Choosing Waterbirth: Reclaiming the Sacred Power of Birth (15 page)

I feel no fear of the upcoming birth, only anticipation. I know that birth is natural and that I have the ability to birth my baby. But I do feel nervous. I have not given birth before and I wonder what it will be like.

When Mary arrives, she gives me a pelvic exam to check my cervix for dilation. It is one and onehalf centimeters dilated; my contractions are still regular at twenty minutes apart. It appears my baby is coming!

As the day goes by, I take a walk in the woods. It is beautiful outside, with the first warm breath of spring making the air so fresh after the winter. When I get back from my walk I rest. My contractions are still coming, but they are not strong and I don't even think of them as being painful. I eat a light meal at lunch, but am not very hungry, and I remember to drink to keep my body hydrated.

In early evening Nilakantan leaves to go to my parents' house to wait with my father for the more active phase of labor to come. He watches
Star Trek
while I sit with Mary and Bhavani, listening to what it was like for them in giving birth to their eleven collective children, only one of whom was born at home. We laugh and talk and their stories help me to feel less nervous. I believe them when they tell me I will do fine.

By nine P.M., I feel a distinct difference in my contractions. Active labor has begun. The contractions are much stronger and harder, now. Each one begins in my lower back then radiates around to my lower abdomen, then up over my whole belly, until it is as hard as a rock. It stays that way for twenty to thirty seconds and then gradually tapers off. I notice how the pain I feel mirrors the contractions, starting in my lower back, wrapping up around my abdomen, and then it continues, shooting down my legs. These contractions hurt, but it is a strange kind of pain, very much like a large muscle cramping. Breathing deeply helps. Each deep Page 99

breath pushes out my belly and relaxes my abdominal muscles. Doing this, I can remember to relax my legs, my bottom, my neck, and shoulders. During the contractions I focus on allowing my cervix to open. Focusing on the work my body is doing helps me to forget about the pain. When each contraction is over, I breathe deeply and slowly, letting go, letting everything relax.

I notice that the contractions are becoming more intense in stages. Every time I get comfortable with their intensity, the next one that comes is stronger, building in a gradual, persistent way. Through this everincreasing rhythm, I find I am able to handle the pain, taking each contraction as it comes, and relaxing in between.

Soon though, sitting still is no longer comfortable. I find I want to move. I get up and begin walking back and forth. Mary walks with me, holding my hand and rubbing my back when I stop to breathe through a contraction. She is watching me closely; she has seen the shift in my energy to a more restless, dynamic energy as active labor takes hold. I have passed through early labor and can get into the tub whenever I like. She asks if I want it filled, and I say that I do. Nilakantan has come home and he hooks up the hose and begins to fill it.

The lights are low and a fire burns warmly in the wood stove. Six candles provide soft light. I take my nightgown off. It feels better to be naked, unhindered, free. It is quiet and warm and comforting with only candlelight flickering. Everyone speaks in hushed tones as I walk slowly back and forth stopping to breathe through the pain of each contraction, then continuing on.

I can hear the water running. The sound of it fills me with longing. I go over to the tub and look in. It has only just begun to fill. I ask when it will be ready. They tell me it will take an hour. An hour is a lifetime.

I am restless while I wait and pace back and forth, stopping with each contraction. Every few minutes I check the tub. Slowly it fills, and I can get in. By now, the contractions are strong and the pain is intense. I know the water will help. Instinctively, I know.

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I step over the edge of the tub and sink down into the warm water. The water is warm and soothing. I sigh, sinking deeper. The first thing I notice is how the pain across my lower abdomen, like a tight band, is gone as is the intense pressure in my pelvis, my legs, and my lower back. I close my eyes and lay my head back on the towel someone has placed on the edge of the tub. The tension leaves me as I rest completely.

When I feel another contraction coming, I brace myself for the pain I am now used to feeling. I breathe deeper as it begins to build. It peaks and tapers off without me feeling much pain. I am amazed; it has come and gone with my hardly knowing. I sigh and lay my head back. Another contraction comes, I stir enough to breathe through it and then close my eyes and rest once again.

I feel so different laboring in the water. I feel so much less pain, I almost feel like I am cheating. I smile at that, noticing that not only has the water relaxed my body, it has soothed my mind as well. I no longer feel as if I can't do it. All uncertainty has left me. I feel strong and confident and suddenly I know this birth will be wonderful. Mary and my mother were right, I am doing fine.

Somewhere in the early hours in the morning the contractions come hard and close together. I have been in the water for a couple of hours, now, but even in the water I have little relief. Mary watches me closely. She and my mother are beside me, encouraging me. They tell me it will be soon now.

During the peak of one contraction I feel a pop inside. The membranes have ruptured. I jump from the unexpected force of it and am immediately nauseous. I begin to lean out of the tub so I don't throw up in the tub. Mary brings a bowl to the tub so I don't throw up in the water. We meet halfway when she hits me in the face with it. A second later, I am throwing up into the bowl and it seems to make the contractions even stronger.

With this intense energy, I begin to make sounds to help me through each pain. I bellow a sustained "Om" or "Ah." For a while, it feels good to do this, giving me a focus for the Page 101

intense energy being generated by the contractions. And it gives me an alternative focus. Instead of focusing on the tightness and the pain of the contractions, I focus on the depth of the sound I am making.

The contractions continue, coming together closer and closer; I have little time to rest. Each one is so powerful, I can no longer stay on top of the pain. I bellow "Om" and "Ah," I breathe deep. Nothing helps.

