Awake Unto Me (18 page)

“No. Not at all. That would be fine with me.”

“Very good. That’s settled.” He went back to his enthusiastic consumption of the roast chicken Kerry had cooked for dinner, seemingly unaware of the tension at the table. After dinner, Kerry and Beth cleared away the dishes and went upstairs.

Kerry said, “I’ll go down and heat the water for you.”

Beth replied, “You don’t have to do that. Just show me what to do and I can get started.” As always around Kerry, she was feeling unaccountably uncomfortable but also excited at the prospect of this new task they would undertake together.

“I want to,” Kerry said firmly, leaving Beth in their bedroom to prepare.

Kerry wrestled the biggest pot they owned onto the stove to boil and dragged the tin bathtub in from the backyard shed, setting it up in the Grants’ kitchen. She scrubbed it out thoroughly while the water was boiling. She thought, as she went about her task, of how to ask Beth if she wanted any help. She argued with herself that it was too forward, but on the other hand, it seemed perfectly natural to offer to wash someone else’s back. After she located the soap and towels and a suitable cloth for washing, she dragged two dining-room chairs into the kitchen to set things on and finally poured the boiling water into the tub and added enough cold water to produce a good temperature. She called upstairs to Beth that all was ready.

Beth came into the kitchen, tested the water, and pronounced it perfect. They looked at each other for a long awkward moment.

“I’ll be right outside, if you need anything.” The moment passed and Kerry left to sit in the parlor with Addison and Laura. Pretending to read, she tried to steady her hands and keep the images of Beth, naked and warm in the soapy water, out of her mind.

Beth removed her dressing gown and lowered herself into the tub carefully.
She is so dear and attentive to me. It makes me feel a little guilty.
It was Beth’s nature to think she was the one who must do the caring; it was her work but it was beyond that. It was a novel but compelling feeling to be cared for.

She closed her eyes and soaked happily for a few moments. The tub was slightly warped and off balance. When Beth shifted, the tub tilted a little to one side. A large brown wood spider crawled up the side of the tub to the edge, and Beth opened her eyes, saw it, and emitted a deafening scream.

Kerry raced into the room and looked where Beth was pointing. “Just a moment, Beth. Don’t be frightened. I’ll get it.” She seized a jar from the cabinet and, with its lid, swept the spider into it and then took it the backyard and dumped it. She returned to the kitchen.

Beth sat in the tub shivering, her arms pulled tight around her knees. Kerry knelt down beside her and asked, “Are you all right? I’m so sorry I didn’t notice the thing when I brought in the bathtub.”

“It has given me such a fright. Would you stay?”

“Of course.” She kept her eyes focused on Beth’s face and cleared her throat. “I could wash your back.”

“Yes, please, that would be lovely.”

Kerry moved behind Beth, trying desperately to keep her eyes above the waterline, where Beth’s soft skin disappeared below the soapy suds. She thought with some amusement that Beth could cope with people in the depths of disease or suffering from terrible injuries and attend to their bodily needs without demure, but a simple spider threw her into terror. Her reaction was both odd and endearingly human. She was able at last to admire Beth’s beauty. They had gone back several times to the Sutro Baths and had developed a way of avoiding to have to look at each other. But now, behind her, Kerry would indulge in the beautiful sight.

Kerry took more than a normal amount of time with soaping, washing, and rinsing. Beth had pinned up her hair, and strands of it escaped in the dampness curled against her moist skin. Her neck and back were warm and wet and slightly flushed. Kerry swallowed and tried some conversation to distract herself.

“I often saw those sorts of spider when I was growing up. They’re not harmful, just ugly.”

“Oh, and where was that then?”

Kerry’s hand stilled. “Just around the neighborhood.”

Beth turned and looked at her then. “You know, you never have said where you come from.”

