The Perfect Emotion (18 page)

“I love you, sweetheart. I’m proud of you and all you are doing, especially for your progress with mom. We both care about you and just want you to be happy.” His tall frame is firm and secure like always.

“Thanks, dad.  I love you too.”  I pull back and wipe at my eyes that are moistened.  Dad moves my desk chair back to the desk.

“So, this Reed guy seems like a smart guy? Mom said he encouraged you to ask for a new cell number.” He’s standing in the doorway now with a grin on his face. I smile shyly back not wanting to really talk about Reed, but feeling relief that dad is basically giving me his approval.

In the evening I head up to bed early and do some reading for one of my classes. I don’t want to bother Reed because I know he is really busy, but I decide to send him a quick text to let him know that I have a new number at least.

Hi, here is my new number. Thinking of you and hoping you aren’t working too hard. Katherine

I curl up in my bed with my phone next to me and check it every few seconds, but eventually I give in to sleep.  When I wake in the morning there is a buzzing noise echoing up from the hallway, but I’m not ready to let go of blue eyes, tennis courts and passionate kisses.  It’s one of those dreams when you are not quite sure if it’s real. 
Buzz
.

Once I realize that it is the doorbell ringing I quickly try to pull myself from my groggy state of mind.  Pulling on my robe I head out of my room and down the stairs swiftly. Mom must have driven Daniel to school this morning. I wipe at the sleep across my eyelids in order to see more clearly.  As I round the corner and move into the foyer I see a strange man holding some type of wrapped up object through the side window. 

Opening the door cautiously it’s obvious what he is holding.  My heart rate picks up and the sleep starts to wear off faster by the second.  I take the package and move into the kitchen placing it on the table.  Nervously, I start to peel back the wrapping and suddenly it occurs to me that this might not be from Reed.  Shakily I continue to peel back the wrapping with hopes of a card and Reed’s name appearing.  Two-dozen long stemmed roses just beginning to bud peek through and in the middle is a pic with a folded envelope attached to it.  I open it up with my heart in my throat… and then I exhale when I see my formal name.

I clutch the typed out note card in my hand and wonder exactly what he means by tonight.  My mind drifts and lingers on the words
more
knowing that is what I want more than anything now.  Not that long ago I never thought that was possible.  I never thought that Reed could accept my using him.  Even more so, I never thought I could admit to him my secret.  It’s still difficult to admit to myself the depths I went to in order to keep myself distracted.  There is something about Reed that manages to pull me though. From day one I have been drawn to him. He has always approached me subtly and cautiously at the right moments, backing off just enough if I need it.  Other times he has been a more forceful and strong presence urging me at just the right moments, but always delicate in his tact.

It’s been two weeks since I’ve been back home. Now I’m i
n the house I grew up in with my mom now home again.  Two weeks of feeling tortured over the consequences of my delusional actions to distract myself.  Tears consume me, day in and day out.  I’ve shut down more than usual and it’s not just because of what happened with Kyle or the fact that my mom is finally back home.  Although, my parents both think that these are the reasons for
my disconnect
from life.  My dad is desperate for mom and
I
to reconnect and has booked us a night at a spa hotel for the night.  I don’t want to go, but the look of promise and hope that shadows the sadness on my dad’s face forces me to go.

I wake painfully slow the morning we are to head to the spa hotel.  Just like every morning since I’ve been home Reed’s beautiful face with bright blue crystal clear eyes shine in my dreams lingering just as I wake.  Tears flood my eyes even just upon waking and the loss I feel for him is devastating.  He saved me and I took advantage of what he had to offer.  It’s a sour pill to swallow.  I’ve lost hope that he could possibly forgive me and accept what I did. 

