Choosing Waterbirth: Reclaiming the Sacred Power of Birth (22 page)

Having a baby in bed next to you can make this kind of caring easier. With the baby there in your bed, you can wake and check on the baby simply by reaching out. If you breastfeed, you have the convenience of nursing the little one without ever having to get out of bed. Snuggled next to your warm body, a baby cared for like this rarely cries. When they wake up, they squirm and make hungry baby noises. With the baby in such close proximity, this alone is enough to wake you.

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Before they have a reason to wail, you will be right there, able to talk to them, pull them close, offer your breast, or scoop them up to go get a bottle, and make them safe and secure again. Suckling, they drift right back to sleep.

For natural mothering, sleeping the baby in the parents' bed makes sense. Not only convenient from the mother's point of view, this arrangement is also preferable from the point of view of the baby. After nine months of knowing only you, having you close is what makes your baby feel happiest. Sleeping close to your warmth, listening to the lulling sound of your rythymic breathing as they sleep, hearing your voice so close when they awaken, all add to making the baby feel safe and secure. From this kind of closeness, they get a sense that you are always there for them whenever they need you.

Occasionally fathers object to having a baby in the bed. One of the reasons for this is a fear for the baby's safety. Their babies are so little that many fathers fear that they will roll over in the middle of the night and crush the infant. Relax, fathers: this doesn't happen. Women are not the only beings created perfectly; you also were designed with the particular ability to care for your offspring, and rolling over them in the middle of the night is not part of the design. If you don't believe me, ask other fathers who have slept with their babies. They will tell you that despite some misgivings, they were immediately aware of their babies in the bed next to them even while they slept. And after a few days adjustment period where you might not sleep well because of the fear of rolling over on the baby, you could find that you enjoy having your baby in bed where you can hug and snuggle them whenever you like.

There are a couple of things you need to be concerned with if you sleep the baby in bed with you. Being aware of these things will allow you to take a few precautions to help insure the baby's safety in the expanse of your bed. One concern is of the baby falling out of the bed. A good way to prevent this is for the mother to sleep on the side of the bed that is next to the wall. The wall acts as a barrier to prevent the baby from Page 151

rolling out. If you do this, line the crack between the bed and the wall with a blanket to prevent the baby from falling down in between the bed and the wall. If your bed is in the middle of the room, you may place a pillow on the edge of the bed to prevent the baby from rolling off. There are also barricades specifically for this purpose.

You can find one anywhere that sells baby accessories. At the top of your bed, place another rolled up blanket against the headboard or the wall. This will prevent the baby from falling into that opening.

A second concern is of the baby being covered by your blankets. Prevent this by sleeping the baby higher than the top of the cover and give the baby its own blanket to insure its warmth.

No matter where you sleep your baby, it is usually recommended to sleep your baby on its back or side during the early part of its life. This is because the baby's neck will not be strong enough to hold its head up for quite a while. A baby slept on its stomach could literally smother from not being able to lift its head up to breathe.

Sleeping a baby on its back is a better choice, as a baby will breathe easily in this position, but it does carry some risk as the baby could choke if it were to spit up while on its back.

Sleeping the baby on its side will allow it to be able to breathe easily and will reduce the risk of its choking. While your baby is very young, you will need to place something behind its back to prevent it from rolling over during sleep. This can be accomplished by taking a rolled up cotton receiving blanket and laying it snugly against its back. As your baby grows, and is able to hold up its head and sit on its own, sleeping position is no longer a concern.

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Chapter 30—

Massage Message

Massaging a newborn is one of the most enjoyable and fulfilling activities you can participate in. As parents, we long to touch our newborns from the moment of their births. We want to go over every finger, every limb, marveling at the wonder we've created. Massage gives us the opportunity to do this, while being very nice for the baby, as well.

A wonderful massage you can do from the very first day your baby is born is a castor oil massage. A timehonored East Indian tradition reputed to reduce the heat in the baby's system caused by the friction of birth, it also makes the baby's skin lovely and soft, even on wrinkly feet. Buy your castor oil from a local health food store, or pharmacy and try to get "coldpressed" if you can. If you are unable to locate it locally, it can be ordered through the mail from The Heritage Store (P.O. Box 444

WWW, Virginia Beach, VA, 23458; phone 18008622923; or online at www.caycecures.com).

In preparation of the massage, make sure your room is nice and warm. Lay a towel on the bed or the floor and lay a receiving blanket over it to make a nice, soft place for the baby

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to lie. You may also want to place a sheet of plastic beneath the towel in case the baby pees while you are in the middle of the massage. Have another blanket or two close by to cover the parts of the baby you are not massaging to keep the baby warm. If it is the middle of summer, or you are in a very hot room, this may not be necessary.