I don't want to do it anymore; I decide I'm done, I quit. I tell everyone I don't want to do it anymore. They speak to me encouragingly. I barely hear them; all of my effort goes into getting through each contraction. I sink deep inside myself, knowing only the rhythm of labor, the contraction and the rest, and I notice that this contraction is different. At the end of it I feel an incredible urge to push. I hold my breath automatically and push hard until the urge leaves me.

I hear Mary saying, "Good, good, you're starting to push out your baby." I feel a new excitement. This energy is so powerful I begin to shake. Another contraction, I push again. I can't believe how strong this contraction is. It doesn't feel the same as before; it doesn't hurt, it is just overwhelmingly strong. I feel pressure in my lower back and bottom as I push the baby down through the pelvic bones. Another rest, I breathe deeply. I am more aware now. I note that my mother and father are there, Nilakantan is behind me, supporting me in a raised squat and encouraging me. I listen to Mary reminding me to relax and then to push hard during the contraction. She reaches down and feels for the baby.

The top of the baby's head is beginning to come out. Mary tells me I can feel it if I want to.

I reach down and feel a small lump covered with soft hair. I can't believe it, the baby is right there, ready to be born. My heart goes out to the little one; I speak softly, welcoming.

Another contraction and I feel burning and stinging as I push and the perineum stretches. I push the head all the way out. Mary has her hands on the baby's head, gently holding him, waiting. Another pushing contraction comes on almost immediately. I feel the baby turning slightly and the Page 102

shoulders come out, then the whole baby slides out into the water. Mary has hold of the baby. She holds him under the water for a moment, making sure that the umbilical cord is not wrapped around his neck, and she feels for the sex. The baby is a boy. Mary gently lifts him out of the water and places him in my arms.

I look down into small, wide eyes that are looking around quietly. I am so surprised by how much of a person he is. He is so present and aware. Mary suctions his nose and mouth with a bulb syringe to make sure there is no water in his mouth that could be inhaled. There is no need; he has already begun to breathe on his own. I sink his body back down into the water so he can feel the warmth of it again. He looks peacefully curious as he stretches out his arms and legs, opening and relaxing in this familiar element. Around me everyone has crowded close and is speaking to him in excited whispers. Nilakantan leans in close. He reaches out and touches his hand, the small fingers close around his. I smile at him and say, "You know, I could do that again. Not immediately, necessarily, but in a few years from now, I could do it again."

And I did.

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Chapter 21—

Birth of an Englishman

Nataraja Daniel, born March 12, 1990, 4:22 P.M., twentytwo and a half inches long, weighing nine pounds.

My second pregnancy had little of the glowing ease of my first pregnancy. I was thoroughly exhausted from running around after an eighteenmonth old, and would have been perfectly happy to have gone to bed and stayed there for the duration. I lost ten pounds during the first three months from feeling nauseous and remained thin for the rest of my pregnancy, which is probably why Mary thought our baby was going to be small, only seven and a half pounds or so.

March of that year was unseasonably warm, as I anxiously awaited the new one's arrival, becoming more and more frustrated as my due date came and went with no baby.

March 12, 1990

I have not slept well in the last couple of weeks, having so many BraxtonHicks contractions. Many more than I had during the last few weeks of my pregnancy with Sampath. Two weeks ago I thought the baby was coming for sure. My

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contractions were strong and regular for almost three hours. Mary came and gave me a pelvic exam. There was no dilation and only a little effacement. Clearly my baby was not on the way.

Every morning for the last eight days, since my baby was due, I have woken up tired and resigned, feeling so frustrated. I have tried everything I can think of to get my labor started. I have eaten large meals, gone for walks; I have ridden miles in a bumpy truck, to no avail. It doesn't seem to matter what I do, this baby is not ready to come.

As usual I wake up in the early hours of the morning, having contractions. I am irritated by this, I know the baby probably isn't coming, and I just want to go back to sleep. I sigh and roll over, tuck the pillow under my chin and try to sleep. Another one comes and it goes, but my lower back still aches. I tuck another pillow under my belly and try to relax the tension in my lower back. It still hurts as another contraction comes on. I sit up and I feel better. I realize the contractions seem to hurt more while I am lying down. This gives me an idea.

I grab my pillow and a blanket from the bottom of the bed and head toward the living room. On the couch, I wrap the blanket around me and tuck the pillow behind my head. I hardly feel the next contraction, and soon I am sleeping again, waking up with an occasionally harder contraction, or to change my position to keep from getting stiff. I sit sleeping propped up like this though the rest of the night.

Dawn comes with the early spring birds chirping, and the sun shining in through the window, waking me from my halfsleep. The sun is shining brightly and I wonder if it is going to be as unseasonably hot today as it was yesterday.

I think of that as I stretch and get up. Two years ago, when Sampath was born, we had to keep a roaring fire in the stove to make sure the house was warm enough for him once he was born. Yesterday it was eightyfive degrees. With the sunlight already warm on the door step, we won't need to have a fire at all. It makes me think today would be a great day to have our baby.

Nilakantan smiles at me indulgently when I tell him I am having contractions. He is used to hearing that by now. We Page 105

have already had two ''false" labors. He has a meeting in a town fortyfive minutes away. I don't want him to go, afraid if I am in labor, he will miss the birth. It is so important to me that he be here. We decide to call Mary and ask her to come over and check me before he goes, just to make sure.

When I call her she says that even if I am in labor, Nilakantan has time to go and get back again, and so he leaves and I am by myself, tidying up the kitchen, folding the laundry, and waiting for Mary to come.

She gets here around eightthirty A.M. I walk out onto the porch to meet her.

"So, you've finally decided to have that baby?" She smiles as she walks up the steps and hugs me.