Covenant (18 page)

And pigs might sprout wings
and fly, too. I know this. I know where my loyalties should lie,
and perhaps if Evan hadn’t concealed my memories, this wouldn’t be
an issue. But it is. How it is.

“
Sure the offer is still
open, and Kane will be home in a little while, so we can discuss
what he knows about memory reversal in humans.”

“
Thank you,” I say,
suddenly relieved. Celia could drag Evan down here, but I’m
guessing she really doesn’t want to think of all the trouble it
would make among all the angels. After all, while there may be a
grudge, such is no reason to segregate angels, is it? There’s an
order to everything, including angels, and one misstep can totally
destroy it for us, so I do not think Evan will risk coming down
here himself and stirring waters he has no wish to swim
in.

“
Well, there is no point
waiting out here. Celia is gone, and I seriously doubt she will be
returning anytime soon.”

I bite my tongue and think
that while there are a lot of truths I want, this one is
insignificant compared to the rest. Still, I follow her back
inside, waiting to be sentenced for a crime.

Chapter Thirteen

I spend the rest of the day
staring out the door, watching the afternoon spin its way toward
dusk, awaiting Kane’s return. Thoughts of Elizabeth fill my head.
Even when I start out thinking of all the wonderful moments we
shared, it always ends with Elizabeth finding herself
alone.

The whole time I am there, I
feel Theresa watching me as though she waits for something--not
that I know what that something is or why the weight of the world
seems to hang in the balance and the slightest wind could have
disastrous results.

Around ten or so, I step out
onto the back porch, tired of feeling hemmed in with Theresa and
Jayzee. I half-expect Sarah will return, and I know that will only
add to the conflict I don’t want to face. But this house is
stifling. I need space.

I need Elizabeth.

Taking a deep breath, I soar
into the clear and starry night sky. I close my eyes and think of
Elizabeth, imaging her heartbeat thrumming through my veins because
in that sound, I will find my way back to her. As always, the
moment I focus upon her, everything else seems to melt
away.

At first, I check
Elizabeth’s room and find her unmade bed empty, so I start through
the house, knowing she must be near or I wouldn’t have sensed her
here. The connection is never wrong. As I head through the house, I
find Jimmie sitting in the recliner watching a baseball game as he
nurses a beer and smokes a cigarette. The volume is all but muted,
so I doubt he’s really paying much mind to the screen. It’s just
white noise meant to fill the emptiness.

Puzzled, I head out to the
back yard, and that’s where I find her as she sits on the back
stoop with Griffin, who seems to be watching her carefully, his
face a studious frown that seems more honest than I remember. He’s
sitting with one arm around Elizabeth, and she lays her head on his
shoulder while staring off into space.

Something tightens inside
me and for a moment I feel like it’s going to break—that
I’m
going to break. What
I wouldn’t give to be able touch her and hold her the way Griffin
does, and while I know he cares about Elizabeth, it’s even a
fraction of what I feel for her. No one will ever love her the way
I do, but no one will ever be as isolated from her as I have
become.

“
You’re starting to freak
Jimmie out,” Griffin whispers. “He knows you aren’t eating much,
and your nightmares scare him.” He brushes his hand up and down her
arm.

“
I’m just not hungry,”
Elizabeth whispers and licks her lips.

Griffin nods. “Be that as it
may, you do need to eat, Lizzie. You making yourself sick isn’t
going to bring him back.”

Elizabeth shrugs. “It
doesn’t seem anything will.”

Frowning, Griffin tries to
look at Elizabeth’s face, but she ducks her chin, concealing it.
“You’re making it sound like he had a choice whether or not to
leave, which isn’t right. He died, and that’s all there is to
it.”

It feels as though someone
has punched this corporeal form in the solar plexus and left me
hunched over, barely breathing.

“
I know,” she whispers,
tears filling her eyes. “It just happened so quickly, and I thought
I’d have time to tell him so many things. Now I’m stuck with all of
them, and it feels like part of me is rotting inside with all the
words I can’t get out. That I’ll never be able to get
out.”

Griffin’s frown deepens, and
he draws her more tightly against him, tucking her head under his
chin. “Lizzie, I know you don’t want to hear this, but I think it’s
time maybe you started focusing on other things, things beyond
Lev.”

At those words, Elizabeth
straightens and pulls away to glare at him. “Oh, so this is about
how long I mourn my boyfriend? Is this about not getting over him
as quickly as I should?”

Griffin’s shoulders sag.
“No, it’s about the fact that I see you swimming in the same pond
every day, and it’s getting to where you’re barely treading water.
I can see you right there, nearly going under, but you won’t ask
for help. You won’t reach out your hand in hopes someone will take
it and pull you to safety. So Jimmie and I bang our heads against
the walls and keep trying because something is better than nothing
right now. We’re both able to handle lots of things, but losing you
isn’t one of them. Ever.”

You won’t lose her, not if I
have anything to say about it
, I think,
trying not to drown in the chaos I feel washing over me from these
two. It’s not enough to have my own; I have theirs as well, and
it’s hard for this body to breathe beneath that kind of swirling
emotional mess.

This isn’t the Elizabeth I
know. This girl just keeps staring ahead, even though it’s been
weeks since I was “killed.” She’s not bouncing back, and I can’t
help her.

Elizabeth shakes her head.
“I just wish I could go back in time. This is too hard.”

That comment takes me by
surprise because although I know she’s suffering, I guess I never
expected her to wish the past had never happened. I don’t blame
her. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be trying to erase it from her memory.
Although I know I can’t touch her, I reach out, anyway. Griffin
beats me to it as he wraps his arm around her again and draws her
head against his chest.

