Beauty (12 page)

The urge to vomit was suddenly at the back of my throat and I bolted from the dressing room, back in
to
the long hallway
,
searching frantically for a bathroom.
None of the doors were marked with numbe
rs or signs, so I tried each knob
as I made my way down the hall, hoping that one would lead t
o a toilet. Four doors down
I lucked out, my heels skidding on shiny white tiles as I burst into the foyer of one of the largest bathrooms I’d ever been in.

All four walls were plated with floor to ceiling mirrors, a
wraparound
lounge starting from the door
and
extending in a curve around to the first stall. I didn’t want anyone to hear me thr
owing up so I headed for the stall
at the
very end
, slamming into the swinging door
with such force that it banged against the wall and then back out almost catching me in the face.

“Becca!?” I excla
imed as a figure shot up from a
backwards straddle on the toilet, her eyes rimmed red when she met my gaze.

This was exactly how we’d met the first time. Her on the toilet, me bursting in.

“Are you okay? Are you crying? What happened?!” I asked in alarm, my nausea suddenly forgotten as I took in the four lines of bright white powder on the back of the stool.

“It makes my eyes water…
N
ot crying,
” she coughed and then sniffled
before dabbing a wad of tissue into each of her nostrils.

“You do coke too?” I whispered, my eyes still on those thin white lines.

“Only when I work here….self-confidence
issues and all that,” she shrugged, pointin
g to a
stack of cash sitting on
the
chair in the corner of the stall. “It helps make me more money so…”

“You…
? Self—
conscious…
? W
hy?!” I asked in disbelief, my eyes
running over her naturally thin
body.

She looked just liked all the other girls I’d wished to look like in the past. Long legs, narrow hips, a tiny waist, and ittty bitty titties that turned upward in a point would have made her my dream girl if I were gay.

“You nervous about going out there?” she changed the subject, her eyes studying my face now.

“Can you tell?” I answered with a hint of sarcasm in my voice, my stomach once again in knots. “I came in here to throw up.”

“Try some…” Becca offered, gesturing to the lines of coke. “It will take away the nervousness…and then some…”

And then some… This was definitely bad…

I’d never known anyone who did coke, but I’d seen enough movies to know that it wasn’t shit I’d ever wanted to try. Junkies used coke, and I was no junkie. Sure I’d go
tten through the last few days,
popping pills that probably required a prescription, but that was totally different.

“I…I…don’t think so,
” I murmured, my hand over my s
tomach as my throat grew tight once again
.

“Eve…”

“Becca please…I just…it’s not me,” I shrugged, my eyes lowering to the floor at the betrayed look she gave me.

“Trust me…” she whispered, a lost look in her eyes for just a moment.
“You’re going to need it. Your
first time is… Well…you’ll see.”

My first time…what did she mean? Had something happened her first time…something bad…?

My body was trembling to
o
hard to hold back the wave of nausea any longer. I heaved as I stumbled towards the toilet,
my stomach reliev
ing itself of everything I’d eaten
since breakfast. My hands were trembling, my face flushed and covered in a thin sheen of sweat.
I couldn’t go out there…!

“It’s okay… It’s okay,” Becca crooned in my ear, her fingers pulling back my hair so that none of the loose strands stuck to my mouth.

My bottom lip
tr
embled as she helped me up, my thighs wrapping around the bowl in a backwards straddle. My exposed butt cheeks suddenly cooled as I settled against the porcelain, my shoulders lowered in resign. I didn’t want to do it…but…I needed something.

My head lowered with the help of Becca’s soft hand on
the back of
my neck, my right
index finger lifting to press
down my rig
ht nostril. I i
nhaled
the first thin white line in
a hard stiff, an instant burn numbing every nerve from the tip of my nose to the point of my inherited widow
’
s peak.
Two blinks and I was free falling, yet still sitting there, my mind thanking me for the release.
It was all so fast! My head was light, my body was weightless, I could feel the twitch of my eyes inside their sockets taking in this new and sudden me.

“Feels good to chase that dragon for the very first time right..?” Becca giggled softly, her hand sliding to my shoulder.

The thump of the music coming from the c
lub somehow moved me, my hips gyrating slowly into a r
ocking twist. I could feel her
watching me, a smile somewhere on her pretty face, but I didn’t care that she’d been right. I need
ed
this.

My hands no longer trembled, my legs weren’t wobbly when I stood, and I suddenly felt like I wanted to sing the alphabet song as loud as I
could. I was Eden tonight –vixen extraordinaire
. That’s what the
se old men wanted…wasn’t it? An
illusion…

“Eden to Main Stage…” the intercom squawked, and a dopey smile spread across my face.

Ten minutes…Shit…the way I felt, I could go all night long…being sexualized…admired…

“Meet you in the back…” B
ecca murmured, taking the spot on the toilet I’d just vacated.

“Showtime” I whispered as I exited the bathroom, my hips swaying in time to the music.

Eve now Eden
…I liked it.

Chapter 10*

Twelve hundred dollars in three hours!

