Children in Her Shadow (26 page)

Ruth was completely taken in by Edward’s charm and believed him when he said that he was torn between her and Sarah.

Nothing could have been further from the truth. Unbeknown to Ruth, Edward and Sarah had moved on their plans for the christening and entry into the Catholic Church for Michael and they were planning to take Charlotte and Maria through the same process quickly.

The relationship between Sarah and Edward was solid as was her integration back into the bosom of the Carmichael family where she was treated as the daughter-in-law elect. Edward however, was making no such progress with Sarah in his attempts to convince her that as they were “as good as married” they should consummate their relationship. She was holding firm to her stated belief that there would be ‘none of that business’ before they were married.

Ruth was therefore unsighted to the reality of the situation between Sarah and Edward and was simply being very cynically wooed by Edward who returned to Ruth’s flat the following week with a small bunch of marigolds and chrysanthemums’. Ruth was touched by this because Edward had never bought her flowers in all the time they were together. Indeed, Ruth reflected that she could not remember Edward ever buying her a gift always saying that presents were a con dreamt up by shopkeepers to make money. This was therefore a big gesture on his part and she was curious but flattered.

Edward explained that he was not able to bring an item of the children’s clothing for Ruth but promised to do so next week. Ruth thought this was a bit presumptuous but equally she felt that it might support Edward’s previous suggestion that they should try to get to know each other again. Ruth was intrigued that Edward was hovering by the window and as they spoke he seemed preoccupied by the comings and goings in the darkened street outside. Eventually, Ruth said, “What on earth are you looking for out there, I thought you had come here to see me.” Embarrassed, Edward returned to his chair by the heater and regaled Ruth with stories of how the children were happy and content in Ellen’s care and how they were developing well.

However, any attempt by Ruth to move the conversation towards a discussion about seeing them or about a future for the two of them was met with the same response that they would need to rediscover the spark that had brought them together all those years ago.

Edward seemed on edge and eventually said that he would need to go. Ruth suggested that next week they should go to the cinema as she was keen to see a film, any film because it was so long since she had visited a cinema. Edward was very cool about this or any suggestion she made about spending some time outside the flat brushing them off by suggesting that this was supposed to be time for them to talk and get to know each other again.

Edward rose to leave and as he did, he again looked to the window. It was at that point that Ruth asked again what on earth he was looking for and asked, “Are you expecting to see someone or are you meeting someone?” Edward again shrugged off the question and went to the door. Once again as Edward was leaving he drew Ruth into his arms. However, this time he lingered, and as he kissed her there was a closeness that she remembered from the past, a warmth and an intimacy that she had forgotten in herself and in Edward.

As Edward left Ruth turned out the light and went to the window. Being careful not to be seen she waited for Edward to appear on the street below and she watched him as he carefully navigated the traffic in Fishergate and walked purposefully to the other side of the road. He walked the few yards to the side junction whereupon he turned left and disappeared into the side street.

It was at this point that Ruth recalled the incident back in April, when she had seen Edward and Sarah do exactly the same thing. Ruth wracked her brain to try to understand why Edward or indeed Edward and Sarah should walk into a side street away from the bus stops and the shops. The following morning before going to work Ruth strolled across the road and into the side street and to her surprise all she could see were three houses and a large piece of open space. Ruth could only surmise that Edward was visiting someone in those houses, she was intrigued.

As October gave way to November, Ruth and Edward had been seeing each other on and off for some weeks. Their evenings together always followed the same routine: Edward would spend an hour or two with Ruth mostly talking about the early time together with Edward being extremely attentive. It was clear to Ruth that Edward was becoming increasingly close to her. He spoke little of Sarah and when pressed he was inclined to say that they were not seeing much of each other, inferring that their relationship was cooling if not ended. Ruth was drawn to the only conclusion that made sense, that being the possibility that she and Edward could get back together if their current courtship progressed in the same positive vein it had done in the past few weeks.

And so when Edward called to see Ruth in mid November, her mood was lighter than previously and she was happy to see Edward. They talked as usual and picking up on Ruth’s cheerful mood, Edward opened up the conversation to the prospect of Ruth seeing Michael, perhaps from afar initially on a visit to Avenham Park in Preston.

Ruth was overjoyed and like a child being promised a treat by its father she pressed, “When… when can we do it when can I see Michael?” Edward was calm explaining that he would need to make the arrangements and then let Ruth know.

And so it was that in this mood of euphoria Ruth succumbed to Edward’s charms and ended up in bed with him. Every cell of her subconscious mind was telling her that this was the most stupid thing she could ever contemplate and yet the prospect of seeing Michael again clouded her better judgement so much that she simply gave herself to Edward.

As Edward left, Ruth knew instinctively that she had made a terrible error of judgement. Perhaps it was the smile that could have been read as a smirk on Edward’s face or perhaps it was the evasiveness about meeting the next week or perhaps Ruth knew as Edward skipped down the stairs that she had been seduced in the most cynical of ways.

And so she had! It had only been the previous day on Sunday the seventeenth of November that Edward and Sarah had attended the Catholic Baptism of Michael in Sarah’s Church. Before the Carmichael family witnesses and in the grace of God, they had callously stripped this small child of a name that had been given to him so lovingly and with such poignancy by his mother Ruth and replaced it with the name Robert. In so doing Sarah and Edward had begun a process through which Ruth’s children would begin to learn that their mother did not exist. That message would evolve into one in which the children were to grow up being told that their mother was dead.

Ruth waited for four weeks before Edward came knocking on her door again once and it was obvious from the outset that his intentions were to bed Ruth once again. Ruth was firm and determined that this would not happen. Before Edward could remove his coat, Ruth demanded to see the little tokens from the children that Edward had been promising for weeks. Ruth was not surprised when Edward again offered a lame excuse and again suggested that he would bring them on his next visit in a week. Ruth considered the situation and decided to put all her cards on the table.

