didn’t, but
you
helped us Angel. You helped give us a piece of him back. A piece we never thought we’d have back. Your paintings… Mine with playing basketball with him and the words ‘
No matter how you make the points, the ball has to go into the net to count.
’ He used to say that to me all the time, even when we weren’t playing. He said that it applied to life. In order for anything to count, I had to make the points, score the goal, whatever the case may be. It’s one of his things that has always stuck with me.”

“So you liked yours?” Her voice was shaking as she speaks. Her uncertainty of her artistic talent still floors me. With the sheer volume of paintings she has completed, you would think she would have come to recognize how talented she truly is.

Motioning to the tree that stands not far off I settle against it and to her surprise pull her between my legs and wrap her in my arms. Now that I can hold her, touch her, I didn’t want to stop.

“Dad’s painting of him with his first outdoorsman trophy from the hunters club he joined and him standing proud next to him with the words, ‘
A man will hold many forms of guns in his life, but the most lethal is the one we possess on our faces
’ was what he’d said to him when he’d won the trophy. And actually on his first real date and even says it to me. He had tears falling down his face the minute he read the words.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean to make him cry,” she apologizes against my chest.

I carry on as if I hadn’t heard because she didn’t need to apologize.

“Mom’s painting of them in the kitchen when she was trying to teach him some basic cooking skills to impress his future wife. She smiled and cried as she read ‘
Life can be messy and hard to clean up, but remember when the right things come together it’s beautiful
’.”

Even I had to laugh at that one because they’d had a flour fight in the kitchen and Hawkeye thought he’d be cute and grab an egg and Mom had broken one over his head before he could do it to her. In the painting, Jessa even captured the egg as it slid down his forehead.

“The one you did for all of us. The family portrait that we’d had taken the last time he was home…” I shake my head. “We didn’t want a normal one, the boring ones, but we wanted to see the love between us all. So Dad carried Mom as he had the day they’d married and stood next to me on Hawk’s shoulders as he sat on a stool. When I was little that’s where he always carried me. Mom held Hawk’s hand while I kissed Dad’s head. And you got all that, even the emotion in our eyes. The emotion you, yourself, have admitted you don’t understand. But the words… The words really got us.”

“Was it wrong? I tried to pull them all from his letters, but he never really said much on the family picture.”

“No. You got them just write, Angel. ‘
Love is crazy. Love is kind. Love can never have enough time. Live and spread your wings, but remember how love built our family
’. It was beautiful and so true of us. You nailed them all. Every single one of them, Angel. We’ll never be able to tell you what that meant to us.”

Looking down at her, my heart races.
Love
. That’s what I feel for her, but what if I’m too late. What if she doesn’t remember or feel love for me anymore? It’s a scary thought.

“I’m so sorry for the way I treated you that day. I’ve never forgiven myself for it and probably never will.”

“You should because I have. Forgiving others for how they hurt you makes it easier to see if they are good or if they are bad for you,” she smiles at me and my heart skips a beat.

“I love you, Angel.”

Her eyes widen and she stares at me for a minute, her eyes bouncing between mine. She shakes her head.

“I’m not…”

Cupping her face in my hands, I force her to turn toward me more. “I love you. I have for a long time, but been too scared to tell you. The question I need answered is if you still have feelings for me.”

“Why do you keep calling me Angel?” She asks instead of answering me.

Not this time. This time is too important. I need her to answer my question. Then I’ll take her diversion and tell her why, but my heart needs to know I haven’t lost her.

“Do you, Angel?”

After a moment’s pause, she looks up at me as the first tear falls and hits my hand. “Yes, I love you Hunter,” her voice barely a whisper.

The huge smile that spreads across my face can’t be stopped nor can the lowering of my head to hers. Watching her eyes carefully for any sign she doesn’t want this. As my lips lightly touch hers, she sighs and her whole body loosens against my leg.  Pressing my lips more firmly to hers, I tentatively skate my tongue across her lips. She doesn’t tense us. Instead, she surprises me by gasping and granting me entrance for my first kiss.

Our tongues dance and mingle as we get used to each other’s taste and feel. Lowering my hands to her hips, I lift her up and stretch out my legs lowering her back down straddling me all the while never breaking our kiss. Her hands come up to cup my face and I moan at the feel of her touching me. My hands run up her back and back down, almost massaging as I go. All too soon, Jessa pulls away.

“Oh. Wow,” she breathes.

“Yeah, wow,” I pant.

She’s quiet for a moment as she rests her head on my chest. My hands cannot stop moving over her body even though I’m trying really hard to make them.

“I feel weird.
You
feel weird,” she whispers.

“Look at me, Angel,” I command her softly and wait until her eyes meet mine. “There’s nothing weird in how we feel. It’s right, perfect, and I for one would call it a dream come true.”

“No,” she shakes her head in frustration I think. “See I’m not good with this. My body is tingling. Everywhere you touch feels hot and sensitive. Then there’s…” her voice trails off as she looks down.

Before I can stop myself, I laugh. “You noticed that, did you?” She turns bright red. “Hey,” I lift her face to mine, kissing her lightly on the lips again. “it’s my body’s reaction to
you
. You do that to me,” I smile at her. “I’m not complaining one bit, Angel, neither should you.”