Why Men Love Bitches (22 page)
Read Why Men Love Bitches Online
Authors: Sherry Argov
What you can glean from this feedback is that, no matter how much a woman wants intimacy, she can’t force it out of a man—much less change his stripes. Notice that in the last quote, the man even says the woman is
wasting her time
. Whenever a woman speaks in language that appears in any way emotional, most men will immediately discredit it and think of it as “girlie babble.” Keeping it short and to the point is essential, otherwise he won’t hear a single word.
Not only this, but constantly trying to force a man to talk about feelings or pay an inordinate amount of attention to your feelings is counterproductive. Here’s why:
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #67Forcing him to talk about feelings all the time will not only make you seem needy, it will eventually make him lose respect. And when he loses respect, he’ll pay even less attention to your feelings.
Therefore, if you feel as if he’s ignoring you, be “dumb like a fox.” When he isn’t meeting your needs, just pull back slightly and don’t explain a thing. As explored in the last chapter, men don’t respond to words.
Women chase men by trying to force-feed conversations about feelings. And predictably, they run. In order for the child to run to Mommy, Mommy has to first stop chasing the child.
If, however, you’re not
demanding
it, or chasing it, or trying to inflict “cruel and unusual girlie babble,” you’ll have his respect. Whenever you keep your piece short and sweet and pull back in a slightly mysterious way, you’ll appear more dignified and he’ll pay much more attention to what you feel—without any words at all.
I asked men why they hide their feelings, or “play it cool.” I asked why they often put up pretenses that they are cool, “macho,” and tougher than they feel. They do this because they feel they have to,
especially
when dealing with women.
Women often wonder why men take so long to make a phone call. For example, a man asks for her phone number and then waits six days before calling. Then he takes her out on a really fun date and waits another five days before calling again. Meanwhile, she’s scratching her head and asking, “What’s up with that?”
Men are used to being turned down by women so this delaying tactic is how they keep their guard up. In the beginning, he’ll be calculated. He’ll be rational as opposed to “emotional,” because to him appearing too obvious, or “emotional,” will be perceived as a sign of weakness. On Tuesday, he’ll say to himself, “I think I’ll call her on Thursday.” Most men don’t have a clue that the woman would have preferred a call on Tuesday.
So why do they do it? They do it to “save face” and to give the impression they’re “in control” of the situation. An attractive guy by the name of Steven surprised me with his candor. He said, “You have to approach women looking like you do it all the time, and it isn’t a big deal to you. The minute you act like it’s important to you, the woman smells it and she treats you differently.” This is the reason men will wait before calling and then act a little bit cavalier.
They believe that women disrespect men who appear weak or vulnerable.
What you can take away from this is:
Do not take it personally
if he doesn’t call for a day or two. Often when it seems as though he’s slightly rejecting you, it can be a compliment in disguise; he wants you
so much
that he doesn’t want to appear too obvious about it. Other times men pull back deliberately to see what your reaction will be, because they are curious to see how much
you
care. If you don’t believe me, keep reading. Here’s what these sneaky devils copped to:
1. “Guys want women to think they have other options with women, even when they don’t. So they exaggerate. They do it to make themselves look more attractive to a woman.”
2. “Sure, men play cool. Because they think the woman is going to find them more attractive or appealing. I know some guys that check out a woman who isn’t even that beautiful, just to make his girlfriend a little insecure.”
3. “Guys don’t want to admit it to themselves that one woman can have that kind of control over them. It deflates our egos to think that women can affect us that much. We don’t want to feel like we have no control over ourselves.”
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #68In the beginning, the only thing you need to pay attention to is whether he keeps coming around, because he’ll only be able to suspend or hide his emotions for so long.
4. “I may not call a girl too much in the beginning because I don’t want to give the impression that I’m too eager.”
5. “Guys are just as emotional as women are. They just don’t show it because society says you aren’t supposed to. As a guy, you have to appear to be in control of yourself.”
6. “When she acts like she doesn’t care, it can scare you. Women can crush men and they don’t even know it. If a woman puts her foot down and walks away? It can crush a guy…”
7. “If a man is really falling for a particular woman, a lot of times he’ll try to conceal it. Very few men will ever break down and cry over a woman in front of her.”
8. “Of course men play cool…to get women interested in us. We want women to like us and don’t want them to think we are too eager. If you show you’re too interested right off the bat, women will think you are desperate.”
9. “Sometimes I’ll pretend to ignore a woman in the beginning, or I won’t call as much to keep a woman’s interest. No guy wants to look too desperate.”
