Where Words Fail (5 page)

I start tapping my foot along with the beat in my head. I usually try to avoid writing while I’m like this. I’m already six drinks in, but I can’t seem to get this out of my head, so I ask the nice lady who keeps bringing me drinks for a pen, and I start scribbling on the napkin in front of me.

“Hey sugar.” Annnd right on time... I slip the napkin into the pocket of my jeans and pivot in the chair. The guy standing beside me is perfect for tonight, perfect to make me forget everything. He’s eye level with me while I’m on the stool, close cut black hair and brown eyes. Probably military. I tilted my head and smiled at him before taking another drink.

“Sugar, huh? You think you see something sweet?”

“I do... Am I wrong?” His cocky smile was getting the best of me, and I knew it wouldn’t be long before my jeans hit the ground. I ran my tongue across my lips.

“I’m more spicy than sweet babe.”

He nodded. “Mmm. I think I’d like to find out. How about you let me take you back to my place and I’ll find out for myself.”

I shook my head. “Nope, but how about you just take me out back and I’ll let you find out.”

“What’s your name spice girl?”

“Really? Spice girl, that’s the best you could come up with?” I laughed. “My name’s Jane. Now come, become my addiction.” I never gave out my real name when I was doing this, and I have only ever been figured out twice. So now when I’m doing this, my name changes every time, and I never ask for theirs. It works for me. Not that it happens a lot. I’m not a total slut.

“Jane’s addiction, huh... I can work with that. Let’s go.”

He grabbed my hand and slid me off the stool before wrapping his arm over my shoulder. Before I knew it, I was pushed back against the brick of the building with his mouth on my neck. He went for my mouth, but I cut him off from that before he even got to it. Kissing is way too emotional for me. Not that I don’t like doing it, I do, it’s one of my favorite things. I just won’t do it, unless I’m Abby.

I haven’t been with a guy as myself for years before I started with the band. He fucked me up too, so I don’t let myself get attached to anyone anymore. I couldn’t handle it. It’s a total all-out war in my head at all times unless I’m singing or writing or listening to music. So I try to constantly be doing one of those three things.

I flip around so he takes me from behind because I don’t want to be face to face with him. I just want him to make me forget. Between his mouth and fingers, so far he’s doing a fabulous job. I brace myself, pushing my hips towards him, and he finally gets the hint. Taking the condom I handed him and putting it on before he slams into me.

I moan. God I love sex. He keeps slamming against me edging me closer and closer to the edge, and I have to reposition my hands to keep my face from bouncing off the bricks. Can’t scratch my glasses and can’t fuck up my face. I made that mistake once and our manager shit bricks and flipped out on me. Told me if I ever came back with my face scratched like that because I was out fucking off he would be looking for a new singer. He didn’t know at the time I was co-owner of the company and that if he replaced me, he would be replacing the whole band and starting over. New name, new songs, new everything. AJ and I owned the name and most of the song rights personally. All the songs we record are written by one of the four of us, and are legally bound to us. That was the deal we made with Alex. So if he wanted to try he could, but he’d be replacing everyone and probably looking for a new company. Well, he’d be replacing everyone except Jameson probably. Crap, now my mind was back on him.

“Fuck me harder!” I screamed and pounded my fist against the wall.

“Yeah baby... You like that… you like my thick cock in that tight little pussy?” If I was going to be honest with him, and it did almost slip out of my mouth, his cock did nothing for me. It wasn’t thick. It wasn’t anything but between the force of his thrust pushing me against the wall and his fingers on my clit I was getting there. So I wasn’t complaining.

“Yes... Yes, now shut the fuck up and screw me right!”

He slammed against me a few more times before flicking my clit and sending me over the edge with a scream as he came and groaned in my ear. I leaned against the wall, resting my head against my folded arms and tried to catch my breath. Yup, I feel better now. However, next time I’m going to have to check out the goods before I take him out back. I want to be full and satisfied not just fingered to the edge while being fucked with a pencil.

“That was... Holy fuck... You’re amazing, Jane.” His labored breathing started to ease as I slid my jeans back up over my hips and buttoned them.

“Yeah... Thanks man. I uh... I gotta go. Have a good night.”

“What, no number? Christ you don’t even know my name.”

I looked back over my shoulder and hollered, “I’m not from around here and I don’t need to know your name. Have a good night. Thanks for the orgasm!”

Abby

I’m a clean freak, and it’s hard to be a clean freak when I live with three guys on a cramped tour bus. My clothes are all folded and color coordinated where theirs are strewn about. I am constantly pulling dirty socks out of the couch cushions which makes me want to gag. One time I actually pulled out a used condom, and I thought I was going to have to peel my skin off and dip myself in acid.

I flipped my shit on AJ. He questioned me on how I knew it was him when there are two other guys living with us as well. I didn’t back down until he owned up. Jason and Derek found it hilarious. From then on it was a rule that if you have a groupie on the bus, it was in your own bunk, or it was outside of the bus. No couch, chair, floor, table or bathroom. And the bedroom that we took turns with was one hundred percent off limits with someone else.

I don’t care who you are, rock star or not, it is NOT ok to leave used condoms around.