Warm your hands by rubbing them together, or running them under hot water. Undress your baby and lay her face up on the towel. Pour about a tablespoon of oil into your palms and rub them together to warm the oil. Beginning with the chest area, slowly and gently rub the oil onto the baby, starting from the center and moving down to the sides. You will notice the oil is very sticky. Rub the oil onto the baby very slowly so you don't pull the skin, adding more oil to keep your hands well lubricated.

After the chest, move to the abdomen and rub in small circles, clockwise in the direction the large intestines move. If your baby has not had a first bowel movement, expelling the sticky, brownishblack meconium that filled the intestines while the baby was
in utero
, don't be surprised if the castor oil massage stimulates this expulsion.

After the abdomen, move to the legs. Gently massage from the feet toward the hips, which helps to return the blood from the legs to the heart, and then massage the feet themselves. Rubbing in little circles in the center of the feet and on the heel for the accupressure points for the colon can also help to stimulate the expulsion of the meconium. From the feet move to the arms and massage from the wrists to the shoulders, and then the hands, gently rubbing the palm to stimulate the colon.

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Next, carefully roll the baby over and massage the back, stroking from the center out to the sides. Rub up in around the neck and down all over the buttocks. Last, roll the baby back over and massage the face and head. It is fine to get the oil in the baby's hair and ears, just remember to be careful with the soft spot on the top of the baby's head where the bones have not yet closed.

After you are done, wrap the baby in a receiving blanket, and another warm blanket and, if it is at all cold, put a hat on the baby's head. The baby will seem very sticky for about twelve hours until all of the castor oil has been absorbed. Then you will notice that any dry skin is gone, and that everything, including the hair, is soft and silky.

You can give your baby a castor oil bath as often as you like, even every day is not too frequently and for as long as you like, as they never seem to outgrow their love of massage. Whenever I start to massage one of my children, the others line up and the next thing I know, there are five sets of feet to work on and five bare backs that want to be stroked. Fortunately, I have never outgrown that longing to touch them either.

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Chapter 31—

The Lifelong Challenge

The lights over the stove are making me hot. I wrinkle my forehead in exasperation; I don't seem to be able to cut the broccoli fast enough. I set the broccoli down and pick up the pasta pot. Carrying it to the sink, I trip over a pan lid.

''Damn it! Who put that there?" Not waiting for a reply I kick it out of my way and shove the pot in the sink. Turning the water on, I tap my fingers on the edge of the sink anxiously waiting while the pot fills. Dinner is going to be late again, I sigh, noticing the band of tension that has settled across my forehead. I'm tired and stressed from the events of the day and dinner is going to be late, again.

The pot is full. I grab it.

Mama?

"What?" I answer, irritably, not looking, not turning around.

"Mama?" it comes again.

I said 'what' already. Now, what do you want?

I put the pan on the stove, turn the burner on beneath it, and go back to the broccoli. "Mama?"

I try a different tack.

Not, now, Mama's trying to get dinner ready.

Maamaa?!?

"Not now!" I shout.

Silence behind me.

I stop. I inhale deeply and let it out slowly through my mouth. I notice the steam rising off the water, awaiting the pasta, steam rising up and dissipating into the kitchen air. I Page 156

take another breath, in, out. I notice how green the broccoli is against the white cutting board, how shiny the knife is. I lay the knife down. I turn around.

On the floor my eightmonthold baby, Lalita, has made a drum set with my pots and pans, having pulled them out from under the sink. She looks at me looking down at her and grins, showing her two teeth. She's so cute, I give a half grin back. That small smile ease some of the tension on my forehead.

From under the table threeyearold Madhuri looks up at me.

"Mama?" she says, again, now that I am looking at her.

"What?" I ask her, softer now.

"I love you." She says, giggling, her cheeks dimpling.

Oh, dear.

"Come here, Sweetie." I say, bending down as she scampers over to give me a hug.

I love you, too. Very much.

She smiles and kisses me on both cheeks before returning to her hideaway under the table. Twelveyearold Sampath, gets up from the table and walks over.

He mockscowls at the baby, and makes a grab for Madhuri as she peeks from under the table. Then he turns to me, "Mom, check it out." He shows me the picture in a Nintendo 64

game catalog of a game he'd like to get called "Monster Truck Madness." "Cool, huh?"

"I guess so." I reply, ruffling his hair as he grins at me hopefully. Suddenly the need to get dinner done doesn't seem quite so urgent.

I turn slowly and grab another head of broccoli off the counter. Carrying it to the kitchen sink I step over the drum set. The baby chortles. Outside my kitchen window my other son, Nataraja, the tenyearold daredevil, races his bike across the yard. He sees me watching and deliberately wipes out. I flinch. He gets up unhurt and dusts himself off, looking at me expectantly.