A Winter Sabbatical (Books We Love holiday romance) (8 page)

Shock tactics, that’s what he’d use. “We’re
sleeping together, you know.” There. That ought to do it. “Aw, come on! She
won’t tell me a damned thing. If this Jeremy what’s-his-name has done something
to her, don’t you think
I
... You don’t? Damn you,
Kershaw.” This was exasperating, infuriating. If Daniel wouldn’t tell him, how
the hell could he find out?

“This is
all your
fault, after all.” Well it was. Daniel had moved overseas and offered Marissa
the house. It was worth a try. “What do you mean it’s not? Of course it is.” He
sighed again, knowing he was grasping at straws. “Apart from Marissa, yeah,
everything’s just dandy.”

They talked about Daniel’s assignment, his
family, Travis’ family, and finally after there was nothing left to talk about,
Travis replaced the receiver, feeling as though he’d wasted both his time and
Daniel’s.

***

The knock at the door disturbed him.

Not that Travis had done much in the way of
work. Marissa had conjured up all kinds of excuses not to see him. The morning
after, that
was the last time he’d laid eyes on her.

And that was nearly a week ago.

The courier stood looking at him. He wasn’t
expecting anything. What could it be? There was only one way to find out, and
that was to open the darned thing.

Travis signed the confirmation sheet, and
looked the envelope over. No indication of where it was from.

Becoming impatient with himself, Travis
tore the envelope open, pulling out the pink stationery inside. His heart
skipped a beat. If it were business, it wouldn’t be on pink stationery.

He put the paper to his face, and his heart
skipped a beat.

It smelled of Marissa.

She needed some space it said.
Going away for a few days, maybe longer.
She apologized for
any inconvenience she’d cause.

Inconvenience?
Dammit, Marissa!
Inconvenience?

He could put a few other names to it. Try
heartbreak for starters, or maybe excruciating pain.

What
the hell was she playing at? Had she left him?

No,
that’s not what she’d said. Take a deep breath, and read the letter again.

Travis sat down, trying not to panic, and
carefully re-read Marissa’s letter. She needed some space.
That much he’d gotten before.

She’d
wrangled
an
assignment and would be back as soon as she sorted herself out.

There.
She was coming back – nothing to worry about.

If he told himself often enough, he might
just believe it.

***

It had been days, nearly a week, since
Marissa had left and still Travis had heard nothing.

What could he do? He had no way of tracing
her. He’d just have to sit and wait. But that wasn’t his style.

Travis couldn’t work. He couldn’t sleep. He
couldn’t live without Marissa.
He had to
know she was all right.

He had to do something.
Anything.

He drove around and around, going nowhere,
achieving nothing.

It was nearly two a.m. Travis found himself
outside Marissa’s house. How had he gotten there? He certainly hadn’t planned
it.

He sat in the driveway with the engine
running and the headlights on. Finally he switched them both off. He leaned his
head down on the steering wheel, thinking.

Where
the hell is she?

Travis lifted his head. He had the
strangest feeling; the feeling of being watched.

He looked around.
Nothing.
No one.
The house was in darkness. Of course it was,
he reminded himself, Marissa hadn’t been there for days.

Travis climbed out of the car and stretched
his legs. He’d been driving for hours, and his legs were stiff and sore.

He wandered casually around the house. What
he hoped to find, he didn’t know. He felt comforted just being there, God only
knew why – because he sure as hell didn’t!

Travis heard his own indrawn breath, as a
flock of birds suddenly flew skywards, disturbed by his movement.

He continued to walk around aimlessly.
Marissa was part of his life now – part of him. All he needed was to know she
was safe.

Realizing this was getting him nowhere,
Travis started back toward the car. As he rounded the corner, something caught
his eye – a tiny slither of light. He stared at the window. The curtains were
drawn back, as he would have expected.

Marissa stood at the window, staring into
the darkness.

***

She hadn’t seen him arrive, and was
startled to see Travis standing outside the window, watching her.

How long had he been standing there? – A
few seconds, minutes, or longer?

What would he think when she told him, she
wondered. He’d probably be hurt. She would, if she were in his position.

The expected knock was longer coming than
Marissa had anticipated. At least it seemed that way. She stood in readiness to
open the door, but it was as though her muscles had all locked up and she
couldn’t move.

“Marissa – let me in.” She heard his
muffled voice, even through the heavy door. She didn’t answer, and he called
again. “I know you’re there.
Please
,
let me in – we need to talk.”

There
he goes again, wanting to talk.
Always wanting to talk.
Marissa sighed. She’d better let him in; he might
try to break the door down otherwise. But in
her own
mind, Marissa knew Travis would never do that.

They stood staring at each other for what
seemed a lifetime, until Travis reached up and gently touched her cheek with
the back of his hand.

Marissa shuddered. It wasn’t supposed to be
like this.

“When did you get back?” He seemed
disappointed more than angry or annoyed, and looked terribly tired.
As though he hadn’t slept for days.

“I didn’t.” He was confused
now,
she could see it in his expression. It was a stupid
thing to say, given the circumstances. “I didn’t go, after all.”

She heard his indrawn breath at her
statement. “You’d better come in.”

Travis slumped onto the sofa.
Didn’t go? She didn’t go?
He’d been
worried sick, and she didn’t go?

The room was in darkness; the little light
there was, coming from the kitchen and the moonlight.

Marissa hovered over him.
“Cup of tea?”

