Children in Her Shadow (22 page)

At the same time Ruth posted a small birthday gift to Charlotte who was by now approaching three years of age. The post mark was once again anonymised this time by deliberately twisting the franking stamp to smudge the post office mark. The gift was a pretty little summer dress that Ruth had made using as a pattern one of Charlotte’s dresses she had taken with her when she left Edward and the children. Unnoticed by Edward or Ellen, Ruth had taken two items as keepsakes from both the children.

To remind her of Charlotte, she had kept a lock of her hair which had been cut off by Ellen. At the time Ruth was furious that someone should take a pair of scissors to her child’s hair without consulting her and she swept every hair from the floor and carefully placed them inside the folds of Beatrix Potter’s book
The Tale of Peter Rabbit.
Ruth had bought the book and intended to read it to Charlotte when she was a little older. The dress she took had been one she was given by a friend when Charlotte was tiny which she had grown out of. The simple pale blue dress with fine embroidery around the collar and the short sleeves had become a firm favourite for Charlotte and Ruth knew that by making an exact but larger copy of the original, Charlotte would know that it was made with love from her mother.

In so far as Maria was concerned Ruth was compelled to take the small booties that she had worn as a tiny baby. She also took a pair of her socks, which, if Ruth closed her eyes she could still detect on them that distinctive smell of her baby. These small reminders of her children were kept in a shoe box all carefully wrapped in white tissue and always returned to the box with a reverence reminiscent of holy relics. The shoe box and its contents were to remain with Ruth for the rest of her life.

Ruth moved into her small garret room in Preston in an old Victorian property that was split into more than ten similar rooms. The room itself was at the top of the house accessed by climbing three sets of stairs. Thankfully, although the room did not have its own bathroom, there was a toilet directly opposite the entrance to her room and a bathroom on one floor below. The room was small but offered enough space for a single bed, a wardrobe two chairs and there was a sink to the side of the window that overlooked the main street of Fishergate. The room had a threadbare slightly stained carpet on the wooden floor and the only lighting was provided by a single bulb that hung from a cord on the ceiling. Heating for what it was worth, was provided by a small cylindrical paraffin heater that at least had the benefit of enabling a kettle or a pan to be heated on the top. The decoration of the room was good and looked as though the walls had only recently been papered.

Ruth was determined to make the most of the accommodation and quickly bought new bed sheets and a quilted bed cover that made the place feel more like home. Despite having to pay for electricity, through a coin meter Ruth was determined that the flat would be a welcoming place to bring her baby back to and so she purchased a second hand two bar fire for additional heat along with a kettle, a small saucepan and some simple utensils. Having inspected the communal kitchen on the ground floor, Ruth was clear that she would avoid the need to use it unless absolutely necessary particularly in her state and so being able to warm food and make hot drinks in her room was essential. Ruth also purchased a new Yale lock for her door and with skill replaced the existing one in order that she should have complete security and privacy.

Ruth noticed a pram parked in the down stairs hallway and following some discreet enquiries established that the owner and the baby who used it lived in the flat directly below hers. Ruth felt some comfort from the knowledge that any noise her baby may cause would mainly be heard by that tenant, who would perhaps be more understanding.

Ruth’s flat was conveniently located near to the bus station where there were frequent services to Lancaster and Scotland all of which stopped near the post office in Fulwood.

The days went by swiftly and Ruth slipped into the routine of commuting back and forth to Fulwood. Though the room in Preston had its limitations Ruth felt that it was hers and entirely unencumbered. She found that she was both comfortable and reasonably warm in her room but it took her some time to ensure that she had sufficient shillings ready to put into the meter and on several occasions she found herself in darkness searching for her hand bag for coins.

