Awake Unto Me (14 page)

“Addison? Say something!”

Addison colored slightly. He cleared his throat and tugged his tie uncomfortably. “Ah Laura, it’s of no consequence. Please don’t trouble yourself. Kerry is fine.”

Kerry looked back and forth between the two of them. Laura’s eyes narrowed and she set her mouth in a prim line. Kerry knew that Laura would only push Addison so far. No matter how upset he made her, she always stopped short of outright rebellion. It was hard enough to endure Laura’s attitude, but the fact that she rarely got her way made it mostly worthwhile. Their carriage ride over to the hospital was silent and tense, and anyone looking at them during the ceremony would have thought them strangers.

*

At the conclusion of the ceremony, Beth and Kerry stood facing each other. Tongue-tied by shyness in this alien environment, they struggled to find the right words. Kerry was impressed and charmed by the sight of Beth in her white uniform and cap, nearly bursting with pride when they read her name and handed her the certificate. On her snowy white bodice was a gold pin denoting she had graduated from the Hospital of the City and County of San Francisco. When Kerry looked at Beth she didn’t see the “angel of mercy” of popular sentiment, but rather a supremely confident woman. She was anxious though, now that Beth had graduated, about what would happen next. There was no time to try to ask any questions, though, as Beth took her arm and said, “Come meet my parents.” She walked them over to where a couple stood apart from the crowd.

Beth made introductions, and Kerry couldn’t manage more than a mumbled hello. George and Frieda looked at her curiously but made no attempt to engage her in conversation, though George clearly gaped at her attire. They seemed ill at ease with their own daughter, Kerry thought. Frieda patted Beth’s shoulder and nodded at her without saying anything. George cleared his throat and mumbled something about his being glad she was through her course of study. Then he looked at Frieda and said, “Better we get back to the store.”

They left after giving Beth perfunctory hugs but saying nothing more to Kerry. Beth and Kerry were alone again. Kerry relaxed a little but said nothing. She watched Beth’s face and waited for her to speak.

“I’m going to have to move back home with my mother and father,” Beth said after a long silence.

“Why?”

Beth laughed. “Dearest Kerry, they don’t allow the graduates to remain in the hospital living quarters. We have to make way for a new class. It’s a relief in a way because of how regimented they kept us. Living with mother and father will be freedom, after a fashion.”

Kerry didn’t hear any of the rest after “Dearest Kerry.” That lovely phrase rendered what followed irrelevant.

“I’ve asked Dr. Grant to write me a letter of recommendation for a private post,” Beth whispered.

“That’s wonderful.”

Kerry was in a hopeless quandary. The past several weeks had convinced her she was in the grip of something she’d never felt before. She felt trapped between two impossible choices. On the one hand, she wanted to tell Beth everything about her childhood and her feelings. But if she did that, it would end their friendship. She was practiced at keeping secrets and, rather than lose Beth, she chose silence.

If she knew what I really am, where I really come from, that would be the end of it. She might never speak to me again.

“I could ask Addison if you could come live with us,” Kerry said, before she could even think about what she was saying.

“Oh, dear, that would be too much of an imposition.”

“Not at all. You could stay in my room and we could go to the park every Sunday.”

“Oh, Kerry. If I manage to get a position, I’ll live full-time at the home if the patient is convalescing. I have to be present day and night.”

That news deflated Kerry a bit but she took a breath and persevered. “Of course. But you don’t want to go back home to your parents, do you?”

That question clearly startled Beth. “No. No, I don’t,” Beth said in a quiet but emphatic voice. “That’s why I hope to get a private posting soon.”

*

Beth sat stiffly in the living room of a fine home near, but not quite on, Nob Hill. She was interviewing with the lady of the house for a post as private nurse for the family grandfather, who was diagnosed with cancer and needed twenty-four-hour care. Beth folded her hands in what she hoped was an attitude that looked calm and trustworthy.

Mrs. Greenaway peered at Beth as though she could discern something just by looking at her. She read the paper in her hand and looked at Beth, then read some more. “Miss Hammond…”

Beth cleared her throat. “Mrs. Greenaway. It is customary to address nurses as Nurse.” She spoke in as respectful a tone as possible. She wanted the job, but one needed to establish a tone right from the start. Some of the other nurses had advised her that families were apt to take all sorts of liberties.

Mrs. Greenaway looked flustered for just a moment. “Ah. To be sure. You come highly recommended. Dr., eh, Grant speaks highly of your skills.”

Beth remained silent.

“As does Superintendent Henry.”

Beth bent her head in what she hoped was modest agreement.

“I, however, have concerns other than your, ah, nursing skills.”

Beth waited.

“You will be necessarily left alone with old Mr. Greenaway—that is, your patient—for hours at a time while my husband is at work and I must go out. I have a very busy social calendar.”

Which is likely why you don’t have time to care for your father-in-law, Beth thought.

“Under no circumstances are you to entertain any young men while we are not here.”

“No, ma’am. I wouldn’t dream of it.”
That was probably Mrs. Greenaway’s deepest fear—scandal.
Beth struggled to keep from laughing. Men were the last thing on her mind.

“Very well then. We will require you to be on duty twenty-four hours a day. You may take a half day off every other Sunday.”

Beth nodded again. It was a standard arrangement, so she’d just have to sleep when she could. She briefly flashed on how limited her time with Kerry would be, but shoved it firmly from her mind. Work had to come first.

*

Beth and Kerry sat in one of their usual spots in the park, a bench in front of the Conservatory of Flowers. The horse and carriage were tied up nearby. They talked as they watched the parade of Sunday park visitors. Beth told Kerry about the Greenaways and their sick father.

“He’s a sweet man,” she said. “I don’t think he’s going to live long though. Dr. Wright isn’t very optimistic, but he puts on a brave face before the family. He was surprised how much I knew about the progress and prognosis of lung cancer.”