I wipe my tear soaked cheeks and make my way to shower. I go through the motions of dressing, drying my hair, and brushing my teeth. I don’t bother to put any make up on, but as I stare at my reflection I look pale and hallow. Taking my long blonde hair in my hands I pull and loop it into a side braid. Carelessly, I throw random lounge clothes and toiletries in my Vera Bradley weekender bag. Going through the motions to go on this overnight is more effort I’ve put into anything in over two weeks… it’s disappointing that it is not nearly distracting enough.

Standing in the kitchen running my fingertips over the tips of the bright red roses I hear the door from the garage open. I turn to look across the kitchen and see my mom coming in with a small bag from Walgreens. Her eyebrows pop up at the sight of the bouquet and she smiles softly at me.

“They’re from Reed,” I tell her before she can ask.

“Oh wow, they are beautiful,” she says, as she makes her way over to the table. Quickly, I hide the card in my hand not ready to share it. 

She wraps an arm around my shoulder lightly and tells me that she likes seeing me smile like this and knows that Reed is to thank. 

C
HAPTER 14

The remainder of the day I spend lounging around and baking cookies with my mom. Everything feels very calm and natural with my mom. The tension that had loomed between us for months is minimal at best. As we bake cookies and watch soap operas that we used to watch together we laugh at the same stories running on the show still. Dad calls during the day and asks me to meet him at the tennis courts to play after he is done with work. After checking to make sure mom doesn’t need me to help with dinner I agree. Mom has decided to make dinner later that usual since Daniel had basketball practice after school anyway.

Dad and I come in through the garage door joking that he is getting too old to play me now and that I’m too fast for him.  We walk into the kitchen with mom putting in a baking sheet of vegetables into the oven.  She tells us that dinner will be ready after we are done showering. 

After I shower I wrap my hair in a towel to start drying.  I smooth lotion over my body and throw on some comfy clothes.  Then I partially dry my hair letting it hang over my shoulders to air dry the rest of the time.  I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t anxious to hear from Reed, but I know he is busy.  The thrill of the words he had put on the note attached to the roses excites me. 

We all sit down for dinner in the kitchen.  Mom has made one of my favorite meals, chicken divan.  During dinner dad asks if I’ve gotten any more calls from Kyle since the new number.  It causes a break in the flow of dinner, but dad quickly shifts the conversation back to lighter topics.  Then he addresses the roses from Reed.  He doesn’t say much, but says that they’re really nice.

I’ve just finished up pulling old files together for one of my dad’s corporate cases.  It’s tedious and messy, but I have to admit I am learning.  The experience will be more than anyone else in my class will get, but it comes with a price.  The price is spending the week with my dad in this house, my childhood home.  I hate it here now.  Since my parent’s divorce I’ve never liked being here.  I know the reason is because my mom was never here again.  I of course was basically forced to come and spend time with my dad.  I almost laugh at that thought because we never really spent a great deal of time together.  He was always working or with a woman.  Yet, he’s always found time to control me and the direction of my life.  Now he’s remarried to a woman probably closer to my age than his.  She’s nice enough, but I don’t bother to really get to know her.  Luckily, when I’m here I stay in the carriage house across from the tennis courts.  That works out well for me.  It means privacy and less time in my childhood home with the dark memories it holds. 

When I told my dad that I was leaving after work tonight to go out.  He immediately asked if it was because of Kate.  I didn’t lie to him, I never do.  I knew it wouldn’t make him happy, but he needed to move past this because I was not going to give up Kate.   This time though he didn’t threaten me with the usual withholdings.  He told me he needed me to be here tonight because the Weston’s are coming over for dinner. I knew that meant Jessica would be coming. I think he thought that would persuade me to stay, but it only makes me want to high tail it out of here.

I put one more file off to the side and decide that it would be best to head out without telling him. He already knows where I’m going anyway.  I parked my car in the front of the house in the roundabout driveway knowing I’d want to leave right away.  Passing by his office with the door wide open I’m relieved I don’t see him in there.  Once I get to the large foyer I stop to check my phone and see a text that came in earlier today.