This Heart of Mine (17 page)

As he held her in the water, his desire to laugh faded.

“Riley?”

His gaze lowered to her lips. “You could kiss me.”

They were both still breathing hard. He could feel her chest, in those wet clothes, rising and falling against his.

“No, I couldn’t.”

“Why not? One kiss can’t hurt anything.”

She closed her eyes as if she couldn’t bear to meet his. “How about I...I clean your kitchen instead?”

He waited until she was looking at him again. “That wouldn’t be nearly as satisfying.”

“It would be smarter.”

He could almost taste her. A mere two centimeters and their lips would touch... “That isn’t what you want, either.”

She shivered, but Riley knew that shiver had nothing to do with the temperature. He guessed that she could feel the pressure of his erection, which he couldn’t do much to hide. “Yes, it is.”

“No, it’s not.”

“How do you know?” she asked.

“Because your legs are locked around my hips, as if...as if you like the pressure you feel down there.”

Her eyes flared as she released him. “I’m sorry about that. I didn’t... I mean...I was...” She didn’t finish. He had no idea where she could go with that, anyway.

“It’s okay. I don’t mind,” he said, but she swam away from him.

He reached the edge right after she did. “Phoenix, don’t get out,” he said from behind her, his mouth at her ear.

Darkness had settled in a little deeper, and the cicadas began to chirp. Now that Jacob was gone and they were alone in the yard, it felt private, especially in that corner of the pool, farthest from the deck.

“I have to,” she said.

He could hear a tremor of fear in her voice, but he could hear the huskiness of desire as well, and that made his heart pound. “No, you don’t. I’m sorry for what happened before, in high school...”

“I’m not demanding another apology,” she broke in. “We just can’t screw this up. You need someone else.” She began to climb out, but he drew her back against him.

“We could...give it some time...see where it leads,” he said.

“Where it leads?” she echoed. “I’ve already traveled down that road. I know it’s not safe.”

“It’s been seventeen years. You can’t say what’ll happen now.”

He waited for her to insist he let her go. But she didn’t, and the desire to touch her more intimately goaded him on. He had a chance with her, or she would’ve shoved him away.

His muscles tensed in anticipation as he slipped one hand up her shirt and released her bra.

She didn’t stop him, didn’t speak. At the slickness of her skin and the feel of her soft breast in his palm, he felt a wave of desire sweep through him, through them both. Her nipple was erect before he even touched it, which made him that much harder and encouraged him to undo her shorts.

“Riley,” she gasped when he slipped his other hand inside her panties.

“One touch,” he said.

Although she was holding herself rigid, he could tell she didn’t really want him to stop. She was trembling when he slid his finger into her warm wetness.

“Oh...” she whispered. “We can’t...”

“Shh.” He wished he could kiss her, but she was facing away from him, and he didn’t dare change positions. “It’s okay. I won’t take it too far. Just—just let me feel you.”

Her hand went to his wrist. She seemed undecided, hesitant. He squeezed his eyes closed for fear she’d put a decisive end to a moment that was turning out to be one of the most exquisite he’d ever known. But she didn’t remove his finger. She moaned as she pressed it deeper, and then he was trembling, too.

“You don’t have to give me anything,” he promised her. “This is enough. I just want you to enjoy my touch. Let me feel you come in my arms.”

Her head fell back on his shoulder as he began to use everything he’d learned about a woman’s body to give her that experience.

“Relax. It’s okay,” he whispered. He wasn’t sure how far she would’ve let him go—and he didn’t get the chance to find out. His mother’s voice came from inside the house, at which point they both froze.

“Riley? Jake? Where are you guys? Why isn’t anyone answering their phone?”

With a sharp intake of breath, Phoenix pulled away from him and floated along the edge of the pool to the far side, which fell in the shadow of the trees blocking the moonlight. She hadn’t said a word—just set about fastening her shorts. That told him, as if it wasn’t obvious, that she didn’t want his mother to know she was there.

