Children in Her Shadow (29 page)

Ruth had attended regularly at the antenatal clinic in the hospital and was often taken there either by Victor or, on his instructions, another member of staff was asked to do this for him. Ruth felt a real sense of belonging within the small team where she knew she had made a very real difference.

The letters that Ruth had sent to Mary and to Lott had by now been responded to and again Ruth took great comfort from what she interpreted to be genuine support. Mary was effusive in her letter offering the ‘ladies of London’ as a collective for support should she need it. She also and very genuinely offered Ruth a home for as long as she wanted it in London with her and Clarissa.

As always, Mary’s letter moved rapidly from the substantive matters in previous correspondence to the intimacy of the ups and downs of her own relationship. Ruth loved the window into Mary’s world, not so much for the unorthodox nature of her relationship with Clarissa, but because of the evidence that two people can love each other so much that it withstands the daily challenges of life.

The letter from Lott was lengthy and intimate. She opened her letter by saying that several of her friends had become pregnant attempting to fix a broken marriage but in her experience it only put off the inevitable break up if that was the direction it was going in.

Lott explained that the good thing about a close community such as Senghenydd was that people
were
close and cared and that they would soon be there to help and to assist.

Lott closed her letter by saying, ‘
Come home little Ruth, come home to your valley to the people who love you and to the people who care’
. She went on; ‘
People will talk for a while and perhaps they will gossip but they will always have time for you and they will always regard you as one of their own; come home and let me look after you until you are ready to do what you feel you must do
‘.

Ruth was overwhelmed by the generosity of Lott’s offer and it certainly opened up opportunities for her that she had not yet considered. But it was the unexpected letter from Dai, which took Ruth completely by surprise. Clearly, Lott had given Dai Ruth’s address and she must have outlined much of what Ruth had confided in her earlier letter.

Dai’s letter was lengthy and covered a wide range of issues. He spoke firstly about the state of his marriage explaining that whilst he was paying into his wife’s bank account money for his two children, his wife was chasing him down asking for more money. Dai explained that because of this and her anger at him leaving her, she was refusing to agree to a divorce.

Dai talked a little about his business and explained that the car sites were doing well with a big demand for old motorcycles and an increasing demand for small cars as the impact of petrol rationing was lessening. However, he spoke also about wanting to return to Wales planning to do so as soon as he could find a buyer for the businesses. He expressed a concern to be nearer to his mother in Senghenydd something he hoped to achieve within the next couple of years.

Dai’s final comments were touching and sincere as he acknowledged how difficult Ruth’s decision to leave her husband must have been and how brave it was of her to take such a decision. Ruth stopped reading the letter as she reflected upon how little Dai really knew and if he would be quite as considerate if he knew that she had three other children.

Dai’s final comment was to offer help, support and any assistance he could even to come to her and take her to south Wales if she wanted to take Lott’s offer of a home back in Senghenydd. He spoke of his feelings for Ruth and how much he had enjoyed meeting her again making a particular point of expressing how easy they both seemed to be with each other.

Ruth read Dai’s letter several times as she tried to tease out of it what he was saying between the lines so that she could respond appropriately. Ruth was certain that the warmth they both felt for each other when they parted in Cardiff was clearly coming through from Dai in this letter. She looked back over their short time together when she visited Lott and recalled several occasions when Dai was looking intensely at her and on reflection she realised that though she didn’t pick up the signals she could see them now. Indeed, on further reflection Ruth could see that they were exceptionally close over those couple of days and picked up easily on their lifelong friendship.

Ruth asked herself over and over again, was Dai trying to suggest that if she returned to south Wales there could be the prospect of the two of them getting together? Ruth carefully crafted a reply, being circumspect not to draw too many conclusions but using the opportunity to make it clear to Dai that she welcomed his interest in her wellbeing and being clear that she would ‘really like to get together again as soon as possible’.

Ruth made it as clear as she could without crossing the line he had set in his letter that she liked him a lot and felt really at ease in his company. She closed her letter by saying that she had responded to Lott thanking her for the offer of spending time with her but making it clear that she would take no decisions until after her baby had been born. .

It was by now August and whilst there was still plenty of work for Ruth to do, Victor was assiduous in ensuring that Ruth spent at least a couple of hours resting in her flat each day. Ruth welcomed the kindness but also acknowledged that she needed the time to put her feet up and rest. The weather was oppressively hot making Ruth feel uncomfortable unless she was in her flat and stripped down to her underwear.

What Ruth also enjoyed in her afternoon rest period was listening to the wireless and joining in the nation’s excitement at the Summer Olympic Games being held in London. These were the first to be held after the War and whilst they were referred to as the ‘Ration Book Olympics’ the nation embraced them and the world wide competitors warmly. Fifty nine nations attended with the notable exclusion of Germany and Japan and whilst British athletes did not fair too well, for Ruth the Olympics was another sign of Britain getting back on its feet.

Ruth sought out a meeting with Victor to address arrangements for the period when she would be away from her work having the baby. Victor had avoided the conversation not wanting to face up to the inevitable question of what Ruth would do once she had given birth. The meeting did little to help, with Ruth asking if they could cross that bridge once she had returned home from the hospital. Victor was relieved but detected in Ruth a hint that she would wish to move on fairly soon after the birth of her child.

On the late evening of the first of September, Ruth went to the hospital quietly and without any fuss, simply leaving a note for Victor to say that she expected to be away from work for about a week having the baby and that the accounts were fully up to date.

