Use Somebody (30 page)

“I can be patient,” he smiled and lightly touched my cheek. “You’re worth waiting for.”

Oh. Snap.

“Look,” I said, seeing red and smacking his hand away from my face. “You need to stop saying shit like that. I never asked you to wait for me. The yellow rose stands for
friendship
, Vance, which means
this
is not going to happen. Can’t you take ‘no’ for an answer?”

Vance looked taken aback by my sudden brashness, but answered swiftly. “Well, you never actually said ‘no.’ Just that you’re not ready.”

Was he serious? Was it not clear when I turned away from his kiss? I’d been saying it over and over, that… that…

Oh no, he was right! I had sugarcoated my rejection in an attempt to soften the blow. And instead of letting him down easily, I’d been too vague.

My bad.

Have I mentioned I suck at this stuff?

Maybe this was partially my fault. But I would not continue to string him along.

I tried to muster up as much firmness in my voice as possible. “That’s the truth, Vance. I’m sorry I haven’t made myself clear. You’re just my friend, I don’t feel
that way
about you.”

There. Succinctly stated. Clear enough for you now?

I watched him and waited, hoping my words finally sank in. I knew the pain of rejection personally. You’d think it’d be nice to be on this side of the equation for once. But if possible, it felt even worse. Particularly because the person I was rejecting meant a great deal to me. He was a nice guy—kind, caring and thoughtful—I felt bad for shooting him down on (potentially) his first try in four years.

But I remained quiet, reasoning that it might hurt his ego for a minute, but he’d bounce back. My role as his friend was to be honest with him. To protect him from situations like this. From people like me.

When he finally looked up at me, his smile didn’t look forced, hurt, or even humbled. He looked… confident.

He let a few quiet seconds pass, then lifted himself up off my car, standing only inches from me. His hand came up to gently lift my chin until I was looking into his eyes. “I heard what you said the first time,” he flashed me a smile, “And you should know by now, I’m very persistent.”

Before I could form a single thought, he opened my car door behind him and stepped aside, gesturing me in. I shot him an angry look and got in the car. Why wasn’t he listening to me? What was it going to take?

He spotted the yellow rose lying on my dashboard and smiled that same tender, dreamy smile as last night.

“Good night, Rosie,” he said softly, and shut my door.

Ricky: party tonight. you in?

I had to reread the text a few times for it to sink in. A local party? With Ricky? That was certainly a first.

I had only ever been to parties by the beach, and I hated those things. Getting dragged along by Lexi. Trying to catch someone’s interest so I wouldn’t be alone all night. The competition between girls. The fact that I never belonged…

But I wasn’t the shy little girl with blond curls that I once was. There was a tiger within me who wouldn’t be stopped by history or fear.

I supposed Ricky and I had hung out in public a few times now. He had played truth or dare with my friends for goodness sake; it was only fair to check out his turf.

So even though there were a hundred reasons why this was a bad idea, I was in.

* * *

This party was on the other side of the tracks, if you know what I mean.

Don’t get me wrong, San Dimas was a nice little city. Quiet. Low crime. But typical in that the bigger, newer homes were located on the north side of town, near the canyons and hills. The further south you traveled, San Dimas became more of an old western town: historical buildings, old fashioned lanterns in lieu of modern street lamps, even parlors and sidewalks made with wooden planks. Our city sign was proudly displayed on a covered wagon in the heart of Old Town San Dimas, across from a Boot Barn and a country line-dancing club.

Snobbier people might’ve turned their nose up at this area. But it wasn’t bad, it was charming. Quaint. I often wondered if my parents chose to settle down in San Dimas because it reminded my mama a little of home.

When we first walked in, Ricky disappeared to get us drinks, and I stood, taking in my surroundings.

The inside looked the same. Music blasting. Crowds of people talking and laughing. Always moving. But it was all a little less scary than it had been down by the beach. Most of the kids just looked like they were just here to unwind. There wasn’t an air of superiority like I’d always felt back then. Or maybe it was just me, like I had grown up and wasn’t intimidated by places like this anymore.

It’s funny how one little tilt of your mouth has the power to change everything. This wasn’t the first time I’d been the quiet girl parked in a corner. But now, without wearing even the shyest of smiles, I was something else entirely.

“Emo slut.”

…Rude.

I turned towards the bitter voice and was only slightly surprised to see it came from none other than Vance’s ex, Evelyn.

