Use Somebody (26 page)

He held his palms up in an innocent gesture, but he looked more amused than threatened. “I’m just trying to learn your rules.”

My patience had run out. “It’s the same rule it’s always been, and that’s not going to change! You want to be friends? Keep your damn hands to yourself!”

* * *

When it was slow, we went to the back of the store to sit down—Gwen against one wall stirring her ice cream into soft serve, and me against the opposite wall, sitting cross-legged with a book. It wasn’t long before Gwen broke the silence.

“So… Smudgepot.”

I looked up to gauge her expression and was met with a probing raised eyebrow. I had a feeling I knew exactly where this conversation was about to go.

“It was a good game,” I responded indifferently. “Too bad you left early. We won.”

“You totally need to date him,” she said, straight to the punch.

I blinked at her guileless approach. “Who?”

Gwen pushed her black rimmed glasses higher on her nose. “Don’t play dumb, Scarlett.
Vance.”

“Not you too,” I groaned. And I wasn’t playing dumb, she could have easily been talking about Ricky. There appeared to be the same amount of suspicion about that friendship, plus the added bonus of his reputation. Couldn’t anyone make up their minds about which rumors to follow?

“Vance and I are just friends, Gwen.”

“Then what was that thing? With Evelyn?”

“And who gave you the play-by-play?”

She just stared and waited me out.

“She pissed me off,” I admitted on an eye roll. “I was just returning the favor.”

Gwen smirked. “I heard she was shitting bricks.”

I grimaced, remembering her face when the boys dragged her away, and still feeling torn about my actions. “I know. It was pretty stupid.”

“But after that? At the cabin?”

“What about the cabin?” I asked. If she could have heard my pounding pulse, it definitely would’ve given me away. Was she referring to the lake? The spa? Had someone overheard our conversation in the trees?

“You know. Where you slept with Vance.”

“What?”
I squeaked. “I most certainly did not!”’

“The proof doesn’t lie,” she declared with an evil glint. She was enjoying this way too much.

I shook my head, obstinate. “No. No way in hell did that happen.”

“Just how drunk were you that night?”

Not gonna lie, I was more than a little freaked out that the images of going to bed that night were fuzzy. But sleeping with anyone would’ve been something I’d remember. Right?

“Whatever Kiki and Summer told you, they lied. Vance would never…
I
would never!”

A wicked grin spread across her face. She dug into her pocket for her cell phone, pressed a few buttons, and displayed the screen to me. “Exhibit A.”

Holy… fudge…

My eyes just about popped out of their sockets as I took in the image. There we were across her screen. I was snuggled up to Vance on the couch, using his chest as a pillow and wearing a man’s t-shirt. He laid on his back with two arms wrapped securely around me. Both our eyes were closed.

How did this happen? The last thing I could remember was climbing out of the Jacuzzi. Or maybe being carried…

And then it came to me. Just a tiny bit of it… Laying with him like that, smiling at each other…

* * *

[Past – Smudgepot]

“My turn!” I giggled, and used to tip of my finger to trace the detailed shape, slowly, carefully, over his open palm.

“Did you really just draw that on me?”

I simply smiled back, blinking innocently.

“It’s supposed to be letters only, Rosie!”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

He tried to pull his hand away, but I gripped him tightly.

“Fine! I’ll write a word!” I caved and drew the first letter.

“V,” he said. “Let me guess—you’re going to write my name.”

How did he get it on the first letter! Laughing myself silly, I hurried to draw the rest of the letters with quick, sloppy strokes.

I giggled. He laughed at my giggle. I giggled at his laugh. Mmm. So warm. So snuggly. So sleepy…

“Olive…”

His fingers stilled in my hair. “You what?”

Boo. I liked his fingers playing in my hair. I didn’t want his fingers to stop playing in my hair. I pouted and snuggled deeper into him.

“Look at me, Rosie, what did you just say?”

Mmm. Slowly I looked up and there they were again, all three of them big and brilliant and staring right at me.

