Use Somebody (28 page)

“Thank you,” I said, smiling sweetly. What did I ever do to deserve a friend like him?

Something in his eyes changed. Coming from Vance, it was a look so new and confusing, I felt it burn slowly down my spine as he held my stare. My smile flickered awkwardly from the intensity of his gaze, but I was unable to look away.

He scooted across the bench just a little bit closer and placed his hand over mine. The warmth radiated up my arm, offering me further comfort. Grateful for his support tonight, I accepted the friendly gesture and didn’t immediately pull away.

Once he started leaning towards me, I couldn’t move. My eyes watched him, wide and curious. Despite what I was seeing, my brain couldn’t quite comprehend what was happening. That may sound ridiculous. I mean, it’s not like a boy had never come on to me before. No, at this point, you would think I’d be able to recognize the signs.

But this was
Vance,
here. This couldn’t be what it looked like. He was my friend, not some guy that had just picked me up at a party. Vance making a pass at me had to be the very last thing I expected.

My brain continued to reject reality, forming excuse after excuse over the span of a few short seconds, all while his face drew nearer to mine. As he slowly closed the distance between us, every denial evaporated one by one until only a single thought remained—
I’m an effing idiot.

Chest tight, I turned away from him to stare straight ahead. I needed to break the moment. He was going to ruin everything if he kissed me. How the hell was this even happening? It’s like we had switched places tonight… I was making progress while he was making stupid decisions.

Even though I had turned away, I could see in my peripheral that he wasn’t pulling back. Every muscle in my body tensed, bracing for contact.

At the very last second, my eyes fluttered closed, as he planted a soft, chaste kiss on the curve of my cheek.

With the touch of his lips, heat expanded from that point to every inch of my skin. It had been so long… so long since I’d experienced the softness of a gentle kiss. Within seconds, my fingertips were tingling. My toes were curling. My heart was pounding so hard, I was convinced he could hear it. My body was reacting to him even though alarms were going off in my brain. Who knew such an innocent kiss could overwhelm me so completely?

The atmosphere in the truck that had always been warm proved to be volatile tonight. The coldness that had hovered around Summer had been replaced with searing tension and uncertainty. Thank goodness for the darkness that hid my uncontrollable blush.

“Sorry, I-”
I can’t do this. You’re my coworker. You’re my friend. I thought you were safe.
“I’m not ready.”

He didn’t move back. He lightly tucked a stray curl behind my ear. “Don’t apologize,” he whispered. If he was disappointed by my rejection, I couldn’t sense it. There was peace in his voice… as much as could be detected in a whisper. I could feel him trying to capture my gaze but I still couldn’t look at him, fearful of what I might see, of what he might see. I realized his hand was still covering mine just as his other reached out.

“I… I have to go.” I fumbled with my door until I was able to locate the handle and push it open. Gracelessly, I stumbled backwards onto the driveway and barely caught myself before I fell.

I straightened and took a painful breath, unable to remember the last time I inhaled.
Okay. Only a few more steps to the front door. If I could just get away, we could pretend this whole—

“Rosie?”

I hesitated a moment.
So close to escape… so close!

When I turned around, I had to react swiftly to catch the journal as he tossed it my way.
Of course. How had I forgotten this thing?
I eyed the book with contempt, holding it to blame for all my problems, past and present.

The passenger door still hung wide open. An arm was casually thrown over the back of the seat where I’d just vacated. I didn’t know how he could seem so relaxed when inside I was experiencing some mild form of panic. He wore a new smile; a contented, dreamy-looking thing. Not a trace of hurt over my hasty exit could be found.

“Good night,” he said simply.

I bristled for a second, weirded out by the way he was looking at me. A wind must have picked up because I had to rub the chill out of my arms. “Night,” I called out, then turned and hurried into the house.

From behind me, the sound of a faint chuckle was followed by the closing of the truck door.

I couldn’t sleep.

I kept mulling over a dozen different theories and thoughts about everything that had transpired tonight, the least of which was Lexi. In fact, she was hardly an afterthought now. Our confrontation had paled in comparison to those final moments in Vance’s truck.

My intense reaction belied the tiny, innocent kiss he placed on my cheek, so much so that my own emotions confused me. I tried to tell myself it was just a friendly kiss, no big deal. But not even I believed that. He would’ve kissed me…
really
kissed me if I hadn’t turned away at the last second. He would have
kissed
me! Why? And who could’ve seen that coming?

My immediate reaction was guilt. In fact, if I remembered correctly, the very first words out of my mouth were an apology. I knew firsthand what rejection felt like. Now poor Vance had to experience it after making his very first pass. He was a good guy. He didn’t deserve that. But he had totally caught me off guard tonight. I couldn’t help that I didn’t see him like
that;
he was just Vance, the goober. Vance, my goofy friend.

Right?

Okay. I may have misread things.

