Use Somebody (32 page)

He turned on me with a fierceness in his eyes that made me take a step back. “You were actually with him, weren’t you?” His question dripped with accusation.

I bit my lip, suddenly feeling like a child caught in a lie. But why would I have told him? Ricky and I never talked about relationships, or much of anything about our personal lives. I had no idea he even knew who Nathan was.

“Do you hear what the fuck he is saying right now?” he shouted after another line of crude lyrics. “Answer me now, Scar, were you with him or not?”

Now was not the time for technicalities. “It was a long time ago,” I pleaded, almost apologetically. “We were sixteen.”

“Sixteen?” He whispered, practically buzzing in disapproval. “You were only sixteen?” His eyes lost focus, his jaw locked, as if the very thought disgusted him beyond belief. I was no longer dealing with my gentle Ricky. He was livid and volatile—a dangerous combination.

I glanced back up to the stage just in time to see Nathan watching us with that damn vindictive smirk. That’s when I realized my mistake.

It took less than a second for Ricky to turn with the stage in his sights. I grabbed two fistfuls of his shirt, trying desperately to get his attention, but he was no longer seeing me next to him. I was fully aware of the kind of destruction Ricky was capable of in this state. I had never been angrier at Nathan, but if I didn’t stop Ricky, there was a high probability we were all about to witness his death.

I grabbed his chin roughly and got in his face. I had to get him to look at me, to hear me.

“Not like that!” I said, demanding eye contact. I only wished I had the calm and positive energy that Phoenix was so good at channeling. I moved my palms to his cheeks, my touch was gentle but firm. I just held on for dear life and hoped he’d assume my composure through osmosis.

He stared back with motionless intensity, his eyes empty of emotion yet somehow full of unspeakable threat at the same time. He was restraining himself for my sake. I could get through to him like this. I just had to make him believe me.

“I was with him, but not like that. We never slept together. Not even close.”

He said nothing. Didn’t move, besides the severe up and down of his shoulders. Had my words even penetrated? I just continued our eye contact and prayed it would break through to him somehow. Like a bull, his nostrils flared, his breathing was laborious. I was so nervous it hadn’t worked, I took it one step further.

“I’ve never slept with anyone.”

He blinked. His face softened into a mask of new, undecipherable thoughts. But it didn’t matter. At least the spell was broken.

And that’s when the music cut out and the final words of Nathan’s song blared from behind us…

“You’re not sorry and neither am I honey

Never mine, never thine, clandestine fuck buddy.”

* * *

Tonight had been a complete disaster.

In the span of one party, I ran into Vance’s first ex and mine, who both went for the throat like jilted lovers. I had no idea what to expect from seeing Nathan again after all this time. Certainly not that serenade from hell. And what was Evelyn even doing there? The girl had “expensive” written all over her; it didn’t seem like her kind of scene, to me. Nevertheless, it looked like she had joined the Vance-and-Scarlett rumor bandwagon, too.

I didn’t go looking for drama, but now that I had stopped avoiding everyone, drama was eager to catch up with me.

Somehow I’d been able to drag Ricky out of there without any bloodshed. I might have played up my distress a tad so he could focus on helping me leave instead of defending my honor. But let’s just say, it wasn’t much of a stretch for me to pretend.

Even though the party ended early for us, the night was far from over.

We went on a long motorcycle ride around town, and it was just what we both needed to cool down and gather our thoughts. I’d been unable to fully grasp the scope of all my social situations as of late. What was going on in my head? Vance. Summer. Gwen. Vance. Lexi. Evelyn. Vance. Ricky. Nathan. Vance… what was I going to do? I only wanted to be friends with him and nobody seemed to be listening to me.

Finally, Ricky brought me back home.

Just as I was getting off his motorcycle, my brother came stomping down the driveway, keys in hand. His eyes narrowed when he took in the scene… Ricky helping me off the back of his bike, my eyes pink and glazed as a donut. I was pretty sure this was the first time he had seen us together since we were all kids. I looked from James to Ricky, not knowing what to say.

“Get off my property, motherfucker,” James snarled and shoved passed us towards his car.

“James,” Ricky greeted, unaffected by his rudeness.

James’ car sputtered to life. He backed out of the driveway, on his way to who-knows-where. I apologized, but Ricky just waved me off.

We stood there in the driveway. His hands twisted absently on the handlebars, gazing off into nowhere. I looked down at my shoes, my arms wrapped around myself against the cold.

Well… weren’t we a pair.

After a full minute of silence, he kick-started his bike back to life.

“Ricky…” I stepped forward. He met my gaze, black silky hair blowing gently over his distant eyes. I chewed on the inside of my cheek for a few seconds, then a smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. “Fuck ‘em all.”

When his small smile appeared, I knew despite whatever chaos we ran into, we were going to be okay.

“Night, kiddo.”

* * *

[Past]

It felt like floating…

Gabriel liked me. He
liked
me!

ME!

I had fallen in love with an angel, and somehow, the angel was falling for me, too.

After so many months spent lonely and lost, I finally felt whole again. Everything about my life was better now that I had Gabriel. Waking up every morning excited to see him, making a little extra effort to look nice for him, at last feeling like I wasn’t some misfit… like I wasn’t alone in the world.

We spent hours getting to know one another. Long walks across campus. Deep conversations over coffee. He was a bit of a “pikey,” or well-traveled, and regaled me with stories of far off places. It seemed he’d been to every country from Ireland to Italy, to Scotland, to Spain, in addition to a handful of states in the last few years. Nevertheless, my favorites were always of the months he spent helping out at a ranch in San Antonio, Texas.

I shared my dreams with him and he listened to each and every detail with an understanding that transcended logic. I could listen to him speak all day long. He always knew just what to say to encourage me. One little comment and I felt special all day.