He would’ve liked to reassure Phoenix that he wouldn’t let his mother mistreat her. But she was in a fragile state, trying to return from seventeen years in a hellish place. He supposed Whiskey Creek was pretty hellish for her, too. And his mother had been one of her biggest detractors. He didn’t want to expose her presence without her agreement, and there was no time for that.

“Riley?” His mother had opened the screen door to the house and was coming out onto the deck.

He splashed to draw her attention away from Phoenix, who was hidden at the other end of the pool. “I’m here. What’s up?” He wished he could get out and guide his mother back into the house, put Phoenix’s mind at ease, but his arousal precluded that.

“I’ve been trying to reach you,” she said.

Her imperious tone irritated him, as if he had to be available to her 24/7. “My phone’s inside, on the counter.”

“What...” She gave him a closer look. “What are you doing swimming
in your clothes
?”

Riley imagined Phoenix slowly sinking beneath the inky-looking water—or at least well below the lip of the pool—to avoid being seen. “Jake threw me in a few minutes ago, right before Tristan dropped by to grab him.”

“He left?”

“Yeah, they wanted to go to Amber’s. Tristan’s asking her to the prom and needed a wingman.”

“Amber who?”

Fortunately, he’d managed to turn her mind to other things. “DeVane. You probably don’t know the family. What’s up?” he repeated.

“I just came from Corinne’s.”

Riley fought the urge to glance at Phoenix. It would only give her away, and if he did that, he knew she’d go home immediately. Although he doubted she’d allow him to him touch her again, especially where he’d been touching her before, he wasn’t ready for the night to end. They’d been having a good time, far better than he’d had in...months. Besides, they still had a movie to watch.

“And?”

“Buddy wants to talk to you. He suggested we all get together, see if we can work something out.”

“We don’t have to work anything out,” he said. “As long as he leaves Phoenix alone, everything will be fine.”

“She murdered Lori, Riley. It’s not quite that simple.”

He didn’t like talking about this in front of Phoenix. He no longer believed she was capable of any such thing, but he didn’t know what terrible comment his mother might make. The quickest way to get Helen to leave would be to agree to this meeting with the Mansfields. “When?”

“Monday night at seven?”

“Where?”

“Corinne wants to have it at her place. She said she’ll make dinner.”

“I won’t bring Jake.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want him to hear what might be said.”

“Maybe he
should
hear it. He needs to be prepared for any relationship he decides to have with his mother.”

Finally safe to let her see the rest of his body, Riley hefted himself out, onto the deck. “He’s prepared enough.”

“Riley, anyone who gets involved with Phoenix should have his head examined.”

He clenched his jaw. “It’s chilly out here. Let’s go inside.” He led her into the house, where she discovered the pasta salad Phoenix had brought to dinner.

“This looks delicious. Did you make it?” she asked, picking up one of the curly noodles and popping it in her mouth.

“Yeah, I did.”

“Where’d you get the recipe?”

“You can find anything online.”

She pointed at the three plates they’d carried to the sink. “Who were you and Jake entertaining?”

“Tristan was here, remember?”

She eyed him curiously. “You said he dropped by.”

“For dinner. Something wrong with that?”

“No, of course not.”

“Anyway, I need to clean up and go to bed. I’m fine with meeting the Mansfields for dinner on Monday. Is there anything you’d like me to bring? The wine, maybe?”

“That’d be great,” she said, and he walked her to the door.

“Thanks for stopping by.”

She gave him another funny look. “You’re mad at me.”

“I’m frustrated with the whole Phoenix situation.”

“We knew we’d have to deal with it someday. It’s too bad she couldn’t have made it easy on us.”

He couldn’t respond to that. He wanted to get rid of his mother as soon as possible—and that was what he did. He bit his tongue, agreed with her that it might’ve been easier had Phoenix settled somewhere else and, eventually, she left. But when he went back outside, Phoenix was gone.

