Awake Unto Me (30 page)

“Kerry, look! What is that? How does it go without horses?”

Kerry followed Beth’s pointing finger. “Ah. That’s one of those horseless carriages. The au-to-mo-bile.” She pronounced it carefully. “It’s the new thing. Teddy told me that it runs on gasoline, which must be refilled.” She laughed. “He’s obsessed with getting one but they’re so costly, he can’t afford it.”

Beth smiled. “Well, horses are a great deal more pleasant, but still you must care for them and feed them. The au-to-mo-bile will not tire, I expect.” Beth thought of how that vehicle might be used for patients.

“I want to show you something, two things, really,” Kerry said. “Look here. It’s the Palace Hotel.” They had reached the corner of New Montgomery Street and Market, and on their right stood the gigantic seven-story hotel. Beth craned her neck upward to the top.

“I knew your hotel was large, but I never dreamed it was this big. Are we going to stay there?”

“No. I don’t wish to be noticed and become the subject of gossip. I have enough trouble as it is.”

“I see,” Beth said, somberly. “Well? Where
are
we going?”

“You’ll see momentarily. I want to show you another place.”

They drove a few more blocks down Market Street. Beth quelled her curiosity; it was so lovely just to be out together. Kerry stopped in front of a building fronted by huge white Romanesque columns even more grand than the front of the Sutro Baths.

“What is this?” Beth asked.

“The Bank of California. I have a savings account there my father started for me and Addison looks after. It’s for me whenever I want it. I add to it now since I’m paid as a cook. I never knew what I would do with it, but I know now. I want to buy a house.”

Beth looked at Kerry, who had stopped the carriage in front of the bank and was gazing at the white columns with a pensive air.

Beth cleared her throat. “This house you speak of, would I live there with you?”

“Yes. You would. Of course. We can’t afford it yet, but someday.”

“You’ve thought a great deal about this, haven’t you?”

“Beth, I think of nothing but you. And me. And of us together. I want to give you something.” Kerry reached inside her jacket and produced a plain gold ring.

She took Beth’s left hand and carefully placed it on her third finger. She sat back and smiled. “Now you will be an honest married woman. We couldn’t check into a hotel otherwise. I must preserve your reputation.”

Beth gazed at the ring then at Kerry’s tender expression, then back again. She nearly wept she was so touched, but another little butterfly flutter inside closely followed that feeling, and her cheeks grew warm.

To cover up her reaction, which unnerved her, she spoke briskly. “I hope a supper of some sort is coming up before too long. I’m positively famished.”

Kerry grinned at her with eyebrows raised and Beth knew that she had been caught out. The thought didn’t disturb her though. Kerry clucked the horses back into motion and merely said, “Certainly, love. Coming right up.”

*

Kerry had dressed from head to toe in fine men’s clothes she’d left in the carriage. Beth was taken aback both by how wonderful she looked and by her daring. She wore a wool jacket and vest and striped trousers and boots. She also wore a hat. Beth ventured to ask her why.

“Because, my love, I don’t want to attract attention. As a husband and wife, we will be invisible—and no source of curiosity.”

They drove past the mighty Palace Hotel once more, which took up an entire city block.

“It’s the largest and most luxurious hotel in the West,” Kerry pointed out proudly.

“And to think you work there and cook in their restaurant. It’s a marvel. I’m so proud of you!”

Beth squeezed Kerry’s arm and smiled at her lovingly.

Kerry’s heart turned over and she had hold to back her tears. None of the abuse by the boys in the kitchen had ever made her cry, but a smile and a compliment from Beth undid her as nothing else could.

“Your work is more important than mine,” she said seriously. “You must take care of the wounded and sick soldiers.”

“There. We won’t argue about this. We both have our purpose.”

They found a restaurant to have a quiet dinner. Beth teased Kerry. “Don’t you want to criticize the food, since you’re a cook in such a fancy restaurant?”

“No. It pleases me to eat a dinner that someone else has prepared. It’s a relief to not think about it. I’m enjoying it.”

“It’s true. We’re always our own worst critics.” Beth said.

After dinner they turned north on Sansome Street and stopped in front of a modest building. It was a hotel—not nearly as fancy as the Palace, but it was genteel and comfortable. They were shown to a modest but comfortable room.

“Should we retire now?” Kerry asked, full of anticipation.

Beth, suddenly shy and apprehensive as they faced each other across the bed, said, “Oh, I saw a piano downstairs in the sitting room. What do you say we go downstairs and I’ll play awhile.”

Kerry started to frown but stopped in time to arrange her features in a sweet smile. “Of course,” she said, gesturing gallantly to Beth to exit the room first.

No one else was about in the public area of the hotel. Most of the guests were still at dinner or otherwise out for the evening; it was only eight p.m.

The piano, surprisingly, was a good one; it was an upright and seemed new. “It’s even in tune!” Beth exclaimed. She opened the bench and pulled out a handful of sheet music. “Let’s see what they have.”

Kerry stood by; she didn’t wish to say much. She had deepened her voice to accomplish their checking in but staying in that register was a strain. More than that, she was churning inside with a mixture of desire, terror, and impatience. She was taken aback that Beth wished to go slowly. She had assumed that Beth was as eager as she was.

Beth sat down on the bench and motioned Kerry to sit next to her. Then she launched into the
Moonlight Sonata.
Its melancholy elegiac notes brought both of them into the present. Kerry watched Beth’s face and waited for that dreaminess to appear, that otherworldly glow Beth seemed to get when she was playing. Then she looked down at Beth’s hands. They were strong but delicate; they moved over the keys with assurance. Kerry thought of how it would feel when Beth put her hands on her. She shivered again. Beth caught her movement and smiled at her, and this time her smile was mischievous, and a little lascivious. Kerry smiled back meaningfully and patted her shoulder. The piece ended and they were quiet a moment, communicating with their eyes. Beth looked away when their gazes held and became heated.

