Beauty (10 page)

“I wasn’t raped,” I answered, my voice soft, but firm.

Doctor Graham was quiet for a moment as she cleaned my bottom with a wet cloth and then pulled the sheet back down over my legs. I watched as she dropped the piece of glass into a clear plastic bag and labeled it before turning to face me again.

“If you change your mind…I can always order a rape kit,” she smiled, handing me the prescription she’d set aside.

“I won’t. And we’ll be more careful next time,” I added, sitting up so that my legs dangled once again.

“If you want I can write you a prescription for birth control pills too… They’re much more reliable than condoms…”

“Sure,” I nodded, knowing that I probably wouldn’t take them.

I was never having sex again if I could help it.

**********

From: Michael R. Bennett

To: Evelyn R. Barns

Subject: Deathly Ill Sick Chick

Hey Evelyn! We’ve missed you. It’s been a few days now and I haven’t heard from you. Abbey and Buster say they haven’t either. I hope that stomach bug has finished kicking your
ass and you can come with us to
the movies tonight… I could pick you up… I know you drive, but Abbey and Buster were riding together, so I figured… Anyways…just give me a call or email me back. I’d love to see you.

Michael

I sighed as I reread Michael’s quick email, rolling my eyes as I hit the reply button. My days of going to the movies with them were over. I wasn’t in the mood to hide inside my sweat shirt hood and h
ope no one spotted me with them.
I
also
wasn’t in the mood
for any more questions either, and t
hey would have plenty if I went.

From: Evelyn R. Barns

To: Michael R. Bennett

Subject: Dear Persistently Annoying Guy

Michael, I never said I had a stomach bug, but I don’t feel like going to the movies. Please stop trying to make me feel bad for missing the blood drive, I have a lot of shit on my plate right now. If Abbey and Buster said they were riding together, and didn’t invite you then TAKE THE HINT! They don’t want a third wheel.
Sorry for being a bitch…today is just not my day.

Evelyn

I felt bad being mean to him. He only wanted to take me to the movies, and would have probably paid too. But I still had no way to explain my extreme weight loss, and my visit
to
student health had left me feeling irritated. I popped another Adderall now, taking a swig out of my water jug before popping the morning after pill too. I knew the jitters would probably go away if I stopped taking the Adderall, but it made me feel alive, and energetic. It kept me focused on the things I wanted to think about and helped suppress all the things I wanted to forget.

My inbox was mostly full of junk mail that I deleted in bulk, but an email bearing my brother’s name, stopped me mid scroll, my index finger shaking as I clicked the open tab.

From: Eric S. Barns

To: Evelyn R. Barns

Subject: GRADUATION!!!!!!!!!!

Hey sis!

Haven’t heard from you in a while, but I’m sure you’re still coming to my graduation next Friday right? I got the tickets at school today, and my cap and gown! (I’m attaching a picture of me in it! LOL) I can’t wait to spend the summer with you at your dorm. I can’t believe we’ll be at the same college for the next three years. High School all over again huh?

Well I’ll let you get back to your studies… Dad told me you’re taking thermodynamics this summer….YUK! Count me out! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Love you,

Eric

Holy Fucking Shit!
I’d completely forgotten about my promise to my little brother to let him spend the summer with me. I didn’t have a roommate, and he’d gotten his acceptance letter months ago. It had seemed like the perfect idea then. We weren’t close, but he never mentioned my weight, so he was tolerable. Besides…I knew he wanted to get away from my mom and dad more than I had before I left. It was the only reason I’d let them force me to go to the first college I’d been accepted into, not bothering to send out any more applications.

My hands cl
ose
d over my cell phone, my thumb
dialing my mom and dad’s phone number without looking. I couldn’t tell him not to come via email. He’d be even more hurt tha
n
he was about to be. Three rings, and I started to hang up. If they were home
,
my mom usually answered by the second ring. She practically kept the phone glued to her side.

“Evelyn…that you?” my mom’s voice came through breathless and soft.

“Yeah…” I answ
ered
, my words suddenly caught in a lump at the back of my throat.

“Is everything okay? You usually only call at night…”

“Class doesn’t start for a few more days.” I interrupted her, picking at a string on the side of my sweats now. “Um…I called to talk to Eric. I forgot all about him wanting to come and stay the summer, and now… Well it’s not going to be good timing for me. I’ve got a lot going on, and then with this class. I just don’t have time to entertain him, bab
y
sit, and…”

“Evelyn Barns what exactly do you have going on that your brother can’t stay in the same room with you. He doesn’t need to be babysat, he’s a year younger than you. You promised him, and that’s all he’s been talking about for the last month. He even got a job at the mall near there…” my mom added, her voice dropping to a whisper when someone else entered the room.

“Mom…”

“No
. Evelyn don’t!
You pull this a week before he’s supposed to come up there. You suggested it. He’s all set, so now you deal with it. Don’t be so selfish! We’re paying a lot of money for you to be there yourself…”

“Selfish!?” I exploded at her accusation, my anger stemming more from the fact that my sad excuse hadn’t worked as well as I’d hoped. “You’re
the
fucking selfish
one
! Pushing him off on me because you don’t want to deal with him anymore!”

“Evelyn!”

“Don’t Evelyn me, Mom! The only reason I offered him my room is so he could get away from you two. Worst fucking parents ever!” I screamed, pressing my thumb into the end key on the phone a little harder than necessary.