“San Francisco. We lived downtown.” She was then entirely discomfited both from trying to avoid Beth’s question and by the sight suddenly, when she looked down, of Beth’s shapely, rosy, heat-flushed breasts. Kerry hastily turned her head and Beth noticed.

“Are you embarrassed about something?” Beth asked, with a bit of a laugh in her voice.

Kerry cleared her throat. “No. Please lean forward so I can wash your lower back.”

Beth complied and Kerry washed her quickly.

“Do you need anything else?” Kerry knew her tone was sharper than it should be, but her self-control was slipping quickly, the desire to touch Beth’s soft breasts and pink nipples becoming overwhelming. With an effort she brought her feelings under control before she could make a mistake.

“No, I don’t think so. Thank you.”

“I’ll be in the parlor then.”

Kerry went back to the parlor to take up her book again, and both Addison and Laura looked at her questioningly.

“Is all well?” Addison asked.

“Oh, yes. I had to get rid of a spider that had taken up residence under the bathtub.” Addison laughed and Laura clucked with alarm. Kerry tried to read her book but was unable to concentrate. The sight of Beth in the tub—naked, wet, so surpassingly lovely and alluring—was engraved on her memory.

Beth appeared at the doorway of the parlor. “Kerry, do you want me to heat the water for your bath?” she asked.

“Oh, no. I can do that. I don’t mind. You should go to bed while you’re still warm.”

“But I’d be happy to. Please. Let me.”

Addison and Laura turned and looked at Kerry. She suddenly felt churlish and ungrateful.

“All right.”

Beth smiled brilliantly and went back to the kitchen. Kerry hastily left to prepare.

Beth was monitoring the pot of boiling water and had already dumped the tub off the back porch.

“You should’ve waited for me to do that.” Kerry cocked her head at the empty bathtub.

“I can manage just fine. Remember, I have to handle sick people all the time. Dead weight.”

“Still,” Kerry said stubbornly.

“I’m happy to do for you what you’ve done for me.”

“It’s not necessary.” Kerry, to her chagrin, was beginning to turn red. Beth was smiling at her in a tender, amused way.

“No. It’s not, but it’s what I wish,” Beth said seriously. “I’d be happy to wash your back.”

Kerry looked at her intently, searching for some hidden emotion, some of the desire she felt when she washed Beth’s back. She could detect nothing.

“Very well.”

Beth nodded crisply and they waited while the water boiled and finished preparing the bath together.

Kerry realized that she was going to have to take off her robe and get into the tub with Beth waiting beside her. She sternly told herself that she had no reason to be embarrassed.

She got into the tub and experienced the soothing, relaxing sensation of sinking into warm, clean water.

Beth sat on one of the kitchen chairs and regarded her companionably, questioning her about her work in the Palace Hotel kitchen. With Beth seemingly completely at ease, Kerry managed to relax as well, glad the sides of the high tub hid her hardened nipples.

It could be perfect, Kerry thought, her eyes closed as Beth slowly washed her back in small, tight circles.
We’re living together, sharing a bed. I’m able to cook for her every night. But it’s not our house and we’re not together as lovers
.
But she could think of no way to change the circumstances in which she found herself. Beth’s feelings were a mystery. Beyond her friendliness and companionable affection, Kerry could discern nothing, and a sense of futility settled deep inside her.

*

Beth and Addison came home from their labors at the Presidio late in the morning after an overnight shift, exhausted and barely able to eat. Laura fussed over Addison and Kerry attended to Beth.

Kerry was grateful Beth was able to get some rest and was only required to stay at work overnight every few days. On those nights, Kerry was able to sleep, unlike the nights when Beth lay at her side, utterly exhausted.

“That wouldn’t be so bad, having so many patients, I mean,” Beth said, “if the conditions were better.” Major Owen had engaged an experienced nurse superintendent from the French Hospital, Marjorie Reynolds, to direct the new six-member nursing force. She was, as most of her ilk, a formidable woman. She had been a nurse since the age of eighteen and was approaching twenty-eight. She informed Major Owen in no uncertain terms that the nurses were hers to direct in terms of their assignments and scheduling, and she made full use of every minute of the nurses’ time. Beth, as energetic as she was, found it hard to keep up with Marjorie.