She started by casting Edward’s mind back to their last meeting four weeks previous and as she did she could see Edward’s mind going in an entirely different direction to hers and she was quick to correct any thoughts he might have that she was there simply to meet his carnal needs. She pointed out that in all the weeks of promise that there was hope for their relationship all they had done was to remain in her one room flat bringing no external expression to their thoughts of getting back together again. Theirs was a “secret relationship” she said and with that she turned to face Edward and confronted him with a stark question, “Edward, do you have any intention of getting back together with me?”

Edward spluttered intending to respond but Ruth carried on, “Let me put it this way, are you prepared to go from here now and take me back to the farm and declare to your parents that we are back together again. Are you also prepared to reintroduce me back into the lives of my children and are you prepared to once and for all stop seeing Sarah?”

Edward was ill prepared for any one of these questions. Still fumbling with the words to answer Ruth’s questions, Ruth provided one more fact to stimulate his mind, “And whilst you are pondering all of that you might also wish to know that I am pregnant.”

The jauntiness left Edward as did the ability to speak but they were replaced by a flushing of his cheeks and an anger that Ruth had never seen before. Edward rose and walked over to the chair where Ruth was seated. He placed his hands on each of the arm rests of the chair and drawing his face to within a couple of inches of Ruth’s he spoke in an intimidating and deeply threatening tone.

“You stupid, stupid woman” he said. “What makes you think that by threatening me with the suggestion that you are pregnant is going to change my plans for my future; neither you nor anyone else is going to do that.” He rose and in so doing pulled Ruth to him and said, “And if you are pregnant, and if you ever so much as utter the fact that I am the father I will search the country for you and I will take that child from you just as I have done with the other three.” He went on, “I will not have to do much to take this child I will simply have to point out to the authorities that you are not fit to be a mother and that you have abandoned three of your children already.”

Ruth was sobbing partly out of fear and partly because she was clear that this meeting marked the absolute low point in her life. At that moment, at that precise moment Ruth knew she would never again see her children.

Edward’s parting comment was threatening and frightening for Ruth, “You can expect to see me calling at the flat every week until you have disappeared from the face of the earth.” He was crystal clear in his repeated warning, “My deal with you is this, if you go and you take that child with you, you will hear nothing more from me. But if you attempt to ruin my life by letting people know that I’m the father I will, and I repeat, I will find you and I will take that child from you too….mark my words.”

Ruth trembled with fear. This was a determined and frightening Edward and someone she knew she needed to take seriously, for her own safety and her own sanity.

Edward left the room descended the stairs and went out onto the street. Once again, he crossed the road and at the junction he turned to his left and disappeared. Despite Ruth’s traumatised state, she was curious about where Edward was going and before she realised what she had done, she threw on her coat and her shoes and dashed into the street. Ruth reached the street corner where Edward had turned and as she did so, she saw Edward getting into a car. Hiding in the shadows she waited a few moments and then saw a young man leave a house and step into the car with Edward. It was hard to see who it was but as the car approached the junction with Fishergate, Ruth could see the man clearly and knew immediately who it was.

It was George Morrison Sarah’s sister’s boyfriend. Ruth knew George from his visit to the flat with Edward in the April and from several years previous when she had met him in Blackpool when she was ice skating. Indeed she remembered that Sarah had been out on a number of dates with him but these fell by the wayside when Edward came on the scene.

Whilst Edward was now regularly meeting George, he had made no mention that Ruth was still living in the flat across the road. He like most of the family had assumed that Ruth had left the north of England and Edward was not going to disabuse them of this notion.

Ruth returned to her single room that night, a room which felt darker, less homely and far colder than previously. She sat huddling around her heater and began the process of deciding what she should now do with her life. She was indeed pregnant, that was not a bluff and Ruth was determined that she would have this child and she would keep it. To do this Ruth knew she would need to move out of the flat and in the short term she would have to be extra vigilant when she was walking to work to ensure that she was not seen by anyone who might know her or Edward.

The following day, Ruth’s employer’s wife Jane was alone with Ruth in the back office and Ruth took the opportunity to have a quiet chat with her. She took the bull by the horns and decided to be absolutely honest with Jane about the events of the past few weeks.

Jane knew that Ruth was married but estranged from her husband and she also knew that her child, Michael was now with Edward. The rest was hazy largely because Ruth ensured it stayed like that. Ruth told Jane that over the past many weeks she and Edward had been seeing each other and for Ruth at least she had hoped that this would lead to reconciliation.

Ruth confided that she had mistakenly slept with Edward and was now pregnant. She told Jane that this news had outraged Edward and that his threats towards her were frightening and felt very real. Ruth completed her story by explaining why she needed to move out of the flat quickly and pointed out that she would understand if she and John felt that she should leave the company.

Jane listened quietly and offered no judgement but when Ruth had finished she slipped her arm around her shoulder and said, “You’re a friend and part of the business and John and I will help you to do what you think is right for you.” She went on, “Stay in your flat tonight and in the morning the three of us can talk about how we can help you.” They spoke no more on the subject and by mid morning Jane and Sofia who had been out in the garage with her ‘Papa’ were ready to leave. Jane again slipped her arm around Ruth and said, “We won’t pry but we will help as much as we can.”

Later that day one of the drivers was wasting time between jobs in the outer office and knowing that he lived nearby, Ruth asked him if he knew where George Morrison lived as she knew him through a friend of a friend. The driver hardly moved as he pointed across the road and said “number ten Guild Street, he lives there with his mother.” Ruth felt a shiver run down her spine as she considered the number of times that she had been in Fishergate when she might have bumped into George.