A Winter Sabbatical (Books We Love holiday romance) (12 page)

Slow, steady breaths, she told herself. Try
to breathe normally. This wasn’t like her, she didn’t normally have panic
attacks.

She thought back to that day with Jeremy’s
parents. Perhaps she did after all.

The bedroom door opened.

She could see Travis’ reflection in the
full-length mirror. He was frowning. She watched his reflection walking toward
her.

He put his hand on her back, gently moving
it in circles.

“Take some slow breaths,” he told her.
“Everything will be all right.”

She raised her eyebrows at him. “I – don’t
– think – so.”

He eased her backward onto the bed, and lay
Marissa down. She lay there for a minute then pushed herself into a sitting
position, still trying to breathe.

Travis slid himself behind her and began to
massage her shoulders. “Tell me what’s bothering you.” It felt so nice, with
his hands moving over her shoulders and neck. She could actually feel her
muscles relaxing, unwinding. Her breathing gradually became normal again.

Marissa twisted her head around and looked
him in the eye. “I can’t face them. They’ll tell me it’s too soon.” It was that
simple.

Travis felt his heart give a little twist.
When would her suffering be over?

He moved next to Marissa, to the other side
of her, so that he could hold her close. “It’s been over a year now. No one
will judge you.” Marissa leaned her head against his chest. It felt nice,
wonderful in fact, to hold her like this. He loved to be with her, to touch
her, to be near her. But he wanted her to be happy.

Marissa looked up at him. “How can you be
sure?” Her eyes seemed to be challenging him, wanting proof, assurance, and a
guarantee that he just couldn’t give.

“There are no magical answers,” he told her
in a low voice. “But one thing’s for sure, if you don’t show, I’m going to look
one hell of a fool standing there by myself,” he grinned, “giving a speech
about the woman I love, when she isn’t even there!”

Marissa laughed, and Travis felt relieved.
He sure would have looked like a numbskull having to tell everyone the party
was cancelled.

It was late. She’d been sitting out on the
veranda for over an hour.

She could hear the music from out there,
and the air was chilly, but she wasn’t ready to go inside yet.

Travis had been great. He’d let her be. Let
her have the space she needed. And boy, did she need space right now.

It wasn’t like she didn’t want to be with
Travis. She loved Travis, wanted to be with him, and wanted to bear his
children.

Jonah had curled up on her lap and promptly
went to sleep. And it wouldn’t be right to move him, would it?

Marissa heard yet another car pull up out
the front, and was tempted to go inside.

Why did they bother to tell anyone?
Couldn’t they just stay wrapped in their own little cocoon, leaving the world
behind, blocking out everything, everyone?

Jonah stirred as Marissa wrapped the
blanket further around herself. Life really wasn’t meant to be easy, she
decided, then took a deep breath and went inside.

Marissa made her entrance holding Jonah.

If that was what it took to calm her
nerves, then that was fine, Travis told himself.

It was difficult, almost impossible in
fact, but he’d forced himself to stay away, to let her get her head together
before coming inside.

He stood as she entered the room, and
walked toward her, hands outreached. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him, and
was certain they’d also be on Marissa.

Apart from the music, silence filled the
room, and he closed the gap between them as quickly as possible.

The muttered voices resumed again, almost
as quickly as they’d stopped, and Travis breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t
want Marissa upset, spooked, unhappy, and if he had to, he’d send everyone
home.

Don’t
get paranoid again
, he warned himself, when his
imagination started to run on a course of its own.

He’d spent a lot of the evening getting to
know Marissa’s parents, Richard and Ellen, and explained about recent events.
It was important to Travis that they liked him, trusted him, and that they
understood how he felt about Marissa.

After the accident, they explained, a
blanket of protection had been thrown around her. Everyone wanted to look out
for her, to make everything all right again.

Well they hadn’t, Travis decided, and only
he
had allowed Marissa to do the one
thing she needed desperately to do. And that was to grieve.

He’d asked them to give her some space, to
keep the past in the past.

They understood, they’d said. Of course
they understood; they went through it all too. Not as much as Marissa,
naturally, but Jeremy
was
to be their
son-in-law. Now he, Travis, would be their son-in-law. Jeremy
was
Marissa’s fiancé, now he, Travis,
was her fiancé.

He felt a tiny shiver go through him. He’d
never thought about it that way before.

Marissa smiled at him and reached out to
him with one hand. Travis kissed her on the cheek. Jonah jumped out of her arms
and landed gracefully on the carpet.

“Okay?” Travis asked, trying not to look
concerned.

“Fine.” She smiled and Travis felt
relieved, but when he looked into her eyes, he noticed tiny lines surrounded
them.

Travis led Marissa onto the makeshift dance
floor; he’d cleared a space in what was once the bar in the old pub – now the
family room.

He pulled Marissa to him and they moved to
the slow rhythm of
Unchained Melody
–
her favorite song – which played softly in the background.

Their fingers intertwined, and Travis
brushed a light kiss along Marissa’s lips, his other hand resting just above
the small of her back. She sighed, then molded herself to his body.

No, she wasn’t as unperturbed as she
appeared.

Everyone was clapping – Travis had just
finished his speech.

Her parents seemed to like him, and she
liked his parents, although Travis’ mother seemed to still be deciding about
her. But, they do say no mother thinks there’s a girl good enough for
her
son.

And she’d got to meet Shelley, Travis’
sister – the one that taught him about massage. Smart girl.

