Choosing Waterbirth: Reclaiming the Sacred Power of Birth (20 page)

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children. I wonder if this will turn out to be my last birth. If so, I am glad she was there to witness it.

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Chapter 25—

My Sister's Waterbirth

Thurston Lewis Stish, born September 8, 1996, twentytwo and a half inches long, weighing nine pounds, four ounces.

This was the first time I had been at a birth where I was not the one having the baby. It is a very different experience, watching a woman in labor. My sister showed strength and courage. I have never seen anything as amazing as she was while she pushed her baby out.

My eldest sister Cassi became pregnant at thirtythree with her first baby when I was pregnant with my fourth. She had been trying to get pregnant for about a year, so it was with great joy that she took the news that she was pregnant at last.

While thoroughly excited about the baby, Cassi was very fearful of the actual birth. Completely against the Western medical system, she was determined to have a natural, home birth, but for one who is admittedly a "total wimp" when it comes to pain, she wondered how she would ever make it through labor and delivery without needing drugs for the pain. Waterbirth for her was like finding a candle in a cavern; it gave her something real and solid that would help guide her through an unknown experience.

Mary was to be her midwife, as well, and her husband, George, our parents, and I were to be present as her support team. When Cassi first asked me to attend her birth, I had reservations. I had just had Madhuri, and her birth had been challenging and more painful than the three before her. I Page 133

wasn't sure I wanted to be at another birth that would certainly remind me of my own that had been only a few months earlier. But it was very important to Cassi that I be there. She said I was her living, breathing example that labor could be gone through and survived, so having me about would remind her of that.

September 6, 1996:

Today dawned windy and gray as Hurricane Fran beat down on us for the second day in a row. Mother called me this morning, letting me know that Cassi was having contractions that were coming pretty regularly. With the weather we've been having I am not surprised. An everyday thunderstorm can cause a woman to go into labor, never mind a hurricane.

And even though it is still two weeks until her due date, Cassi has already lost her mucus plug and the wagers have begun on how long she will hold out before the baby is born.

The day passes, and though Cassi is tired and cranky, she is not yet in labor.

September 7:

Over breakfast this morning, we lost electricity. Though not an unusual occurence in rural Virginia, the loss of the electricity this morning is significant. Cassi has planned for a home waterbirth, so if the electricity does not come back on in time, I wonder what will happen.

At my mother's house, I see Cassi, who is making breakfast when I walk in. She seems a little tired and much distressed. Her contractions have begun again, and though the rain is still pouring down, the temperature has begun to rise. With no water available for showers, and no air conditioning, she is facing a day of heat and humidity with no way to alleviate the discomfort. She and George decide to go to a motel in a town twenty miles away to shower, rest, and regroup.

Midafternoon, the contractions are back, much stronger and more painful. Cassi calls Mary to let her know what is happening and she tells them to come home and she will meet them there. At home Cassi calls the electric company. The service man, upon hearing her predicament, tells her the Page 134

electricity will not be restored to their grid for at least two days. He recommends they evacuate.

I arrive at the house just after Mary does. My Dad comes and lets Cassi know a neighbor has a generator and can draw hot water. Does she still want to try for a waterbirth? She says yes and George and Nilakantan accompany him to help haul water.

Cassi goes into the house and lies down. She finally takes stock of her situation. She has no water for the birthing tub, no fan or air conditioning to keep her cool, no running water for showers or cooking, no CD player for her carefully chosen music. Everything she had dreamed of and planned to help to bring her baby into the world was gone, stripped away by the hurricane. As she thinks of these things, and feels her carefully laid plans unraveling, she realizes there is only one thing she can do to make her situation better and that is to let go. So she counts off each transgression, ticks them off in her head, and mentally allows each one to be let go. "Thy will be done," is her mantra of the moment and her reward is a deep pervading peace settling over her.

At this exact moment, the electricity comes back on.

Relief washes over us all. The world makes sense again.

Mary checks Cassi and she is only one and a half centimeters dilated. Mary can't be sure if it is labor yet; the next few hours will tell. If her cervix dilates any more over the next two hours, then she is in labor. Walking is good if you're trying to decide if labor is here or not. If it is true labor, you will dilate faster; if false, it will usually slow or stop altogether.

Cassi's contractions continue to come and by 4:30, two hours later, she is four and a half centimeters dilated and is declared officially in labor.

The tub is filled and Cassi gets in. She remarked later: "I still remember the feeling of comfort and safety in the water; caressed by Mother Ocean, I never wanted to get out."

Cassi labors in the water and out, working hard to produce her baby. She is not "wimpy" at all. That person has gone and has been replaced by this woman who is becoming a mother. A trial by fire, this journey is not an easy one, but

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Cassi is amazing. She sways and rocks back and forth, both in the water and out on all fours. She makes loud, low noises, deep belly sounds that help her to stay focused. Her music plays, soothing her, sage burns in a clam shell and candles cast a soft glow. George gives support, massaging and holding her. My mother and father, Mary, and I wait quietly as Cassi does all the work.

By the time dawn comes, she is pushing with all of her might. A half an hour ago she was listless in between contractions and introverted during them. Now she is vibrant and dynamic with each powerful push. Slowly, the head appears a little at a time. More pushing and all at once he is born. She looks at him as he is laid in her arms and says, ''Boy, did you cause me some trouble." We all laugh because we know this is only the beginning.

Cassi's second baby, Charles Tasso Stish (born January 23, 1999), was not able to be born in water. Cassi and George had moved to Pennsylvania, where there was no one in the area who practiced waterbirths. She considered coming down here to stay for the last month until her baby was born, but that would mean George would not be able to be present at the birth. Her only option in Pennsylvania was to depend on the Western medical hospital that she was so opposed to.