Kerry was looking intently at Beth’s profile as she spoke and waiting for the moment when Beth would turn her calm hazel-eyed look at her. Their eyes would meet and Beth would smile sometimes, but otherwise she contained her emotions. Sometimes questions worked and Beth would reveal a bit more. Kerry wanted Beth’s attention, her full attention, because it made her feel like the most worthy person in the world, for that moment, anyway.

“Would you be able to come out to the park with me on your day off?”

“I’d like to, but I may be so tired I can only sleep and wouldn’t be much company for you.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t mind that.”
I only want to see you and spend a little time with you.

“Perhaps you could come and visit me,” Beth said.

“Truly?” Kerry was surprised.

“Oh, yes! Mrs. Greenaway was only concerned that I not have gentlemen calling for me. I can’t think she would mind if you stopped by for tea.”

Kerry nodded, dumbfounded with happiness. Would there be gentleman callers? Beth had never once mentioned any man’s name except for Addison’s, and he didn’t count. It gave Kerry hope.

Perhaps it’s only a question of getting her to understand whom and what she wants. She’s fond of me, that I know.
It wasn’t clear, however,
how
fond or what sort of “fond.” Kerry thought, I don’t know any more now than I did the first time we met. It was so much easier with Sally and her fluttering eyelashes, rocking foot, and saucy “C’mere.”
Beth is a good girl, a naïve girl. I don’t have the first idea what to do or say.

A couple weeks later during their Sunday visit, between yawns, Beth told Kerry, “Madam goes out every Thursday afternoon between one and four. Some sort of club meeting. Why don’t you call then?”

“I’m done with the luncheon service at two. I could walk there in about forty-five minutes. We could have an hour.” Beth was writing her short, friendly letters every few days, but it was painful not to see her every week.

“Well, then. Come after.”

“I will. What shall we do now?”

It was late June and an unusually warm day. They were lazily driving through the park.

“May we just do this for a bit?”

“Of course.” Kerry could see Beth’s cheeks were pale and her eyes dark with fatigue.

They rode in silence and soon Beth fell asleep. Kerry tenderly covered her with the carriage blanket. Beth’s eyelids fluttered but she didn’t waken. Kerry stopped the carriage under an oak tree and watched her sleep until it was time to take her back to her employer’s home.

*

Beth let Kerry in the front door. She had been watching because she didn’t want the knock to reach old Mr. Greenaway’s ears. In her weeks of service at the Greenaway home, she’d managed to learn quite a bit about the way the household worked. The maid, a talkative sort, had relayed some of the conversation she overheard between Mr. and Mrs. Greenaway. She told Beth that the madam had a high opinion of her own ability to judge character.

“She told Mister that you had better watch your manners because you ain’t much above a maid.” The maid smiled grimly. Beth took in the information and decided she would have to be discreet, but she was still determined to have Kerry come for a visit.
It’s not as though I’m violating her “no gentleman callers” rule.
Beth didn’t question her unusual defiance. She’d been forced as a child into strict obedience and fell into the discipline of nursing quite easily. When it came to Kerry, however, she was naturally inclined to do as she wanted, even though she knew she might be bending the rules.

She drew Kerry inside with her finger to her lips and a mischievous smile. She felt quite wicked having an unauthorized visitor.
Almost as if I were entertaining a young man and Mrs. Greenaway would be livid if she knew
. She hadn’t wanted to examine her motives too closely. As far as Beth was concerned, she didn’t question her wish to see Kerry and be with her to the exclusion of anyone else. There
was
no one else unless she counted her parents, with whom she had little contact. Now she had an excellent excuse not to see them since she was posted as a private nurse with virtually no time of her own. What time she did have she devoted to Kerry who, in her cook’s white uniform, was hesitantly following her through the Greenaway house.

“Holy cow,” Kerry exclaimed, albeit in a whisper. “These folks are rich.”

“Shhh!” Beth reproved her. “They have to be to afford me and their maid and their cook and everything else. Not that they pay me much. The maid is off today, by the way, and the cook takes a nap every afternoon after lunch. I think she’s fond of brandy.” Beth actually giggled and Kerry giggled with her.

“Oh, come into the parlor. I want to show you something.” She took Kerry’s hand and led her down the long front hallway, past a formal drawing room. They reached a room near the back of the house, dominated by a huge grand piano.

“Look,” Beth whispered. She sat down on the bench and motioned Kerry to sit next to her.

She raised the cover of the keyboard reverently, conscious of Kerry watching her every move. Beth shuffled the sheet music on the stand and settled a book open to its first page.

“Turn the pages for me. I’ll nod, like this,” she nodded just slightly, “when it’s time.”

Kerry read the title of the music aloud. “Nearer, My God, to Thee.”

By the words, she could tell it was a hymn. Of course, she didn’t go to church. It was much different, however, to watch Beth play the piano and listen to a hymn the way Beth played it. Her face took on a stillness and her eyes closed. Her fingers glided over the keys. Kerry had never heard the piano played like that. There was a cranky old upright in the Grey Dog that people occasionally pounded out music hall tunes on, usually accompanied by drunken singing, but this wasn’t a saloon entertainment—it was far different. Kerry had only gone to church once when she first lived with the Grants. Laura had insisted on it, but she disliked it so vehemently, Addison refused to make her go. He would have gotten out of it too if he could have, but that wouldn’t do with Laura.

When she finished, Beth rested her hands in her lap and looked down. Kerry didn’t know what to say.

“Please play something else,” she said finally. She could have remained there listening and watching Beth for the remainder of her life and been content. Beth pulled a small pamphlet of a few pages out and opened it. The title read “Nocturne in E flat” by Fredrik Chopin.