Awake Unto Me (34 page)

She stood up. “You long ago forfeited the right to tell me what to do or where to go or who to love. I’m in love with Kerry O’Shea. If you try to stop me, I promise the entire neighborhood, the entire city of San Francisco, will know what happened to me. I thought for the longest time it was my fault. I believed Svenhard when he told me no one would listen to me. He was right. The two people who should have listened to me did not. You abandoned me when I was ten years old. I am twenty now, and it’s too late to want me back. I’m leaving.” They stared at her. She collected her purse and went out the door.

Frieda caught up with her. “Beth, darling. Try to understand. He could do nothing. He would have lost the store.
We
could do nothing. We couldn’t help you. I’m sorry.”

“Spare me your excuses, Mama. He may have made the decision but you did nothing as well.”

“Please forgive me, Beth. I’m so sorry. It was wrong. You were mistreated and it has come back to haunt all of us. If you’re to have a normal life, you must forgive us and you must come home. We can be a family again.”

“I am not going to forgive you. I am not coming home. This is not my home. I will do as I please. Nothing you can say will change my mind. I don’t care what you think.”

She left her mother weeping at the doorstep and walked down Guerrero Street. She was not thinking of where she was going, or of her parents, but was rather concerned about the larger question of what would happen to her and to Kerry now that Laura had found them out.

When she’d first come to stay with the Grants, Kerry was quite candid with her. “You have to watch out for Laura. She’s never liked me. She used to beat me but Addison made her stop.” Beth had always been especially polite to Laura, but Laura seemed to shun her because of Kerry.
What has she discovered and what will she tell Addison?
It suddenly occurred to Beth that the consequence she feared the most was the loss of Addison’s respect and friendship.
It’ll destroy Kerry. She loves him even if she doesn’t say so. He saved her life, gave her a home, educated her. If he ceases to care for her, she’ll be devastated.

Beth was so absorbed in her thoughts, she didn’t hear her name at first.

“Beth!” someone called. She looked around and then she saw that she was in front of Rocco’s Produce Store and the voice belonged to her long-ago friend, Theresa.

*

“So,” Addison said to Laura. “Let me be clear. You think I’m going to have to show Kerry the door because she has led Beth astray.”

“It’s your responsibility. I am sure Beth’s parents will want her home as soon as possible.” His long silence had encouraged Laura. She’d recovered her confidence though his anger had momentarily shaken her.

“If you don’t, I’ll leave you. I’ve had enough, Addison. This is my home and I believe that I have a say in what goes on in my home. I believe I have a right to expect my husband to agree with me.”

He was silent again for a long time. “Very well, Laura. You’ve made your wishes clear. I’ll speak to them. I’ll give them a month to find a new home.”

Laura opened her mouth to speak but fell silent when she saw the hard coldness of his eyes. Suddenly her victory didn’t seem quite as sweet as she had anticipated.

Beth blinked and with effort focused on her surroundings. Theresa laughed. The sound of her laughter called up many complicated feelings in Beth. Coming on the heels of her recent encounter with her parents, the day had a strangely dreamlike feel.

“You’re in another world, as usual,” Theresa said. They hadn’t spoken in many years, but Beth sensed that the length of time didn’t matter to Theresa.

“Hello, Theresa. Yes, I was lost in thought.”

“How long has it been?”

“Truthfully, I don’t know. Perhaps ten years?” The thought saddened Beth. “It’s good to see you.”

“You could’ve seen me before now.”

“Yes, I suppose that’s true. But I—I was distracted. My parents forbade it and then I went to nursing school and…oh, never mind. I am sorry.”

“When you left, my mother wouldn’t tell me why.” Theresa was arranging oranges. “But she told me you weren’t to blame. When I was sixteen she explained to me what had happened.”

Theresa’s dark eyes were very calm and clear. Beth saw no censure in them. She nodded.

Theresa said quietly, “My mama’s inside. Do you want to see her?”

Beth nodded.