It pissed me off even more that I couldn’t
slam it down on
her
so that she heard ringing in her ears. She couldn’t make me let him live here for the summer! I didn’t want c
ompany…Period!

My fingers trembled as I dialed Becca’s phone number, hoping that she would answer. Her voicemail chimed in, and I jumped as a beep sounded at the same time. She was calling me back. I switched the line over, reggae music filling my ear when it connected.

“Becca,” she answered, humming along to the song playing in the background.

“Hey Becca…it’s…”

“Eve…yeah I know… Caller I.D
., “ she giggled, mumbling something I couldn’t understand.

“What…?”

“Nothing I was just talking to…a friend… What’s up?”

“Oh…you have company… I was just…seeing if you wanted to chill…but I’ll catch you another…”

“No…! Come on over….” she invited, laughing at something the other person said. “I’ll be free by the time you get here. We can go do something,” she suggested, waiting for my response.

“Sure!” I exclaimed a little too quickly, grabbing my keys before
she’d even hung up.

I needed something to take my mind off the argument I’d just had with my mother. Fun was in order.

Chapter 8*

Heading up the stairwell to Becca’s apartment I heard voices coming my way. I didn’t know if I was overreacting or if it was the jitters from taking so much Adderall, but one of them sounded like Jeremy. I froze with one foot up and one foot down, undecided on if I should turn around and go hide in
my car until they were gone. I’d decided to forget about Jeremy and his stupid party
, but being in this building didn’t help. I’d fretted the entire way over, that I’d see him and now my fear was coming true. Two guys appeared at the top of the stairs, and I looked up with a forced smile, my heart hammering in my chest so loud I could no longer decipher their words.

Jeremy was in back, laughing at something the other guy said, his eyes running appreciatively over my curvaceous figure as the
y
descended. I continued up slowly, turning sideways as we passed, my
eyes meeting his for a moment. Jerem
y stopped on the same step I did
, studying me for a moment while the other guy continued down.
His fingers brushed the tip of my chin and he paused, that
conniving
boyish grin spread on his lips.

“Hey beautiful… What’s your name?” he asked, his attention fully on me
now that his friend had disappeared
.

He doesn’
t even fucking remember me!? Sure, I’ve gain
ed a few pounds, but my face has
n’t change THAT much….

“Go fuck yourself!” I spat out, slamming my knee into his crotch before
he
could react.

He doubled over, a gurgled scream in his throat as he lurched for the railing to keep his balance. I side stepp
ed up, the smile on my face
spread
wide
as I continued on to the end of the hall. That was definitely worth a few pounds gained. I hadn’t hurt him as much as I wanted to, and certainly not as badly as he’d hurt me, but it still felt good.

I slowed as the door to Becca’s apartment opened, a dark skin
ned
black guy with long thick dreds filling the frame. I could hear Becca’s voice coming from the inside, telling him she would see him tomorrow. I stood aside as he passed me in the narrow hall, my eyes glued to the floor to avoid his questioning gaze. He didn’t even look like he went to college…

What was he doing here…?
Her boyfriend maybe….

“Who is it?” Becca called when I knocked twice, my hand already turning the knob before she invited me in.

“Just me,” I smiled as I poked my head into the door, my gaze finding her
in the living room,
perched on the edge
of the sofa
.

“Lock it,”
she pointed to the door, shuffling
through a stack of Ziploc bags on the table.

I did as she asked, movi
ng slowly forward
until I stood at the back of the sofa watching her. There were at least fifty different
pills filling the
Ziploc bags all piled together at one end, and she was sorting them according
to
color and size on the other. I watched for a moment in silence, moving aroun
d to sit on the arm
until she noticed me again.

“Summer is shit,” s
he grumbled, tossing a bag
of little yellow pills just in front of me
–on the coffee table.

“Are those…drugs…” I swallowed hard, reaching out to pick up a bag of little blue pills that looked just like the one’s she’d given me.

“Adderall…” she pointed to the bag I held, and then to another stack
of blue ones.
“
Blue Devils…sti
mulates you like E, but brings your heart rate down so far that you won’t
be dancing on any coffee tables,” she laughed looking pointedly at me.
“Gives you a: Don’t fuck with m
e kind of vibe, but keeps you mellow enough to not care if anyone does. Those…” She pointed to two different stacks of little white tablets. “PCP and LSD… Both will give you a wicked out of body experience, but once you start coming back you better have some weed to chill you the fuck out because you’ll end up going ape shit on everyone around you. Should be red…for ange
r,” she smiled, grabbing a bag of
little gr
een capsules. “These are my fav
,” she paused taking one from the bag and pinching it between her thumb and index finger. “Meth… basically speed with a little extra kick. You think Adderall gives you energy…take one of
these babies
. You’ll be going for hours and hours instead of minutes. A rush you get addicted to if you aren’t careful. Plus…the hallucinations that come with
it
…not so pretty sometimes,” s
he sighed, pulling up the hem
of her tank top.

I gasped at the jagged scar that ran from her last rib down, disappearing under the waistline of her shorts. It wasn’t an angry red like the still fresh
tiny cuts on my leg, but
it was pink enough to stand out against her pale white skin, ruining any chance she had of wearing a two piece.

“I thought there was a worm inside me. I
could feel it…crawling through
my stomach and in between my ribs.
I took a steak knife and tried to cut it out. Almost bled to death….right there,” she pointed to a light brown stain I hadn’t noticed in the carpet –just in front of the coffee table.