I’d felt it that first night we met—the connection. And I was right. It only intensified with time.

But besides a few sweet words and electric touches, he still had yet to kiss me.

After that classmate had called out my celibacy, I supposed I couldn’t blame him for being cautious. I was happy to let him be a gentleman and move at a snail’s pace if that’s what he wanted. As long as he kept looking at me in that way, I’d be happy.

That didn’t mean I wasn’t hopeful for the opportunity, though.

Tonight was the first time I’d invited him over. I had the dorm room all to myself for the evening and thought we might enjoy hanging out in a more comfortable setting, if you know what I mean. I was just doodling on the cover of my journal when he showed up ten minutes later with two chai tea lattes in hand, wearing a smile that rendered me lightheaded.

I sat on my bed sipping my latte while watching him move around the room. I could never get over how handsome he was. A rugged kind of attractive, all power and charm on the outside, hiding a mysterious heart within.

He studied the photos plastered all over Lexi’s wall, occasionally making comments or asking questions. He noticed that I seemed to be in a lot of them, but none that were recent.

It was true, since college began, Lexi and I had been growing apart. Keeping Gabriel a secret was probably exacerbating the situation. But beyond my worry about her reaction to him, I found it interesting that she hadn’t even noticed my erratic mood shifts lately. I was pretty transparent when it came to my emotions, and I had gone from one extreme to the other twice since meeting him.

I supposed I couldn’t blame her, though. This week she was wrapped up in a new boyfriend. Most days she was gone. When she was at the dorm, she was rarely alone. Her outfit suggested she went out to a party last Friday night. She must have known I would decline, because she didn’t extend an invitation. I was fairly certain the guy she snuck in at the end of the night was different from the one she left with. It was for the best, because I didn’t like the way the first guy looked at me.

I struggled to remember the last time we spent quality time together, or shared an honest conversation. I knew she regretted picking me for a roommate. She was just trying to enjoy her college experience—partying, meeting people, and living it up—and I was nothing but a spoilsport. I just couldn’t bring myself to pretend for her anymore.

Though we were living in the same two-hundred square foot space, we had never been further apart.

Again I promised Gabriel that I’d introduce him to Lexi eventually. But right now just wasn’t the right time. She had a lot going on, and this thing between us was too new, and good. I was afraid that Lexi’s shallow view of relationships would taint it.

On another note, I also didn’t feel the need to flaunt our relationship. I knew how Gabriel felt and that was good enough for me. I had always been a private person. After Miles, showing off was more than out of my system. Lexi wanted everyone to know her business just so they would love or envy her, and that all seemed so disingenuous. So I guess, like with everything else, I just leaned in the other direction.

“I don’t understand your friendship with her,” said Gabriel with a disapproving frown.

He admitted that he had really been looking forward to giving her a piece of his mind about ditching me at parties. Friends needed to look out for one another, he said, and she needed to do a better job of taking care of his girl. I beamed when he called me his girl. The rest of his words went out the other ear. Even if I agreed with him about Lexi, what could I do? Her friendship was all I’d ever known.

Speaking of that party, I somehow worked up the courage to ask him the question I’d been chewing on for weeks.

“Why did you leave me? That first night?”

“Just as I said,” he reminded me. “You deserve better.”

“Than you?” I asked, doubtful.

He smiled slowly, patiently. “Than the life you settle for. That wasn’t the first time I’ve seen you at a party, Scarlett.”

I bit my lip, ducking, blushing, imagining the worst parts of my rebound that he might’ve witnessed. The random hookups. The drunken giggler. Seeking out pathetic excuses for comfort, while he had been right there all along.

“Why did you ever approach me?” I bemoaned. “I was a mess.”

“A beautiful mess,” he laughed lightly, and took a seat on the bed next to me. “And innocent. And selfless. And sweet. That’s what drew me to you.” The backs of his fingers glided down the curve of my face with just the barest of touches, stealing the very breath from my lungs. “Even at your weakest moments, you never let anyone take that spark of yours away.” His gentle smile turned into a smirk. “Of course, none were this devilishly handsome.”

Truer words had never been spoken. I could barely swallow.

“Well you were right, okay? I didn’t belong there. But you know what else?” I spent one moment bravely memorizing his face. “You didn’t belong there either.”

His heated eyes studied me, dark and intense as ever. Whenever he looked at me this way—like I had no secrets—it made my heart thump erratically. Everything in me wanted to be swept away by this stunning, passionate man. While I had to admire his gentle side, there was something about his enigmatic intensity that I simply couldn’t resist.

“Oh, Scarlett. You don’t know how right you are.”

He asked if I had anyone else, and I was embarrassed to tell him no. In high school I had the tightest clique of friends, but we had gone our separate ways after graduation. And I hadn’t really made any new friends in college.

“No one?” he asked. I shook my head shyly which earned me another gentle smile. “Well. Now you have me.”

Yep. I was smitten.

His concern and protective nature made me feel all the more safe. It was sweet to have someone care about my well-being for a change. It was easy enough to promise I wouldn’t be going out alone with Lexi anymore. I didn’t like those parties, anyhow. Plus, why in the world would I want to go anywhere without him?

In an effort to give him something, I pointed to a group picture and told him all about the old clique. I told him about brainy Gwen and how she gave up a Harvard scholarship to stay near her boyfriend. About Casanova Dirk and how he’d dated every cheerleader at our school. About intrepid Phoenix, his surfing accident and his zest for life. About comedic Nathan and the time he released three dozen chickens in the quad for a senior prank. And about my favorite memories with the six of us and our little garage band, and how we spent a whole summer singing our hearts out with reckless abandon. The endless sunshine and music kept bringing us back.