Worthy of Redemption (29 page)

“Kyle, listen closely,” she said, her voice strong and confident. “I’m not doing this. I
can’t
do this. I love you, but you’ve already made your decision. I am scared stupid about losing another baby and I just want to focus on taking care of myself during this pregnancy. I can’t have all of this angst and stress, and…” she paused and took a deep breath. “And maybe I don’t want to worry about when you’re going to take another hit of meth – during or after the pregnancy. I’m not enough to anchor you, clearly, or we wouldn’t even be in this situation. I don’t know when I will get my things out of the penthouse. I guess…I guess I don’t need any of it.” She paused again. I could hear cars in the background, as if she were walking down a city street. “I guess I’ll work on not needing you, too. Please stop calling. Just…just leave me alone.”

The message ended. I listened to it twice more, trying to calm my rippling emotions.

“Fuck that,” I growled as I returned her call. I fully expected it to go to voicemail, but to my surprise she answered.

“What?” she snapped. “I told you not to call me.”

“You’re just going to leave?” I yelled into the phone, surprising even myself by my burst of anger. “You’re going to try to keep the baby away from me?”

“What? No. I didn’t say that.”

“It damn well sounded that way, Lily,” I shouted. “That’s
my
baby and you won’t keep it away from me, Lily!”

“I’m not!” she yelled back. “You ass, I still have to come back to work eventually!”

I closed my eyes, squeezed the bridge of my nose. I needed a hit so badly, the urge swarmed over me suddenly.

“You’ll be back in the area then,” I said, trying to control my anger.

“Yes, I’ll be back in the damn area, and I’ll be back at work soon, too. I just need a little time to get my head straight.”

“When?”

“I don’t know when,” she sighed wearily.

“I have to go to London very soon and for a long time. I need to see you again before I go.”

There was a moment of silence from her end. “Okay,” she finally said in a quiet voice. “I have a doctor’s appointment Friday morning. You can meet me there. At least maybe there you won’t cause a scene.”

“Lily,” I said, my emotions swinging from anger to despondency. “Please don’t do this. I love you and you are more to me than you know, and I’m so sorry I haven’t -”

“No,” she said with strong, painful emotion. “Don’t say this shit now because I’m gone. Don’t do it. You don’t mean it, you’re just upset. I’ll text you the details for the appointment. I’m hanging up. Don’t call me. Don’t text me. Just
leave me alone
. And don’t you
dare
stalk me. If I find out you have anyone following me around, you’ll lose your chance to be in your baby’s life.”

With that, she ended the call. I stared at the phone for a long minute in disbelief.

“Fuck!” I yelled and hurled the phone across the room. It smashed against a bookcase and fell to the floor in pieces.

I slammed the laptop close and tossed it to the side. The manila envelope sat there, equally enticing to me as a few hits of meth or cocaine. I didn’t have any drugs in my possession, but I had the envelope and its contents.

I was going to burn the whole thing without looking, but that was when I thought I could get Lily back. It was possible I could still win her back, but most likely not with the way I just behaved on the phone with her. Chances were high that she would resist me at every turn and I’d never have her again. I took Emmy back over and over before I beat the shit out of her, but Lily’s resolve was higher. She didn’t do anything she didn’t want to do. If she folded for me, it was because she chose to, not because I made her.

I picked up the envelope and weighed it in my hands. My fingers itched to tear it open. My heart pounded with anxiety. I carefully released the golden clasp on the back. With a deep breath I shook the envelope, releasing proof of my fury onto my desk. I picked up the pictures with shaky hands. It only took three out of forty photos to make me come undone.

*~
Lily~*

Vomiting sucks. I had puked my face off into my barf bag when I got a whiff of someone’s Greek yogurt on the flight back to Philly. I apologized to the flight attendants and those around m
e profusely.

My stomach was still feeling queasy as I caught a cab from the airport to the OB’s office in Center City. I ch
ecked my phone again on the way to see if Kyle had answered my text. I texted him twice, telling him the name and address of the doctor and he never responded. I was tempted to call the office, but I wasn’t ready to hear his voice. It took a pep talk from Lydia for me to even get on the plane to meet him for the appointment.

Well, you told him not to call or text
, I told myself as I handed the cabby money for the fare. I definitely fully expected to see him inside when I arrived, but even after I checked in and filled out paperwork, there was no Kyle. I texted him once more to let him know I was going into the back, but I got nothing.

I went through the appointment, expecting Kyle to show up apologizing for being late, but he never came. By the time I left the doctor’s office, I was anxious and worried. What if he gave up altogether? What if he wanted nothing to do with the baby? It was so difficult to tell him the things I told him on the phone, but I knew I had to do it. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to be without him forever, but I needed that space. What if I pushed him away forever? The thought made me queasy again.

After a few minutes of indecision, I caught another cab to the penthouse. I was actually surprised that he had not sent Corsey to pick me up from the airport, but then again I had warned him about having someone follow me and I definitely would have assumed just that if I saw Corsey waiting for me.

