The Serenity Solution: How to Use Quiet Contemplation to Solve Life's Problems (15 page)

relationships … because I don’t feel good enough.

Surface Assessment
: So, what I’m really seeking is self-acceptance.

Inner Response
: Yes, that feels right. (target acquired)

Exercise 7.1: Framing Overall Bearings

This exercise shows you how to size-up a situation and get your overall bearings. You can take any situation and step back and see where you are and where you need to go; this is preferable to getting caught up in the confusion. Zooming out opens up new ideas and actions.

Choose a situation that has been bothering you lately and then go into calm focus and ask yourself: “What is the main thing bothering me about this? What is holding me up the most?” Calmly think about it and let your thoughts come freely.

When a thought comes to mind don’t get caught-up in it. Simply

ask: “Is this it exactly? Is this the answer? Or is there something else?” Be patient and wait for the best answer. Usually, it takes several guesses.

To help find the best answer, make a mental note of the closest guesses and summarize them as a whole. What common theme do they point to?

Sum it up in one sentence. This is the frame for the current state.

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Guesses:

Summary Frame of the Current State:

Next, ask yourself the following target questions and give careful consideration to your responses:

1. Now that I know this, what can I learn from this awareness

to move forward?

2. What is needed most now in this situation?

Again, when a thought comes to mind don’t get caught-up in it. Simply ask: “Is this it exactly? Or is there something else?” Wait until you get an adequate amount of responses, and/or you feel you have found the best response, and then summarize the common theme among the best

responses; this is the frame for the target state.

Guesses:

Summary Frame of the Target State:

Look back on your earlier perception of the problem. What new in-

formation have you derived? What options or directions do you now have that you did not before?

As you can see, zooming out is a valuable tool because it allows us to put things in perspective and determine what is relevant to focus on. By doing this exercise any time you need it, you will avoid scattering your efforts, be able to get your overall bearings, and focus where it counts.

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Zooming in on the

Target Solution

“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is

simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”

—Albert Einstein

At the point we sight our target, we move into the second phase of Solution Targeting called
zooming in
. In this phase, we shift from the detached observer mode into the active immersed mode and examine the target in detail. Target detail includes the specific thoughts and actions that best comprise the target state and show us how to do the target.

In general, resolving the target involves answering the following questions:

• What does the target look like?

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• What are the markers or signs that indicate we are on target?

• What small step can be taken now to get closer to this target?

Identifying Target Markers

We seek to resolve the target because too often when we first sight a target, our view of it is broad and vague. We may say that what is needed most in a current problem is ‘peace’ or ‘happiness’. But, such abstract views of a target offer little information on how we may produce the target.

By identifying and immersing ourselves in the thoughts and actions that make up the target we can in effect produce this state. Recall that most target states consist of a sequence of thoughts and actions that when performed actually evoke the state. For example, the vague target state

‘peace’ is much easier captured when we resolve and perform its individual actions of taking a couple of deep breaths, monitoring and releasing tension, and telling ourselves: “I am calm.”

We call these individual actions that make-up the target state
target actions
or
target makers
since they both produce and indicate the presence of the target. By clarifying them, we see specifically how to do the target and what the signs will be when we are on target. The more specific we can be with these thoughts and actions the better.

Afterwards, all we have to do at this point is mentally immerse in these thoughts and actions and practice them before actually testing them in the problem setting. The feedback we get from the actual setting will then tell us how close we came to producing the target state and what is needed next (our next step) in reaching our target. (See Exercise 5.3: Evoking a Solution State for a detailed explanation of this mental practice).

Target Resolving Questions

To resolve target actions, we ask the following open questions:

Zooming in on the Target Solution 105

• Now that I know what is needed (e.g. I have my target ‘calm

assertiveness’), how would I define this state?

• What are its main features?

• What thoughts and actions does it involve specifically?

• If I was on target right now (e.g., calmly assertive), what

would I be thinking and doing differently that I am not

doing right now?

• Alternately: How will I know when I reach this target? What

are the most distinctive actions to look for?

Utilizing Perceptual Shifting to Observe Actions

One way we can improve target resolving is by imagining we are observing ourselves perform the target on a TV screen. Doing this requires that we shift our focus to an outside observer mode where we are in a better position to see the individual actions involved. We call this detached description of observed actions
target picturing.
Some questions that put us in this observer mode are:

• If I were watching me perform the target on a TV screen(e.g.

being calmly assertive), what actions would I see myself doing

to maintain this desired state despite the difficulty? What

actions would I be doing first? Second? Third? Then what?

Afterwards, we can imagine that we are entering into the screen and mentally playing out these actions as if it they were happening in real time. Doing this immerses us in the target state and reinforces or imprints it on a deeper level; this way, the target state is more likely to manifest when we need it in the actual problem setting. (Again See Exercise 5.3: Evoking a Solution State for a detailed explanation of mental rehearsal.)
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Utilizing Previous Target Times to Identify Actions

Another useful strategy for identifying target actions is to use examples from the past or other contexts in which we or someone we observed approximated the target.