I’d walked out of the club with a thousand dollars in my pocket after paying the house, and I hadn’
t even dance
d
the whole night
. While Becca had stayed on stage, racking
up more than double what I’d made, I’d enjoyed the last of my dragon chasing high at the bar, sipping on a couple complimentary drinks. I’d pictured g
oing back to my room and wallowing
in the loose bills, like they did in the movies, but Becca had other plans and we were now heading out of the city in her car. Two of the strippers from the club, Molly and Madison had joined us for the ride, both of them in the backseat while I rode shotgun.

We’d been driving for forty five minutes and were well out of the city before Becca finally turned off on a side road. I’d thought briefly about the coke we’d snorted in the bathroo
m –before getting in the car—
considering the fact that she at least still had a little buzz, but she seemed steady enough to drive without my rem
inding her that we’d both just gotten high only hours before
. Up and around a winding road we went, the
cool breeze from the night air
whipping my hair about my face so that the ends stung my cheeks and bare shoulders. I’d never been this far out and had no clue where we were going, but I didn’t have to wonder long. Another turn ont
o a dirt road this time, and we stopped when the road ended.

A quick glance into the darkness ahead told me that not only did the road end, but so did the earth beneath us. We were high up on some sort of cliff, the lights of the city far enough away that they’d lost their twinkle and now simply glowed like a single beacon in the distance. The radio had been blasting since we pulled out of the club parking lot, and Becca turned it down now, releasing her seat belt so that she could reach over into the glove box.

“Hand me that book on the floor?”
she asked as s
he ex
tr
acted a quarter filled Ziploc
bag of the bright white powder I’d snorted earlier.

“Yummy!” Molly and Madison chimed together, and my eyes rolled in the darkness, my hands searching around my feet for the book.

“Business and Finance For Dummies,” I read the title as I handed it to her, watching as she set it on the armrest between us.

Molly and Madison were busy giggling at each other in the back, bu
t they still weren’t distracting
enough for me to be completely honest with Becca. I didn’t want to
snort anymore coke. It was a one—
time thing, just like stripping had been, and besides it scared me. It was too beautiful, too pure, too enticing for me to resist if I did it more than once. I could feel it in my bone
s,
already an
ache to fly high
just
one more time…
M
y mouth wate
red
as
she
poured a mound of the powder onto the book cover, separating it into lines with a single dollar bill she pulled from her stuffed purse.
There were four of us in the car, s
o I knew one of those lines was
meant for me.

Katy Perry’s song “F
irework
”
played in the background
,
the lyrics tickling the almost non-existent buzz I still had. Only because I didn’t want to be the Debbie Downer of the bunch did I lower my head after the other three had finished, my right index finger once again pressing my right nostril closed as I inhaled hard and fast. Becca was smiling at me, singing along with the words, watching me as I sat back slowly, my head resting against the seat.

Another mound of powder was poured, and once again the three of them went first, rubbing a bit on their gums before inhaling the rest quickly. I follow
ed
suit, my tongue and the inside of my cheeks tingling as I swallowed hard before inhaling my second line.
Heaven…it had to feel like this.

Everything that had happened over the last few days suddenly didn’t matter.
My body was numb, my mind even more numb
. My head emptied and I turned around to stare blatantly at the two girls kissing in the back. Their mouths seemed to move in slow motion, one pink, one red, the colors mixing to form crimson lip prints on the other’s skin. Becca was speaking but I couldn’t separate my gaze long enough to accurately use my hearing. Maybe this was how it was meant to be all along…women with women…men with men. I was suddenly curious.

A tug on my arm felt disconnected, but I followed Becca in slow motion, opening the passenger side door and climbing out. The grass was cool beneath my
bare
feet, each blade caressing my toes as I walked behind her to the
edge of the
cliff, my arms stretched into the night.
My face lifted to follo
w her stare and I smiled back at
the
bright white
Cheshire cat
shaped
grin pinned way up in the black sky. It was if it had been put there only for me. Becca wandered and I followed like a puppy, down into a thicket of trees that lay to our left.

We were in our own little dark cocoon, her arms wrapping around my waist, pulling me down with her so that we both lay in a bed of pine needles. I faced her, our legs entwined and our bellies pressed together as if we’d done this our entire lives. My skin craved the touch of her fingertips on my face, and before I could ask, she reached. My breath held as she traced along the line of my chin, up to my cheek, and then across to my bottom lip. My mouth opened slightly and I exhaled as her soft mouth closed over mine.

So this is what it felt like…kissing a girl. Warm, soft, pulling…her tongue pushed and I gave with
a tiny moan, my hand crossing over to cup her lower back. Her lips trailed lower, and my hand moved higher, desperate to feel her skin beneath my fingertips
. Is this how it feels
to be loved…?
If so…I liked it.

She was on top of me now, her hips grinding against me so slowly that I could feel the wetness pooling in my borrowed bottoms. Her kisses became more needy, her teeth nicking and biting their way down my neck and to my partially exposed breasts. My mouth opened to protest.
Did I want this…?

Only a sigh escaped, the feel of her tiny finger
s
pushing my panties aside to part
my sex
multiplying my high times ten.

Yes…
Y
es I did.

**********

I don’t know how long we lay there, our naked bodie
s
exposed to the world, but when my eyes drifted open I could see the first hints of dawn through the tree
tops. I could also see the newly formed cellulite dimples that dotted my upper thighs. I dressed before waking Becca, my high long gone. I couldn’t look at her, so I walked ahead, letting her dress in private.