“Miss Whitman,” the concierge nodded to me as I walked to the elevator a little while later.

I acknowledged him with a nod, but I didn’t trust myself to speak. It seemed like the elevator ride to the top floor took twice as long as usual. When it finally stopped, I bolted out before the doors could even open halfway. I used my key to let myself in and immediately knew something was wrong. The house was a mess. I don’t mean dirty dishes and empty pizza boxes. I mean it looked as if King Kong had walked through, destroying everything in his path. The furniture in the living room was askew, the couch was turned at a funny angle, and the coffee table was across the room, upside down and broken. The other little pieces of furniture in the living room were broken or way out of place. The glass dining room table was shattered and the chairs were everywhere.

Afraid to call out Kyl
e’s name, as quietly as I could I made my way down the hallway to his office. The first thing I noticed was his phone, shattered on the floor by the bookcase, which explained why he wasn’t answering me. His work laptop was in pieces on the floor by the desk – everything that was once on the desk was on the floor in various parts of the room. The window behind Kyle’s chair was broken and anything breakable was definitely broken. What stood out the most though were the pictures on the floor. I picked up the one closest to me and choked to keep down the bile that had risen from my gut. Emmy’s back was bright red all over, the beginning stages of bruising. There was an actual partial shoe print on her back. I picked up another photo and this one showed her face – another shoe print there. He had kicked her in her face, I just couldn’t fathom it. I picked up more photos, each one seemingly worse than the one before. The one that made me stop looking for more to look at was the one of Emmy’s pregnant belly, bright red in spots from getting hit or kicked.

I lost whatever was left in my stomach then, right there on the littered carpet. After dry heaving for five minutes after that, with the pictures gripped in my hand, I stumbled out of the office and back down the hall. Judging by the way the house looked Kyle had been on a rampage after seeing what he did to Emmy. The question in my mind was whether or not he was grounded when he did it.

I should have just left and called Corsey on my way out, but needing to know if Kyle was okay outweighed my need to leave. I put the pictures in my bag and jogged up the stairs. I paused in front of my bedroom door. My belongings were strewn across the room. Anything that wasn’t too heavy was broken, smashed against a wall. I moved onto Kyle’s room and found the same type of disarray. It became obvious that he wasn’t home, but I was no less worried. What if he was out buying drugs? What if he hurt himself?

I jogged down the stairs and was almost to the foyer when the front door opened, stopping me in my tracks. Kyle stopped for only a moment to stare at me before continuing through the door. He went to throw his keys on the table that was usually by the door, but that table was lying on its side on the floor. Pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand, he slipped the keys into his pocket. He looked terribly reminiscent of how he looked that night he came into
SHOTZ
. He hadn’t shaved, his eyes were red rimmed and bloodshot, and his hair looked like he had been running his hand through it an awful lot.

“I’m sorry I missed the appointment,” he said. I could hear how weary and tired he was in his voice.

“It’s okay. Nothing important happened. You look like shit.”

His hand went through his hair as he sighed. “Yeah.”

He walked past me and started up the stairs. Unsure of what the hell just happened, I followed him. He went into his room, stopped a few steps in and looked around as if he was searching for something. When he moved again, he went to his suitcase, which still had clothes from Tahiti in it. He picked it up and dumped out the rest of the clothes and put the empty suitcase on the bed.

“What are you doing?” I asked from the doorway.

“I’m leaving. Someone will be here this afternoon to start cleaning up the mess and fix anything major, like the office window.”

“Okay…” I said slowly.

“I opened an account for you a long time ago,” he said as he pulled clothes from his chest of drawers and put them in the suitcase. “A bank card and checkbooks are in my desk, bottom drawer. It’s locked but the key is in the book
The Time Machine
on the bookshelf in the office.”

“What…why…” I didn’t know what to say. I was so confused, and scared. Why the hell did he open an account for me and why the hell is he talking as if I would never see him again? Why wouldn’t he
look
at me?

“Look at me!” I yelled.

He froze with his back to me. After a few seconds he turned around and looked at me.

“What the hell is going on?” I demanded. “Were you high when you went all Hulk on the house? Are you high now?”

“I wasn’t high,” he said quietly. “I was drunk, and angry. As much as I want to push something up my nose, I’m not.”

I felt an overwhelming sense of relief at hearing that from him. My whole body seemed to relax some, not completely, but some.

“Where are you going and why are you talking to me as if you’re never going to see me again?” I asked, my trembling voice betraying me.

“I have to go to London to get them up and running,” he said, still using that quiet voice.

“For how long?”

He shrugged. “A few months. A year. I’m not sure.”

“I’ll go with you,” I said, totally forgetting that I broke up with him a few days ago.

“I don’t want you to go with me, Lily,” he said. “I want you to stay here in the penthouse and take care of yourself and the baby. Just live your life. You don’t have to work if you don’t want
to; I’ll always take care of you – both of you.”