Ruth’s relationship with Maud and Albert remained strong, something she was pleased about and it helped in the final week when she spent much of her time showing the new girl the ropes. Inevitably Ruth’s last Friday came and it was with some trepidation that she awaited the arrival of Maud and Albert to hand over her keys and to say goodbye. Maud was tearful as she embraced Ruth, almost as a mother would be with her daughter in similar circumstances but Ruth reassured her that once the baby was born she would come to Fulwood and let her see the baby and that she would also discuss her future. Albert was more emotional, as he insisted that Ruth telephone the house if she needed anything and as he embraced her he whispered, “You’re like a daughter to us so please keep us in your life.”

Ruth left the post office and boarded her bus. As she slipped out of Fulwood a sense deep inside her told her that she would never return and all the great hopes and wonderful plans of these good people would be dashed. Ruth had a feeling of excitement about her future but also a sense of foreboding recalling the words of the gypsy in Blackpool who said, “
I can see the life you have yet to live and I warn you now that you will go through your life seeing children in your shadow
.”

Unknown to Ruth, throughout the period since she left her children which was by now almost eight months, Edward had intensified his contact and relationship with Sarah. They would meet every week, mostly at dance halls or ice skating. Sarah had also begun to visit Edward at Eastbrook Farm rekindling the fond relationship she previously had with Sam and Ellen.

The children never particularly warmed to Sarah who to them seemed forever concerned that her clothes or her hair and makeup might be damaged by getting too close to them. This aspect of Sarah’s personality and her disregard for the children seemed to have escaped the notice of any of the Carmichaels who became incapable of rational thinking whenever Sarah came to their house. They were so obsessed by the notion that Edward and Sarah were the ‘perfect couple’ they were oblivious to the ever present evidence that the children were wary of her at best and disliking of her at worst. Often Charlotte, who had developed the capability of disappearing whenever Sarah came to the house, would be dispatched to her bedroom with Maria to provide peace and quiet for Sarah and Edward. The mantra of the Carmichaels, who gushed over her every word, was that Sarah ‘brings life back to Edward’.

The conversation whenever Sarah was present would always touch upon two subjects, Ruth and the future for Sarah and Edward. To her credit or perhaps to focus the minds of the Carmichaels, Sarah would always point out that there could be no long term future for Edward and herself until Edward had shaken off the shackles of Ruth.

Ruth was always portrayed as that wicked woman who had walked out on her babies. The selective nature of their memories omitted to include that collectively and individually, Edward, Ellen, Sam, Aunt Matilda and Aunt Dorothy had made life intolerable for Ruth and had driven her to the point where her options seemed limited to walking away from them all and her children. History and her maker will decide if Ruth was right or not but what was becoming clear was that the Carmichaels were intent upon a course of action that would see Sarah and Edward married.

Sarah had recently visited the Catholic priest at her church to explore their options and more particularly, to test if there was any prospect of the Catholic Church being able to marry them if Edward could secure a divorce from Ruth and if he converted to Catholicism. The news was not good. The priest explained that even if Edward was able to get a divorce which he thought might be difficult except on the grounds of desertion, the Church’s views on divorce and on marrying a couple where one party was a divorcee were pretty uncompromising. The only glimmer of light seemed to be that Sarah, a devout Catholic was prepared to ‘sacrifice’ her life and her ambitions to become a mother to these two children. It had not escaped the notice of the parish priest that if Sarah could marry Edward, the Church would receive three new converts, one adult and two children.

Edward had also decided to visit the family lawyer to take advice on what his options might be. The solicitor was rather more optimistic than Sarah’s parish priest. He advised that for a divorce on the grounds of desertion to be granted the law required that Edward would need to register his application and then wait for three years. During those three years the court would need assurance that in those years there was no contact between Edward and Ruth.