16

“W
hat have I done?
What have I done?
” Phoenix muttered to herself as she walked home, soaking wet and shivering from the drop in temperature that came with nightfall. She’d known better than to let Riley touch her—anywhere. She’d just been...caught up in the moment and that old hunger. She was a healthy woman in her sexual prime. Of course she’d crave a man. It wasn’t that she wanted
Riley
. She was over him. She’d spent seventeen
years
getting over him. No way could she allow herself to fall back into the same dark pit she’d climbed out of. She’d vowed that she’d diligently avoid it.

Headlights appeared behind her, so she ducked into the cattails near the creek that ran beside the road. She had no idea what Helen Stinson drove these days, but the Cadillac that passed seemed like a good candidate.

The last thing she wanted was for Riley’s mother to see her leaving his place.

She was glad Helen had shown up when she did, though. Who could say what might’ve happened if not for that chance to come to her senses? She could be in Riley’s bed this very instant.

As she returned to the road, she wrapped her arms around herself. She was freezing cold, and yet her body burned where he’d touched her—as if the heat of his hands was still there.

“Forget!” she ordered herself, mortified by the memory of how she’d clutched his wrist and encouraged him to continue.

Now he’d
never
believe she wasn’t out to rekindle their old romance. And what would those few minutes do to her chances of getting to know Jake?

You’re an idiot.
Tears burned behind her eyes as she imagined Riley taunting her with her own weakness. Had he been testing her? Trying to discover her true intentions—which he’d think would be some sort of reconciliation with him?

What if he put a stop to her visits with Jacob?

“Please don’t let that happen,” she prayed. “I’ll stay away from him. I won’t do that again.”

Another pair of headlights came up behind her, and she crept back into the underbrush. She wasn’t far enough away from Riley’s house that she wanted anyone to recognize her, especially when she wasn’t sure how she’d explain why she was soaking wet and smelling of chlorine.

But this car didn’t pass. It slowed down and parked about ten feet away.

* * *

“Phoenix?” Riley called. He’d seen someone or something. And since she was on foot and hadn’t left more than ten minutes earlier, she couldn’t have gotten much farther than this.

If she could hear him calling her, however, she didn’t speak up.

“Come on. Answer me, damn it! I’m sorry about my mom. But I can’t control or change her any more than you can control or change yours.”

He batted around the cattails on the bank of the creek, hoping to find her—and finally flushed her out.

“This is completely unnecessary,” she said.

At the sound of her voice, he managed to make her out despite the dark.
“Here you are!”

“I thought you’d give up and go back!”

“Thanks for that.”

“I don’t mean to be rude. There’s just no need to trouble you any further.”

“
Trouble
me?” he echoed. “I can’t believe you took off without so much as a goodbye. Or a towel. You must be freezing.”

“A little,” she admitted. “It’s funny how cold it can seem when you’re wet.”

“I brought you one.” He went back to get it, hoping she’d follow him, but she didn’t. “You left your camera and your bowl at my place,” he called back.

“You didn’t bring it? My camera, at least?”

He heard the hope in her voice. But once his mother had gone home, he hadn’t bothered with anything other than the towel. He’d been in too much of a hurry. “I’ve got some extra pictures of Jake I can give you, too, if you go back with me.”

He wanted to calm her down, to at least put her back in the happy mood she’d been in earlier.

But she remained where she was, hugging herself and rubbing her arms. “No, that’s okay. Maybe you can send that stuff with Jake sometime when we’re meeting up if—” her voice dropped “—if you’re still going to let me see him.”

That
was what was going through her head? She thought she’d jeopardized her position with Jake? No wonder she was shaking. He knew how much this chance with their son meant to her. “Of course I’m going to let you see Jake. You think I’m upset about what happened? That I’m blaming you?”

“I should’ve stopped you.”

“I hope you’re kidding. You moaned when I touched you. That’s exactly what I was hoping you’d do.”

As soon as he mentioned that, she turned on her heel and marched down the road as though she couldn’t bear the memory of it, but he jogged after her. “Wait! It wasn’t a big deal, okay? It might seem like it because you haven’t...been with a man in so long. But it’s not as if we made love. Will you quit with all the regret?”