“Your eyes,” I said, trying my hardest not to slur this time. “They’re olive green…”

* * *

[Present]

I stared at the picture and lightly touched my shaky fingertips to my temple. Had I really fallen asleep in his arms? My nightmare had disoriented me; I couldn’t even recall Vance being there when I got up in the middle of the night.

I narrowed my eyes at Gwen for the way she played me. “You’re evil.”

She lifted a shoulder, unaffected. “Technicalities.”

I looked back at the picture and shook my head. “We were asleep.”

“That’s such a cop-out. At least you admit you want each other when you’re unconscious.”

Oh, no. She was not going to spin this into some made up love story. Vance and Evelyn had barely been broken up for a week. If anyone saw this photo, heard those rumors… the damage would be endless.

“You have to delete this picture.” Then I sprang into action and fiddled with the fancy screen until I found the trashcan button. A pop up message confirmed the picture was gone forever.
Success!

“You do realize that’s not the original, right?”

…Shit.

“Who sent you this?” I demanded.

She shrugged, growing bored now. “Kiki.”

I groaned and rubbed my temples. This whole thing was getting out of control. Kiki could keep a secret about as well as I could tell a lie. Who else would see the picture? Vance?
Evelyn?
One post on the damn internet and the rumors would spread like wild fire.

I called Kiki right away to attempt some damage control.

It was Saturday night, and somehow I’d convinced Vance and Summer to drive all the way down to the beach with me using very vague reasoning.

Upon our arrival, I entered with purpose, scanning the raucous crowd for Lexi while staying constantly aware of my surroundings. The party was in full swing. People loitered, danced, and drank in dim lighting and a haze of smoke. Different house, same scene. Miserable, lonely souls searching for that elusive feeling of purpose.

Compared to the last parties I had been to out here, I looked like a completely different person. Tonight, the way I carried myself affirmed that if anyone messed with me, they’d regret it. That didn’t make me invincible, but nobody knocked me over this time, either. It was all in the confidence and presentation.

Gone was the little blond wallflower standing in the corner, fading into the background. The white baby doll top had been traded in for a black sweater and a choker. The bashful smile replaced by a tight expression. I’d gone from Bubbles to Buttercup in a matter of months. So when the boys looked my direction, it couldn’t have been recognition. Could it? I turned away with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. How many of these people were just another Todd?

Summer grabbed a drink for herself and one for Vance, who thanked her then handed it off to someone else when she wasn’t looking. He was driving tonight, and I was glad he was cautious enough not to chance it, even with one drink.

“There you are!” Lexi trotted up to us wearing a purple mini dress with matching heels. Her hair was up and curled with pieces coming down at all the right places, and her makeup smoky and flawless. Nothing about her was ever understated.

“Check it out!” she pointed. “Bangs!”

I forced a smile. “Happy Birthday, Lexi. You look great.”

“I know, right!” she said and pulled me into a hug, then back away and studied me with a critical eye.

“This emo look kinda works for you, I guess. Especially if it lands you hotties like Ricky Storm.”

I grimaced. I hadn’t changed my look for boys. Quite the opposite, actually. But in a weird way, I knew she meant it as a compliment. And for Lexi, that was monumental.

“Uh… thanks,” I said awkwardly. I had to choose my battles.

She turned her charm on my friends. “And you even brought a Holloway to my party!”

Vance nodded a little stiffly. “Happy birthday, Lexi.”

“Aww, how sweet!” She grabbed his face and planted a noisy kiss on his cheek. Summer’s eyes widened at her audacity while he fought to keep a straight face. They both looked so uncomfortable I almost,
almost
felt sorry for subjecting them to this. I couldn’t help my quiet snort when a pink smudge remained on his cheek.

“And this is Summer,” I reminded her.

“Right. Hi,” she flicked her hand dismissively. “Drinks are this way, guys!”

I grabbed her arm to stop her from going anywhere. “Do you have the package, Lexi?”

“What?” She turned towards me. “Oh that. Sure. I’ll get it later. The party’s just getting started, let’s have a little fun first!”

“I’d really like it now,” I asserted, not releasing her arm. “It’ll save me from having to
interrupt
you later.”