10. “Men are needier sexually. Women can control their sex drives, whereas men are controlled by theirs.”
11. “Guys do it to appeal to women. Most guys believe that nice guys finish last and that women on some level want a bad boy.”
12. “If you appear weak, people take advantage of you. Some men think if you open up too much, a woman will use it against you.”
13. “If you let a woman know that you haven’t been in the company of a woman recently, she could get the impression you’re desperate or just trying to be with any woman.”
14. “Women are in control, because they control the sex. In fact, women have a lot more control than they know. A lot of guys feel like this puts us at a disadvantage.”
15. “When a guy plays cool, he thinks he’s impressing the woman with his power or his strength. He’s just trying to be hip, like he knows what’s up. No guy wants to be perceived as a Mommy’s boy or a wimp.”
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #69Men treat women the way they treat other men. They “play it cool” because they don’t want to appear weak or desperate.
A number of men also spoke to me about keeping the passion alive, particularly those who are married or have been married. During this part of the interview, I always felt like it was a word game. I said “romance,” and they thought
sex.
I said “passion,” and they thought
sex.
I said “new experiences,” and they thought about
sex.
I said, “variety,” and they responded with a question, “You mean
sex,
right?” Given this, the most obvious thing men would want a woman to take away from a conversation on the subject of how to keep the passion alive is with respect to…you guessed it…
sex!
While men are less likely to talk about feelings, they still need to feel connected with the person they are in love with and it’s equally important for them to keep the magic “spark.” When a man stops having sex, he starts to doubt his manhood, and his desirability gets called into question. It isn’t just about the physical act.
1. “A guy needs to always feel that he’s desirable to his wife or girlfriend. We need that feedback.”
2. “Do something different in bed. Anything. As long as it’s different than what he’s used to. The element of surprise is a turn-on. If you always get on top, do it sideways.”
3. “Late in the evening you’re so exhausted. The daily grind can really take the passion out of a relationship. You have to make the time for each other. Go out for a dinner and get a babysitter if you have to.”
4. “People use the excuse of money, time, being away from the kids to stop being intimate or romantic. It’s really important to keep the passion.”
5. “Men like a woman to be creative so it doesn’t get stale. If she’s too predictable because you talk about the relationship all the time instead of going out and having one, he’ll get bored quickly.”
6. “Recently, my wife and I started leaving the kids with family once a month and we go away for a Friday night or a Saturday night. It keeps the romance alive. It’s the adult conversation one-on-one.”
7. “It’s easy to say, ‘We can’t afford to eat out.’ Or, ‘We can’t afford to go away for the weekend.’ The bills may be racking up or you feel like you should spend the money on the kids. But you really can’t afford to give up the romantic things or your sex life. It’s also very important.”
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #70The element of surprise both inside and outside of the bedroom is important to men, and it adds to the excitement.
8. “Anything that surprises a guy will add excitement. It’s about having new experiences with someone.”
9. “If a guy keeps getting turned down sexually, eventually the passion will die. Guys want sex a minimum of a couple of times a week, and ideally, they want a woman who doesn’t have to be asked.”
10. “Just once I would like to have a woman take my hand and lead me to the bedroom. Guys
always
have to be the aggressors. We
always
have to do the work to get a woman ‘in the mood.’ Sometimes guys just don’t want to have to work that hard.”
11. “I like a woman who takes the initiative sexually from time to time. Maybe not the first time, but definitely when you are in a relationship. It makes him feel like you want him more.”
12. “I think it keeps the romance if you have time apart even when you’re living together. It is important to be able to do stuff alone and not have her give you a hard time about it. When I go fishing, I find that I really miss my wife. And that’s a
good
thing, isn’t it?”
13. “Sometimes a woman can make a guy feel important by asking questions or expressing an interest in what he likes. They can try something new together that they wouldn’t normally do. I’d suggest planning a weekend away with him that you can both look forward to.”
14. “The weekends can be filled with a lot of busywork. Shuttling the kids around or doing housework. I think it can help keep the romance to do some of the mundane things apart from one another. Sometimes in the morning I can take the kids while she does chores, and then she can take the kids out while I stay at home and do certain duties. In the evenings you have a better time being together. I don’t need to see my wife cleaning the floors with a bandana on.”
15. “It’s comforting if you’ve been with someone awhile to do the same three tricks in bed that you know they like. But it becomes routine after awhile. Throw in a change-up or a curve ball. It doesn’t have to be outrageous, just something you don’t normally do.”