Covenant (19 page)

“
You must be joking,” I
finally say, ambling to the sectional to sit down. “Evan will never
go for this. He does not insert himself into the affairs of
humans—never has, never will.”

Kane follows me and sits on
the other side of the sectional. “Yes, and therein lies your
difficulty.” He leans back. “You must either be willing to ‘borrow’
the dagger or accept things as they are. I guess it depends on
which option seems beyond acceptance to you.”

Bob comes in from the
kitchen and looks from me to Kane and back. “Surely you could just
get the dagger for an hour at most to help Elizabeth. That’s all it
would take.”

I try to digest what they
are telling me, but knowing it will be deceitful does not sit well
with me—and besides this group of angels, I have no one to discuss
this with. I don’t even want to think about Celia’s reaction. She
would go straight to Evan and remove the choice completely, so I
know that isn’t an option. Would it hurt to borrow the dagger for
that hour?

I look at Kane. “What is
involved in the process of wiping Elizabeth’s memory? Would it
really be that quick?”

Kane nods. “Sure. I mean, it
would involve one of us making certain she stays unconscious. I
would have to make a small cut on your arm, let the dagger know my
intention, and then make a small cut on Elizabeth’s arm.
Theoretically, when your blood meets her, your memory will be wiped
clean from her mind, which will solve the problem.”

“
Theoretically?” I sit up
straighter, not liking the sound of that one bit.

Kane nods. “I do believe I
understand the dagger’s power, and if I’m not mistaken, that’s how
he wiped your memory out. The problem with what he did is that we
are much more resistant to forgetting than humans. Elizabeth’s
memory should be much easier to blanket than yours was. She
shouldn’t have the residual images popping into her head like you
did.”

The chaos building within me
starts to ease slightly, and my posture goes from that of a piano
player’s to my normal slight slouch. “What’s the likelihood it
won’t take?”

“
Very small. Yes, it is a
risk, but this is the only option you have. There is no other way
to erase her memory. Only you can decide if that is worth
it.”

Bob sits on the other side
of me while Theresa takes a seat next to Kane. Colin suddenly
appears in the doorway. He’s silent as usual, and somehow I get the
feeling he’s keeping his distance for a reason. I’m just not sure
what that reason might be.

Chaos swirls within me, and
yet all around, I feel the calm emanating from these angels. They
don’t seem to have a stake in this one way or another, and they
shouldn’t. This is all about Elizabeth and what is best for her.
Again, an image of her face pops into my mind, and all the
indecision within me suddenly falls back until she is all I can
see. No, I definitely don’t like borrowing something of Evan’s, but
Kane is right. I don’t see any other way to accomplish this, and I
don’t see being able to exist with this weight wrapped around me. I
have to do something, and it appears this is my only
option.

I finally nod. “All right. I
can do this with one condition: Evan and Celia can never know about
this. Period.”

Theresa shakes her head.
“You were standing in the yard earlier, Lev. You saw how much Celia
is willing to associate with me. I can’t see her expending much
effort to socialize with any of us, so I think that secret is
completely safe.”

“
What about Jayzee and
Sarah?” I grit my teeth, thinking of the damage those two could
do.

“
They won’t speak of it.
They don’t even have to know, if you don’t want them
to.”

The others nod in agreement,
and, as I still sense the calm, I realize the bargain has been
made, leaving me to complete the next part—getting the
dagger.

“
You do remember what it
looks like, right, Lev?” Kane asks. He lifts his hand, ready to
create another hologram, but I nod to let him know I
remember.

“
I will try to get the
dagger tomorrow evening so we can go to Elizabeth’s and get this
over with. The sooner it’s done, the better.”

Weighted by the task ahead
of me, I get to my feet and head toward the door. The others remain
seated. In passing, I look at Colin and see this human form in his
pupils. How strange the reflection is so small, dwarfed. He does
not speak or even acknowledge me, so I pass him by, distracted by
the future.

As I step out into the
night, I think once again of the choice I’ve made, still not sure I
like it. I glance back at the sliding glass door to find Colin
standing there, watching me. I don’t know why the weight of his
gaze unnerves me as it does. I’m not really sure knowing would make
it unnerve me less, but I would prefer it.

Still, I turn and fling my
body into the dark sky, heading toward the Upper Realm.

Back in my own place before
the ocean and mountain, I fall into the grass, exhausted. I know it
has nothing to do with the old injuries. Instead, it is all the
chaos inside and all the time I spent with Elizabeth in the
presence of her chaos. That does wear upon me, and I’ll be glad to
be able to offer her a sense of resolution.

“
Lev?”

I turn my gaze slowly and
find Evan there. Immediately, I try to sense the level of chaos
within him. The fact that there is so little within him tells me
even though Celia has many doubts about my recent company, she must
have said nothing. He seems to have come of his own calling,
then.

“
Yes,” I answer, sitting
up.

“
You have been away
much.”

I finally nod.
“Yes.”

He finally sits beside me.
“Are you well?”

I want to ask him to define
the term because I’m not sure I know what it means anymore. “I’m
fine.”

He nods, and I can tell,
much like a human father trying to speak to his child, he does not
know what to say, so both of us look straight. There is a cliff
there neither of us is willing to acknowledge.

“
What did you do to my
memory?” I finally ask.

Evan turns to me. “Does it
matter?”

“
Yes.” My tone is sharper
than I intend. I know he still believes he did the right thing, and
there isn’t anything I can do to convince him of his
error.

“
I wiped the painful
memories away. Perhaps it was a bad choice, Lev. But when we
brought you here after…that…you were mad with pain. The chaos
overtook you, and I knew there wasn’t another way to return you to
your sensibilities.”

