Why Men Love Bitches (8 page)

Suddenly,
poof!
The magic is gone. He panics about being an inmate crammed into a cell. By contrast, the bitchier woman is a little more aloof, so it appears as if she has far less interest in taking away his freedom or locking him down. This is one of the major qualities that attract a man to a bitch.

Ask yourself the following…

• Ever have a pillow fight and notice that you and your partner are more turned on?
  
• Ever notice that when you play-wrestle with a man, he gets all fired up?
  
• Ever notice when a man steps over the line and you put him in his place, he gets turned on?
  
• Ever wonder why the men you
  aren’t
  interested in won’t stop chasing you?
  
• When you’re dating someone and you don’t pay attention to him, does he seem more intrigued and chase you even more?
  
• Have you ever played with your pet and noticed that your man seems jealous?
  

To fully understand these occurrences, we must focus our attention on where the true answer lies: The Animal Channel.

Men are hunters, and like any hunting animal, they are more intrigued by conquering prey when it resists the predator. Most men are turned on by a bitch because it’s a thrill to take down a powerful woman.

Let’s look at how this has practical applications. A grad student named Nancy was taking an evening class, and she had an interest in a male classmate. He kept sitting closer and closer until finally he asked her out. She said, “Okay, I’d love to. But while we are in this class, I just want you to know that I’d like to keep it professional.” There was clearly an undeniable amount of chemistry between them, so her comment was hardly a deterrent. It became: Operation Get That Girl.

The way to quell his fears is to say you aren’t interested in anything “too serious.” As long as you appear interested in him, he’ll keep coming your way. In his mind, you’ll always be able to be convinced otherwise because men are so conditioned to meeting women who want commitment. By not appearing to want commitment, you throw a monkey wrench in the lock-down program. He no longer knows what to expect.

This is how you get in the conductor’s seat of the train, and this is when he wants to stay on board. When he’s driving, there is no “thrill” and no “chase.” But when you’re driving, suddenly it’s a fun ride because he can’t anticipate what will happen next. (I submit to you, my fellow sisters, it’s very selfish
not
to indulge him in so much fun.)

The opposite is also true. If, for example, you
don’t
like him and wish he’d stop calling, try, “Babies? I love babies! I want at least a half a dozen of them, maybe more. My clock is ticking so I’d like to have them soon.
Real soon
. Perhaps six of them in the next four years…” Keep talking about those babies.

This is the perfect approach for that friendly guy you aren’t interested in and you don’t want to hurt. It’s a perfect way to get rid of him. “Diapers? It’s easy to get the hang of it. And, don’t worry…you’ll get used to the smell of the poop! It won’t last too long, just until they get potty trained…” Just make sure you’re on the ground floor when you tell him, so he doesn’t get hurt when he jumps off the balcony. (Open windows and high altitudes should also be avoided.)

If you don’t make him feel locked down, he’ll come your way. Think of him as a frightened stray dog. Eventually, he’ll drop his guard and come around. But if you charge at him or try to corner him, he’ll bolt.

This also relates to why men prefer bitches. When he meets a woman who is unavailable or a little bitchy, he has a built-in excuse for why he isn’t going to get too close. “She’s a bitch, so I won’t get too serious. I’ll just have a little fun,” he says to himself. Fun equals freedom. That is, until he gets attached and then it’s checkmate. Men don’t
choose
to be in love. It happens by accident. That’s why they coined the phrase
to fall in love
. As in “Oops!” He
fell.
He had a plan…

but it went terribly awry.

The more relaxed he is, the less guarded he’ll be; and then it’s only a matter of time before he reaches the point of no return. When he’s in madly in love, you won’t need to say things like “Where are you going?” or “What are you doing?” He’ll tell you everything you ever wanted to know because he
wants
to, not because you had to ask. And, if and when he does go out with the boys, he won’t be able to wait to get home to you.