Theresa was very pregnant. She no longer skipped as she had when they were young, but her step was still light, considering her size.

Mama Rocco presided over the cash register. She looked exactly as Beth remembered her.

“Mama! Look who’s here!” Theresa called as they walked through the store among the bins of vegetables that Beth recalled had fascinated her so much. Now, after having been to the Philippines, it seemed strange that something so normal should have seemed so exotic.

“Lizbetta!” Mama said, and promptly kissed both of her cheeks. “It’s lovely to see you. Theresa, put the sign on the door and we’ll go in the back for a coffee and talk.”

In a moment, Beth was seated in a cramped office in the very back of the store. Theresa made espresso and Mama Rocco scrutinized Beth for a moment before she spoke. Beth had noticed that her English, though still heavily accented, was now fluent.

“So, Lizbetta, you’re well?” Mama asked, and Beth sensed the feeling behind the question.

“Yes, Mama Rocco. Thank you, I am. And you?”

“Ah,” Mama said. “We are as ever. Theresa will soon have her first and our fourth grandchild. Papa’s at the farm. He is always working still.”

Theresa brought their coffees and sat down with some difficulty.

“We have missed seeing you,” Mama said, as though it had been weeks rather than years since their last encounter. She didn’t seem angry in the least. Beth’s thoughts inevitably roamed back in time to when she went to the Roccos and Mama had induced her to confess about Reverend Svenhard.

“You tried to tell my mother,” she said suddenly.

Mama’s eyes opened wide. “Tut. Lizbetta. That is all over.” Beth glanced at Theresa, who was sipping her coffee and looking into the distance.

“You must respect your parents,” Mama said, seemingly apropos of nothing.

“Yes, but I’m sorry she didn’t treat you very well.”

Mama Rocco took a big gulp of coffee and waved her hand in a gesture of Italian dismissal. “It’s of no consequence. Now we sit and have a coffee, eh? Tell us about yourself, Lizbetta.”

So Beth talked about nursing and the Philippines war and Addison. She heard about all the Rocco kids, the grandchildren, and Theresa’s husband Aldo. She left an hour later and made her way back to the Grants feeling as though a circle had closed.

The four of them sat through a silent, tense dinner the next evening. Beth had explained her day to Kerry when she came home from the restaurant, and together they spent a sleepless night wondering about their future. Addison had left a note the next morning asking them to meet with him after dinner that evening.

Addison asked Beth and Kerry to his study. Laura, for once, tidied up the supper dishes by herself. It seemed to Kerry that she had an infuriating air of satisfaction.

Beth and Kerry sat in front of Addison’s desk waiting for him to speak. They couldn’t discern from his expression what he was thinking; they purposefully didn’t look at one another. He sighed deeply as though his thoughts pained him.

“I don’t want to say what I must say nor do what I’m about to do.” He put his fingers together and looked into a corner of the room. “It is with deep regret that I must ask you to leave my home. Both of you.”

“Why?” Kerry asked, the barest hint of challenge in her voice.

“Laura isn’t comfortable with your…” He hesitated, uncharacteristically at a loss for words. “With the two of you.” They said nothing so he continued. “It’s necessary for me to concede this to my wife.”

Beth said, abruptly, “I saw my parents yesterday. I know Laura went to speak to them.”

“Ah, yes. I would rather she hadn’t done that but, believe me, she thinks she had your best interests in mind,” Addison said neutrally.

“That’s not true!” Kerry burst out, ignoring Beth’s restraining hand on her arm. “You know it’s not true. She—”

“Please try to understand, Kerry. I think you can, even if this situation is past Laura’s understanding.”

“What of you, Addison?” Kerry asked desperately.

He closed his eyes for a moment, then looked from her to Beth.

“When I was a boy in Boston, I often spent part of the summers with my father’s sister Lucy. She lived near the Boston Common. My parents took a holiday together without me every year for a month.” He smiled at what was clearly a happy memory.

