Did You Read That Review ? (94 page)

30 of 33 people found the following review helpful

Shaq can do it all.

By
Johny Bottom
, December 15, 2004

Shaq is truly God’s gift to the world. He can sing, he can act, he can toss free throws. Let’s face it, the man can do it all.

Kazaam
is a movie unlike any other. Now some would say that Shaq’s acting is so wooden he could play Pinnochio, but I argue with that. Shaq was playing a genie, a magical, rapping, abracadabra, hocus-pocus genie. The hippest, illest, defest, genie you ever laid eyes on. It is not for us to rate this film, it is for us to thank Shaq for taking the time to make this movie.

Now some would say that he can’t even act his way through a 30-second commercial for Nestle Crunch or Burger King. I argue the point again. Shaq has the intelligence and mastery of the English language that we mortals can only hope to achieve. He is the reigning king of entertainment.

Others will also say that the man is slightly challenged and that if not for his great height, he would be lucky to ride the back of a garbage truck in Chicago as a sanitation engineer. I say those people have a real attitude problem.

Shaq can do it all. I am looking forward to his opera album, his cooking show, his line of BVD briefs, and last but certainly not least, I am looking forward to Shaq teaming up with Ice-T. Shaq will take over lead guitar duties for the reformed Body Count. Of course I hope his Broadway run doesn’t interfere with the world tour.

Rock on Shaq, it’s your world. We only breathe your air.

4 of 5 people found the following review helpful

KAZAAM
IS OFF THE FASHIZZLE DIZZLE

By
Yohance McDouglas
, May 1, 2004

This is cleary the best movie ever created, by humans (that would exclude good burger, which of course was made by koala bears). Shaquille O’Neal is a very talented actor and rapper, plus I heard he plays a little basketball. I wonder if he’s any good. There are many hilarious scenes in this instant classic. My favorite part is when Shaq makes it rain candy. I LOVE IT!!! I own 13 copies (no joking here). In short it’s a hilarious tale of a genie played by Shaq.

15 of 21 people found the following review helpful

Can’t stand Ka-zaam!!!!!

By
Tom Stamatis
, January 1, 2005

Jesus forgave us. Jesus forgave us all. He was unmercifully staked to a crucifix and left to slowly die, only to rise again and have to bear witness to the upchuck of a film entitled
Kazaam
. He gave us all a second chance, and unfortunately director Paul Michael Glaser used his second chance to create this blasphemous work of the devil. Well, let me tell you, Jesus is mad at us once again, and I don’t think he will ever forgive us this time.
Kazaam
depicts NBA star Shaquille O’Neal rapping (???) and acting (???) in scantily clad genie attire. Shaq’s acting (???) makes a Drano enema actually seem like a pleasurable experience. It even makes his free-throw ability shine in comparison. I’m still dumbfounded by how someone that made such timeless greats as
Shaq Diesel
and my all time favorite game
Shaq Fu
could bomb so bad on a movie with a script as awing as this one. You can pick up a previewed VHS copy here on
Amazon.com
for $0.85. I find it funny that a blank VHS tape will run you $1.00. I saved myself some money by buying a few copies of
Kazaam
instead of blank tapes and used them to record
Small Wonder
reruns. This is the only reason one should purchase
Kazaam
. If anyone is thinking of buying a copy and actually viewing it, don’t! You would be better off using that $0.85 to buy a handful of rusty nails and chewing them for the approximate running time of 1 hr. 45 mins. Trust me, your time and money will be much better spent this way. I gave this film (???) 1 out of 5 stars only because
Amazon.com
doesn’t allow you to give 0 stars. I wish I could rate this 0 stars. In fact, I wish I could take away stars from some of the other reviewers. Hey, maybe Mr. Kazaam can help me out here. Mr. Kazaam, grant me these three wishes:

1. Give this movie 0 stars.

2. Don’t allow Shaq to ever act/rap again.

3. Erase this movie from my memory banks for it has scared me for life.

10 of 14 people found the following review helpful

Explosive Tour de Force

By
A Customer
, March 24, 1999

Showing that the acting skill he showed in
Blue Chips
was by no means a fluke, basketball phenomenon and rap superstar Shaquille O’Neal returns to the increasingly comfortable confines of the silver screen to show the world that
Shaq Diesel
is at least a three-trick pony after all. Underachieving, alcoholic, street poet Kazaam (O’Neal) would like nothing more than to crawl up and die inside a bottle. When things appear to be at their most desperate, enter the highly opportunistic Max Conner (Francis Capra), who takes him under his wing. The young Conner promises that the exertion will be great, but the payoff will be greater. Through their business and personal relationship, Kazaam gets the opportunity to bounce ideas around with a veritable Who’s Who among Manhattan’s literary glitterati. What Kazaam doesn’t know is that Conner isn’t on the up and up, believes that he “owns” Kazaam, and wants Kazaam to follow the letter of his law at all costs. The personal crises that rage behind Kazaam’s delicate facade fuel the action of the second half of this film, leading up to a powerful ending that will leave you surprised and exhausted. After pushing his dramatic range in
Blue Chips
, many might have expected a sophomore slump for Shaq. Those predictions are soundly put to rest with his Kazaam. More than anything, this film is a study in present-day race relations wrapped in action-drama clothing, and Kazaam’s moral and personal awakening is at the center. Newcomer Capra is perfectly fine as the thinly veiled racist with an agenda, but without Shaq’s wonderful—and most of all, believable—performance, this film could have come across as preachy. As
Kazaam
stands, however, it is a marvel. One can’t help but wonder how this script escaped Spike Lee. No matter, since Paul Michael Glaser picked this one up running. Once you’ve seen it, and invariably seen it again, you’ll know that this was one project that was a “slam dunk.”

Great movie

By
Hayden Dennis
, June 26, 2013

When I bought this movie, I watched it and I felt like Kazaam had instantly granted my wish for best cinema experience of all time. I laughed, I cried, I screamed wishes just hoping Shaq would listen. Would highly recommend.