Any guilt I may have felt after our confrontation at Smudgepot was currently absent. Was I a slut? Well, that depended on your definition, and who you asked. A kissing slut, maybe. But it’d been eight whole months since these lips had seen any action, and despite my one rebound summer, I’d never gone past second base. She was just mad because of Vance and our stupid little stunt that wasn’t even real.

She checked out my outfit with a critical brow that reminded me so much of Lexi. Speaking of, Evelyn showed up tonight all dressed like some Lexi clone, with enough skin on display to get noticed for sure. She looked as ridiculous as I would have in those clothes. She wasn’t easy, Vance wouldn’t have dated her if she was. But she was undoubtedly here to get lucky, and she had the gall to call me names?

I shook my head and looked away, attempting to ignore her.

“I’ll bet Vance doesn’t even know you’re here,” she accused.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but Vance and I are just friends.” I probably shouldn’t have given her that information, but as much as I wanted to rub in her face how much he was over her, it would make us both look bad to let her believe that something was going on, considering I was in fact here without him.

“That’s too bad,” she tsked. “I’m here with someone anyway.” She turned and waved at some guy in a polo shirt with a popped collar. He was in a circle with others, but acknowledged her by lowering his aviators and winking. It creeped me out when guys wore opaque sunglasses. Shades had a purpose, but not at nighttime in a dimly lit home. Either he was aiming for the douche noodle look on purpose (nailed it!), or he was using a free pass to check out whoever he wanted without their knowledge.

Was she that desperate?

She made a show of giggling and blew him a kiss.

Guess so.

She was so obvious I almost felt sorry for her. She was playing a game that I had been familiar with since high school. And I knew better than anyone that there were no real winners. Obviously she had been out of the loop, given she’d had a boyfriend all those years, but did she honestly think people couldn’t detect a rebound when they saw one?

And how could she go from Vance to this creep? On cue, he smirked at her and jerked his head towards the hallway, gesturing towards the bedrooms.

“Looks like true love,” I scoffed.

Evelyn glared at me, then turned up her nose, fixing her facial features to be merely condescending. “It’s a good thing he’s not here anyway. This would have been painful for him.” She headed towards the loser, purposefully shoving her shoulder into mine as she flounced past.

“More like hilarious,” I mumbled, unable to help myself. No matter if things were complicated between us, Vance was still my friend and I had his back. She stiffened, revealing that my comment had indeed been loud enough, but thankfully continued to walk away.

Ricky chose that moment to return with my drink. “Hey, wasn’t that…”

“Yep,” I said, and tilted my cup to gulp down the beer. I didn’t take a breath until my cup was empty then wiped my mouth with the back of my wrist. (Sorry mama.) Tonight was supposed to be about getting space from the whole Vance thing. Not off to a great start so far.

“Do you dance?” I asked.

He arched one brow and gave me a look that said,
seriously?

Okay. That would be a no.

“Fine. So what do you do at these things?” I asked and leaned against the wall behind me.

He shrugged. “There’s a band playing later. I know the drummer. You can meet them, if you want.”

I smiled widely at the first bit of good news all night. “I love live music!”

“I know.” He sipped his beer, his cool confidence in place.

Eyeing it in his hands, I wished I hadn’t finished mine so quickly. I definitely needed more where that came from.

Reading my mind, he took my empty red cup and disappeared into the kitchen again. Upon his return, I promised myself to nurse this one. The last thing I wanted was to get wasted and do something really stupid in front of him when he had been nice enough to invite me out.

“Come with me,” he stated and pulled me through the crowd and into the backyard.

The yard was huge, probably at least an acre. We sat on a swinging bench facing the house so we could still keep an eye on the party. The autumn night was perfect—warm with a slight breeze. Ricky pointed out the empty stage area where the band would be playing soon. I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around my legs, content to sit and relax. He rested his ankle on a knee and lit a cigarette. The cherry glowed red in the darkness.

I decided I really liked being around Ricky. Not gonna lie, I was worried that things would be different in public. Our friendship had always been separate from real life, and I expected it to be an adjustment. But surprisingly it felt the same. I liked the companionable silence we usually fell into and how neither one of us felt the need to fill it.

Compared to Vance… hanging out with him usually resulted in him pulling information out of me, challenging my thoughts or pushing my buttons. It was like he held me to a higher standard, and it made me wish to be better so that I wouldn’t let him down. Ricky, on the other hand, was so damn apathetic that I felt no pressure to meet expectations or to pretend. I didn’t feel out of place or antisocial here like I had in college. Being around Ricky kept me grounded. He made me feel comfortable in my own skin.

