Children in Her Shadow (31 page)

Ruth was terrified as she observed the raging anger in his demeanour and his voice. He neither asked to see Huw nor did he ask after his health. Importantly, Edward also failed to tell Ruth that her three children were now in the care of the local authority because of the death of his mother. We will never know what Ruth’s reaction to that news would have been or if that might have marked a watershed in her life when she might have begun to try to get her children back. As far as Ruth was concerned, her children were in the loving care of their grandmother and were happy and adjusted.

As he left the house, Edward could see that several of the neighbours were on their door steps anxious to see who was visiting Lott’s house with a car. Edward leant towards Ruth and in a lowered voice said, “I bet these people don’t know about your past or the three children you abandoned and I bet you would like to keep it that way, so mark my words, keep away from me, my family and the north of England or they will know everything.” With that he climbed back into his car and sped off leaving the neighbours to speculate what all of that was about.

As she entered the house, Lott who was a little deaf and still sleepy from her nap asked who was at the door. Ruth simply said that it was someone from the National Health Service here in Wales to remind her that she must register the baby with the clinic as soon as possible.

The experience of meeting Edward again and the intimidation that came with his threats deeply upset Ruth which she was unable to hide from the ever attentive Auntie Lott who sat her down and asked her to explain why she was so upset. “Now tell me Ruth, who was that who came to my door and upset you so much?” Ruth relented and explained that it was Edward her husband and the father of her child. She went on to say that Edward, far from wanting to play a part in the upbringing of her baby was making it clear to her that he didn’t want to see her or the baby again. Lott accepted the explanation and spent time consoling Ruth who asked her not to disclose to Dai that Edward had been to the house.

The weeks passed by and it seemed to become a routine that Dai would return home to see his mother every two or three weeks and those visits proved enjoyable for Ruth too. At one level it meant that she had someone a little younger to talk to and at another level, Ruth was able to take time to herself without the feeling that she needed to be looking after Lott.

Ruth found it difficult during Dai’s visits to meet the matchmaking expectations coming from both Dai and Lott whilst he was still embroiled in marital difficulties with his wife and she continued to stress this upon Dai. For her own part, whilst she acknowledged she too was still married to Edward, Ruth regarded her marriage as over with, and so would be able, when the time was right, to consider Dai’s proposition that they get together.

This latest visit proved to be exceptionally difficult as she listened to Lott asking for information about her grandchildren and she listened to Dai’s outpourings about the latest attempts by his wife to find out where he lived or to seek more money. Ruth felt in the middle of a difficult and unresolved problem that she was determined not to become entrapped in. This came to a head when she happened to overhear Lott ask Dai if her grandchildren would be visiting for Christmas which was only a matter of a couple of weeks away. Dai dodged the question when he saw Ruth enter the room but she was not prepared to do the same.

Ruth sat down beside Lott and put her hand on hers before she turned and spoke. She began by saying, “Lott I have been very happy here and I’m grateful for the care you have lavished upon me and Huw but it’s time for me to move out so that you, Dai and his family can get on with your lives.”

Dai looked shocked but Ruth continued as she turned to face Dai, “I cannot become an obstacle between Auntie Lott and her grandchildren and I cannot have you sleeping on the couch in your mother’s home, that’s why I will be moving out soon to take up a job and to let you resolve your marital problems without me being part of them.”

Ruth then turned to Lott and said, “When the time is right Auntie Lott, and one day it will be, Dai and I will get together but that will not be for a while until Dai and his wife and children have resolved whatever needs resolving. In the mean time I will not be far away and I will be able to see you every day.”

Dai was about to respond when Lott interrupted saying that Ruth was right not to become embroiled in the dying embers of Dai’s marriage and that it was indeed important that her grandchildren should feel able to visit. She then turned to Ruth and said, “So you’re going back to the post office are you?” Ruth looked shocked as Lott squeezed her hand and said, “Who do you think suggested to Mrs Thomas that you should move in and run the post office?”

Lott explained to the bewildered Dai that Mr Thomas the postmaster had recently died and that Mrs Thomas felt unable to run the post office which was next door to her house on her own. She explained that Mrs Thomas had been thinking of selling up when Lott reminded her that Ruth was back to stay and might soon be looking for some independence and a job.

Ruth filled in the remaining gaps for Dai by telling him that Mrs Jones had invited her into her house for a cup of tea about ten days ago. Whilst there, she had offered Ruth the postmistress job and the unused living quarters above the premises. She had also assured Ruth that between her and Lott they would be able to look after Huw.

Clasping a letter in her hand Ruth said, “It was only this morning that I received confirmation from the head post office in Cardiff that I can take on the post office.”

Dai looked despondent and remarked that he felt as though he was completely outside of this arrangement. Ruth slipped her arm around his shoulder and reassured him that this would be an excellent solution. She explained that she would no longer feel compromised by living in his bedroom; his mother would be able to see her grandchildren whenever they wanted to come over and that she and Dai could still see each other every time he visited.

Later that evening Dai and Ruth went out to the Feathers for a drink and were able to find a quiet corner where they could chat. Dai recognised the merit of the new arrangements and was genuinely happy that this meant Ruth was here to stay in the village. Dai also admitted that putting his children first now would in the long term give him the satisfaction when they did get together that he and Ruth could feel they had done the right thing.

