Covenant (20 page)

She looks at the ground, a
flush lining her cheeks. The chaos swirls within both of us
unpredictably, and it’s ready to consuming both of us. “You don’t
understand just how dangerous these waters are and choose to swim
anyway. You blame us for trying to make things bearable and then
turn to angels who do not have your best interest at
heart.”

“
Well, perhaps I would have
known that if I’d still had my memory. Perhaps I’d have been able
to tell which angels were on my side and which I’d have offended
over the years—if I’d had my past to rely on. I do not understand
why those memories were wiped away to begin with. They had nothing
to do with Elizabeth. Nothing.”

“
Didn’t they?” Celia steps
toward me, and the chaos within me suddenly amps up as I fear she
will discover what I am trying so desperately to keep hidden. “You
and Elizabeth had been through so many of her lifetimes. You had
been at this one lesson for so long it fused to many of your
memories, Lev. Unless he wiped them all out, you would remember,
and that was what he struggled so hard to take from you—the pain of
remembering.”

This body tenses, and I want
to lash out at something. Unfortunately, Celia happens to be what
is closest. “And the rest of my memories were just collateral
damage? Is that what you are trying to tell me? Because if it is,
I’m not buying it.”

Frowning, Celia steps
towards me. In a flash, she slips her hands on my arms just above
my elbows. “Lev, listen to me. You were out of your mind with grief
when you realized you and Elizabeth would never be able to be
together again. It almost destroyed you. The chaos was too great,
and you had no way of fighting. Evan knew the only way he could
help you was to find a way to dampen the effect of the memories.
That meant he had to erase them.”

I jerk away. “And how do you
know I wouldn’t have preferred the destruction to forgetting
Elizabeth? How do you know?”

At that moment, I hear Celia
gasp. I see her staring beyond me at the outline in the pulpit. It
still glows, illuminating the absence of the dagger. So there is no
concealing what I am doing.

“
Lev, what have you done?”
All the anger is gone, leaving only chaos and panic surging through
her.

“
What I had to. For
Elizabeth.” I turn to fly away, but I don’t realize just how fast
she is. In an instant, she is there, blocking my path.

“
Put it back.” The chaos
swirls so strongly within her it feels like it’s going to consume
her. Yet she refuses to budge.

“
I will. When I’m
done.”

She sets her hand on my
shoulder. “No, now. You don’t understand what you are messing with,
Lev. You have no idea of the danger.”

“
It doesn’t matter. Evan
won’t help me. That leaves me one choice. Now get out of my
way.”

She folds her arms across
her chest. “Or what?”

I shove her to the side and
try not to look in her wide eyes as she loses her balance and
starts to fall, striking her head on the pulpit. I don’t wait for
her to recover because I know she’ll try to stop me, and I can’t
have that. Instead, I jerk away, running outside and flying away.
She’s still so focused on Evan’s intentions rather than his
actions. It doesn’t matter if he was trying to save me. In the end,
he can’t change the reality, and restructuring the peripherals
aren’t going to make it better.

Part of me wonders if I hurt
Celia because I keep seeing her body fall. The devastated
expression on her face won’t abandon me, and the swirling chaos is
stronger than ever. It’s all I can do to keep flying and focused on
what I must do. Will Celia come after me? Will she tell Evan of my
theft?

At that moment, I start to
fall, and I know it’s because the lure of the chaos is so strong
and I can’t seem to escape it.
Calm
down
, I tell myself.
Focus on flying. The rest will have to be taken care of in
time.
Yet even with me trying to restore
balance inside, I continue to fall as all these thoughts fill my
head, consuming me with worry, things I have no real way to
resolve.

As I keep falling, I wonder
how to stop myself—yet that is unnecessary as I feel someone grab
my arms and slow my descent. At first, I’m thinking it’s Celia, and
I look up, ready to continue the argument. Instead, it’s Bob
holding onto me, gradually slowing my plummet to match his flight
speed.

“
You must not think on what
you can’t control, Lev. That isn’t your place.”

“
I know,” I admit, trying
to shove all the chaos back into the box where it came from, but
it’s harder than it would appear.

It seems I am suspended from
his grip forever before we finally touchdown. As luck would have
it, we’re in the cemetery where I’m buried. Well, not me, exactly,
but the Lev whom Elizabeth remembers, and my headstone isn’t far
from here, which makes all this somehow worse.

As he releases me, I almost
stumble, my equilibrium still shot from the chaos swirling within.
At the last moment, Bob grabs me, and even though I know he’s not
really an old man, the human skin he wears seems so incongruous
with the strength I feel righting me.

“
Anything you want to talk
about there, Lev?” he asks softly, his eyebrows hunched in concern.
“You looked like you were during the funeral a few days
ago.”

I withdraw and wait for the
world to settle around me. “It’s nothing. I’ll be all right,” I
finally manage, wishing I knew how to settle the inner
turmoil.

“
If that’s nothing, I’d
hate to see what something is.”

I can tell he’s not going to
leave it alone, so I say, “It’s Elizabeth. I’m worried about
her.”

He nods. “Did you manage to
get the dagger?”

“
Yes.” Of course, I glance
at the sky, expecting that at any moment I will see either Celia or
Evan headed my way. Both, perhaps.

“
Then Elizabeth’s suffering
will soon be at an end. What else could concern you?”

That’s not a question I want
to answer right now because it’s not going to help settle the chaos
within me. So instead, I just say, “There isn’t anyhing else that
should concern me.” I shut my eyes and focus on trying to settle
the chaos; the last thing I want is for Bob to have to carry me
around until I can fly again. I’ve got enough problems. Not being
able to go where I wish isn’t one I want to add to the
collection.

