Beauty (8 page)

“You good…?” Becca asked, her hand on my shoulder as she exited the bathroom.

I caught the concerned look she tossed at Jeremy, but the sight of her bright red hair was suddenly hilarious to me.
The long tresses seemed to be floating about her, beckoning for me to touch them. I
burst out laughing, hugg
ing her body
tightly for a second before slurring in her ear.

“Yup…I’m reeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaalllly good!”

Chapter 6*

Two things were
immediately wrong when I forced opened
my heavy lids. One, I couldn’t see shit, and two, my legs wouldn’t move further than a few inches
apart
. Processing that took much longer than it should have, my head exploding with pain the moment I tried to right myself from the skewed position I lay in. My fingers fumbled with whatever was wrapped around my head, and I was suddenly panicked, bits and pieces of the night before floating in and out.

I couldn’t fathom why tears were suddenly running down my face, but the moment
I freed my pounding head, it was almost too obvious. I was not in my bed, or even in my room for that matter, but that wasn’t what alarmed me the most. I continued to untangle myself from the extra large white t-shirt that was now snagged around my neck and right arm,
while I let my eyes wander. I was completely naked, except that material. My shoes and bra were missing, but I finally saw why my legs wouldn’t move. The almost sheer white panties I’d ha
d on the night before were twist
ed about my knees, a portion of the string glued to my leg by a thick white sticky blob. I reached for them only to realize that my bare butt cheeks were stuck
to
the dirty brown tile I was laying on.

My mind was beginning to function a little more quickly now, and my head turned despite the pain that tensed from behind my eyes all the way down to the tip of my spine. This was not Jeremy’s apartment, or even his bathroom. I was in a hallway, door
s
lining either side every few feet. A noise sounded from the stairwell at the far end, and I scrambled to get both arms back through the correct holes in the shirt. I was somewhat modest by the time the head appeared at the top of the stairs, but I almost fainted from embarrassment at the disgusted look I got from its owner. He didn’t ev
en pause to ask if I was alright
. His key already in hand, he entered the apartment only two door
s
down on the opposite side and closed
it with a bang. Nothing looked
familiar.

Think…! Think…!

I pushed myself up the wall I
was leaning against
, ignoring the protest from my
aching
body. I hurt all over. My legs were wobbly, but I managed to kick off the dirty panties, and pull down the t-shirt so that it covered my ass and half of my thighs.
Jeremy’s party…

My head swiveled and I came face to face with the
gold plated
number twenty-three.
Jeremy’s apartment…

I was still here?! He hadn’t taken me home!? How drunk had I gotten?!

Confusion, anger, and bitterness assaulted me all at the same time, my foot kicking swiftly against the closed door more times than I could count.

What the fuck had he done to me?! I’d had two drinks!

The more I thought about the night before
,
the more I realized that I couldn’t place any type of blame on Jeremy at all. I didn’t remember shit!

Footsteps
from inside the apartment
alerted me that someone had heard my kicking and was shuffling their way towards the door.
I
immediately coward on the far side of the hall, embarrassed and blank as to what I would say.

“Who is it?!” a gruff voice barked without opening
the door
, and my heart leaped, relief calming the rush of emotions for an instant.

It was Jeremy’s voice I hear
d
; not some random stranger I didn’t know. Maybe we’d gotten separated… Maybe I’d run off… Maybe he could explain…

“J…Jeremy…? It’s me…Evely…EVE!” I corrected loudly, grabbing my temples when my eyes seemed to bug from the throbbing pressure behind them.

In the silence that followed, I breathed deeply trying to keep
my
rolling stomach from releasing a wave of vomit right there in the hall.

“Who…?” he finally asked after what seemed like minutes, his voice further away now.

Is he fucking kidding?!

“J…Jeremy…I’m not playing…let me in. I need to go home…like now…” I tried, my voice fading into a whisper just a
s
the strains of a guitar filtered out into the hall.

“Uh…sorry Eve…Jeremy’s not here…and I’m not dressed so…”

His words faded with his footsteps and I forced myself to tiptoe back towards the door. I refused to believe that he’d just left me standing in the hall, half naked, and without a ride home. My ear pressed to the door, hoping to hear him unlocking it from the inside, but all I heard was the muffled slam of another door further away.

He’d gone back to bed?!
Holy Shit! What am I going to do?!

My shoulders shook violently as the tears came faster and harder, my vision blurred as I stumbled back and then sideways away from his door. How had I let this happen? The beer, then the weed… It was all part of having some good old college fun! How many people had walked
right
past me lying knocked out cold, naked and exposed with a dirty white t-shirt pulled over my head. Had no one
stopped to even check if I was still alive?

I was numb all over, my feet carrying me wherever they happened to stumble, my mind thankfully blank again. The further I went down the hall, the louder the melody coming from the guitar, a soft voice singing along with the music.

It was the only door open in the long hallway, and I slumped against the wall just before the opening, trying to drum up the courage to ask if I could use the phone. But who would I call…? Most students had already left campus. The ones that had stayed were either from out of state or taking s
ummer courses and I couldn’t call any of my bottom dwelling friends; they wouldn’t even recognize me.
While I pondered the dilemma, my head leaned heavily against the wall, my mind distracted by the familiar tune I’d heard more than a dozen times on almost every radio station. It was a popular request, and even though my taste leaned more toward pop and country I’d recognized lil Wayne’s famous lyrics anywhere. The voice belonged to a girl, but it was still low and soulful
...beautiful enough that
I
found myself wondering
if they were somehow speaking to me.

… Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love,

How to love

See you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in this corner tryna put it together
How to love

How to love

The song was right… Not once had I ever loved myself… Not once had I loved anyone else...except maybe my parents…and I found myself even questioning that at times now that I was older. They’d never really accepted me being fat… Would they love me now that I was skinny…?

Ooohh, see I just want you to know
That you deserve the best
You’re beautiful
You’re beautiful
Yeahh
And I want you to know
You’re far from the usual
Far from the usual
…

The guitar continued to strum the melody, the voice fading into soft adlibs of the previous words. She didn’t see me at first, but shock registered somewhere in my befuddled mind as I turned slowly into the open door. A full head of red hair hid most o
f the tiny body that sat perched
on a barstool, her head lolling in time with the music. It was Becca…the giggly chic from Jeremy’s bathroom.

I watched her croon sof
t
ly to the last strains of the music, her hand cradling the belly of the instrument so gently that I thought she might drop it when her face finally lifted. Her eyes were closed, her pale face serene as it turned upwards towards the ceiling as if savoring t
he beautiful words she’d just su
n
g. My fingers pulled on the edge
of the t-shirt as her lids finally opened, her gaze meeting mine directly.

I didn’t move and she didn’t speak, but there was no judgment
in her features. Pity maybe…but not judgment. My mouth opened, but only a shudder broke free, my tears still falling as I took a hesitant step forward.

“I’m sorry…” Becca whispered, her knuckles now white as she gripped the neck of the guitar. “I should’ve pulled you away. I thought you knew what you were doi
ng…but…you’re a good girl right?
Don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t get high…”

Her words trailed off and I nodded, my arms wrapping around my waist as if to hug the bad memory away.

“Never…” I managed with a shake of my head, regretting it the second the motion was complete.

The room suddenly tilted sideways, my legs giving slightly as I tried to keep my balance. She caught me before I fell
,
throwing my arm around her neck as she led me to the sofa in the middle of the room.

“I…I…shouldn’t sit…I don’t have on any…”

I stopped…embarrassed that I’d left my stained panties lying in the hallway in front of Jeremy’s door.

“You can use my shower…” Becca offered…already turning me around to head back the other way.

I didn’t speak, so she continued.

“He’s done it before ya know… Lots of time
s…
Pure E crushed in a girl’s
drink. It’s the same every time: h
im or even him and his buddies fucking them at the same time and then tossing them out like the morning trash.
Mixed with bud…let’s just say I’m surprised you’re up and about so soon.
”

Her revelation stung. Not only had I fallen for Jeremy’s trick hook line and sinker, but I’d possibly been raped by not just him, but his buddie
s too. Raped twice in two days… Who would believe that shit...
?!

“Did…did you see what happened…I don’t quite remember,” I mumbled as she helped me sit on the toilet, turning on the shower before looking at me again.

“I left when you started dancing on the coffee table…”

I WHAT?!

“That bad huh?” I cringed, swiping at the tears that wouldn’t stop coming.
“So this morning…in the hall…you didn’t see that either…” I pressed, angry now that she’d probably left me there instead of at least waking me.

“I don’t usually look out. I only play with the door open because of the acoustics… Sounds better I guess,” she shrugged, grabbing a bottle of shampoo and conditioner from the sink and handing it to me.

I instantly felt bad. I wasn’t her responsibility, and she didn’t even know me, yet she was helping me right now.

“It was beautiful…the music…” I mumbled, clutching the two bottles to my chest so that they wouldn’t slip from my shaking fingers.

Her hand was on my shoulder, rubbing it gently for a moment before she sighed heavily.

“Eve…right?”
she asked, her words almost hesitant now.

I nodded, my eyes trained firmly on the little blue lines etched in the bathroom linoleum.
I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. Not after what I’d let happen to me.

“Look…you’ll probably need to go get the morning after pill at
the very
least, and maybe an STD test too… I doubt he or they used protection…I’m just saying,” she shrugged, pulling a towel and washcloth from the shelf above me.

Morning after pill…to prevent… Oh Shit!

I hadn’t even thought about the possibility of being pregnant after Brice had forced himself on me. Now Jeremy…and possibly others…

“Student Health…the building on the far end of the quad… You can report a rape there too
. I
f you want,” she added, handing me a bar of soap along with the towel and washcloth before stepping out of the bathroom.

I nodded numbly, waiting until she’d closed the door before I released my full bladder into the toilet.

So I was drugged…
My luck just keeps
getting better and better…

**********

“
Rebecca Waters,” Becca formally introduced herself as she drove the short distance from the apartment complex back to campus.

“Evelyn Barns,” I offered back, waiting to hear a laugh that never came.

People always laughed at my ugly plain name.

We rode the rest of the way in silence, me promising
–as soon as I got out—
to return the clothes she’
d let me borrow
.
She said we should hang out so
me time, and I agreed, but I didn
’t know if she really meant it. Being fat ha
d given me a complex about everyone
’s true intentions.