The Serenity Solution: How to Use Quiet Contemplation to Solve Life's Problems (6 page)

Labeling/Crystallizing a View

Labeling is another form of fixed view and refers to the act of applying static labels or titles to our difficulties (e.g., “I have a worry problem”;

“I’m a loner/unlikeable person”). As we will see later, labels sometimes can help us get a conscious handle on our inner experiences (e.g. Am I feeling ‘fear’ or ‘anger’ right now?). But, too often, we use labels to define our problems, and this can pose an obstacle to change because it creates a perception that the problem is permanent.

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We will have a better chance of finding solutions to our problems if we define the problems as ongoing processes of thinking and acting rather than as static things (e.g. “I am presently worrying myself with my thinking”). By focusing on the process of what we can think and do differently to change our situations, we put things under our control, and this is preferable to simply labeling and explaining away our situations.

Complaining, Blaming, Insisting, and Wishing

Complaining, blaming, insisting, and wishing are unproductive behaviors that indicate a fixed view and involve the repeated act of expressing our displeasure about a situation but do not act to change it. We tend to engage in these behaviors when we feel incapable of solving a problem, and so, resign ourselves to at least getting things off our chest. Since these behaviors bring some temporary relief, we often engage in them repeatedly.

But, unfortunately, they do not solve the problem and are only another distraction from tackling the problem.

Complaining, blaming, insisting, and wishing leave us waiting pas-

sively for people and circumstances to change. If, for example, we complain that we can’t be happy until people or society leaves us alone, we’re going to be waiting a long time.

We empower change by taking action ourselves since our thoughts

and actions are the only things we have direct control over. We’ll have a better chance at change if we think and act our way to it (e.g. get out more to overcome social fear) rather than simply waiting, complaining about it, or wishing for it (e.g. wait to feel less fearful so we’ll get around others more).

By figuring out what we can do to make things better despite our

circumstances, we take charge of the situation and increase our chances of getting what we seek. We can monitor ourselves and situation, and if we find ourselves complaining or insisting that people or things be a certain
The Focusing Continuum 25

way, we shift our focus to an empowered position by asking ourselves:

“Instead of waiting for change, what can I do to change things?”

The areas in our life we complain the most, or feel most stuck or

trapped in, are the areas we are likely viewing in a fixed way. These are the areas we need to monitor and change our thoughts and actions in.

Signs include judging or criticizing; seeking change in ourselves, others, or our circumstances without first changing our thoughts and actions (e.g., “Why must I feel this way/It be this way/They make me feel this way?”); complaining about the past instead of owning our power to change the present (“I can’t get over what happened”); and demanding things be a certain way instead of trying to change them (“This shouldn’t be this way”).

Avoid the Extremes

As you can see, problem-solving performance decreases at the low and high ends of the arousal continuum—at both no and hyper focus. Although hyper focus is used much more in our modern busy lives than no focus, neither of them is useful for problem solving. Both no focus and hyper focus prolong suffering because we either don’t have any view of a problem (no focus, passivity) or we can’t let go of an unhelpful view of a problem (hyper focus, fixity).

Moreover, both extremes put us in autofocus. In each state, we lose our sense of self or that observer part of us that typically monitors our ongoing experience. We become fused or immersed in our experience.

In low arousal, when we have little or no focus, we lose ourselves in wandering thought. An example is when we are driving and negotiating turns while at the same time daydreaming about a number of things. In this case, we have lost sense of time, self, and our surroundings.

Daydreaming is obviously bad for problem solving in that we may

overlook that we even have a problem (such as another car heading towards us) much less any plans of action on how we will solve a problem.

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In high arousal, when we experience hyper focus, we are so captured by the target of our focus that we can’t think of anything else but that target; this happens frequently when we lose ourselves and lash out with anger at the perceived threat of insult. Here, in this case, we get so caught up in our defense that we lose sight of our reaction and behavior.

Therefore, when in autopilot (at low or high arousal) we either are not reacting or blindly reacting to the situation before us.

Calm Focus is Optimal Balance

Where we seek to operate when solving problems is in the middle zone of the focusing continuum. Here, we have moderate levels of arousal or relaxed alertness we call calm focus. Calm focus is the optimal balance of focus control. With it, we can loosen excessive tension and control of our focus, without letting go of all control, in order to focus flexibly to a problem and see multiple views of it.

As shown in the diagram below, when we work in the optimal zone

of calm focus, we can control our focus flexibly and shift it along a broad-narrow dimension:

The Focusing Continuum 27

LOW AROUSAL

OPTIMAL ZONE

HIGH AROUSAL

Broadening < Flexible

Shifting > Narrowing

no focus, too broad

calm focus, balanced view

hyper focus,

too narrow

diffuse awareness

central focus with

point awareness

peripheral awareness

passive, wandering

open,

narrow,

rigid, fixed

receptive

selective

observer mode

immersed

mode

Illustration 2.1: Optimal Zone of Performance

Broadening Awareness

When we relax focus, we defocus, and our focus widens like a lens opening to a scene. At this point, we are in an open, receptive state of mind and can easily observe our thoughts, our bodies, and our surroundings.

To broaden our focus effectively, we must turn off the chatter and details of the mind as much as possible and pay more attention to broader information. When we do, we gain perspective on a situation and have greater access to its larger aspects. Because it gives us the overall perspective on a situation, we call this type of focus the
detached observer mode
.

