Use Somebody (25 page)

“What exactly are you trying to say, Vance? I’ve already told you we’re not involved like that. And I don’t like to be doubted.”

“I’m not doubting you,” he rubbed the back of his neck. “You see him like a brother. I believe you.” He hesitated. “But I don’t think he sees you as his sister.”

I threw up my hands, exasperated. “You’re crazy! You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!”

“Just trust me on this, Rosie.”

“And why should I?”

“Because I know a thing or two about relationships. I can read people better than you can. You said so yourself.”

“You’re wrong this time,” I insisted. He didn’t know what I knew about Ricky’s past or why we had the relationship that we did. Those weren’t my secrets to share.

“You didn’t believe Kiki when she said he was attracted to you,” he said. “She was right, you know.”

I hated myself for blushing. “Ricky isn’t attracted to me. It’s the way I look that will never let him want me like that. And he knows as well as you that I’m not interested in dating. He’d kick anyone’s ass for trying.”

He laughed humorlessly and latched his hands behind his head, elbows pointed out, and gazed towards the treetops. “You’re so blind.”

“Whatever,
Vance.” I shoved past him and started walking back towards the cabin. He couldn’t make me stay and listen to this shit. I hated when people thought they knew better than me about my own life. Why the hell I even cared, I couldn’t say.

“You don’t know anything,” I muttered, marching along the dirt trail.

Not a second lapsed before he was at my side again, meeting me step for step. “I know
you.
Better than anyone.”

“Apparently not, if you haven’t figured out this conversation is pissing me off.”

“I’m not afraid to piss you off.” To prove this he grabbed my hand. I spun around and shoved at his chest.

“Keep your hands off me!”

“Why do you have a conniption when anyone tries to touch you?”

“Not
anyone,”
I defended, “Just… just guys.”

“But not Ricky?” he stated. “Why not me?”

My mouth opened to respond, but nothing came out. I was about to answer his first question, right before the second poured out. Why not Ricky? Because I had known him for years. He had taught me how to read and how to defend myself. He was like a brother to me, more-so than my own brother. He’d been there for me through a lot of heavy shit, including the worst of it this past year. He was familiar and uncomplicated. How could I deny him what we’d always had?

As for Vance… I didn’t have a ready answer to that one.

Things were beginning to click into place… Ricky’s visit to Mooshi on my birthday, where we rode away on his motorcycle. The night at The Alley when we played poker together. Smudgepot when he put his arm around me. This morning in the cabin when we woke up spooning. Vance hadn’t questioned my no-touching rule until Ricky came along. Ricky touched me—in a casual and brotherly way—but I never stopped him like I stopped Vance. And now Vance wanted to know why.

He spoke softly. “It begs the question, don’t you think? Can a man and a woman, both single and unattached, ever just be strictly friends?”

Easy.
“I think they can—”

“No, Rosie. They can’t. Every time, eventually, one of them begins to fall.”

We stared at one another, and for the first time, I noted the changes in our postures. I had unknowingly backed myself against a tree, and Vance stood towering over me. His normal smile was absent, replaced with a multitude of emotions.

This wasn’t the harmless banter we had grown accustomed to. There was something behind it that I didn’t quite understand, but whatever it was, it made my stomach tighten. Whenever I got upset, Vance was always quick to make me laugh or calm me down. Sometimes he pushed me, but never aggressively.

There was nothing playful about him now. Now he was on the offensive.

“Vance?” I looked up at him, my eyes and voice now soft. “I won’t be the one to fall.”

After a few seconds, he seemed to come to his senses. He took a step back and relaxed his stance, but he did not break eye contact. Neither of us spoke. And I began to wonder how this conversation had taken such a turn.

I knew exactly what Vance was doing—he was trying to protect me. I tended to bring out that side of guys. The curly hair and dimples gave off a helpless vibe that some guys picked up on. Plus, Vance knew all about what happened with Nathan and Miles. And as much as I hated to admit it, Ricky didn’t exactly have a shining reputation when it came to girls. Vance just didn’t want to see me get hurt again.

It wasn’t that he wanted me for himself or anything crazy like that. I could see how this whole thing could be misconstrued for jealously if they really stretched. But Kiki and Summer were wrong. They were
wrong
. Vance was just being protective and he didn’t know Ricky like I did. He didn’t understand why I trusted him.

Regardless, he couldn’t keep acting like this. While I appreciated his concern, I would suffocate if someone else tried to control my actions and made me explain myself all the time. I couldn’t stand living under the thumb of Lexi, my old best friend, and I didn’t walk away from her just to be similarly manipulated by someone else. Especially if that person were a guy… an unattached guy…

The lines were getting blurred. To the outside observer, it looked worse than it was. He had to see the sense in that.

I took a long, deep breath and prepared myself for a conversation that I seriously didn’t want to have.

“Things are going to have to change, Vance.”

“Okay…?” he said, wary of my change in direction.

“With… you know. Us. We can’t hang out like we used to.”

Confusion swept across his face. “Why?”

“Because you… because now you’re…”

“Because I’m single?”

Yes. That.
I nodded.

“So, we could be friends when I had a girlfriend, but not now that I’m single?”

“Exactly.”

He looked at me as if I were ridiculous. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Well…” I explained, “Now people think
we
… you know.”

“So?”

“So…” Did I need to spell it out for him? “I don’t want people to think that.”