For the first moment ever, I
feel I don’t belong in Elizabeth’s life. Granted, the wounds from
the past might eventually heal on their own, but that’s really a
big “if” and not a chance I am willing to take, not if Kane can
find another way to help me deal with it for her. I owe her that
much, considering all the marks I’ve left in her life.

I slowly back away and fly
back to Theresa’s, figuring by now Kane should have arrived and
Theresa would have filled him in on my request. As I arc through
the air, I stare into a sky freighted with stars, amazed by the
simple beauty most humans seem to miss in the everyday chaos of
their lives.

Landing in the back yard, I
peer at the sliding glass door to see several of the angels have
returned and gather under the harsh fluorescent lighting. Kane and
Theresa talk while Sarah and Jayzee watch them, Sarah wearing a
displeased frown and Jayzee a neutral expression. I try to sense
the chaos from within, and while there is some, it’s so much calmer
than what I’ve expected, and that means one of two things—what I’m
asking from Kane is impossible and out of the question or that
erasing Elizabeth’s memory really isn’t as difficult a task as what
I’d first believed. The only way I’m going to find out which of the
two is correct is to go inside and talk to Kane.

I trudge toward the sliding
door, and in that instant, I wonder how Celia feels about Kane and
Colin. Since I have no real memories of them, I have no way to
judge how she perceives them, but something tells me they would be
no better than Theresa in her book. Does this mean my choices could
come back in some dark way?

That thought gives me a
moment’s pause in which my hand just sits on the door handle. I
have no way of knowing what will happen, and since both Celia and
Evan have hidden things from me “for my own good,” I can’t totally
accept what they believe as the truth, no matter how close I may be
to them. No matter which direction I walk, I am blind.

Resolved, I pull the door to
the side and step in, aware that as I enter, all the other angels
turn to face me. Whatever conversation Kane and Theresa were in the
middle of suddenly dies.

Sarah narrows her eyes at
me. “Well, well, if it isn’t our wonderful friend Lev. So good to
see you.” She gives me a baleful look and slips down the hall
toward her bedroom. I grit my teeth, waiting for Jayzee to get her
dig in as well, but she just looks at me and heads down the hall to
Sarah’s room.

I step toward Theresa and
Kane, knowing that if I’m going to turn back, this is the moment to
do it. This is my last chance to back away and accept things as
they are. Still, I know I can’t do that, so I look Kane in the
eye.

“
I’m guessing Theresa has
spoken with you about my request.”

He nods. “I’m guessing she
has.” His tone and expression are neutral, giving nothing
away.

I stand there, waiting for
some kind of response, but he is like a statue, staring straight
ahead. Once again, I try to probe for the chaos. It is my only
gauge to tell what path Kane’s thoughts take, yet even this tells
me nothing.

“
Is it possible?” I finally
ask, tired of the staring.

Kane shrugs. “I guess that
depends on you.”

Me? What would this have to
do with me
, I think. “I don’t understand.”
I shove my hands into my pockets, trying to rein in the nervous
energy.

“
What you are asking isn’t
a simple task, Lev. Just because Evan accomplished it with you does
not make it easy. The fact that the mind you wish to ease is mortal
makes it doubly difficult.”

Taking a calming breath, I
try not to let my impatience take over. “But not
impossible?”

“
No. What you are asking
isn’t impossible.”

Relief surges through me as
I allow myself to think that the consequences will perhaps be
difficult. But difficult isn’t impossible, and I can still make
amends for my part in destroying Elizabeth’s life.

I study Kane’s face, a
little unnerved that it seems expressionless, and then it occurs to
me that he’s reluctant. “You don’t want to help me, do
you?”

Kane arches his eyebrows in
surprise and tilts his head to the side as though considering my
words. “I am hesitant to fulfill your request. And I don’t think
you will be so enthusiastic when I tell you what it
involves.”

I fold my arms across my
chest and wonder what is coming next and why I have trepidations
about it. “Can you just spit it out already?”

“
I need you to obtain a
particular…tool. Without it I can’t do as you require.”

While that statement doesn’t
seem deceptive, I’m suspicious, considering how Celia feels about
this group, so I study Kane’s expression, watching for the
slightest “tell” in his features.

“
And what would this ‘tool’
be?”

“
Just a dagger.” His voice
doesn’t waver. He speaks with absolute conviction.

“
Then why would I object so
much?”

He shrugs. “Perhaps because
it has been entrusted to someone close to you, someone who will
never agree to loan it to you and will deny the dagger even has
such capabilities.”

My back stiffens, and I feel
my wings stirring for release. That only happens when the chaos
threatens to unnerve me. “Who has the dagger?”

“
Evan.”

The chaos sucker-punches me,
and I gasp at the thought of going through Evan’s personal things,
searching for the dagger. “I can’t do that.”

Kane shrugs. “Then you can’t
expect me to fulfill your wish. I do not have the ability to wipe
Elizabeth’s memory without it.”

I try to think if Evan has
ever even mentioned such a dagger, but I can’t recall it. How could
such a weapon help to erase Elizabeth’s memory. “But why a dagger?
How would that help?”

“
Look here.” Kane extends
both of his hands palms-up and looks down so a holographic image of
the dagger appears. “This isn’t just any dagger. It’s ancient, and
its powers are immense. One of the properties it has is that it can
do the bidding of the person who holds it. Yes, it will require a
bit of your blood and Elizabeth’s, but it will also accomplish a
task which would otherwise be impossible.”

He curls his fingers into
fists, and the image of the dagger vanishes, yet I keep staring in
the space where the holograph was, trying to figure a way to
accomplish this without destroying my relationship with Evan
altogether. And I know he will never agree to wipe me from
Elizabeth’s memories because Evan does not approve of meddling in
the affairs of humans. It matters not that this whole affair was
not of Elizabeth’s choosing.