“What else do we have?” she asked, riffling through the music. “Ah.” She set up another music pamphlet on the stand.

Kerry read the title: “Beautiful Dreamer.”

“Mr. Stephen Foster,” Beth said, somewhat primly. “He’s a fine songwriter. I enjoy most of his pieces, especially this one.” She turned and gave Kerry a smile of such radiance, Kerry’s insides grew warm and liquid.
Beth. Beth. I do love you. And astonishingly, you have fallen in love with me.
She tore her eyes away from Beth long enough to read some of the words to the song as Beth played.

Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me

Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee

Sounds of the rude world, Heard in the day

Lull’d by the moonlight have all pass’d away

Beautiful dreamer, queen of my song

List while I woo thee with soft melody

Gone are the cares of life’s busy throng

Beautiful dreamer awake unto me

Beautiful dreamer awake unto me

Beautiful dreamer, out on the sea

Mermaids are chanting the wild Lorelie

Over the streamlet vapors are borne

Waiting to fade at the bright coming morn

Beautiful dreamer, beam on my heart

E’en as the morn on the streamlet and sea

Then will all clouds of sorrow depart

Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me

Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me

She watched Beth play through the song and spoke the words to herself. She saw that Beth caught their meaning as well, because her face grew still and her eyelids lowered. At the end, Beth left her hands on the piano keys for a long moment, then turned and said, “Shall we go upstairs?”

Beth saw Kerry’s hand shake as she lit the oil lamp and it filled the small room with an orange glow. Beth came in and shut the door, turned the key, and leaned back against the doorframe.

Kerry whispered, “Shall I leave the lamp on or would you prefer darkness?”

Beth held her eyes. “We’ve shared a room and a bed for these many months. I’m surprised at how shy I feel again.”

“I feel the same.”

Kerry crossed the room and stood in front of Beth, who put her hand on Kerry’s chest, right over her heart. Beth could feel it beating rapidly, making her glad she wasn’t alone in her nervousness.

“Let’s leave the lamp on. For now,” Beth said.

Kerry gathered Beth in her arms and kissed her. Beth said a silent prayer that all would be well. They kissed for a long time, both to prolong the moment and because it was such a pleasure. Their privacy was a gift.

Beth found it hard to breathe as Kerry unbuttoned her dress and helped her out of it. “It’s good that I’m not a corset wearer. That would surely defeat you.” Her words made Kerry laugh for a moment.

“It’s well that you’re not. I can hardly imagine how you’d be able to do your work on the wards.” She slipped the dress off Beth’s shoulders and it dropped to the floor. Beth locked her gaze to Kerry’s and carefully stepped out of the dress one foot at a time. They bent simultaneously to pick it up and knocked their heads together. They both groaned, rubbing their heads.

“We are a pair, aren’t we?” Beth said.

“A pair of what? Fools?” Kerry asked, but she was laughing. “Clumsy oafs?”

“Let me take care of that.” Beth picked up the dress and took it to the armoire. As she folded it, she saw her own hands shaking. She stood in front of the armoire for an extra moment.

Kerry came up behind Beth as Beth closed the armoire and put her hand on her bare shoulder. “You’re cold,” she whispered.

Beth turned around and they embraced again. Beth reached up to take the pins out of her hair.

“Let me,” Kerry said. She pulled out the hairpins and Beth’s hair fell over her shoulders. Kerry moved her hands into Beth’s hair, tugging gently. Beth shivered.

“Warm me up,” Beth breathed. They moved toward the bed kissing and sat down.

“Aren’t you going to take your clothes off?” Beth asked.

“Oh. Yes. I guess I must.” Kerry removed her shirt and shoes and pants.

To Beth she seemed to be moving in slow motion. Though she had seen Kerry naked briefly during their personal moments, seeing her like this was exceptional. Together they pulled the bedspread down and got under it. As they kissed, Beth warmed up, and as she warmed, her blood heated; it was almost enough to quell her nervousness. Kerry moved tentatively, seeming reluctant to remove Beth’s underclothes.

Beth took Kerry’s hand and slid it around her breast. She fondled it and Beth gasped as her nipple hardened against Kerry’s palm. She reverently unbuttoned Beth’s chemise and pulled it off. She dropped the garment over the side of the bed and turned to gaze at Beth’s nude body as she had before.

Beth looked up at her face, her eyes so dark they looked completely black, and Beth heard her sharp intake of breath. Kerry lay down and, for the first time, they touched from head to foot, legs entwined with no barriers between them. Kerry kissed Beth ardently from her forehead to her cheeks to ears and neck and back to her lips. They kissed for such a long time, Beth was breathless and the place between her legs was throbbing. She wanted more but didn’t know what to ask for or how to ask for it. She slid her hand around the back of Kerry’s neck, which was warm and a little damp.

“Kerry, dearest?”

Kerry stopped kissing her and looked at her quizzically. “Yes, love?”

“You promised you would show me how much you love me. Back at the conservatory—the second time you kissed me.”

Kerry rolled over on her side but kept a hand on Beth’s stomach, making slow circles that maddened her.

“Yes, I did and I do love you.”

“Well, I feel that, but you’re driving me mad.”

“Oh? Well, that’s all to the good.”

“You!” Beth slapped Kerry’s chest and they laughed.

Then Kerry grew serious. “I didn’t want to go too swiftly for you, in case…”

Beth understood what she meant.

“Oh, love. That’s over. Since that night in the park when we talked and I made my confession, I feel in my soul that I’m free. You’ve freed me. Your love has freed me. Please don’t be frightened.”