“Forget the tea. What’s going on?” Now he
was
annoyed. She glared at him.
That was cool, Johnston.
Real cool.
Now you’ve got her back up.

“I’m having one, whether you do or not.”
That was that – she turned her back on him and walked out.

Travis went over to the window where
Marissa had been standing earlier, and stared out for what seemed an eternity.
“What secrets do you hold?” he eventually whispered to the moonlit sky, hoping
to find the answers to all his problems.
One in particular.

“Did you say something?” He turned to find
Marissa behind him, holding two steaming cups of liquid in her hands.

“Just thinking aloud.”

Handing him a cup, Marissa joined him at
the window. “I guess I owe you an explanation.” Travis shrugged his shoulders.
More than likely he wouldn’t get one anyway. “I needed time to think.
About us.”
Marissa stared up into his face. Her eyes pleaded
with him. Her heart reached out to him.

“Marissa,” his fingers traced the outline
of her lips. The lips he wanted to kiss. But Marissa wanted to talk, so talk
they would. After all, isn’t that what he’d been trying to get her to do since
they’d met?

She reached up and held his fingers, then
removed them from her lips. He watched in the moonlight as her anguished eyes
glittered. “I did have an assignment, and I was going.” See, he told himself –
there was an explanation. “I pulled out at the last minute.”

“Why didn’t you call and tell me?” He was
hurt. Why would she do this to him? After what they’d been to each other?

“I told you – I needed time to think. I
needed some space.” Marissa studied the floor. Travis lifted her face with his
fingers until she looked him in the eye. “I’ve already hurt you.” Her voice was
low now. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”

He didn’t speak, didn’t interrupt her. She
needed to do this, get it out in the open. And he needed to hear it.

Marissa walked away from the window,
dropping her half empty cup on the nearby side table. Travis closely watched,
but stood rooted to the spot. He expected Marissa to drop into a chair or onto
the sofa, but she quietly returned to his side, staring out of the window
again.

The atmosphere was suddenly electric. She
finally trusted him enough to tell him what was bothering her.

Travis looked at Marissa, wondering whether
to wait or urge her to speak. As he studied her face in the moonlight, he
noticed her tears roll slowly down her face. It was all he could do not to wrap
his arms around her and hug her tight.

“Jeremy was my
fiancée
.
We were to be married about six months ago.”
Just over four months before they met.
Travis took her hand and held it.

“We met at high school, senior year, and
were constant companions from then on. He was beautiful to look at, beautiful
to be with. When it... happened, we had been engaged about twelve months.”

She turned and looked at him, her eyes
assessing him. Wondering at his reaction?

“We’d been to a movie in the afternoon, and
decided to go to the park afterwards. We sat on the grass talking for awhile,
then
it was time to go home.” Marissa brushed at her cheeks,
and Travis was tempted to reach out and hold her. It was difficult, but he
restrained himself. He had to let her talk.

“We headed for the pedestrian crossing – we
weren’t far from home, so we were on foot. Jeremy was always pretty laid-back,
and stopped in the middle of the footpath and kissed me...” Travis grimaced.
“As though he would never kiss me again, as though he would never touch me
again.” Marissa shivered,
then
wrapped her arms around
herself, rubbing her hands up and down her arms. “We stepped out onto the
crossing, and were nearly half way across when,” Marissa stopped and closed her
eyes, squeezing them tight.

“Marissa?”

“When Jeremy suddenly grabbed both my arms
and threw me hard against a parked car.”

Travis felt his heartbeat quicken.
What the hell?

“The next thing I remember, I was in the
hospital.” She was calm, too calm, Travis decided. “Jeremy was there – in
another cubicle. They took me in to see him.” Marissa took a deep breath.
Travis waited. She would continue when she was ready.

“He was a mess. Tubes coming out all over
the place, blood everywhere, and he had an oxygen mask.” Travis moved closer.
He could hardly hear her now. “He was barely alive.”

Travis could feel his heart thumping in his
head. Why did he have to push her so much? Why couldn’t he let it be?

“I told him,” Without a sound, Travis
watched as Marissa forced herself into composure. “I told him I loved him. I
held his hand, and told him I loved him. And then…”

Travis swallowed.

Marissa covered her face with her hands,
and cried into them. “And then he died.”

Travis took her hand and squeezed it, but
Marissa wrenched it away. “And what did I do?” She
laughed,
an embittered laugh. “I fainted. Jeremy was dead, and I fainted. They wanted to
take me away from him, but I wouldn’t let them. I sat with him for hours – I
guess I was hoping it was all a dream, a nightmare, and I’d wake up and find it
wasn’t true.”

Travis looked at her, at her tear-drenched
face. How could he make it all right again?

Travis reached out and pulled Marissa to
him. He tried to comfort her, but knew he could never take away her pain. She
cried until her tears had all dried up.

Marissa suddenly pulled away and turned her
back to him.

“His voice, his screaming voice,” She
turned to face Travis again, looking directly into his eyes. “I hear it over
and over. His voice, it stops me... I can’t,”
You can’t what Marissa? Tell me. Tell me!

She swallowed hard, but said nothing.
Travis held both her hands, trying to give support, comfort. “You can’t what?”
he asked quietly.

Marissa closed her eyes again, and Travis
watched as her face twisted in agony.

When she spoke again, her voice was barely
a whisper. “I can’t get it out of my head. It’s always there, mostly when I
sleep.”