Her face pinched, irritated. Good. There had been too many times that I couldn’t count on her at parties, and I wasn’t going to let her give me the brush off again tonight. We sure as hell hadn’t driven all the way here for the free beer.

“Fine.” She turned abruptly and I followed her step by step with Vance and Summer in tow.

We made our way through hordes of people. I certainly didn’t miss parties like this. My nose curled at the acrid scent of marijuana. Summer gasped when some guy smacked her ass as she passed. Poor thing. This wasn’t her scene, and she stood out just as I once had. I scowled at the guy and linked her arm with mine.

Lexi stopped to talk to a few people, but to my surprise she didn’t stall for long. She probably just wanted me out of her hair. Once we got to a room with purses and coats, she pulled a small notebook out of her bag.

And then, no casing or envelope to cover it, there it was.

It had been eight months since I’d last seen my journal. I swallowed, immediately recognizing the heart with angel wings drawn on the front. As soon as I moved to take it, she pulled it out of reach.

“This is some pretty serious stuff,” she said, swinging it back and forth above my head. “So who was this guy?”

My anger flared in an instant. Evidently it was too much to hope that she hadn’t read it. She couldn’t have grasped the degree of cruelty she yielded in taunting me about the man in my journal. He had still been with me in the final entry.

Undaunted, I spoke through my teeth. “Give me the damn journal.”

She faked a gasp and clutched her chest. “I thought
ladies don’t swear,”
she said in an over-exaggerated southern accent that I hadn’t used since elementary school. I wanted to smack the sadistic grin off her face. She was getting under my skin, and enjoying it. “Apparently they keep secrets from their best friends, too.”

“Lexi,” I warned. “Hand it over. Now.”

The room simmered with tension as a struggle for control ensued. Her lifetime of superiority battled with my years of built up resentment, fueling a dangerous fire in our standoff for control. I had never talked back to Lexi before, but the new Scar refused to submit to her games any longer.

It was almost impossible to imagine she could ever take me seriously when she had only seen me as a doormat our entire lives. But this was my last chance to stand up to Lexi, and I couldn’t blow it again. The thought that I couldn’t overcome this part of my past was unacceptable.

“He sounds like a real keeper, Scarlett. Whatever happened to this guy? Is he the reason you—Hey!”

Vance snatched the book from her hands and tossed it to me. He shook his head at her with some mixture of anger and disappointment in his eyes that I had never seen him use. His lips were pressed together tightly as if willing himself to hold his words inside, but it seemed they were barely restrained.

“Aww, come on Vance,” she smiled. “All in good fun.”

“Why can’t you just admit that you miss her?” he said, silencing us both.

Lexi aimed her glare at me as if I were to blame for his observation. But I was just as shocked as her. It didn’t make any sense. She had made it abundantly clear when we lived together that I was nothing more than a burden to her. She’d only coerced me to come here so she could torment me some more, not to rekindle our friendship. If there was anything she missed, it was just having a lackey.

She crossed her arms, her laugh was forced and shrill. “And how did you arrive at that conclusion?”

“Because you took her for granted,” Vance replied, then turned his deep green eyes to me. “That, and I would sure as hell miss her, too.”

My insides got all scrambled at the warm cadence of his voice and the way he was looking at me like he really meant it. While I wished I was able to handle Lexi on my own, having someone at my side didn’t make me feel weak like I had expected. It actually made me feel validated. Like I was no longer alone in my corner.

“For the record,” he stated, speaking right to me, “Leaving this place doesn’t mean you failed. It means you were strong.”

I was frozen in place, utterly speechless. After all the regrets and mistakes from my time here, hearing Vance call me strong was like an affirmation that I never knew I needed. I never regretted leaving. But until now, returning home had felt like just another failure.

Only one thought remained:
This
is what a real friend looked like.

He placed his hand on the small of my back. And I let him. “C’mon, Rosie. Let’s get out of here.”

I leaned into his warmth and let him steer me to the door. I just wanted to get out of this place, away from these people, and back home where I could get this journal full of unspeakable memories out of my hands.

I should have known Lexi—of all people—never let anyone else have the last word.

“You think you’re so much better than me,” she seethed.