Dai also seemed to put into perspective their ambition to one day get together realising that this could be a year or two away. Somehow, that perspective and timescale took pressure off them both without lessening their affection and feelings for each other. Ruth summed up their conversation by saying it would be a lengthened courtship but with a known destination.

For those observing Ruth and Dai in the pub that night their body language and the intensity of their conversation served only to reinforce that whatever the nature of their unconventional relationship they were a couple that appeared to be in love.

Dai returned to London with plans to spend Christmas Day in London and then to go to Senghenydd for two days over the New Year to be with his children. For her part, Ruth moved into the rooms above the post office three days before Christmas with plans to spend Christmas day with Lott and Huw.

Ruth had very fond memories of both the post office and the rooms above and as she moved in, she felt she knew every corner of the place. Mr and Mrs Thomas had lived on the post office premises at the time that Ruth was working there but she remembered well their excitement when the house next door came up for sale and the soul searching that went on when they considered if they could afford the purchase. It was then that they decided to rent out the rooms above and to create a completely separate entrance avoiding the need to enter via the post office.

The rooms were small but more than adequate for Ruth and Huw. There were two bedrooms which pleased Ruth as she was keen to get Huw used to sleeping in a room of his own. Next to Huw’s room was a small bathroom with a bath! Ruth’s room had a feminine feel to it with pastel colours and bright floral design curtains at the window that overlooked the garden. The garden itself was looked after by a neighbour who used it exclusively for vegetables and soft fruits sharing the produce with Mrs Thomas. Down the stairs, behind the secure door that led to the post office were a sitting room with an open fireplace and a small kitchen with a door that led out into the garden.

There was room enough outside for Ruth to put Huw in his pram and once he was walking, the rudimentary fence that separated the garden from the pathway would provide sufficient room for him to play.

Ruth was deliriously happy on that first night when she settled Huw down to sleep and retired to her own room to contemplate her good fortune. Here she was having come full circle in her life returning to the place where she first worked and the place that gave her the taste for post office work that had formed such an important part of her life. She felt safe, at home and for the first time in a little while she felt at peace with herself.

Christmas for Ruth brought the same period of intense reflection this year as she considered again what her three children would be doing. Her image of their Christmas was the one she took from the last Christmas in Eastbrook Farm, a frozen in time image with a roaring log fire in the inglenook and the once yearly table that groaned with food from the farm. Ruth’s selective memory had conveniently forgotten that this special day for children in the Carmichael household bore all the hallmarks of the Victorian values the adults were brought up with where the children should be seen but not heard. As Ruth contemplated Christmas’s past she never diluted in her own mind her culpability or her role in what Edward would always refer to as her ‘desertion’ of the children.

Ruth enjoyed a happy and intimate Christmas day with Lott and Huw, a day that was interrupted regularly as children knocked on Auntie Lott’s door, as Ruth herself had done all those years ago to bring a small gift. These gifts would be small and a gesture of the love each child and each parent felt for Lott. This reinforced for Ruth the certainty that she had taken the right decision in returning to Senghenydd. Ruth’s own gift for Lott was a hand knitted bed jacket, which was a delight and a surprise as Ruth explained that Chris, a dear friend in her past, had taken the time to teach her to knit.

New Year’s Day nineteen forty nine was spent in her new home where Ruth deliberately stayed to enable Dai to spend as much time as he could with his children and Lott. The children were by no means young, Harry was thirteen and Elisabeth was eleven and would be twelve in February. Ruth had never met the children and had been quite explicit with Dai that she felt it was completely inappropriate for her to do so. Dai and Lott agreed to this which ensured that there would be no chance of Dai’s wife making any connection between Ruth and Dai.

Late on New Year’s Day, Dai called by to see Ruth and spent about an hour with her before returning to be with the children. Before he left he gave her a new address where he could be contacted explaining that he had to move because his wife had been calling at the house in his absence and the landlord had asked him to leave. This had been a repeat of a similar incident a year or so ago and Ruth reflected how grateful she was that she had taken the decision to step back from Dai until their marital disagreements were behind them. None of this lessened the feelings that Ruth and Dai had for each other but they both knew that these would need to be on hold for the time being.

Dai returned to London and Ruth embarked upon her new career as the post mistress of Senghenydd and her shared responsibility with Lott and Mrs Thomas for the upbringing of her four month old child.

Ruth soon settled into the role of full time postmistress and part time mother. She could not have been more fulfilled as she demonstrated to both the post office and Mrs Thomas that their decision to appoint her was sound. Ruth was already popular with the older folk in the village and many who had drifted away from the shop and post office when it became evident that Mrs Thomas was having difficulty coping were coming back to be greeted by the young, enthusiastic Ruth.

Huw was blossoming in the company of his two ‘Aunties’ and Ruth’s bond with him was strong. She spent every morning dressing and feeding him before taking him either next door to Mrs Thomas or the few minutes’ walk to Auntie Lott. Huw was rapidly becoming well known by most of the village who all knew him by name and would regularly stop for a chat with him. This was the childhood that Ruth remembered and in that respect she could have wanted nothing different for her child.

Ruth rarely ventured out of the village and had a morbid aversion with the thought of visiting Cardiff. She recognised the issue but had difficulty in pinning down quite why she simply could not go there. This became a problem when she was asked to attend the occasional post office training day. Ruth explained why going to Cardiff would evoke the terrible memories of the bombing and it was agreed that instead she would go to Bridgend or even Swansea. Other than this, Ruth was well and completely fulfilled.