My head was spinning. I covered my eyes with my hands, trying to comprehend what was happening.

“I don’t understand what’s happening here,” I said, frustrated and scared.

“I’m giving you what you want. I’m leaving you alone.”

“I don’t want that anymore,” I said, feeling tears threatening to squeeze out of my eyes. “I don’t want that.”

“
I want it
,” he said with such conviction it took my breath away.

“I love you, Kyle. I don’t care what happened in the past. Stay here or I’ll come with you – don’t cut me off.”

He looked at me for a long moment and I could not doubt the sadness that he felt. “I will call you once in a while to see how things are going with the pregnancy, see if you need anything,” he said as he turned away.

I stood there crying as he continued talking.

“You don’t have to send money to your family anymore. They are taken care of. There’s more than enough money in your account or theirs to take the kids to Disney. Gavin will really like the Lego store.”

I moved across the trashed floor to Kyle’s side. I squeezed myself between him and the bed, forcing him to drop the clothes he had in his hands. His eyes were glazed with unshed tears as he looked down at me. He put his hand in my hair with one hand and stroked my cheek with the other. He tilted my head and ran his nose down the side of my face and down my ear until his lips reached the stars under my neck. I sighed when he tasted me there. When his lips finally met mine, I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him back, hard. Kyle groaned as I repeatedly flicked my tongue with his and his hand tightened into a fist in my hair. He kissed me as if he wanted to climb into my mouth. I certainly wanted to climb into his.

I put my hands under his shirt and touched the bare skin of his back before slipping my hands into the waistband of his jeans and squeezing his bare ass. Kyle grunted and moved his hands down to my ass and squeezed while pulling me against him. When he pulled away, I started to object, but he grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled my shirt over my head before taking his off. He reached behind me, grabbed the suitcase and threw it on the floor, uncaring that all of the things he had just carefully put in there were now on the floor.

When he kissed me again, his hands got to work unbuttoning the jean shorts I was wearing. He pulled them off with my panties at the same time. He quickly got out of his own pants without taking his lips off of mine before pushing me back on the bed.

No words were said when he broke the kiss to kiss down my throat and across my chest. When I felt his tongue on a nipple, I groaned and gripped at his hair. His tongue swirled around the hard bud before he sipped it into his mouth. He moved to the other one after a minute, giving it equal attention before kissing his way down my belly, scooping his tongue into my navel and continuing down to my hot and waiting sex. He pressed my legs open as he settled between them. He nipped at one inner thigh and then the other, making me jump but anticipate what was coming next.

Kyle carefully spread me open, exposing me to his hot breath and warm tongue, and then I felt his tongue flick across my clit. I cried out as he repeatedly flicked my clit with his tongue. When he pushed two fingers inside of me and started that “come hither” motion, I knew what he was attempting to do. He attacked my clit with his mouth, sucking and nibbling and licking as his fingers were busy inside of me. One of his hands was pressing down just above my pubic bone, applying pressure to the pressure he was already applying from the inside. It was too fucking much. The bottom half of my body bucked against him as I felt my body reacting to his ministrations.

“Suck your nipples,” Kyle commanded against my sex.

I complied, immediately, though I knew it would throw me over the top. The second my mouth closed over my nipple I started to fall to pieces. My body jerked as I came all over my lover’s face. I screamed incoherent words and tore at the sheets beneath me. Kyle groaned as he tasted me and continued licking my wet cunt. Before I could begin to recover from the explosive orgasm, he was on top of me, kissing me as he pushed his hard cock inside of my sensitive sex.

“Lily,” he breathed my name as he held his dick deep inside of me.

I gripped his face in my hands and kissed him deeply, passionately, trying to give him all of my love in this one kiss. Kyle’s hands moved under my ass and pulled me up to meet his slow deep thrusts. We were hot and sweaty as our bodies slapped against each other. I could hear how wet I was as he drove into me.

“I love you,” he panted before his mouth found the sensitive flesh on my shoulder. He kissed and then bit down, making me cry out as his thrusts became deeper and harder. After the bite, he kissed me there to soothe the little pain he had given.

“Kyle,” I groaned. “I love you so much,” I cried out as my orgasm hit me.

Grunting incoherent words, Kyle started to come, pumping me hard as he shot rope after rope of cum inside of me. As his orgasm subsided, he lazily continued to stroke himself inside of me while he kissed me. He was still hard and I still wanted him.

“Again?” I whispered, stroking his hair.

In response, he dipped his head to suck a nipple into his mouth. I took that as a yes.

~~~

I woke up alone in Kyle’s bed. It was the sound of someone knocking on his bedroom door that startled me awake. Kyle wouldn’t knock on the door…would he? I pulled the sheets up to my chin and told whoever was on the other side to come in.

A woman wearing a uniform for a cleaning service poked her head in.

“I’m sorry, Miss,” she said. “I’ll come back later.”

“Wait,” I said, stopping her. “What are you doing?”