Why Men Love Bitches (3 page)
Read Why Men Love Bitches Online
Authors: Sherry Argov
What about the woman who will drop everything and drive to see a man? The man also knows he has a 100 percent hold on her. After a couple of dates, he goes out with the boys, comes in at midnight, calls her, and off she goes to see him. When a woman drives to see a man in the middle of the night, the only thing missing is a neon sign on the roof of her car that says WE DELIVER.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #3A woman is perceived as offering a mental challenge to the degree that a man doesn’t feel he has a 100 percent hold on her.
Your time with him is telling. The nice girl sits in a chair after a week of knowing the guy, bored out of her mind as he does something that interests him. He may be watching sports on TV, cleaning his fishing gear, strumming his guitar, or working on his car. She is miserable but doesn’t say a peep. Instead, she tries to make the best of it and twiddles her thumbs politely, just so she can be in his company.
The bitch, on the other hand, makes plenty of peeps. In fact, she is bitching the whole way through. This is not a bad thing, because then he knows he can’t walk all over her. But remember, a mental challenge has little to do with being verbally combative. It has to do with your actions and how much of yourself you are willing to
give up
. For example, he says he likes blondes. You have dark skin, dark eyes, and black hair. The next time he sees you, you’ve bleached your hair and dyed your eyebrows to match. Translation? He’ll sense he has a 100 percent hold on you.
“A man’s love comes from his stomach,” they say. That’s true, but no one said to slave for six hours to feed him. Whether he eats out or you order take-out, the stomach is full, and there is plenty of love to go around. Rule of thumb: If it is warm, he’ll eat it. The rest is wasted effort.
Women are conditioned to give themselves away. I have yet to see a men’s magazine with an article on how to cook a woman a four-course meal. The closest they ever come to a recipe is in the bodybuilder section, when they tell guys to mix up a few egg whites with some wheat germ.
I raise the issue of cooking because it’s one of many ways that women overcompensate. This doesn’t mean you should forgo cooking altogether. Perhaps it’s your anniversary, and you’ve been together a whole year. Perhaps it is his birthday, and you want to do something special for him.
On a special occasion, and after he has earned it, cooking him a meal is a nice “treat.” But it isn’t a treat if you give it to him right off the bat. Since this is a book for women, I would be remiss if I didn’t include some recipes for those first weeks in a relationship. And, unlike Martha Stewart’s recipes, the following are easy to remember. You don’t even need recipe cards.
Popcorn à la Carte
I recommend popcorn for its convenience and quick preparation time. First, place the bag in the microwave. When all the kernels have popped, remove the popcorn from the microwave carefully, because it will be very hot. Be sure to wear a cooking mitt, an apron, and a spatula to assist in the removal of the popcorn from the microwave. This will not only impress your guest, it will also make it look like you really know what you’re doing.
If you find that the popcorn is burned, notice where it is burned. If it’s black at the top, dump out the black part and salvage the rest by pouring it into a bowl. Serve the yellow part to your guest, and then adjust the time when you make a new bag for yourself.
Serves: one and a half. (Good enough.)
Gourmet Delicate Dippings
Bring a pot of water to a boil, and plop in two wieners. Cook them for five minutes so the wieners are tough or slightly al dente. Pour your guest a refreshing beverage (Kool-Aid). Then send him onto your balcony so he can enjoy the lovely view—as ambience is everything. When he isn’t looking, slice and dice the little wieners and stick a toothpick into each piece. Like Martha, you can truly express your creativity with a wide assortment of different colored toothpicks. Now serve the little weiners with two “delicate dipping” sauces, served side by side: ketchup and mustard. And never refer to them as weiner slices, always refer to them as “Gourmet Delicate Dippings.”
Now for dessert: a jelly roll (Hostess) served with coffee (instant). And an after-dinner mint always makes a classy finishing touch. I recommend peppermint, spearmint, or Trident.
You’ll know dinner was a smashing success when he insists on taking you out to eat next time. Never again will you hear him utter the words, “Hey, what’s for dinner?”
If, after some time, he ever slips and asks you to cook, simply offer to make your specialty: popcorn, wieners, and a jelly roll, with coffee and Kool-Aid to help wash it down. Then start getting ready because you’ll have reservations within the hour.
The bitch is not the woman who will sit at home and work overtime to refine her “man-catching” skills. All she feels she has to do in the beginning is focus on being good company. This is more than enough until he earns the “catbird seat” at the top of the yacht.
In the beginning, pay close attention and take note of the following: If he’s unwilling to lift a finger during the courtship, he is showing you right up front that he has nothing to offer you in the future. This behavior has nothing to do with your worth. It has everything to do with what he has to offer. And it also has to do with how you present yourself. Are you working overtime? If he has a lot to offer but you don’t allow him to come your way, he’ll have no other option but to back off. When a nice girl overcompensates, her behavior says, “What I have to offer isn’t enough, and who I am isn’t enough.” The bitch, on the other hand, gives a very different message. “Who I am is enough. Take it or leave it.” And now, a comparison:
“I A | vs. | “I’ |
|---|---|---|
| She calls him often and says, “Please return my call.” | She gets back to him when she’s free | |
| She is on call like a rookie flight attendant. | She sees him when it is convenient for her. | |
| She makes it obvious a relationship is her goal before she knows much about him. | She goes out to have fun and doesn’t make promises to a virtual stranger | |
| When he does call her, she is mad he didn’t call sooner. | When he calls her, he is curious where she is, and why she’s not there. | |
| She often drives. | He’ll pick her up or happily go out of his way. | |
| She asks, “Where’s our relationship going?” | He has no clue where the relationship is going, and she leaves it like that. | |
| She talks about having babies. | She can’t remember his last name. | |
| She asks him about the “ex.” | He brings up the ex; she looks at her watch. | |
| ONE = DOORMAT | THE OTHER = DREAMGIRL |
The foundation is laid from day one. From the very beginning, he consciously (yes, consciously) tries to figure out what the parameters are
and how much he can get away with
.
Phone etiquette is also telling. Do you wait to hear from him before you make plans? Do you get bent out of shape if he doesn’t call, check in, or show up as expected?
If so, you are not giving him a lesson in punctuality. What you are doing is showing him he has a 100 percent hold on you, which isn’t a good message to give someone you’ve just met.
It’s a fact that most men deliberately don’t call, just to see
how you’ll respond.
When a woman is upset, she is easy to read. And a man can easily gauge how much a woman wants or needs the relationship by simply pulling back a little bit. So forget all those other theories from magazines about why men don’t call.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #4Sometimes a man deliberately won’t call, just to see how you’ll respond.
It is human nature for a man to test the waters to see how much he can get away with. You see it in the behavior of children and even in the behavior of pets. It’s par for the course.
Pulling back is also something men do to gain reassurance. No man is going to say, “Honey, I need reassurance about where I stand with you.” Instead he’ll pull back to see how you’ll react. When you react emotionally, it gives him a feeling of control. And if you react emotionally frequently, over time he will come to see you as less of a mental challenge. If he can’t predict how you’ll always react, you remain a challenge.
It also gives him something he absolutely needs: the freedom to breathe. If you don’t hear from him for a little longer than usual, show him that you have absolutely no “attitude” about it. This behavior will make him a little unsure about whether you miss him (i.e., "need him") when he isn’t around. It gives him a reason to come your way because he won’t perceive you as needy.
Try not to say things such as “Why haven’t you called me?” or “Why haven’t I heard from you in a week?” If you act as though you haven’t even noticed (because time flies when you’re having fun), he will come your way. Why? Because he doesn’t feel as though he has a 100 percent hold on you.