Her words stopped me in my tracks. I turned to face her and met her eyes directly, refusing to blink. “Excuse me?”

“You’ve always thought that. Too good to party with me. Too perfect for this place.” She scoffed, as if she believed I was anything but. “You replaced all of us. You replaced
me,”
she stressed, glaring at Summer, who hadn’t even spoken a word. “So much for best friends forever.”

The absolute nerve!
My blood was boiling now. No more holding back. “You don’t get to do that,” I said firmly, and stepped right up to her. I didn’t care that she towered over me and I had to crane my neck to meet her eyes. I wasn’t backing down this time. A brief look of shock flashed across her face, but she held her ground. It was enough to fuel me for this moment. Fury overpowered all other emotions. This time, I had no problems channeling it.

“All our lives, you’ve made fun of me for the way I dressed, the way I spoke, the way I believed in love. You’ve called me names and insulted me in front of other people. You’ve ditched me for random boys over and over again. You never cared about what I thought or dreamed or who I really was. You constantly tried to change me into
you.”
I emphasized this with a finger shoved in her chest. “And I must have been out of my mind, because I stayed and took it for all those years. I tried to be the fun and carefree friend you wanted. I went to lame parties and flirted with idiots and attended this damn college for
you
. All I’ve ever done is clean up your messes, drive your drunk ass home, bail you out of trouble and let you cry on my shoulder after some boy used you yet again. And I never once complained. But where were you when I needed a friend? Where were you when I lost everything? Where were you on Valentine’s Day?”

My chest was heaving furiously at this point. Once again, she made this all about
her,
like I left to hurt her on purpose. She didn’t consider for one second that I had been hurting, and left to help myself. How dare she turn it around and question
my
friendship? She didn’t even know the meaning of the word.

“Where the FUCK where you!”
I demanded, my voice shrieking.

Her eyes went wide and glossy. She opened her mouth and closed it several times without an answer. I knew there wouldn’t be one, but I didn’t want to let her off easy. I wanted to watch her squirm like a worm on a hook until she finally put it all together, and got it through her thick, blond scull what a self-absorbed, pathetic excuse for a friend she had always been.

But like always, she found the perfect stinging comment to say.

“I can’t believe you would do this to me on my birthday. You self-righteous bitch.”

I fought against the stab of guilt I felt. She was right, this was her night, she had two hundred guests to entertain, and I’d just unleashed thirteen years of pent up frustration. But the guilt was easy to overcome because I knew she was just trying to manipulate me, since that’s what always worked. And it would have done the trick again except for one thing—
she still hadn’t heard one effing word I said.

That’s when I figured it out. That sometimes, when a relationship is too broken to put back together—when one person is too stubborn to try—the strong thing, the right thing, the best way to be a good friend? It isn’t holding on to the broken pieces. It’s letting go.

So I said the only thing I had left to say.

“Happy birthday. Alexia.”

And I walked out. For the last time.

Again.

* * *

[Past]

Why in the world had I promised Gabriel I’d introduce him to Lexi? This had to be the worst idea in the history of stupid ideas.

It had been a few days since he first suggested it. I’d been putting him off, promising to plan some sort of get-together. The truth was, I just wasn’t ready. I couldn’t bear the image of seeing him with another girl—especially my best friend. Every minute we spent together, I was falling a little harder for him. And every time he asked about meeting her, the knife in my gut twisted a little more.

I was clutching selfishly to a relationship that didn’t exist. The guilt that tore at me was almost as painful as the inevitability of losing him. Lexi was my friend, and so was Gabriel. If they were meant to be, I had no right to keep them apart. I had to fulfill my promise and let them meet. But I didn’t have to be there to witness the sparks fly between them.

So the next time he brought it up, I had a plan.

“And when exactly will I have the pleasure of meeting Miss Lexi?”

I quietly steeled myself. Enough stalling. The longer I waited only made it worse. I would never be ready to let him go. I just had to do it, like ripping off a Band-Aid—quick and painless.

“Friday night.”

His head tilted in that maddeningly attractive way. “This Friday? Don’t you have work?”