Had I somehow led him on? Had I said or done something to open that door in our relationship? I thought of Smudgepot and the cabin afterwards, but hadn’t we chalked that up to meaningless drunken flirting? Hadn’t we agreed that nothing was going to change?

And then he went and tried to kiss me out of the blue! What was up with that? He knew I’d done the casual hookup thing before, but I was surprised—as my friend and confidant—he’d want to take advantage himself.

So what did that make me? A rebound? The first available female he could think of when he finally got around to embracing the single life? It didn’t sound like Vance, but after the stunt he tried to pull, I couldn’t rule anything out. It seemed to be congruent with how guys typically behaved. And that made my feelings transform from guilt into irritation. The boy had coerced me into trusting him, waited until I was vulnerable, clouded my judgment by saying he was proud of me and shit, then swooped in and made his move.

Well, no thank you. I wanted no part in his game. I wasn’t just some lonely girl who was willing to… to…

Lonely…

Maybe he was lonely.

Yes. That sounded most likely.

He was missing his girlfriend and reaching out to me for comfort. It’s not that Vance actually
liked
me. The very thought made me chuckle out loud to myself. No. He’d had a girlfriend the entire time I’d known him, up until about two seconds ago. He was just lonely and confused.

I understood. Really.

But that didn’t make it okay.

After hours of dwelling on a kiss that never happened, I decided the best thing to do was preserve the status quo. If this friendship was going to last (and I sure hoped it would), we’d have to figure out how to see eye to eye, and make sure
that
sure as hell didn’t happen again.

As the clock read almost two in the morning, I sighed and turned over, missing my apathy. This was what happened when you got close to people. This was what I was trying to avoid.

* * *

That night I ended up climbing through Ricky’s window.

I didn’t come to escape the fighting or the usual nightmares, but my brain still needed a little distraction—the kind of white noise I only found in Ricky’s bedroom.

The lights were already out when I arrived. He helped me through the window, mute, unsteady, and reeking of whiskey. After we settled into our respective beds, he seemed to pass out immediately.

But it wasn’t long before I could hear his restlessness. His breathing wasn’t deep and even like that of a peaceful sleeper. The beds shifted with every toss and turn. A pained moan sounded from below.

He was having a nightmare.

I bit my lip, hesitating.
Would he be totally upset if I woke him up?

Another anxious moan came and I quickly climbed down the wooden ladder.

Ricky’s sleeping form was anything but peaceful tonight. His breathing was harsh, and his flushed skin glistened with a light layer of sweat as he thrashed about. There was something so wrong about the strong and fearless Ricky Storm being brought to his knees by a nightmare. But maybe the biggest dangers to us only existed in our own minds.

I touched his shoulder, hoping that would help to calm him.

“Vi?” he called out, still asleep. My heart broke at the tortured sound of his voice. If I could have absorbed his devastation, I would have. In a heartbeat. I just had no idea how.

Without considering the consequences, I crawled into bed and wrapped my arms around him. Other than that night in the cabin, Ricky and I didn’t make a habit out of sharing a bed. But that night had been comforting to me, so I wanted to return the favor.

I rested my head on his chest and tried to soothe him by running my fingertips up and down his arms. Unconsciously he pulled me closer. Within minutes, his pulse started to slow. Soon he fell back into a heavy sleep, and his breathing became deep and even at last.

* * *

“Rough night?”

“Huh? Oh, snap.” Exhaustion and refilling duties did not mix well. It appeared the chocolate sprinkles were sufficiently stocked, oh, about 800 sprinkles ago.

“I’d almost gotten used to seeing your pretty face again without those dark circles under your eyes,” said Gwen. “But they’re back.”

I grumbled incoherently and cleaned up my mess.

“Oh, wait a minute. Wasn’t yesterday Lexi’s birthday?”

“That’s right.”

“And how did the party go?”

I exhaled sharply. “I got my journal back. Then I released my inner shrew and told her off.”

“Are you serious?”

I nodded and saluted no one in particular. “Happy birthday, bitch!”

Gwen laughed. I just chewed my lip. It wasn’t funny, even after my talk with Vance, my conscience still felt a little guilty about it.

“I would’ve loved to see that.”

“Yeah, well, Vance and Summer got front row seats. They can fill you in.”

“Vance came with you, huh?” she said with that smile that meant she was up to no good.

I frowned. “Yes,
and Summer.”
In case she missed that part.

She waved off my correction. “Summer goes were Vance goes.
Vance
went for
you
.”

My eyes rolled. “Not this again.” The fever seemed to be spreading.

“He’s so perfect for you, I’m just waiting for you to wake up and realize it.”

My nose scrunched. Was she kidding, or did she really not see the irony in giving me relationship advice? “Perfect for me? How do you figure?”

“He’s funny like Nathan, and attentive like Miles, except he’s not an asshole. Trust me. I know these things. My four-point-three GPA does not tell a lie.”

