Where Words Fail (9 page)

I’ve noticed a pattern over the past few weeks whenever Abby’s freaking out. She either runs away, hides in Tuesday’s room or hits people. Since she’s already done two out of three in the past twenty four hours, I’m going to go out on a limb and assume she’s in Tuesday’s dressing room.

After fumbling around the hallways for a good twenty minutes, I finally found the dressing room, but just as I go to open the door, Jason grabbed me by the hood of my sweatshirt and dragged me down the hallway.

“Don’t.” He shoved me against the wall. His gray eyes were accusing me of things, all the things that weren’t coming out of his mouth.

“Wasn’t going to do anything, man.”

“Don’t fucking lie to me, Jameson. I’m not stupid. Just leave her alone. At least until after the show. She needs to get through this and after what happened last night I don’t think that would happen if you tried to hash it out right now. So save your shit for someone who actually buys it. She isn’t in there anyway, but Tuesday will rip you a new one if you go in there.” I nodded. He was totally right to stop me. “Now get your ass on stage, we’ve got a new song that needs to be ready to go by show time.”

“What?”

“Yeah dude... Thanks to you not listening and running after her last night... And causing that giant fuck up of a mistake you did, we now get to learn a new song that Abby had to write for you two to sing to fix all this.”

Well shit... I don’t know if I’m more afraid of seeing her and having her go at me like a rabid dog again, or if I was afraid of what her song would be saying as we sang it to each other. Scared shitless was once again registering high on my scale of emotions.

I tried to rein everything in as we made our way to the stage for sound check and rehearsal, but as soon as I saw her everything came surging back to the surface. She was sitting with her guitar on her lap strumming away at a haunting melody. Her head was hanging, and her hair was spilling over her shoulder as she sang softly. The stool next to her was empty but held my acoustic next to it, and a piece of paper laid on top. Jason pushed me towards my spot while AJ eyed me. He was still pissed off at me. I couldn’t blame him though, I was still more pissed at myself than anyone could possibly imagine.

When I got to the stool, Abby didn’t even acknowledge I was next to her. So I grabbed the paper and sat down. I totally expected a fully written song waiting for me. Something that she had already written before I even came along. What I didn’t expect was a sheet of paper with blank spots where we were supposed to be singing, the only thing written was the music we would be playing.

Shit, I think I might just have a panic attack before this is over. She expects me to write in my parts without knowing hers. Which would mean I would be able to tell her how I feel before I even got a chance to talk to her about why I left. Or she could tell me to go fuck myself again with her side.

“Alright Jameson... Here’s the deal. Abby’s still not ready to talk so you’re going to listen to me right now,” AJ started. I couldn’t keep my eyes from drifting towards her.

Even upset and ignoring me, she was gorgeous. I had a hard time listening to what he was saying because all I could think of was me grabbing her and running my hands along her slender neck. All I’ve wanted to do for the past three weeks was kiss her again. I missed the rush I got when her lips molded perfectly to mine. “Abby’s written the music and her part of the song. As you can see, you won’t be seeing it till later. Jason and I have it though. So here’s what you’re going to do. We’ll sit here and play through the music so we all get it right and you’re going to write your part as we go. When you’re finished you’re going to give it to us and we’ll figure it out from there.”

“Holy shit are you fucking crazy! We’re supposed to write a song and not know what it says until we try singing it in front of thousands of people. You’re kidding right?” And commence the beginning of my panic attack in 5... 4... 3...

“That’s how this is going to happen, Jameson. You can go along with it and keep your job, or you can say no and fly home now. Either way, this song is being played tonight even if AJ and I have to write in your parts. You’re a replacement dude... Don’t think for a second we can’t replace the replacement. It’s not the first time we’ve written a song and played it the same night.”

I just nodded and began playing along when they did. Abby’s an amazing songwriter, so I’m sure her part will be flawless, just like her. It’s not that I’m worried the song won’t be good, it’s that I’m worried we’re going to be coming at this from two different angles.

Me telling her I loved her while she told me she hated me.

Abby

You can always run, but you’re not going to be able to hide forever.  The words Alex always yelled at me all those years ago were banging around my mind. He was right. I could always keep running but sooner or later I would have to let someone see the real me. He had been patient, calming me down when I woke up screaming, getting me drunk on all the days my life had fallen apart, the days both our lives fell apart. Telling me everything was going to be ok because it didn’t matter that people left, because he would never leave me. Now, the one other person that has ever told me the same thing was back in my life causing me to choke on my emotions so bad I could barely talk and Alex, who said he wouldn’t ever leave, was dying. How was I supposed to deal with everything without him?

What was I going to do without my brother, the other half of me? Christ, we had been together since the second we were created. The only time we’d ever been apart was when I was living with Matt and during tours that he didn’t join us on. And what was Izzy going to do? She had already lost her mother. Alex and I know how hard it is to lose both parents, and it’s a feeling I don’t wish on anyone, especially my six year old niece.

I start to panic and feel like I’m going to throw up thinking of all the things I know I’ll never be able to do for her. The only thing that even remotely calmed me down before was thinking everything would work out, and I don’t think I have that anymore. I think I lost it during Alex’s last doctor’s appointment.