“Rosie. It doesn’t matter what anyone
thinks
. You just said you don’t care about reputations and rumors. You can’t have it both ways.”

“But,” I reached, “it’s not appropriate for two single people to be alone together all the time. It doesn’t look right.”

“But it was appropriate to do the same thing when I was in a relationship?”

I frowned. Was he insinuating it had been inappropriate all along? Things between us had always been strictly platonic. “That’s not fair.”

“No,
this
isn’t fair. You wanna ditch me
now?
I want to understand why. Why was it okay before?”

“Because you were…” I stopped myself mid-sentence, unable to finish that thought.

“What?” he pressed, shifting his weight forward again. He was so close I could feel his warmth. “Because I was what?”

Vance and I had grown so close over the last few months that the very thought of backing off hurt us both. The notion that I had developed an attachment to another guy frightened me, and I was frustrated at myself for letting it happen. Why didn’t I anticipate how things would change for us after they broke up? It shouldn’t have been this complicated. That meant only one thing—somewhere along the way, we had crossed a line.

“Because I was what?” he repeated.

I took a deep breath in, and then replied on an exhale.

“Because you were safe.”

* * *

“You don’t feel safe around me anymore?”

I looked down at my shoes. It was a horrible thing to tell him. Especially right after defending my trust for another. But it was the truth. Initially I trusted myself to be around Vance because he had a girlfriend. It was a safety net, where I didn’t have to worry about our friendship ever turning into something more. Now that he was single, that safety net was gone.

“Have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?”

Of course not. He had only ever been the perfect gentleman with me. A greater friend than I ever had or deserved. His overprotectiveness now was just another example of that. But there are some experiences in life that you can’t unlearn. Specifically, that they all seem nice at first. And that someone always gets hurt.

I wasn’t convinced that our friends were right. There was nothing romantic going on between Vance and me. I believed it was possible for a man and a woman to just be friends. That couldn’t be what was bothering me.

Could it?

Still… it was a reality check of how close Vance and I had become. All this time I’d been trying to keep myself behind a wall, but along the way, Vance had chipped away a tiny bit. We shared so much of ourselves over rock music and pancakes. He knew about Nathan, Miles, Lexi and Gwen. He knew about who I used to be, and who I had become. It made me nervous what else he would learn if we kept hanging out.

It’s not that I didn’t want to trust him; I did, and that’s what had me terrified.

“Are you just going to ignore me now?”

“What do you want me to say, Vance?” I whispered, having already given up.

“Well, first of all, I want you to not cut me out like some lost cause friend from your past.”

I sighed. He was right. That’s exactly what I was doing. He knew me too well… which was precisely the problem.

“And second,” he continued, “I want you tell me what I can do so that we can hang out and you won’t feel uncomfortable, just because I’m single now.”

I expected a bite behind his words, but he was patient as ever. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly where this anxious feeling came from. Was I just letting the girls’ comments get to me? Was it the fact that I suddenly realized how close Vance and I had grown, right under my nose? And how inappropriate it was that it all happened while he was in a relationship with someone else?

Oh what a mess.

“Why does it have to be so complicated?” I groaned, digging the heel of my palms into my eye sockets.

“It doesn’t have to be,” he said, gently prying the hands off my face and holding my wrists. His thumbs softly moved over my pulse points. I peeked up at him. Hope etched his features now.

“I don’t want things to change,” I pleaded.

He gave me an understanding look. “I’m still your friend, Rosie. That hasn’t changed. I would never do anything to hurt you.”

I bit my lip. He was trying so hard, and I was just being stubborn. Maybe he was right, maybe there wasn’t any reason why things had to change. Vance had been a lot of things since last spring—my annoying coworker, my ride home, my source of laughter, my ear to listen, my voice of reason. My best, most solid friend. But the one thing he had never been was complicated. Just because those girls jumped to conclusions, there was no reason why we had to complicate things now.

“Okay,” I exhaled deeply, “I’m willing to give this a try. Friends?”

He grinned and opened his arms for an enormous hug. “Friends,” he agreed.

Instantly my eyes narrowed. We had just agreed to be friends; no changes, no complications. But hugs were never part of our status quo.

“Oh come on,” he teased, his arms still outstretched in offering. “You didn’t seem to mind being in my arms a couple weeks ago.”

My eyes rolled back in my skull, wishing he hadn’t reminded me of the fall. “As if I had a choice. And I was delirious at the time.”

“Friends can hug, you know. You won’t melt.”

I shook my head and turned away from him. This conversation was over. The way he was always trying to push me and then make a joke out of it was infuriating. I had my reasons for not wanting him to touch me, and it had nothing to do with anyone
melting
. Ridiculous.

He chuckled, then jogged a few steps to catch up with me.

“So no hugs,” he conceded. “How about handshakes?”

“No.”

“Fist bumps?”

I bit my bottom lip to stifle a traitorous smile. He was such a goober. “No.”

“But you let me touch you a minute ago? Is it because you weren’t looking?”

I stopped.
What was he…?
I looked at him in confusion, then followed his gaze when it darted back to the tree where we had been standing.
When had he…?
Damn. When I was leaning up against it, face buried in my hands in distress, he touched me. I hadn’t even noticed.

Anxiety rushed through my veins as I realized we were getting too comfortable around one another. Little by little I was letting him in, and we had just finished agreeing that things would remain simple. Why was he so eager to push my boundaries? I looked back to him, my features twisting into anger.