I groaned as the bus hit a pothole and lurched, effectively throwing me into the side of the bunk and out of my dream about dirty socks and used condoms. My hands flew to my face trying to relieve the tension. My head was killing me, and I felt like I was run over by a steam roller. Not a good combination. This is part of the rock star status that I can’t seem to wrap my head around. Why would anyone want to wake up like this every day? Most of the people I’m around drink ten times what I drank last night, snort random things up their noses and have sex with multiple people every day.

I’m so not built to be a rock star...

Tequila makes me happy, and I don’t get hung over but whiskey helps me forget.

I slid the curtain back and came face to face with AJ’s naked brown muscular ass dancing along to whatever beat was playing in his head. I screeched and threw the curtain back in place.

“God damn it AJ! Put some fucking clothes on!” Ouch no more yelling. Noises hurt my head and now I have the image of AJ’s ass imprinted in my brain. It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve seen it, but I definitely didn’t want to see it while my head felt like this.

He chuckled. Fucking chuckled. Bastard. “Sorry baby girl I figured you would be passed out for a few more hours so I didn’t inform you of my sexy naked ass being in the open. I know you liked the view though.”

“Yeah well if it hadn’t been for that pothole I’d still be sleeping, not passed out, sleeping. And your ass is seriously the last thing I would ever want to wake up to.”

“Well if you had peeked out about two seconds earlier you would have had a nice view of everything you’ve been missing out on for twelve years. Here give me a second I’ll turn back around and make all your dreams come true.”

“AJ I hate to break it to you but those are not my dreams, those are my nightmares. Now if you don’t cover your junk now I’m going to make sure you can’t give any groupies anymore love and I’ll never have to worry about used condoms from you again!”

“Ok, ok simmer down! I’ve got my pants on. You’re safe now princess.”

I slipped my sunglasses over my eyes because from the small amount of time I had the curtain open the sunlight was killer on my eyes. I fumbled around in my bunk for a minute making sure all my bits and pieces were covered before slipping from my bunk and stumbling towards the aspirin and coffee. Two essentials to get me through today.

“Morning.” A deep voice behind me spoke. It wasn’t AJ or Jason so it scared the shit out of me. I dropped my coffee cup on the counter and ended its life. It shattered, splattering hot coffee and glass against my arm.

“Shit.” I cursed as I pushed my way towards the sink to run my arm under the cold water.

“Are you ok? I didn’t mean to scare you.” I turned my head to stare straight into the eyes I was trying so hard to get out of my head last night. Shit… all that work gone to waste...

Jameson

“I’m… yeah I’m fine.” She was lying. She tried to pull her arms out of my view until I gripped her shoulders and turned her towards me and her back towards AJ.

“ABBY! What the fuck happened to your arms other than the coffee?” AJ roared from behind her. Her eyes fell to the floor.

“Nothing. It was an accident. I’m fine” He grabbed her arms and swung her towards him, pulling them up, so he could get a better look at them. Her eyes never left the floor.

“It’s an accident that you have brick burn on your arms... I don’t find this funny Abby.”

“It’s not brick burn... I fell and scraped my arms. I’m fine.”

“Not brick burn my fucking ass. I’ve seen enough of it on groupie’s asses to know it when I see it.” My stomach fell to the floor. She
had
been screwing some guy last night.

“None of your business AJ,” she mumbled.

“Abby, I can’t fix it if you don’t let me in.” Well that pissed her off. She reared back and slapped him in the face.

“I am not some charity case that needs to be fixed AJ Masterson! I don’t need you to fix me. Now let me go so I can go clean my arms and cover them before someone else sees them and calls me a slut like you pretty much just did.” She pushed away from him and stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door on her way.

That slap should have been to me. Although I’m sure mine is coming just as soon as she realizes who I am. If a slap is all I get I’ll be happy. But I’ll take anything she wants to dish out to me. I deserve it.

“Sorry about that man. You shouldn’t have had to deal with this on your first full day with us.” AJ’s voice pulled me out of my daydream about Abby when we were younger.

“Nothing to be sorry about. Like Jason said last night, every one’s got their demons. We handle them all differently.” Too bad some of hers are my fault. He just nodded as he cleaned up her cup and made his way back to his bunk. I followed, climbing into mine to text Evan.

Jameson-
Gunna kick ur ass when I see you...

Evan-
Ummm... wtf dude opportunity of a fucking lifetime... thanks to me

Jameson-
Remember the girl I was dating when dad threatened mom?

Evan-
Yeah... what’s that got to do with you kicking my ass and playing for this band?

Jameson-
Abby fucking Irons... Is Abigail Jenkins. The lead singer of Thirty Ought Six... she’s that girl

Evan-
shit dude... she remember you?

Jameson-
not yet... don’t know what will happen when she does. How the fuck did I not know it was her...

Evan-
Ever believe in fate

Jameson-
Fuck you and your fate dude... she’s gunna kick my ass and fire me...

Evan-
videotape that shit for me!

Jameson-
fuck you ev!

I was screwed. Since the day I left her behind without telling her why, or even that I was leaving, I’ve been screwed. I can’t hold a relationship because no one comes near what this girl made me feel. She filled a void for me that was ripped back open the second my father said jump. I can’t even begin to imagine what it did to her.