Why Men Love Bitches (5 page)

For example, the man may say, “Maybe I need a little time to think things over.” The woman who is too nice responds, “Please don’t leave me.” Not the bitch. She offers to help him pack. Why (choose
A, B,
or
C
)?

Hint:
The correct answer is
C.
Because she loves herself, the bitch doesn’t want anyone who doesn’t want her. She doesn’t grab his ankles and beg for mercy. She keeps that edge. And, in doing so, she prevents him from wanting to go.

Her aura says she doesn’t want him desperately enough, need him desperately enough, or let him get under her skin enough. She is driving that train.
Effortlessly
. And it is that very ease that translates into charm.

Je ne sais quoi
is a sexy devil-may-care attitude. Not only isn’t the bitch needy of him, she often isn’t focused on him.

Ever notice that when you are on the phone ignoring the man you are with, suddenly he’ll kiss your neck and try to get your attention? Ignore him and he is intrigued. Make him the center of attention all the time and he runs.

Margaret Atwood said, “Fear has a smell, as love does.” It is said that excitement and fear come from the same part of the brain. When a man is slightly afraid of losing a woman, his excitement is piqued.

His psyche is like a plant. It needs water but also air to breathe. To give a man too much reassurance too soon is the same as overwatering a plant. It kills it.

One of the things women have to get out of their mindset is the notion of what a bitch is. A bitch is
nice
. She’s sweet as a Georgia peach. She smiles and she is feminine. She just doesn’t make decisions based on the fear of losing a man.

The difference between the bitch and the nice girl is not so much in their personalities or in their demeanor. It has nothing to do with how abrasive a woman is. A bitch is a bitch with her actions, because she isn’t willing to give herself up.

The bitch remains the person she is throughout her relationship with a man. She doesn’t lose her friends. She doesn’t give up her career or her hobbies. She doesn’t give up all of her time or bend over backward. And, unlike the nice girl, she is not
too tolerant
of disrespect.

She also keeps her edge and has enormous self-respect; she holds the conviction that her self-worth governs her decisions. Because she is not afraid, ironically he becomes
afraid to lose her
. Because she is not needy, he starts to need her. Because she isn’t dependent on him, he begins to depend on her. It’s like a reverse magnet. The person who is least dependent on the outcome of the relationship will automatically draw the other person in.

 

1. She maintains her independence.
   It doesn’t matter if she is the CEO of a company or a waitress at Denny’s. She earns an honest living. She has honor, and she isn’t standing there with her hand out.
   
 

2. She doesn’t pursue him.
   The moon and the sun and the stars don’t revolve around him. She doesn’t make her dates with him when her horoscope advises that his big Mercury is about to retrograde in her little Venus. She doesn’t chase him or keep tabs on him. He is not the center of the world.
   
 

3. She is mysterious.
   There is a difference between honesty and disclosure. She is honest but does not reveal everything. She isn’t verbally putting her cards on the table. Familiarity breeds contempt and predictability breeds boredom.
   
 

4. She leaves him wanting.
   She doesn’t see him every night or leave long messages on his machine. She isn’t on a first-name basis with his secretary in one week. Men equate longing with love. Longing is good.
   
 

5. She doesn’t let him see her sweat.
   She keeps communication from getting messy and avoids communicating when upset. When she clears her head, she is succinct and speaks in a “bottom line” way.
   
 

6. She remains in control of her time.
   She takes it slowly,
   especially
   when he wants to hurry. She moves to her rhythm, not his, preventing him from taking control of her.
   
 

7. She maintains a sense of humor.
   A sense of humor lets him know she is detached. However, she doesn’t treat disrespect as a laughing matter.
   
 

8. She places a high value on herself.
   When he gives her a compliment, she says thank you. She doesn’t talk him out of it. She doesn’t ask what the ex looked like and doesn’t compete with other women.
   
 

9. She is passionate about something other than him.
   When he feels he isn’t the “be all and end all” of her existence, it makes her more desirable. Staying busy ensures she isn’t resentful if he is unavailable. He doesn’t have a monopoly on the rent space in her head. He doesn’t get Park Place, and he doesn’t get Boardwalk. He gets one of those little purple properties next to Go.
   
 

10. She treats her body like a finely tuned machine.
    She maintains her appearance and health. A person’s self-respect is reflected in how he or she maintains physical appearance. If he tells her he doesn’t like red lipstick, she wears it anyway, if it makes her feel good.
    

The cat-and-mouse game that women find maddening is actually very exciting to men. This is a very basic difference between the sexes. For a woman, the objective is often a committed relationship, also known as the destination. For a man, the road trip
on the way
to the destination is often the most fun.

The bitch understands that when a man wants something he’ll go after it, and going after it makes him want it even more. If he doesn’t succeed right away, he starts to crave it. It captures his interest and excites his imagination. A woman who is too nice throws cold water on this process. A man is more likely to get bored when he hasn’t really invested much of himself.

No one respects a freebie or a handout in any facet of life. When a woman sleeps with a man right away, it doesn’t pull him in. The men I interviewed often admitted that if the sex was too easy to get, it was not that great.

It’s like blackjack. If he wins big right up front, he’s done for the night. But with the slow win, things develop differently. He wins a few hands and then loses a couple. At this point, wild horses couldn’t pull him away, because he feels so close to winning again. He can almost taste it. His inborn, competitive male nature kicks in and makes
him stay there and fight
. And if he’s losing, he’ll fight even harder.

Another example is when he goes on a hunting trip with “the boys.” They go out for a whole week. He sleeps in a grungy sleeping bag and gets chewed up by mosquitoes. He eats food that prison inmates wouldn’t touch. For what? The hunt. Then if he actually kills a moose, he comes home prouder than a peacock and wants to hang the moose head on the wall in the den. (Look out—the hunter is now a decorator.)

Let’s notice something, because it is significant. If you were to drop a dead moose on his doorstep, he’d want nothing to do with it. It could be the very
same moose
he had hunted, and yet it could have a totally different effect on him. This is how the pursuit affects his interest in a woman. When a woman chases a man, it has the same effect as if she were to deliver a dead moose to his front door.

The objective while dating is not to be mean. It’s to give him the thrill of the chase by taking it slowly and letting him
be a man
. It’s easy to understand his nature because it is our human nature, too.