Marissa really liked Shelley. They got on
well. And Travis hit it off with her brother, Ralph. Poor boy, he’d never
forgiven their parents for that name. It was a family name, their father had
insisted, and must be carried on. Ralph was the one who had to put up with the
sneers, not their father.

It was pretty obvious to Marissa that
Travis’ family were from money, just from the way they dressed. She should have
realized just from the fact that Travis had been left this beautiful old house
by his grandfather.

His mother, Elizabeth had talked about a
huge wedding, but his father had seemed indifferent.

Neither Marissa nor Travis wanted that.
They both wanted it to be very informal, much like their engagement party, with
just close friends and relatives. Travis had assured her they would get what
they wanted.

Marissa wasn’t so sure.

***

It was dark, pitch black, the sky was
speckled with stars, and the air was crisp.

Marissa sat on the back step, a blanket
wrapped around herself and with Jonah on her knee.

“A penny for them.” Travis stood casually
in the doorway watching her. He could hear Jonah purring from where he stood.
That cat was so spoilt lately, Travis decided.

Marissa turned to face him and the
moonlight bounced off her eyes.

“It’s just beautiful.” Marissa turned back
to the skyline.

“Beautiful?” It was not exactly how he
would have described it – tranquil, serene, relaxing maybe. Beautiful was not a
word he would have used. Still, it
was
peaceful, and Travis could fully understand why Marissa liked to sit out there
whenever she got the chance.

The sky was almost like an artist’s
palette, with splashes of color here and there, different hues streaked across
the sky, and the sun had begun its decent toward the horizon. He could
certainly understand why Marissa would enjoy sitting out there.

“Do you always have to answer with a
question?” Her smile lit up her face against the moonlit backdrop.

“Isn’t that what you just did?” His
laughter bubbled to the surface, and Marissa laughed with him.

As Travis sat down, he handed Marissa a
glass of champagne. “To love, life and happiness.” He clinked his glass against
Marissa’s.

She took a tiny sip of the bubbling
contents, and then brushed at her nose as the bubbles tickled her. “To us,” she
laughed.

Travis looked at her over the rim of his
glass. What was she thinking? She looked happy enough, but was she really? Or
was he being paranoid again?

The evening had gone without a hitch. Once
she’d come inside that was. Perhaps their visit with the Saunders had finally
laid Jeremy to rest. “To inner peace.” He clinked their glasses together again.

Marissa closed her eyes briefly. Travis
held his breath. Perhaps he’d gone too far this time.

She opened her eyes and smiled. “To inner
peace and a renewed life.”

He slipped his arm around Marissa’s
shoulders and squeezed gently. “I know I haven’t said it much.”

Marissa turned to look at him, her brows
furrowed.

“But I want you to know how much I love
you.”

She spread her hands in front of her. “This
much?” she asked, a grin creeping across her mouth.

“Uh, uh.”

She widened her hands. “This much?”

“More.”
Minx.

“This much?” Marissa spread her arms as
wide as they would go, spilling her champagne over Travis.

They both burst into uncontrollable
laughter, with Travis almost rolling about on the steps. When their laughter
finally subsided, Travis pulled Marissa close again, his fingers roving down
her cheek, her neck, her shoulder and came to rest on her hands. Their fingers
entwined, and Travis moved in to claim her mouth.

Marissa lifted her hand to Travis’ cheek,
her other hand resting on his chest. Travis felt his breathing quicken, and
pushed himself closer to Marissa until her breasts were tight up against him.

He moved sideways on the step as he began
to slowly undress her, and then leaned even further into her.

“Reeeeeoooooow!”

Marissa looked at Travis wide-eyed. “Poor
Jonah,” she said, pulling the blanket up around her shoulders, and
straightening her disheveled clothes, standing, staring after him into the
night.

Travis shrugged his shoulders and joined
Marissa as she tried to find Jonah. He suddenly reached down and lifted Marissa
up, letting the blanket drop to the ground.

He felt her arm slip around his neck, and
Marissa’s other hand came up and cupped his face, then she ran her fingers
along his five o’clock shadow.
God, it
felt good when she did that
.

“You need a shave,” she whispered. Marissa
looked at him and their eyes locked.

What was she thinking? He wanted to kiss
her, longed to kiss her. Marissa just stared at him, what was the matter with
her?

He felt a few spots of rain on his face,
then a sudden downpour.

“You do realize it’s raining, don’t you?”
She was shouting, trying to make herself heard over the almost torrential rain.

A clap of thunder shuddered through the
sky, and Marissa gripped him tighter. “Not afraid, are you?” he asked,
surprised when she nodded.

Travis turned toward the house, and a bolt
of lightning struck not far away. Marissa’s startled cry encouraged him to go
inside.

Low embers were burning in the fireplace,
and Travis threw some twigs on them to get it going again. They were both drenched,
totally and utterly saturated, and Travis stole a sideways glance, reveling in
the way her clothes now clung to her body.

Marissa shivered as she pulled off her
clothes, her long hair dripping relentlessly into a puddle around her feet.

“Towels. We need towels,” Travis said,
running toward the bathroom.
Well, der,
that’s obvious!
Why did he always have to put his foot in his mouth?

When he returned, Marissa had stripped off
most of her clothes, and was wearing only her bra and panties.

Travis threw some small logs on the fire,
and then stripped off his shirt. Marissa unclipped her bra. Travis removed his
trousers.

His groin flew into action.

***

The fire was warm, inviting, but a shower
would be even nicer.