He grabbed her shoulder and held out the towel. “Let me give you a ride home.”

She was reluctant to come anywhere near him. But she bit her lip as she peered down the road. She was probably thinking about how slow and arduous it would be to get to the trailer on her own. Darkness only made it worse.

“I told Jake I would,” he coaxed. “So I’ll have to follow you if you refuse. Then it would take us
both
a couple of hours. And imagine the spectacle we’d make to all the people who passed by.”

Her chest rose as if she’d taken a deep breath, and she accepted the towel. “Sure. Okay. Why not?”

He wanted to put his arms around her to help her get warm, but she was too spooked to allow him that close. “Great. Let’s go.”

They returned to the truck, but she waited until he’d climbed behind the wheel to get in. Then she sat as far away as possible and didn’t talk the whole way home.

Just before they arrived, he attempted to start a conversation. “I’m sorry if what I did in the pool has...upset you.”

“I’m not upset.”

“You seem more than upset. You seem to be...filled with remorse.”

“Let’s just pretend it never happened. I apologize that I...got carried away and...and did that.”

“
You
didn’t do it,” he said. “
I
did.”

She kept her gaze focused on something beyond the window. “No one has to take the blame. It was a fun night. We just got a bit confused at the end.”

“Confused?”
he repeated. “About what? I wanted to touch you. I admit it.” He lowered his voice. “And you seemed to enjoy it.”

“Like you said, I haven’t been with anyone in seventeen years. Sometimes I miss that...kind of contact. Anyone would.”

She didn’t need to be defensive. He could understand. It hadn’t been nearly as long for him, but he missed that kind of contact, too. “So it wasn’t anything about
me
that turned you on.”

Lines appeared on her forehead. “What?”

“
Any
man could do the same thing for you? Get you that excited?”

She glowered at him. “It’s better if we don’t talk about it.”

He sighed. She didn’t trust him, and he couldn’t blame her. He couldn’t even think of anything to say that might change her mind, because he couldn’t make any promises about the future. He only knew that he liked what he’d seen of her so far. Maybe she viewed herself as a broke ex-con hated by the whole community. But
he
saw a beautiful woman, someone with grit, honesty, humility, dedication to those she cared about and the courage to risk almost anything to be part of their lives. So why
shouldn’t
he care about her?

“What if I told you I’d like you to go with me and my friends to a cabin next weekend to celebrate my birthday?” he asked.

“I’d say you need to invite someone else.”

“You didn’t even take two seconds to think about it.”

“I don’t need two seconds. I’m still sick to my stomach from a few minutes ago, when I thought I’d blown it and you wouldn’t let me see Jake. I can’t take any chance of that happening in the future,” she said, and climbed out.

* * *

She’d turned him down flat. Riley was a little surprised. After what Phoenix had been through, it wasn’t as if he’d expected her to fall into his arms. Going out with him would, understandably, require a huge leap of faith. But she was lonely and, here in Whiskey Creek, she didn’t have many other options.

That was because she was one of the best-kept secrets in town, he realized as he sat in her drive, letting his engine idle. Kyle knew she wasn’t what everyone else believed and, as a result,
he
was interested. Only Riley’s lifelong friendship with Kyle kept him in his current “hands off” status.

Other guys would want her, too, once they figured out what they were missing...

Shit.
He remembered the feel of her lace panties—guessed they were the new ones he and Kyle had bought her—and what he’d found inside them. He’d taken things too far, too fast. No wonder she’d hugged the door so tightly as they drove. What his mother had said in front of her certainly couldn’t have helped. She felt hurt and had her guard up, was determined not to put herself back in a bad position.

He couldn’t blame her. But it was unusual to feel that getting involved with him would put a woman in a bad position.

His phone rang. Illogically, because he knew she didn’t have a way to call him, he hoped it was Phoenix changing her mind.

It wasn’t, of course. It was Kyle.

Riley backed out of her drive as he pressed the talk button. “’Lo?”

“There you are! Why haven’t you been answering your phone?”