She found a group of doctors who were highly recommended. On her first visit, she explained about her first birth, and she told them if she gave birth in their center, she would have certain expectations that they would need to agree upon meeting before she had her baby there. She gave them a written list of her criteria. The hospital board met to see if they could uphold her desires. The answer was yes and from that careful planning, Cassi's second baby was born after only four hours of active labor, making his appearance halfway through James Taylor's "Sweet Baby James."

Cassi felt very positively about this second, very different birth experience. In lieu of the birthing tub, she said she felt the water became a state of mind for her. She did not fear this

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birth at all. Her only concerns were with where and how she would give birth. Once those things were taken care of to her satisfaction, the rest of her experience was as good as she had hoped. She feels this was solely due to the amazing experience she had had the first time around. It taught her that she wasn't a "total wimp" after all.

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PART IV—

THE CELEBNATION AND AFTERWARDS

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Chapter 26—

Congratulations and Welcome

Having just given birth to a new being, the first thing you deserve is a wholehearted congratulations. Congratulations and welcome to the frustrating, wonderful, miraculous, impossible, thoroughly demanding and absolutely fulfilling world of motherhood. Your job is like no other. You are to be on call twentyfour hours a day;

you are to give of yourself fully; you are to forget about achieving any personal goals for the time being; you are not to be allowed to shower in peace; and you are to experience a sense of love, devotion and wholehearted commitment unlike anything you have ever known before. With this new person to take care of, your time is no longer your own. Your time, and a large portion of your heart and brain, belong to the baby you hold in your arms.

When we talk about the "miracle of creation," we refer to this: the magic, the miracle of one person in his/her sweetness and innocence transforming the life of another.

This miraculous event makes us into mothers. You will be changed by your baby. Expect to be.

And expect to be occasionally resentful of it; expect to miss the good old days when you could pee in peace, eat a meal from beginning to end without twentytwo interruptions, and sleep the night through.

Those days are gone, to be sure, but don't focus too much on the things you have lost. Open yourself to this new feeling overwhelming you. It can feel good to be brimming with something so great and so unexplainable. When the resentment

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comes, sigh, take a deep breath and gaze at your newborn's face. Really look. See the shape of the eyebrows, the curve of the rosebud lips, the way their eyelashes lay against their cheeks while sleeping. You have given everything and given up everything, but your salvation lies before you. When you find yourself in need of encouragement, gaze at your baby. As you watch, your anger will ebb; and the embers of your love will rekindle. Soon, the love will fill you again and you will remember why you are up for the third night in a row, exhausted, rocking your baby because his tummy hurts.

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Chapter 27—

Babies Don't Keep

Mothering is a challenging task, yet it can be done in a way that is healthy and good for both of you. Your baby will demand the world, and then some, and you, with your love, will try to give it. But an empty pot pours no tea. Without taking care of yourself, how are you going to care for another? This is an oftenmisunderstood fact about motherhood. We love our babies so much we would walk backwards through fire for them, yet we do not realize we are as much in need of our care as our newborns.

For the first six weeks after a baby is born, you should consider yourself like a baby as well. You are as innocent and new to this thing of motherhood as the baby is to its surroundings. This is true even if this is not your first baby. Each new baby births a new mother. In this new and fragile state, you are as much in need of quiet and rest as your baby.

During the first six weeks, try not to resume any of your previous responsibilities, if possible. If you were working before the birth, try to schedule as much maternity leave as you can get, at least six weeks. If there are other children in your home, arrange before the birth to have help in caring for them once the baby is born. Enlist outside help for housekeeping and cooking duties. Friends and family can drop off readymade dinners and can come to play with the baby, giving you a break. Or they can take older children with them to give you and the baby some quiet time.

There are countless unforeseen challenges you will face during the postpartum period, when so much is happening as the Page 141

baby adjusts to being its own person and you adjust to being yourself again. By taking care of what you can foresee (organizing care for your other children, getting help with the housework), you free yourself to face other challenges without having to worry about so many things. Eventually you will have to pick up the reins and get the "team" moving again as mother of the household, but don't expect that of yourself right away.

Rest is essential after birth, so rest as much as you can. Coast through this time. Do only what you have to. One of the biggest challenges of having a new baby will be lack of sleep. If you were used to deep, unbroken sleep (except for occasional trips to the bathroom), this new role as a mother is liable to shock you. I lived in a fog for the first six months postpartum.

My first baby was a good baby; he rarely cried; he was sweet and quiet; but he was also big at birth and really big at two weeks. He nursed every two hours around the clock for five months. That didn't leave me much sleeping time. The first time he slept for five hours straight, I awoke with a start, my mind clear for the first time in forever and there he was, just beginning to stir and famished from his long nursing fast. I snuggled him next to me to nurse, and we both fell back to sleep. The next day, I felt better than I had since he had been born. Those few extra hours of sleep made a big difference.

The exhaustion that comes from getting only broken sleep is not inevitable, however. There are a couple of good ways to prevent feeling so tired all of the time. One simple rule to follow that will help you recover from the birth as well as help with sleep deprivation is to make a habit of resting each time your baby sleeps during the day. Sleep yourself, if you can; if not, lie down and be quiet. Your baby will sleep for nearly twentytwo out of every twentyfour hours for the first few days. Use this time to rest. Nature allowed this time as a recovery and adjustment period for new mothers. Taking advantage of it will keep exhaustion at bay.

Another technique for keeping wellrested is to practice the deep relaxation exercise from the prenatal yoga class that you Page 142

did during the pregnancy in anticipation of the birth. If you omit the visualization that is part of the prenatal class, you have a traditional version of this exercise. The deep quality relaxation and rejuvenation you feel from doing this exercise, which you may remember from your pregnancy, makes it very beneficial for the postpartum period.