The only image that even
seems to bring me peace is that of moments spent with Elizabeth
before things suddenly changed and I had to leave. I think of her
smiling face and focus on her heartbeat as I remember it. While the
chaos seems slow to leave, that image seems to help drive it away,
so I cling to it, waiting for restoration.

Bob is still there when I
finally open my eyes and resurface to the world where Elizabeth and
I can’t be together. One more glance at the sky tells me neither
Evan nor Celia has followed me. Part of me wants to go back to
worrying over Celia, but I can’t afford to follow where that path
will lead—so I look at Bob.

“
Perhaps we should go to
Theresa’s. I know I told her it would be tonight, but I need to
return this dagger before Evan is wise to the fact it is
gone.”

He nods slowly and glances
at me. “You sure you’re all right to fly? You weren’t so hot a few
moments ago.”

“
I’ll be fine. I just need
to get this done and find a way to go on from here.” I take a deep
breath. “So the sooner I get to Theresa’s, the sooner we can get
this over with.”

“
I’ll follow
you.”

Instead of answering, I
fling my body into the sky and take a deep breath, waiting to see
if I’ll fly or fall. Luckily, I find myself ascending instead of
plummeting.

“
Now that’s better,” Bob
says, giving me a wry smile, and even though I don’t feel it, I
reciprocate.

The rest of the journey to
Theresa’s is silent, which allows me to focus on the way the wind
feels with the sun on my skin. Normally, I block this, but right
now I need all the distractions I can manage. It will only help
reduce the chaos.

As we land in the back yard,
I glance toward the glass door, trying to see if Theresa is inside.
Still, the house seems empty, which is definitely not good. I need
to get this done. As it is, I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to
replace the dagger without Evan discovering I have taken
it.

“
Let’s see if Kane and
Theresa are here,” Bob suggests, leading the way to the door. I
follow him into a house that is dark except for the kitchen light.
Uncomfortable with exploring, I wait as Bob vanishes to the back
bedroom. A moment later, he returns.

“
I’m willing to bet they
are out sojourning, so we might as well hit the sectional and wait.
They’ll turn up eventually.”

We start toward the couch
when Bob stops suddenly. I know exactly what is going on by his
expression. He, too, is being called away to sojourn. He gives me a
glance, and I nod. He slips out the door and leaps into the sky,
his wings suddenly appearing as soon as he’s airborne.

If this isn’t commentary
about my status as a sojourner, I don’t know what would be.
Everyone else is out doing what I should be doing as well, yet here
I am, as useless as ever. Disgusted I sit and lean back, trying to
ignore the doubts running through my mind.

I’d fly someplace else, but
right now I’m guessing seeing Elizabeth in her current state would
only make me feel worse, and going back to the Upper Realm would
only complicate my already overly complicated life. So I’m
stuck.

A few moments later, I hear
the back door slide open. “Therese?”

“
Wrong.”

I shoot to my feet and find
Celia standing there. At first, I’m thinking Evan will be following
her, but she is alone. I try not to react. I’m glad to see I really
didn’t shove her as hard as I thought. “What are you doing
here?”

“
Trying to talk some reason
into you.”

Taking a deep breath, I sit,
my hand slipping to the back of my pants to make sure the dagger is
still secure. “Why don’t you have a seat?”

She shakes her head. “I’d
rather stand.”

I shrug. “Suit yourself.”
Right about now I’m wishing Celia would get a convenient call to
sojourn herself, but somehow I don’t see that happening.

“
Look, I don’t know what
you are doing or why. Neither of those matter, Lev. What matters is
that you took something from Evan, something that is very
important.”

I hold up a hand. “I didn’t
‘take’ it, Celia. It has a use that will help me with Elizabeth,
and once I do one simple thing, I will replace the blade, I
promise.”

Her eyes widen like she
can’t believe what I’m saying. “Lev, I don’t think you know what
you are doing. You think you do, but there are so many things
happening around you, and this choice can’t come to good in spite
of what you believe.”

I stand, sensing that once
again her chaos is starting to grow. She’s worried more than angry,
and that softens the edge within me. I reach out and gently grasp
her arm. “Look, I’m sorry about earlier. I wish Evan would have
been willing to help. I’ve tried asking him, but for whatever
reason, he won’t, and I can’t keep waiting for this to get easier.
It’s never going to. We both know that.”

Celia’s shoulders sink with
my words. “There’s a reason Evan wouldn’t help you. There are
consequences for every action, Lev. You don’t see the whole picture
right now.”

“
And whose fault is that?”
Without intending to, my fingers tighten around her arm. It’s a
spasm in my grip, and right afterwards, I release her arm, giving
us both some distance we need.

Celia takes a staggering
step back. “You’ve never acted like this before. Can’t you try to
give Evan the benefit of the doubt that he was just trying to help
you by erasing your memories?”

I throw my hands up in the
air. “It never helped, Celia. That’s what you don’t seem to
understand.”

“
All right,” she finally
admits, her voice a good deal calmer than her emotions inside. The
chaos is growing, and she’s fighting really hard to keep it under
wraps. “Look, maybe you don’t agree with Evan’s choices, but
this…this is wrong. You are surrounding yourself with dangerous
angels, and you don’t even realize it.”

“
Let me worry about those I
surround myself with. I promise you the dagger will be returned by
tomorrow. You have my word.”

A doubtful frown crosses her
face. “I hope for all our sakes you’re right, Lev. That dagger is
an artifact of great importance. You must understand
that.”

“
I do.”

She gives me one last
pleading look before heading back to the door and exiting. I know
she’s only leaving because she knows that sooner or later the other
angels will return, and she doesn’t want to be here when that
happens.

Once she has closed the door
and I am alone again, I begin to wonder what kind of artifact the
dagger is and why it is so important. Why would he have been
entrusted with something powerful which his tasks do not
require?