“I’ve been busy.”

“Doing what?”

“Dinner.”

“Did you have a date?”

Once again he could feel the softness of Phoenix’s breast beneath his hand. “Jake invited his mother.”

“Oh.” There was a moment of silence. Then Kyle said, “How’d that go?”

“Good. Perfect,” he lied. “Why?”

“Just wondering. She’s actually the reason I was trying to get hold of you.”

“What do you want with her?”

“See?”

“See what?” Riley asked.

“There’s that jealousy again.”

“I like her, okay? I like her a lot.”

“Whoa! And now you’re admitting it?”

He rubbed his forehead. “Yeah. I’m admitting it.”

“Does
she
know?”

He switched to Bluetooth so he could drive. “It wouldn’t matter even if she does. She wouldn’t trust me.”

“That’s not entirely unexpected, I hope.”

“Are you trying to make me feel better or worse?”

“What happened tonight?”

He couldn’t say anything about what had gone on in the pool, not without compromising her privacy, so he focused on what came after. “I asked her to go to the cabin with us next weekend.”

“And?”

“She said no.”

“I see. But...that couldn’t have been totally unexpected, either.”

He shoved a hand through his hair. “It wasn’t.”

“So...”

“I’m not sure I even want to go anymore.”

“What?” Kyle cried. “Come on, man! We’ve been looking forward to this for months. Gail and Simon don’t get to visit us very often. He’s always on location for one movie or another, half the time out of the country. Or they have the kids with them and they’re busy visiting family. It’ll be fun getting together with just our group. You’ll see.”

That didn’t reassure him, but he wasn’t about to ruin the weekend for everyone else. “You said you called about Phoenix.”

“I did.”

“You still haven’t said why.”

“Because I don’t think this is going to improve your night.”

Riley turned the radio down. “Tell me, anyway.”

“She came by earlier, when I was gone, and left an envelope on my desk.”

She’d been going over there pretty often, using Kyle’s computers. Did she have a thing for him now? Riley tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “What was in it?”

“A check for twenty-five dollars. She’s trying to pay me back for those clothes we bought. She wrote a note saying she’d pay me twenty-five dollars a month until she’s covered it all.”

Riley released his breath in a long sigh. That wasn’t nearly as bad as he’d feared. “Sounds like something she’d do.”

“I guess it does. But I feel guilty letting her believe it was just me when you paid for half,” Kyle explained. “I wish she’d drop it. We
wanted
to give her those things. But she has so damn much pride.”

That was one of the qualities Riley admired about her. Who else, hitting rock bottom as hard as she had, would refuse help from people who obviously had the wherewithal to give it? “Tear up the check.”

“Are you sure? If I do, I’m afraid she’ll start bringing me cash when she comes to use the computer.”

“You can always refuse it.”

“Wouldn’t you rather I told her you were part of this? So you can work that out, along with all the other...issues between you?”

Somehow the past seventeen years hadn’t wiped away what he’d felt for her; they’d merely put it on pause. The truth was, he felt even more attracted to her than before, because now he trusted his own judgment and had been around long enough to identify the traits he wanted in a partner. “No. There’s no need for her to know.”

“Okay, but...”

“What?”

“I’m concerned.”

“Why?”

“She’s been hurt so badly in the past. I can’t face the thought that your...interest might not be a positive thing for her.”

Riley gave the truck more gas. He was speeding, but it was tough to care when he felt so torn and frustrated. “You think
your
interest would be better?”

“I don’t see her in that way.”

“Then how do you see her?”

“As a friend. She can use some good friends, so I hope you’ll consider being her friend, too.”

Kyle was right. They’d probably both be a lot better off if he went that route. “I’ll try.”

“Maybe this will help. I’m going to have my date invite a friend to the cabin. You need a romantic interest.”

He needed
something
! It was selfish of him to act on the desire he felt for Phoenix. They’d been so young when Lori Mansfield died. He felt like a completely different person these days—and felt the past shouldn’t preclude them from what they might become as adults.