Situations don’t stay the same, so there are always times when we or someone else acted on-target, or at least, came close to it. For example, if we think about it, we may recall times when we or someone we observed performed actions that produced a state of calm assertiveness during a stressful event, or at least a state of less anxiety. We call these models or examples of target behavior
target times
. They can be valuable resources for locating present target actions. We simply explore these times and see what actions we might borrow to produce the present target state.

If, for example, our target is to be calm, we might explore the times we calmed ourselves during difficult times and then see what we might use now to calm ourselves. To identify the key actions we used then but not now, we simply compare what we were thinking, saying to ourselves, and doing during these target times that we are not doing now. We may ask ourselves: “What did I say to myself and do at this successful time that I’m not saying or doing now?”

Some target time questions include:

• What steps have I taken so far to get me closer to my target?

• When did I come close to it in the past during a difficult

time, even if only a little bit?

• If I can’t find any steps closer, what have I done to maintain my current position? How have I kept myself from getting

farther from my target, even despite the difficulty?

• How did I do them even though things were so difficult?

• What did I think, say to myself, or do specifically that I’m

not doing now?

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• What was most helpful or useful about what I did? Which

actions seemed most effective?

• How did these thoughts and actions help me exactly?

• Which ones seem easy enough to sustain on a regular basis?

Although it can be useful to model someone else’s successful behavior, we’ll likely get more results reusing our own behavior. This is so for several reasons. One, our own actions have proven to work with us before and therefore the odds are that they will work for us again. Two, they’re familiar and therefore easier to do than learning new ones. Three, they tend to evoke the resourceful state we were in before. As a result, we may temporarily transcend any negative feelings associated with the problem long enough to experience the confident feeling of success; this reacquired feeling then is likely to reinvigorate us to go out and attempt the solution.

Noting the Distinctions

Still, another way we can identify target action is to include distinctions in our questions, such as “How did I get one step closer to the target,
despite
the difficulty
,
if only a little bit
.” The qualifier “
despite the difficulty, if only a
little bit
” keenly focuses us on looking for any action, no matter how small, as long as it addresses the obstacle before us.

In addition, qualifiers like ‘
specifically
’ and ‘
exactly
,’ as in “How did I do this
exactly
? What
specific
actions were involved?” insure we locate the details of these actions.

For many of my clients who have trouble seeing a way out of their

difficulties, these simple maneuvers help them see the details of what they can do and encourage them to forge ahead. Plus, these techniques offer clients hope that there is something they can do today.

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Pinpointing the Next Step

The last stage of zooming in and resolving target actions is to find our next step to the target. Recall that most often we are not going to reach our target at once. We will have to reach it in steps. Finding our next step forward insures we continue to move closer to our target and that we will eventually reach it.

Fortunately, all we need to do to find our next step to target is find a few effective actions. Often, we think it takes a lot of effort to produce a target state, and so, we either scatter our effort or avoid any effort. But, all we really need to do is be selective and find those few actions that can make the difference. When we do, we concentrate our effectiveness like a laser beam.

In fact, no action is insignificant, no matter how small, if it starts linking our current state with the target state. Even an action as small as telling oneself “I have some place to go today” may spark hope and a desire to get out of bed which in time may lead to greater happiness. Thus, small acts can make a large difference if they’re followed through. All we need to do is find a few actions we can do right now to improve things and this gets us one step closer to our target.

Next Step Questions

Finding our next step to the target can be made easier by asking ourselves the following next-step questions:

• What can I learn from my progress so far?

• Knowing this, what’s my next step? What actions can I do

right now to get closer to my target, if only a little bit?

• What specific thoughts and actions can I do?

• Where in my current situation can I begin to use these

actions?

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Using a Scale to Find the Next Step

We can also find our next step to target by using a numbered 1-10 scale. A numbered scale allows us to gauge our progress to the target in a stepwise, incremental way.

To construct a target positioning scale, imagine a dart board with ten concentric rings each numbered from 1 at the outer ring to 10 at the center bull’s eye. Ring 1 represents the farthest we have been from our target, 10 represents the attainment of our target, and the rings in between represent the intermediate steps or adjustments to our target.

We start to gauge our position relative to target by choosing the number on the scale that best represents where we think we are at the moment in relation to our target. For example, we may ask ourselves: “On a scale from 1-10, where 1 is the farthest I’ve been from this target, and 10 being exactly on target, what number would I pick to represent where I am right now in relation to this target?” Next, to find our next step to target, we might ask ourselves: “What small action would get me a point closer to the target?”

If we have trouble identifying this next step, we then could do several things. One is to recall a target time and then reuse the actions from this time to identify a step closer. We may ask: “What number have I been at when I am closest to my target? How did I get there? What specific thoughts and actions did I do? Knowing this, what can I do now to move one point closer or at least a half a point closer?”

Still, another way to find the next step is to project our position one step closer on the scale and ask ourselves how we reached this step. We may say: “I’m currently at 3. If I moved to 4, what would I imagine I would be thinking and doing that I’m not doing now?” Or, alternately, we might ask: “How did I get to 4?”

Scaling can be used to measure a variety of factors besides target closeness, including mood, hope, confidence, and motivation. In particular,
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