A man wants a woman who has a mind of her own. An
opinion.
The way you assert yourself lets him know whether you have self-confidence. It lets him know you can hold up your end of the bargain. When he gives you a “little crap,” you can give him a “little crap” right back. He respects a woman who can “trade blows” with him
and hold her own.

You don’t have to always agree with everything he believes. A man falls in love with a woman when he feels he has “met his match.”

If you feel strongly about something, don’t be afraid to say so. When he asks, “What movie do you want to see?” don’t always tell him to choose. How about saying, “Hey, I sat through two of your ‘shoot-’em-up-bang-bang’ movies, so we’re seeing a ‘chick-flick’ tonight.” Men are attracted to a woman who can speak her mind. As one married man described, “Sometimes, get dressed to go out and tell
him
to stay home with the kids. Don’t ask him.
Tell him.”

Another said something even more poignant. “I don’t think most men would mind if a woman was the one in control at home. Just as long as no one else knew about it.”

So begin your dating relationship with a voice. Don’t give the impression you are spineless. Remember the scene in
When
Harry Met Sally
when Meg Ryan’s character takes an hour to order her sandwich? Have an opinion. State a preference. Be polite, but don’t be afraid to express yourself.

For example, suppose you’re at the video store deciding between two movies to rent. Don’t get the one that you’ve already seen. “I’ll see it again if you haven’t seen it.” Slap yourself. “There are a lot of good movies. How about we get one neither one of us has seen?”

If he suggests Indian food and you absolutely hate it, say, “Hey, I heard there’s a really good new restaurant right next door.” Show him that you aren’t afraid to make a suggestion or take the initiative. Assume that a man wants to be a gentleman. And if he wants to be a gentleman, he wants to
please you
.

The bitch requires an equivocal situation, whereas the nice girl does not. If the guy insists on picking the movie or restaurant all the time and has no regard for what she likes, the bitch will not have any contact with him. It isn’t about Italian or Chinese. It isn’t about one movie over another. It’s about whether he shows her he is selfish. This is a character flaw the bitch won’t tolerate.

This is a silly example, but I’ll offer it because evidently it worked. A Swedish girlfriend of mine named Anna recently had dinner with a man, and he ordered two lobsters. The waiter brought the two live lobsters to the table and asked, “Will this be okay, sir?” My friend is not a vegetarian, but she grew up with a couple of pet frogs in Sweden and was alarmed to see the lobsters’ little legs kicking. She said, “I just couldn’t sit through the next five minutes knowing these two things would be boiled alive,” and she insisted that he change the order.

Anna would have bet her life savings that this guy would never call her again, but he did. He called almost every day that week. He wanted to please her more than he wanted lobster. That’s a gentleman. I’m not saying the lobster example is a trick you should try at home, but it’s far better than the Eddie Murphy bride who said, “Whatever you like.”

It isn’t that a man wants a woman who is “bitching” all the time or complaining about everything that’s wrong in her life. He wants a woman who isn’t afraid to disagree or express an opinion.

When he asks on the first date, “What do you like to do?” don’t shrug and say, “Um. You know. Stuff.” You don’t need to say you’ll bungee jump, climb mountains, and then come home and have sex all night. But show him that you have an “appetite for life.”
Your life
.

It’s all in how you describe things. “Occasionally,
(yawn)
I pick up a book.” This not the same as “There is this
amazing
book I’m reading by Susan Faludi, and it’s so intriguing. She’s such an incredible writer.”

To better understand why men are put off by needy women, keep this example in mind. Ever had a girlfriend who always comes around when she is upset over some guy? In between relationships, she is nowhere to be found. After not hearing from her for two months, she cries on your shoulder when the guy blows her off. Then you don’t see her again until the next guy dumps her.

Eventually you won’t want to be around her because you
won’t feel as though she is contributing
to your friendship. That’s how a guy feels when you are too dependent on him. It becomes a burden if you lean on him too much. He is only human, and he has his own problems. Show him that you’ll be an equal partner, which means that you also have something to contribute.