“For as long as I could remember, Aunt Lucy lived with a companion, Amy. I called her aunt as well. For the longest time I thought they were sisters. They both had taught at the same school for many years. Amy was more fond of children, I think. She spent much time with me, flying kites and sailing my model boat. Aunt Lucy was more reserved. She thought children should be seen and not heard, but she was very kind to me in her way. I looked forward to my month’s visit with them every year. I heard my father refer once to a ‘Boston Marriage.’ My mother shushed him since I was in the room. Later, I heard of other women like Lucy and Amy. People always spoke of them with condescension—little shrugs and winks. Somehow, I knew they were a kind of a couple.” He stopped speaking and let the meaning of his words sink in. Beth and Kerry sat very still.

Addison said, “I know Kerry’s childhood was unusual, unconventional. She grew up to be an unconventional woman. When you two became friends, it seemed right to me, and I knew in my heart that it was with you as it was with Lucy and Amy, although I didn’t recognize it for a long time. And when I did, I still didn’t want to consciously think it.” He stopped and smoothed the papers on his desk.

“What I am saying is, I don’t exactly understand why, but I accept without understanding.” His voice became sad. “Laura doesn’t understand and will never accept.”

“She’s never liked me!” Kerry cried, the pain of Laura’s betrayal bringing out her Irish accent. “From the moment you brought me to your home, she’s never once had a kind word to say. I’ve kept silent because I didn’t wish to hurt you and…” She closed her eyes and took a breath. “But, now, why are you letting her do this to us?” Beth put her hand back on Kerry’s arm and squeezed gently.

“I’m chagrined that I must treat you this way. I always will be grateful to your father, but I must think of my wife first. I apologize to you as profoundly as I can but see no other way. I must keep peace in my home, and the two of you are old enough now to be on your own, without her anger in your way.”

Kerry scowled. “I see that. Well, she’s finally gotten her way. So we’ll leave.” Beth only looked at Addison in dismay and with a hint of compassion.

They stood up and walked out the door, and before Kerry closed it she saw Addison still sitting at his desk, his hands folded across his waistcoat, staring into space.

*

“It’s outrageous what she has made him do. He promised me I would always have a home. She’s a witch. I shoulda known she’d finally get her way. She’s horrible to him. I want to kill her. This is all her fault. Addison is the only person outside of Jack I ever trusted. I never thought he’d betray me like this.”

Beth let Kerry rant on for a while but said, finally, “There is nothing we can do. You can’t avenge yourself without hurting Addison.”

“He would understand.” Kerry bit off her words. “He knows now what sort of person she is. You know she must have spied on us somehow. It wouldn’t be beneath her. She’s turned Addison against us.” She clenched her fists.

“Kerry, dear, you heard what Addison said. He understands, but he has to live with Laura.”

“Can’t he just tell her we’re staying?” Kerry asked. “It’s his house. He’s the man. He can demand that she follow his orders.”

“I think he cannot.”

“I can’t believe you’re taking this so quietly. But then you haven’t lived here that long. You haven’t known Addison as long as I have. I’ll never forgive him for this.”

“Kerry. I know you’re hurt. Addison is your best friend, isn’t he?”

Kerry stopped pacing and stared at her. She looked away and said, quietly, “I once believed he was.”

“Then you must forgive him. You can see how much this hurts him.”

“Well, I blame Laura the most, but…”

Beth waited for a moment, then put her arm around Kerry’s shoulders and lifted her chin up so their eyes could meet. “It’s time we find our own place. I wouldn’t have wanted this to happen but it’s for the best. I was angry that Laura went to my parents, but it was better that we finally had it out. Let’s get our own home, Kerry.”

*

“It’s done, Laura. I’ve done what you asked. I wish to give them some time to make arrangements.”

“Oh, but of course, Addison dear. They may have that. I’m so very happy.” Laura was magnanimous in her victory. Addison saw that and was even angrier at her. His self-loathing transformed his anger at himself into anger with Laura. He thought, I am no longer in love with her. I can barely stand to look at her.