*

Beth was attempting to make some patients who were ill with dysentery comfortable enough to be moved on litters. She was scrambling to keep up, as the corpsmen were keen to finish the backbreaking task of moving the patients to the new hospital building. She had been settling one patient when Nurse Moore called her over to help calm a delirious soldier so he could be strapped in. In her brief absence, two of the corpsmen had picked up her patient, who had just defecated again and was cursing and raving.

“Wait!”

“Eh. Miss. We must get on with the transport or Major Owen will have our hides.”

“I have to clean this man up and calm him down. You cannot move him like this,” she insisted.

The more senior of the two stared at her, a twitch in his jaw suggesting his irritation.

“Leave us do our jobs, Miss. It’s not your place to question the major.”

“
My
job, you stupid man, is to look after these patients. Yours is to move them from this spot to their new hospital.
I
say when it’s time to move. Major Owen isn’t here. And you will address me as Nurse instead of Miss.”

The two soldiers gaped at her.

“Now return this patient to his tent.”

Nurse Reynolds appeared just as Beth had made her last firm statement, and the two litter bearers turned away with their charge to put him back in his odorous tent.

“Nurse Hammond? Is all well?” Nurse Reynolds inquired.

“Yes, Nurse Reynolds, but I must go see to this man,” Beth said politely but firmly.

“Very well, Nurse, report to me when you finish.”

“You wanted to see me?” Beth stood in the doorway of Nurse Reynolds’s small office after cleaning up the patient and allowing the soldiers to move him.

“Yes, Nurse, I wanted to hear from you the status of the patients’ move to the barracks.”

“We’ve got a few more truly ill men to move but essentially we’re finished.”

“Nurse Hammond, I’m quite impressed with your handling of the corpsmen.”

“Thank you, Nurse.” There was a pause. Beth asked, “Is there something else?”

“Yes. The major mentioned that if the medical unit is sent overseas, he expects me to pick my nurses. You’re first on my list. In spite of your relative inexperience, I’ve found you entirely reliable. Your instincts and judgment are first-rate.”

“Is it possible we’ll go to the war theater, ma’am?”

“Possible. Nothing definite. Please think about it. We shall speak when and if there are more concrete plans.”

“Yes, ma’am. I will. Thank you.”

*

Kerry awoke suddenly. Beth was tossing restlessly and moaning. She flung herself on her back. Kerry pulled herself up on one elbow and looked down at her face. She was muttering and suddenly screamed. Kerry pulled Beth into her arms and rocked her. She woke up and looked wildly into Kerry’s face.

“You were dreaming. I think you were having a nightmare.”

Beth slipped out of Kerry’s arms and sat with her arms wrapped around her bent legs.

“Are you all right?” Kerry touched her shoulder gently.

“Yes, thanks. I’ll be fine. Please go back to sleep.”

Kerry lay down but continued to look at Beth with a worried expression.

“Truly, I’m well. It’s over.”

Beth closed her eyes and was softly snoring again. Kerry lightly rubbed her back and felt her muscles relax. Content that she would wake if Beth had another dream, she fell asleep with her hand pressed against Beth’s back.

It was a happy occasion in the Grant household when, in mid-September, both Addison and Beth were home for supper, and at an early hour. Kerry had made a crown roast of pork with a remoulade sauce she had lately learned to prepare at the restaurant, as well as new potatoes and apple pie for dessert. Even Laura was in a cheerful mood. They sat down to eat, and over their meal Addison announced that both he and Beth were to be sent out to the Philippines in October on the hospital ship, the
Golden Gate
,
where they would remain for at least three months. Kerry and Laura sat in silence as Beth and Addison discussed the plans for their trip.