The solicitor indicated that ‘desertion’ was an uncommon ground on which to divorce because desertion requires a party to ‘walk out’ on the marriage with the intention to never return. He suggested that intention is extremely difficult to prove but evidence that Edward had tried to find Ruth would help. However, it was explained that for a successful application, there must be no evidence of contact and a complete absence of evidence of where Ruth was living for the whole of the three years. This buoyed Edward who immediately instructed his solicitor to proceed to draw up the necessary papers. Edward omitted to tell his lawyer that Ruth had written to him asking for a meeting, an omission he would compound repeatedly as a result of more contact in the years to come.

Sarah continued to make it clear to Edward that she remained uncompromising on two issues. If a divorce for Edward was possible she was prepared to marry him and take on the children but only if she could marry in a Catholic church which would require Edward and the children to convert to Catholicism. Furthermore, she was quite clear that heavy petting was as far as their physical relationship would go before marriage. Edward’s previous unwillingness to become a Catholic for Sarah had evaporated in the light of her offer to take him and the children and the latter matter was considered by Edward to be not an insurmountable problem!

Ruth’s move into her cold draughty room in Fishergate coincided with one of the worst winters on record. Two relatively short spells of cold weather, one in December nineteen forty six, the other in early January led to what became known as the ‘main event’ which persisted from late January to March. Intensely cold weather conditions affected much of England and Wales with temperatures breaking all records. These severe weather conditions resulted in Ruth’s small room being constantly cold with ice regularly forming on the inside of her window.

Ruth’s final few weeks before she was due to give birth went well though she found the intense cold, penetrating, leaving her feeling chilled at all times. She also found the climb to the top of the house to her room an increasing challenge. On one occasion when she was taking a rest between landings laden down with shopping, her downstairs neighbour stopped and introduced herself as Marilyn and, pointing into the pram she introduced Gareth her four month old baby.

The strong Welsh accent prompted Ruth to ask where Marilyn was from and discovered that whilst she was originally from Cardiff her home was on Anglesey a small island off the north Wales coast where her husband worked. She explained that her husband was on a training course with the RAF in Preston and that she had rented the room in order that she could see him on weekends and that he could see the baby. Marilyn asked Ruth to mind Gareth for a moment whilst she carried Ruth’s shopping up to her flat and then invited Ruth into her flat for a cup of tea.

Over tea Ruth simply explained that she had left her husband before knowing that she was pregnant, omitting to mention that she had two other children. This prompted Marilyn to offer advice to Ruth from the perspective of the novice mother which was so reminiscent of how her own mother had advised others. Ruth enjoyed Marilyn’s company and they agreed to meet up once Ruth had returned home with her child, and that day was to come very soon.

On fifth of April nineteen forty seven at about five thirty in the evening, Ruth recognised the early signs that she was due to deliver her baby quite soon and she also knew from her experience that she would need to get herself to Sharoe Green Hospital in Fulwood fairly quickly. Ruth was organised and well prepared with her small case packed and waiting by the door.

Ruth was calm and composed as she quietly locked the door to her room behind her and carefully negotiated the stairs to the pavement outside the building. She had taken the precaution of establishing that there was a taxi hire company just one hundred yards from the flat and so she made her way slowly but purposefully the few steps to their offices. As she did, she suddenly came to a halt. It wasn’t the baby or the imminence of its likely birth that brought her to a halt but the sight of Edward and Sarah walking, arm in arm on the other side of the road.

Sarah dressed in a smart long coat and wearing a little red felt hat with a velvet top was distracted by the shops and clearly didn’t see Ruth, but that was not the case for Edward. Their eyes met and their gaze was held as Edward tried to reassure himself that this plump young woman hunched over as she carried her suit case was indeed Ruth.

Edward’s face was like thunder as he tried to veer Sarah into a position that if she tried to look across the road, she would not be able to see Ruth. As they reached the point where they were level with each other, separated only by the width of the road, Edward broke into a smile and in a jaunty self assured way, he raised his hand to his hat as though to doff it.

Ruth was transfixed as the couple moved out of her sight into a side road. Eventually, Ruth continued her journey to the taxi hire office and was immediately ushered into the back of a smart black car.