Without preamble, I popped the cigarette from his mouth and pressed it to my lips. My old friends had smoked cigarettes occasionally (among other things), and I never had any desire to join them. But there was something about the way Ricky looked so natural with the little stick resting between two fingers that made me curious.

He watched my face with mild interest as I took a small inhale, praying I wouldn’t start coughing like an imbecile, then turned my face away and slowly blew out the smoke. My eyelids fell closed as a tiny buzz hit my system.
Whoa.
It tasted like fuzzy charcoal but it also made me little lightheaded. Vance would be pissed if he saw me now.

Ricky gently took the cigarette from my fingers and brought it back to his own mouth. “You’re going to turn your lungs black,” he smirked, then took another hit.

I smiled sweetly at him. “Then they’d match my heart.”

He shook his head as little puffs of smoke escaped his mouth. “Troublemaker.”

“Why did you want to bring me tonight?” I asked, feeling brave. I didn’t get the need to be around others just to sit in a corner. Lexi used to drag me to parties all the time, but she had gone to hookup with guys. I doubted Ricky wanted me here as his wingman. As if he needed one!

He was quiet for so long, I almost thought he wasn’t going to answer.

“I don’t know. Misery loves company, I guess.”

I turned to face him, surprised by his casual confession. “Are you miserable?”

He looked back at me, his eyes a deep and swirling charcoal. “Are you?”

Déjà vu stirred in my gut. The memory of a similar conversation a lifetime ago.

Back then I hadn’t known the answer. At that time in my life, I was a lot of things… lonely, confused, withdrawn. Not a whole lot had changed, and yet everything had changed.

I was now also miserable.

I didn’t answer his question, and Ricky didn’t press me again. We were both so vocally challenged, even alluding to our feelings was achievement enough. He had opened up to me tonight in a way I hadn’t expected. Without words, he told me that he understood, and that neither one of us had to be alone in our corners anymore. The gesture was small, but poignant.

I didn’t know how to express how much he meant to me, so instead I just rested my head on his shoulder. He did not reciprocate or acknowledge the contact, but I hoped he felt it. From one lonely, miserable heart to another.

* * *

Three figures entered into the backyard through the side gate carrying heavy instrument cases and equipment. They made several trips back and forth through the crowds to prepare the stage to play. My smile perked up. Finally: the band.

I bet Vance would have loved this
, I thought. Then I cursed myself for thinking about him again.

“You wanna meet them?” Ricky asked.

I nodded, and he led me through the dark backyard where the clusters of people were gathering, towards the musicians who would play for us tonight. Until my feet involuntarily came to a halt.

Can a heart actually stop? I swear mine faltered.

I was vaguely aware of Ricky greeting someone, but I was too preoccupied to notice much of anything.

Because that’s when I came face-to-face with an old familiar
friend
.

A glint in his hazel eyes. A beanie over his shaggy hair.

Nathan Bentley.

The first boy I dated. The first boy I loved. The first boy who ripped my heart out and taught me that love was a dangerous thing.

That
Nathan.

Even after all this time, just looking into his eyes again brought it all back. Why, oh why, hadn’t I learned my lesson after the first time?

Absolute horror written on my face, I just stood there, gaping like a fish. He appeared just as shocked to see me. His eyes bounced up, down and around like a fly trapped in a mason jar, taking in all my changes as I took in his. The uncomfortable silence stretched on to what could have been years.

“Ho… ly… shit…” he whispered.

My feet itched to turn around and run, to escape a situation I’d been dreading ever since moving home. Yet something deep down kept me rooted to the spot. It was no use; my past would always catch up to me.

Our stare-down was interrupted when I was enveloped into a gigantic hug. “Is that our Little Scarlett?” Phoenix shouted in my ear. I giggled when we he lifted my feet off the floor and spun me in a circle as if our time apart had never happened. No matter how anxious it made me to see Nathan after all this time, having Phoenix here too was like a breath of fresh air.

“It’s Scar now,” I smiled up at him when he set me down.

“Like an alter ego!” He grinned back and tugged lightly on one of my dark ringlets. “You look badass!”

The blond-haired boy was everybody’s best friend—fun, outgoing and adventurous. The free spirit out of our old high school clique. Phoenix earned his nickname after he drowned in a surfing accident and was miraculously resuscitated back to life. Since then, not a day passed that he didn’t live life to the absolute fullest. His recklessness had been scary at times, but his fearlessness had to be admired. He had been known to convince even the old Scarlett to let loose from time to time. He never had drama or a negative thing to say about anyone. Being around him was like a shot of positive energy. It was impossible not to like him.