Ruth checked into the newly rebranded National Health Service hospital in Wythenshawe an old building that was much in need of refurbishment. However, for Ruth the most important feature of the maternity unit was its reputation which was excellent.

Ruth was taken to the maternity unit by a young nurse resplendent in her new blue uniform with a starched white apron, cuffs and collar and a large white hat. She explained as they slowly walked to the ward that the new nurses’ uniforms were one of the first things the hospital provided when they were taken over by the National Health Service. However, she pointed proudly to her silver belt buckle at her waist explaining that this was given to her by her mother when she qualified as a nurse.

Ruth settled down knowing fully the experience of child birth and that it could be several hours before this baby was born. Ruth was relaxed, happy and very positive spending the next few hours contemplating her future something that was only interrupted by the quickening labour pains.

At three twelve on the morning of the second of September nineteen forty eight Ruth gave birth to a little boy. The delivery was straight forward, and both she and her baby endured the delivery without harm and in good health.

Ruth was thrilled to once again have a baby in her arms and relished every moment she was allowed with her child. When asked if she had decided upon a name she quickly announced that the name would be Huw, “A fine strong Welsh name and one to be proud of” she said. The name Huw Carmichael was placed at the head of the cot tied on with a simple blue ribbon.

Ruth happily breast fed Huw and her contentment and her ease with the baby were noted by the staff when after four days she pestered them to be allowed to go home. Ruth returned to the subject of when she could leave the hospital when Victor called at the hospital with flowers from him and the staff. He confirmed to the nursing staff that she would be taken home on discharge and would not be expected to work until she felt ready to do so. It was therefore agreed that Ruth could be discharged at one o’clock the following day after the eleven o’clock ward round and that Helen, Victor’s sister would be there to take her home.

Ruth was anxious when the doctor and the ward sister arrived the following morning with their folders and charts but she was soon relieved when she overheard the sister say to a nurse that Ruth could be discharged immediately after she had seen the matron.

In the few days that Ruth had been in the hospital she had not seen the matron and rather hoped that as she was now so close to being discharged this final step would not delay her, especially as Victor had arranged for Helen to pick her up sharply at one o’clock.

At about eleven thirty, Ruth was taken to a side room with her baby and a few minutes later the door opened. As Ruth turned towards the door with Huw in her arms she gasped as she realised who was standing there looking at her. It was Aunt Dorothy in her matron’s uniform, and flowing red cape with her arms crossed and her face like thunder, glowering at her. “I have just returned to the hospital and was intrigued to see who the ‘Mrs Carmichael’ was in my hospital and now I see that it’s you” she said.

Before Ruth could say any more, Aunt Dorothy continued, “And what unsuspecting individual is the father of this child” she said in a superior, cutting and dismissive way. Ruth was angered by the attack on her and looked Aunt Dorothy square in the eye and said, “I suggest you take a look and you will soon see that this is another of Edward’s children.”

Aunt Dorothy came close and looked carefully at the infant in Ruth’s arms. The look of shock on Aunt Dorothy’s face was palpable as she slowly drew away from Ruth and returned to the doorway. “Does Edward know about this”, barked Aunt Dorothy to which Ruth answered, “Of course he knows about Huw, why do you think I have tried to get as far away from him as I can?”

Gone was Aunt Dorothy’s air of superiority and authority replaced by bewilderment and shock. But it was obvious that as Dorothy tried to absorb the information, she was rapidly doing some calculations in her head that might place Edward with Ruth together nine months ago.

But it was now Ruth’s turn to experience uncertainty and worry as it suddenly dawned upon her that it would now only be a matter of hours or at best a couple of days before Edward would become aware through Aunt Dorothy that Ruth was living in Wythenshawe with his baby.

Dorothy turned to leave the room but before she did she had one parting comment for Ruth. She looked at Ruth and Huw very carefully before finally saying, “Oh what have you done Ruth, Edward already has to cope with so much and now this…..”

Ruth was not to know the hidden awful background and meaning of what Aunt Dorothy was alluding to, but she was now afraid of the consequences of Aunt Dorothy knowing her whereabouts and sensed that she would very rapidly be speaking to Edward. Without another word said, Aunt Dorothy opened the door and left.

Ruth was in a state of complete shock when Helen sought her out to take her home. Gone was the confident, self assured Ruth of a couple of hours ago. Ruth’s protective instincts had taken over and she found herself scouring the area to see if Dorothy was watching as they drove out of the hospital grounds. Her instinct was flight, her very being said grab everything you can carry and run, putting distance between Edward and Wythenshawe.

When they arrived at the flat, Helen was so concerned about Ruth that she immediately asked Victor to come and talk to her. When Victor arrived Ruth had calmed down a little as her immediate thoughts and energy were transferred to ensuring that Huw was settled and comfortable. Victor didn’t detect the same anxiety that Helen had and so he spent much of the time with Ruth looking at her baby and reassuring her that she should take whatever time she needed to settle Huw into the flat. Helen immediately offered to provide whatever help she could and by the time they decided to leave, Ruth was feeling somewhat calmer. Before Victor left, Ruth asked if she could make a telephone call from the office which Victor agreed to immediately.

Once Ruth was alone she sat down and began to mull over in her mind what Edward’s reaction would be once Aunt Dorothy spoke to him about the child that it was evident she, and presumably the rest of the Carmichael’s were unaware of. She quickly concluded that he would be furious and want to find her and again that reinforced in her mind that her only option was to run and run as quickly as she could.