I close my eyes and suddenly
remember that moment when the world was burning and spinning. I’d
never been trapped in a mortal body which had ceased to function.
There was the pain that ripped through me, and the chaos. I thought
it would drive me mad with thoughts of Elizabeth and the life I no
longer occupied.

I swallow hard. “Perhaps my
memory was not the one you should have altered.”

Evan cocks his head to the
side. “I do not follow.”

“
Elizabeth. Do you not
understand the torment she lives with, Evan?”

He frowns, and in that
moment, I feel the sharp sting of his chaos spinning out of
control. “Then you remember?”

I nod. “Yes.” I wait for him
to say more, but he offers nothing. “Is there not a way you could
do that for her to spare her the pain of my existence?”

Evan quickly waves
dismissively. “That’s out of the question, Lev. It can’t be
done.”

“
You mean you won’t do
it?”

Evan quickly stands, and I
feel the chaos growing stronger. In a small way, it is a
consolation to know he does not rise above it any more than I do.
“This is a useless conversation. It can’t be done, and that is it.
I only came to check and make sure you were all right. I know you
haven’t been able to manage sojourning yet.”

He won’t even look at me,
and I know he is trying to get off this topic because he isn’t
about to meddle in human affairs. “I’m fine, Evan. Just
tired.”

Nodding, he says, “Then I’ll
let you rest.”

A few seconds later, he is
gone, and I am more resolved than ever to the course I have
chosen.

Chapter Fourteen

The next morning, at least
in the mortal world, I struggle with trying to go about finding the
dagger. Although I suspect that Evan could hide the weapon in the
Upper Realm, that just doesn’t sound right. Besides, it would be so
much harder to find such an artifact in the human world. But
where?

I fly to the Lower Realm,
mulling over options. Where does Evan while away his hours here?
The only place I can think of recently is a small chapel in the
cemetery where Evan was last the caretaker. He was obsessed with
that chapel and he’d visit it every morning. I never understood it
because I figured there were so many other places to
worship.

Without realizing that is
where I have decided to go, I fly that way, landing near my own
grave. More flowers. That tells me Elizabeth has been here not too
long ago. There’s no other mortal who would still adorn my
headstone. I stand for a moment, appreciating the simple beauty of
her selfless act. Then I trudge across the bridge and back behind
the bramble and overgrowth to an old rustic cabin with stained
glass windows. I glance around and find that it would be difficult
for mortals to even know this place existed. That explains why the
door isn’t locked. The knob turns easily in my hand and I step into
a room with about five pews and a pulpit centered right at the
front. The sunlight pours through the windows, casting colored
shadows all around.

It’s a simplistic sort of
beauty, and I find myself walking toward the front pew and taking a
seat. I can see why Evan would want to pass time here. It is
relaxing and private. But would he have hidden the dagger
here?

I rise and walk down the
aisle toward the pulpit adorned with a simple silver cross. More
for guidance than anything else, I reach out and touch it. That’s
when the cross flares to life, glowing brilliantly at the touch of
my hand. Frowning, I run my fingers across it,
intrigued.

Could this be it?

I trace my fingers around
it, and a strange thing happens once I’ve completed the perimeter.
It suddenly begins to rise away from the surface until it no longer
looks like a cross but the hologram that Kane showed me. At this
point, I’m wondering how Kane even knew about the dagger’s
existence in the first place. And why would a dagger that
obliterates memory be so important to sojourners, anyway,
particularly a sojourner like Evan who patently refused to entangle
himself in most of the affairs of mortals?

So many questions about a
dagger I had never heard of. It still seems there are holes in my
memories I can’t account for. Otherwise, I would remember the
age-old quarrel between myself and Jayzee and Sarah.

“
Lev? What are you
doing?”

In my haste to conceal what
I am doing, I drop the dagger and it clatters loudly against the
floor. Whirling, I find Celia standing there. Immediately I can
sense the overwhelming chaos building within her. Her lips are
parted into a small ‘o’, and she stares at me, her eyes wide with
confusion.

“
None of your concern.”
Even as I speak, my hand is groping the floor in search of the
dagger. I know it has to be close. It has to. Yet my fingers can’t
seem to find it.

“
None of my concern?” She
glances around the small chapel incredulously. “This isn’t your
place, and yet here you are, acting strangely. I don’t know what’s
gotten into you.”

At last my fingers encircle
the dagger, and I exhale in relief, hoping perhaps I can conceal my
actions before Celia figures out what is up. She may not even know
about the dagger. Or, if she does, she may not know where Evan
hides the blade, and that might keep my efforts a secret. At least
for now. With any luck, I might even be able to replace the dagger
before Evan figures out what I’ve done.

“
What’s gotten into me?” I
carefully slip the dagger inside the waistband of my pants and
slowly rise, wondering if she will be able to see the tell-tale out
outline of the weapon. “Perhaps what has gotten into me is all the
ways you and Evan have been trying to keep me from remembering
things I have a right to remember, Celia.”

As I stand, I see the
outline where the dagger was concealed in the pulpit and I step to
try to block it from her view. I’m not sure she even knows about
the weapon, but if she does, that empty spot is a dead giveaway
about what I’m doing here.

“
And what would you have us
do, Lev?” Celia’s gaze never leaves my face, so she doesn’t realize
what I’m doing. “Would you have us watch you torture yourself every
day with truth you can’t change? Would you like us to enjoy your
suffering as much as you do?”

My hands twitch at my sides,
and I feel my fingers curling into fists at her words. “I would
have the truth, no matter how much it hurts. It’s the same truth
Elizabeth has been condemned to deal with, so why should she suffer
alone? She’s done nothing to deserve any of this, and yet because
of my folly, she’s endured many things she should not have had to.
And I should be so blessed as to forget what has happened?” I shake
my head in disbelief.