Ever After is playing and I can’t even pay attention. Not that I really need to, but they’re good and this is their last show with us. I should at least be trying to be supportive, but my mind keeps wandering. Everything had been fine until last night. Why couldn’t Alex just keep his mouth shut until I got home, and then we could deal with the whole Jameson thing? I mean, I get it. I really do. Alex has had to pick up the pieces of my broken heart since Jamie, I mean Jameson, broke it the first time, and then he had to do it again after the whole Matt situation. I really have shit luck when it comes to picking guys.

The vibrating in my pocket alerts me to an incoming text, snapping me back to reality.

Tuesday-quit thinking about it. I can smell the smoke from in here.

God, it’s like she’s in my head. I know she’s in the dressing room with the guys, which I probably should be too, but I can’t bring myself to be in the same room with
him
yet.

Abby-can’t... just want this over

Tuesday-last show babe enjoy :)

Abby-LMFAO... Ur funny... I’d enjoy it more if you were doin it for me...

Tuesday-AJ showed me the song... Ur gunna rock it as always babe… no worries

Abby-gunna kick his ass! Please say ull be in the wing.

Tuesday-ALWAYS AM! + Alex wants to watch to c if ur gunna beat him on stage so I’m skyping him as soon as u guys start it.

Abby-u might need bail $$...

Tuesday-I gotchur back baby... now breathe and rock the fuck outta Maine.

That... That right there is why Tuesday Weston is my best friend. She always knows when I’m in need of some cheering up... Or some bailing out. I met Tuesday at a meeting for domestic abuse. She was this sweet girl with a rocking model’s body who had just run away from her husband. She towered over me, just like everyone else in this world, but she didn’t make me feel small.

In fact, whenever I need it, she’s the one that builds me back up. I think she and Alex have a thing going, and I’m not talking about just keeping me sane. I’m pretty sure they’ve hooked up a few times, but neither one will admit to it. I think Tuesday thinks I’d be mad at her, and I think Alex thinks it’s not ok since he lost Cara. He somehow feels like he’s trying to replace her and doesn’t want Izzy to be upset. I get that. I wouldn’t ever want anyone to replace my parents. Alex is a good dad, and I’ve had to tell him that more than once in the past six years. He almost broke completely when Cara died because he didn’t think he was good enough to do it on his own, so I stood in and helped him as much as I could. As for me being mad at Tuesday for being with my brother... Well, that’s crazy. I already love her like the sister I never had. The only thing I’m worried about is her falling for him and then him dying.

“Are you sure you want to do this Abby?” I let out a small scream when someone walked up behind me and yelled over the music. When I turned around I noticed AJ standing behind me.

“Holy shit AJ... Don’t fucking do that!”

“Sorry.” He held his hands up by his shoulders before tugging me down the hall and into an empty room. “You were somewhere else... What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

I shrugged, not really wanting to talk about it. “Alex... Matt... Jameson... Izzy. Everything I guess. I just don’t know what to do about anything anymore, AJ.”

He pulled me into his massive chest, wrapping his arms around me before kissing me on the top of my head. “I know babe. I know. But all you need to do is focus on getting through this last show and then you go home and we’ll figure everything out when we’re all together.”

AJ knew everything about, well, everything. He became my best friend right after my parents died. I was being picked on for crying in school, and he stood up to the kids. From then on he told me to stick by his side, which I did, until I met Jamie. Then, I was still friends with him, but I didn’t see him as much because I was too wrapped up in my relationship. After Jamie walked out on me, AJ was once again there to swoop in and protect me alongside of Alex. Same thing with Matt. I honestly don’t think I would be around without those two guys in my life.

“I don’t even want to talk to that asshole, let alone sing with him about how I feel,” I whined.

His hands settled on either side of my face, pulling it up so I would have to look at him. “Abby, everything will be fine. I promise. Have I ever let you down before?” I shook my head. It was true. He was one of the only people I have ever been able to count on fully. “Then you know I wouldn’t let you walk out there and do this only to get hurt more. At least not willingly. So, quit worrying until you have something to worry about.”

We talked for a few more minutes before he calmed me down enough to go back to the dressing room. Tuesday kissed me before getting to work on my face and hair. AJ held my hand while he sat next to me texting someone. Jason was reclined back on the couch with his eyes closed and headphones in, rocking out to some insanely loud music. I tried to ignore Jameson, but I could feel his eyes burning a hole in me and every time I looked in the mirror my eyes happened to collide with his. No matter how much he hurt me, I was trying not to show it. Everything I said last night was the truth, and I’m not quite sure where to go from here.

Jameson

I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. I tried. I really, really did, but the harder I tried the more I realized how scared I was of losing her all over again. Her red hair was cascading down her back as Tuesday put some massive waves into it. I’d catch Abby’s green eyes in the mirror every few minutes as she tried to ignore me. I tried to keep telling myself over and over again that after this show was over, we would talk. At least, I would try. Whether or not she was going to go along with talking to me was a different story altogether.

The stage manager popped his head into the room. “Five minutes guys.” Tuesday whispered something into Abby’s ear before hugging her and eyeing me. Abby nodded, squeezed her hand and then left the room, heading towards the stage with AJ and Jason behind her. The screams from the crowd were crazy tonight as we got closer to the stage. They all knew that there was a new song coming tonight and no one knew what it was, but based on the story Maggie put out to go along with the video of Abby and I fighting, they were all pumped to find out.