Concentrating Awareness

Conversely, when we tighten focus, we concentrate like a spotlight on a narrower range of information. As a result of this closer inspection, we can examine a part of a situation in greater detail.

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Doing this type of focus requires selection and effort, and is therefore, an active, directive state of mind. Though it eliminates our ability to observe a situation from a distance, it can bring into sharper focus important details and actions we can take on a situation. Because of its focus on details, we call this type of focus the
up-close immersed mode
.

Together, these two types of focus can be quite effective at solving problems. To see how, let’s look at an overview of how we might use a calm focus to explore a problem and its solution using this broad-narrow dimension:

Step One
: We approach a problem first by entering a calm focus.

As we’ve discussed, a calm focus allows us room between an

unrestrained and an overly-restrained view of a problem, so that

we may sit quietly and explore the problem flexibly from multiple

angles. (See
Exercise 2.1: Entering a Calm Focus
at the end of this chapter for more information on how to enter a calm focus)

Step Two
: In this calm state of mind we enter next into the detached, observer mode. Here, we mentally step back and look at the major

areas of our life where we are having difficulty.

As we explore these areas we don’t get caught up in any one

of them or our emotions about them. We simply look at their

interrelationship and pick out the major problem. We may ask

ourselves: “As I look at these concerns where does most of the

problem lie? Which factor has the most influence?”

Step Three
: From this oversight, we then enter into the up-close immersed mode. Here, we concentrate on the major problem area

and figure out a detailed action plan to get free of it. In looking at this problem area, we may ask ourselves: “What is needed most

here?” Then, we begin to figure out how we might meet this need.

The Focusing Continuum 29

Don’t worry. We will discuss this broadening-narrowing process

and how to do each step in the remainder of this book. By the time you’re done reading and trying out the exercises at the end of each chapter, you’ll know exactly how to size-up any problem and tackle it.

For now, think again of this broad-narrow focusing as a camera

lens zooming out and in on a scene. When we zoom out, we detach

ourselves from our concerns and look at them as a whole. When we

zoom in, we use the context derived from the overall layout to locate and examine an important area for further study.

For example, let’s say that we are feeling sad and don’t know

exactly why. We may enter calm focus and explore the areas of our

life where we feel unresolved; this is the detached observer mode

where we see the overall context. These unresolved areas may include gaining weight, lack of interest or no desire to go anywhere, and no one to talk to.

From this overall exploration, we may conclude that what’s really

at issue is that we are feeling lonely. If so, we would then concentrate on the exception to this issue, which is getting out and meeting new friends and how we might specifically do this; this is the up-close immersed mode where we act on salient detail.

Exercise 2.1: Entering a Calm Focus

In this exercise we are going to learn how to enter a calm focus. There are several factors to consider:

First, find a quiet, secluded place where you can be undisturbed for 10-20 minutes. We are able to focus when there is little distraction. So, shut the door, turn off the phone, reduce the lights, and arrange the room where it can be a peaceful place to focus on a regular basis.

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Next, remove any glasses or contact lenses and loosen any restrictive clothing. Find a comfortable position either sitting or lying down where you can remain for the duration of the session. Make sure you are not too tired or otherwise you might fall asleep. Remember, a calm focus is an optimal state of mind that is reached not by being too relaxed or too alert.

Afterwards, close your eyes, take three deep breaths, and relax. Once relaxed and comfortable clear your mind and focus on what is going on inside you. Let the outside world fade into the background.

You will notice that when you first close your eyes and try to relax the opposite effect tends to happen. Our minds and bodies tend to get restless instead of quiet and our focus may wander from thought to thought. Accept this as a normal process and do not become discouraged.

Focus on your breathing; this will help to keep your focus still. Start by inhaling through your nose as you relax your stomach muscles. Next, slowly exhale through your mouth as you draw in your stomach muscles.

Imagine that all tension is being released through this exhale. Repeat this three times allowing your exhale to become slightly longer than your inhale.

Afterwards, simply observe your breathing without altering it. Follow it like waves rolling on the shore or a pendulum swinging to and fro. Observe it going in and out. As you inhale, note the sensation of air passing through your nose. Afterwards, note the sensation of air passing through your lips as you exhale. Pay attention to the difference in sensation between the two. For instance, notice how your inhale feels slightly cooler than your exhale.

As you follow your breathing for a while you should begin to notice a calm descend upon you. Take note of this calm and describe it to yourself.

Where in your body do you feel it?

The Focusing Continuum 31

Then, when you are done you may open your eyes and reorient to

the room. Make a mental note of what you observed in this session. You may want to write down your observations in your journal so that you can continue to track your progress.

Advantages of

Calm Focus

As we have discussed, the optimal zone of calm focus allows movement across a broad-narrow dimension. Because of this, we can see that there are three major problem-solving advantages to calm focus. The first is the very act of shifting focus freely or flexible focus control. This creates the conditions for the other advantages of broadening and concentrating awareness.

In this section, we explore in-depth these three problem-solving advantages of flexible focus control, broadening awareness (detached observer mode), and concentrating awareness (up-close immersed mode).

Later, in
Part Three: Solution Targeting
we will discuss in detail how we use these tools to solve problems.

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three

Flexible Focus

Control

“To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family,
to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control

one’s own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find

the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will

naturally come to him.”—
Buddha

The first problem-solving advantage of calm focus—and the precursor to the other two advantages—is flexible focus control. Flexible focus control is critical to solving problems, because without it, we can neither hold our focus on a problem nor shift it to see multiple views of it.