“Yeah, a lot of good that does you, now,” I grumbled. Still backing up her logic with her high school report card? That’s just sad. After working her ass off for that GPA and getting accepted into Harvard, she ended up a townie with a maximum education of a high school diploma.

A few silent seconds passed before I realized what I’d said. I groaned and rubbed my eyes. “I’m sorry Gwen. I didn’t mean that.”

“Yes, you did. You were just too tired to use your verbal filter this time.”

It was true. And she was far too perceptive to deny it. “Do you ever regret it? Giving up the dream? Staying here?”

“With Hunter? No.”

“But… you guys have broken up before. What if it happens again?”

“Then we’ll get back together again,” she shrugged. “I love him.”

“Even after…?”

She sighed heavily and looked away from me. “Men are different from women, Scarlett. Sometimes in adult relationships, you have to learn to forgive. He just had to get it out of his system. It won’t happen again.”

She meant to sound condescending, as if she knew so much better than me. All I heard were trite words and petty excuses. I wondered if she realized her relationship was no more a success than any of mine had been? I wasn’t the naïve one, not anymore.

I couldn’t say I’d ever understand her affection for Hunter or her concept of love. Such unwavering devotion to someone so undeserving just seemed foolish and blind. But maybe Vance was right, maybe we didn’t have to let our differing opinions ruin our friendship. It didn’t change the fact that we all still needed support, now more than ever.

Saved by the bell—the door chimed with new customers. We headed out into the storefront and worked together to serve them, and the subject was dropped. For the rest of the night, she didn’t bring up Vance again. That didn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about him the whole time. Everything was bouncing around in my mind: our near-kiss last night, what Gwen said about us being perfect together, and what I was going to do when I saw him next.

When our shifts were finally over, we went out to the parking lot to get into our separate cars. But when I walked outside I found something that caused me to pause… laid neatly against the windshield of my car was a single yellow rose.

* * *

I had to admit, the rose was pretty smooth. After all the time I spent last night and today worrying about what almost happened between me and Vance, he had gone out of his way to make his intentions clear with my favorite type of flower.

The yellow rose meant friendship; that’s all I needed to know. It was sweet and there was something very… “Vance” about the simple gesture. I was no longer apprehensive to face him. We were going to be okay.

That night, Cole and Summer invited everyone to come over and watch movies at their place, so when Gwen and I left work, we drove there separately. One good thing that came out of Gwen and Hunter’s breakup, however brief, was she made more of an effort to hang out with us outside of work. I was pretty sure she only came along when he was unavailable, but I’d take what I could get.

“Gwen!” Summer greeted us at the door. She did not deliver a second personal greeting. In fact she hardly spared me a glance. “I just bought the cutest new shoes! Want to see?”

“Duh!”

While the two of them scampered off somewhere, I was left standing at the threshold, thinking,
Uh, I’ll just let myself in. Thanks.

Hesitant, I wandered in and took my time, looking around the extravagant Elliott home. It looked different since I’d been there last. All the accent pieces had been replaced with fall-themed items and colors. I wondered if they completely redecorated every season.

I followed voices into the family room where Cole and Kiki were whispering to each other on the loveseat. It sounded like I caught the tail end of an argument.

“I don’t like this conversation,” said Cole. “It feels like I’m losing.”

“Spoken like a man,” Kiki replied, arms crossed.

Vance looked up when I entered.

“Hey!” He patted the couch next to him. “Sit by me?”

I smiled. “Sure.”

I had almost convinced myself that things were back to normal, but when I settled in next to him, he was smiling at me in that dreamy-eyed way again. With nothing more than a look, thoughts of last night came unbidden into my mind, and immediately I felt foolish for hoping this would be simple.

“What?” I said, self-conscious and stiff.

“You look tired, Rosie,” he noted, gently touching the tender flesh under my eyes. “Looks like you didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. Something on your mind?”

Good gracious.
All day I’d been worrying about how we’d interact, and here he was making jokes about it! I couldn’t stop the blush that engulfed me from the way he was looking at me, just like he had last night…

Before I could say anything, someone cleared their throat. The girls had returned and everyone in the room was grinning at us… all except for Summer. She looked downright pissed.

I knew Summer was protective of Vance right now, and I didn’t want to disrespect her in her own home. Nor did I want his friends to jump to the wrong conclusions. So I scooted away from him and decided to avoid any further conversation. His brooding went ignored.
That’s what he gets for not behaving himself.

Summer started the movie and we all settled in to watch. Halfway through I realized I had no idea what was going on. I was concentrating so hard on trying to ignore the strong opposing vibes I was getting from Vance and Summer, I wasn’t paying any attention to the screen. It was unsettling from both fronts.

I hated it—this disconcerting feeling that came from unspoken words. Last night, before the almost-kiss, I remembered telling Vance that if another issue came up, I wouldn’t sweep it under the rug. I’d stand up for myself and deal with the confrontation before things got out of hand. Little did I know I’d have to do it again so soon.